"I don't want to do this," I sighed, my hand nervously running through my hair as I paced Luca's living room back and forth. "Why am I doing this?"

Luca didn't answer for a while. He stood facing the window, his expression almost unreadable. His hands were in his pockets, his jaw clenched. And just as I had given up hope of a response, he answered. "Schuch may be a better man for you."

"Than who?" I quickly asked, my eyes burning holes into his back. "You? I have no suitors. This isn't a weird game for my heart."

"Do you think I want you to be around him?" He finally turned to face me, his eyes so intense that my breath caught in my throat. "It creates so many nasty emotions in me that I can't think. I'm only at peace near you."

If he didn't 'agree' to Giuseppe's ridiculous request, I probably would've tried to climb him like a tree. "Then why? Luca, I don't..."

Luca sighed, eventually turning his gaze back to the window. "Maybe I'm a masochist as much as a sadist. You always have an option, Chaya. I want you to understand that. Maybe I didn't give you that at first, but you will always have an option."

The option I wanted was to save CJ, have Luca relinquish control of his position, then run away with him and get married and have him tell me he loves me with every thrust as he takes me from behind. But apparently that wasn't an option I could have.

Maybe going out with Giuseppe would be good. Maybe...maybe we could be friends again. Minus the whole I-almost-fucked-you-in-a-bathroom thing.

"He's here." Luca took my hand is his, interlacing our fingers together. I nodded up at him, and he lead me outside to where Giuseppe waited.

I was told to dress 'casual'. This was certainly no fancy restaurant in Manhattan...and that tugged on my heartstrings entirely. Giuseppe looked handsome. His messy blonde hair that was longer on the top than the sides looked...well, perfectly messy. He wore his signature oversized glasses, his green eyes sparkling with mischief. He wore an olive green sweatshirt, tight gray joggers, and white airforces. A typical New York male.

"You will bring her back the second she asks," Luca all but growled, his grip on my hand tightening. "You are my worker. Don't forget that, Schuch."

Giuseppe rolled his eyes before sticking his hand out for me. "Relax, Luce. You're bein' a little overbearing." His eyes turned to me, the corners of his lips tilting up. "Ready, beautiful?"

"Chaya," Luca's low voice took my attention. He brought my hand to his lips, and closed his eyes for a few moments. They had the same intensity they did earlier when he opened them. "I'll be right here, waiting, when you come back."

I could only nod. I begrudgingly unlaced our fingers, and placed my hand in Giuseppe's. I followed him to his SUV, getting in the passenger side when he opened the door for me. He got in, and before he drove off, he rolled down his tinted window. "I'll make sure our girl has fun, Luce. No worries."

I will never understand why Luca puts up with Giuseppe's blatant disrespect; I don't know if it's about the whole 'options' thing, or if their bond was truly that of family for as long as they knew each other. But I planned to find out tonight.

The drive was silent for a long while. Giuseppe's playlist had everything from Lil Durk to 2005 'emo' music - From First To Last, Armor For Sleep. Music we used to listen to in our apartment, before...

Before Luca came back. My heart felt like it was being split down the middle, and I had no idea why. I always thought I was a good counselor, could always help my clients differentiate their feelings. But when it came to me, I was a lost fucking soul.

"Wixsuch is doin' good," Giuseppe said suddenly, bringing me out of my existential crisis. "I know you were worried 'bout him. He's still makin' those happy bubbles at the top of the water."

"Thank you," I mumbled, finally looking at him. "I found out that beta fish don't just make them because their happy. They make them because they wanna mate."

"Yeah?" Giuseppe grinned, a raspy laugh leaving his throat. "My lil' boys all grown up."

I forgot I was supposed to still be mad at him. I forgot I was supposed to hate him for how he's been acting, especially today. Our relationship - our friendship - has always been so effortless. He healed all the cracks in my heart when Luca left. He didn't pry, but always knew how to take me out of my head. Giuseppe was...

"I'm sorry," he whispered, just loud enough to be heard over the music. "For how I been actin'."

"Huh? A ghost?" Giuseppe's eyes went wide, and he pushed his glasses so they rested on top of his hair. "Chaya, you gotta tell a man an apartment is haunted before they rent it!"

"Gi!" I whined, rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands. "I'm serious!"

"Me too!"

"My old roommate.." I started, only to cut myself off. It didn't matter what Luca did - he left. Giuseppe was here now. That's what mattered. "Can you just sleep in the living room with me? Please?"

Giuseppe's green eyes flickered with an emotion I couldn't understand. But it disappeared as quickly as it came, and I wasn't sure if I hallucinated it or not. He sighed, but there was a small smirk on his lips as he got up from his bed. "You're killin' me."

I frowned. I didn't mean to annoy him. "I'm sorry, you're right -"

"Smartest girl I know," he mumbled, ruffling his fingers through my hair before grabbing his blanket and starting to leave his room. "And you just don't get it."

I blinked a few times - I forgot all about that. 'And you just don't get it.' I had no idea what he meant by those words, why his eyes looked so...

"C?" Giuseppe turned his head to look at me, an eyebrow raised in question.

"Sorry," I gave him a sheepish smile, realizing I was in my own head for a minute. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Were we really friends?"

I probably wouldn't have noticed the small tells that Giuseppe makes when he's upset or angry if I didn't know him so well. He always had that mischievous smirk on his lips, but his hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, his lips twitched just slightly. "I hate that you gotta ask that."

"Me, too."

We didn't say anything for a while. It wasn't until I turned my attention back to the passenger window and saw the street signs did I realize where we were going. My stupid heart skipped a beat. "Are we going to the apartment?"

He ignored my question. "I never once lied to you, C. Everything we talked about, everything we went through...fuck, Chaya. Everything was real."

"You worked for -"

"And if you asked me, I woulda said fuck the rules and told you," his tone wasn't angry, wasn't aggressive. It was...almost pleading.

"What if I didn't say 'yes' to you being my new roommate?" It was almost strange, now that I know (mostly) everything. Because when I first met Giuseppe, I just knew he would be the perfect fit for me. Even though I swore I'd never get another cisgender male roommate, something about him just...called to me.

"Luce - Luca - woulda sent more men he trusted. Which...when it comes to you, is only me."

The gravity of that statement clings to me, like when you're depressed and you can feel sadness cling to your bones no matter what. If I didn't accept Giuseppe, then what? Would Luca have come back after all, or would he have been forced to send someone else? Would he have made Giuseppe email me, text me, to try again and again?

I guess...it didn't really matter.

Giuseppe cleared his throat, and my eyes shot to him. He shrugged, then nodded his head towards the windshield. "Yeah. We're goin' back to the apartment. I thought you bein' back, if only for a little, would be nice for you."

My breath caught in my throat, and I know I shouldn't, fuck, I know I CAN'T. Because I'm still mad at how he talked to me. But the sentiment, the thought alone...my hand reaches out to his, lacing our fingers together. Am I giving mixed messages? Probably. But right now my heart feels split in two.

I told Giuseppe not long ago that I would always chose Luca Blackburn over him. And...I mostly think Luca would always chose me over anything. But I know that Giuseppe would chose me over anything if I gave him the opportunity. He's like a New York golden retriever. Devoted, loyal.

Fuck. I feel like I'm drowning, and every time my lungs get even a hint of air I'm pushed under again.

My action surprises Giuseppe, and he doesn't say anything for a moment; he's just frozen. But he clears his throat again, and squeezes my hand. "Ready? There's a beta fish waitin' for you."

I laughed, the noise rising up from my chest like it's been locked there since Luca came back. "Yes, stupid. Let's go. I swear to god, Gi, if there's any new burn holes in my couch..."

"It was one time!"