Have you ever just looked in the mirror and just stared at yourself? No, I don't mean sit there in front of the mirror and count out all the imperfections on your face, I mean just look at yourself and see the things you've never seen before. Have you just stared at your reflection and asked yourself who that stranger is? Do you even recognize who you are anymore? I don't. I can't see me anymore, I see this girl who is so lost in trying to maintain peace amongst her friends and family and trying to handle her emotions as she's falling apart.  I see a girl drowning in her own sadness and each time she forces a smile, it's like she's breaking to the surface in violent gasp for air but she's quickly pulled down again. Sometimes, when I look passed my reflection I see all those people who said they'd be there when I'm falling apart, when I'm too weak to carry on, when I'm the verge dying, I see those people taking a step back. I see them fade into the foreground. In my reflection I see a pained girl who wishes so damn hard that at least one person in this fucking world kept their word. They'd stay and actually be there for her instead of dodging, dismissing her words, or saying just how annoying her voice is. I can't even look into my own eyes without tearing up slightly. I see the real person behind my reflection, not the perfect little faux image I try to project.
All that matters is I appear okay enough to people that they feel the need to to make little degrading remarks and be the jester for them to laugh at whenever I try to be like the rest of them.

Hey, at least you only "see" me, not see me.