I stared at the TV, my eyes unable to do anything but blink occasionally as my mind occupied every part of my body. I wasn't interested in the bullshit that was currently on; no, nothing could take my attention away from Luca Blackburn. Not my falling paychecks or the fear that rent wouldn't be paid. I could only think of one fucking thing.

"Come on, get up," Giuseppe tried interrupting me from my thoughts as he pulled my blanket off my shoulders. "It's Saturday. Les' go out."

I didn't remove my eyes from the television. "I don't wanna get up."

He picked my body up from the couch and set me straight, though my back was still hunched over he placed his hand under my chin so I had to look at him. "You're up now. Let. Us. Go. Out. Now."

I rolled my eyes and tried to sit back down on the couch, but Giuseppe's hands held my shoulders and kept me in place. "Let's go, Chaya. We can go to Rho, or Lavo, or even the Inkwell - their patio is still open! I checked!"

His enthusiasm should've given me a headache, but my emotions were haywire and I appreciated my roommate trying his best. "Only if you promise not to bring home anyone."

His smile was wide. "Biiiitch YOUUU better not bring anyone home," he pulled me into a hug and placed his lips on my forehead. His lips didn't leave a trail of fire like Luca's did, but they did get my heart racing and that was too much for me.

I gently pushed him off of me and wrapped the blanket around my head and began to waddle to my room. "I'll see you in an hour."

"I hate this fucking place," I mumbled to myself as the four of us walked into our usual Saturday nightclub. "The permanent scent is Axe body spray."

A friend I met through school, Jackie, smiled as she gently pushed me into the club after security let us through. "Shut up. You'll get drunk and be fine."

"It's true," her boyfriend Orlando replied, his tall body next to Luca's making a wall of protection in front of us. "I hope Chayer doesn't come out..."

"Me either..." Luca replied quickly, looking back at me to wink.

"Chayer is not a real thing. There's no split personality when I get drunk. I'm always Chaya."

"Sorry mamas, but Chayer comes out when you're wasted." Jackie said before her and Orlando split to the dance floor.

"I'm gonna do the Jwoww on the dance floor!" I shouted above the music, trying to humor myself. "You know that stupid tree climb move? I'm gonna do that!"

"I'm finna do the Ronnie!" Giuseppe yelled back, "get ready for a full guido night."

I grinned as I sucked down the last of my drink. I ordered another one as quickly as the bartender could reappear and ignored my roommates concerning looks.

Tonight I would ignore everything. I will get wasted, find a one night stand, and completely forget about Luca Blackburn. The sensation of his lips would be replaced; the hurt of him not reaching out to me would be long gone and thoroughly drowned by fruity drinks that made my teeth cry.

I would not care about Luca Blackburn.

The music thumped all around us, House music and the latest billboard hits remixed all into one. For once I didn't mind - I welcomed the shitty bass and lyrics. I welcomed my senses failing with each drink I finished.

Strange hands gripped my waist as I was dancing. I didn't turn around to look who it was, though; I simply wanted to fucking dance.

"You're fucking sexy," the smell of alcohol filled my nostrils.

I smiled. "Said five other guys tonight."

The stranger began moving my waist with his. "Let's get out of here."

I shook my head and spun my body around, my inebriated state not even masking how unattractive the stranger in front of me was. "Have a goodnight."

I tried to pull myself away from his grip, but it tightened. "Come on, bae, let's get outta here..."

"She's spoken for." Luca came suddenly, his voice not needing a higher volume to show dominance.

The stranger let go suddenly, and Luca quickly took me into his arms. "I didn't mean any problems, my dude."

My best friend said nothing as he walked me away to a secluded corner. "What is wrong with you? What if I wasn't there?"

"Pop, pop, guess who bitch!" I screamed to the lyrics, wiggling my hips, "POP, POP, GUESS WHO BITCH!"

Giuseppe was behind me, our hips moving together without a care in the world. His head lowered, his lips inches away from my neck as his dirty blonde hair covered his face. We were both lost in our own world, and it wasn't until I pushed myself into his lap more that he picked his head up. "Chaya..."

"Fuck, Chaya!" Luca had me in a corner of the club now, his arms on either side of my body as he continued yelling. "You need to think!"

"I was thinking!" I yelled back, trying to push him away. He never budged. "Fuck. Leave me alone. Go dance with someone else!"

"Is that what this is about?"

"I'm sorry," I said with a sheepish smile after what seemed like an eternity. "I drank too much. I think I got too carried away with a faux guido night."

He said nothing as he stared at me; Giuseppe simply chewed his lip as if World War III was raging inside his head.

"Let's go back to danc-" I was cut off by him grabbing my hand and leading me through crowds of people. Giuseppe wasn't as tall or muscular as Luca, but the way he carried his lean body brought attention; he knew how to handle himself, and that was enough to clear crowds.

He dragged us to one of the bathrooms, presumably the men's by how empty it was. He did not hesitate to pick my body up and sit me on the sink; he didn't hesitate to put his hands on either side of my lap and bring his face to mine. "I can't do this."

"I don't know what this is," I smirked.

"We can't do this." The pained look on Luca's face was enough to turn me off completely from whatever sexual tension came between us. "We're blurring lines."

"So let me go."

"Can't you fucking see that I can't?" His voice was barely a whisper as he put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up. "Can't you fucking see that you run my fucking world?"

Giuseppe's lips were on my collarbone, but he dared not to make them move. I was witnessing the textbook definition of masochism. "It was never suppose to be like this."

"We're fucking drunk," I replied, my drunk courage showing her face. This is Chayer - this is what Jackie and Orlando and Luca talked about so many years ago; my drunk alter ego. "It'll never be talked about again."

"It's more than that," his voice dropped, but his hands were now moving far up my thigh. "I would never be able to explain."

"Please kiss me," I breathed out, putting my hands on his arms. "Please."

Luca obeyed, his lips crashing to mine. He picked my body up and I wasted no time in wrapping my legs around his waist; I needed him in this moment, more than anything. This moment was the only thing that kept me on the Earth it seemed.

Suddenly the door open, and Giuseppe pulled away from me quicker than I could blink. "Don't say anything to security."

The person at the door said nothing, though. They simply walked to the sink and began to wash their hands. I didn't dare to look; my cheeks were an ugly red that would've given us away.

"Is this why you denied me, Chaya?"