M's Suicide Note

I never thought I'd actually write one of these but I'm doing it as a precaution in case something hits m hard enough to push her over that edge. So, here it goes...

  Hi, bye,
      That's exactly the mindless stupidity that you said I needed to do away with, but now, I know you look upon it and 'regret' saying that. Well, too late to care because I'm no longer there. I am nothing more than a strip of the oblivion that comes after our bodies and souls detach, the  frayed string in the ball of you red bounded fate, a memory growing fainter with each time you think of me. I tried my best to tell those who had the decency to give me the time of their day, and mean it, how much they truly meant to me. All those little thing, hold them close now if they comfort you and frame those drawings, preserve what little I have left behind.
     Those whose red strings have crossed with mine, I'm glad I met you.  Even right down to those who gave me a hellish time, I am glad. I may not have been the most amazing or vibrant string in your ball of fates crossed, but each of you had a very special place in mine. Brotherly figure who made me laugh and hugged away my pain, a love who did everything to make me stay and feel safe when I knew I wasn't, or a best friend that made the littlest things into full blown amazements and wonders. You were all special. And I love each of you, and I'm sorry I couldn't stick around with you to grow old and joke about the days we have now. 
      I'm truly sorry but I did this for you. I could see you were all growing up and moving off into your own lives, and I was nothing more than the old ball and chain. I had to relieve you of this burden; the burden of knowing me, me putting you through pointless bullshit and smiling the next minute like a child who'd been given a lollipop.  I hope you don't hate me for this, just remember me fondly and smile. Now, if there ever come a day that my memory is truly much more than you can bare and you get caught tearing up by someone you know tell them the truth. Simply keep those times we shared, the utterly outrageous stories I've told, and our ridiculous shinanigans to yourself and brush away those needless tears. I died, tell them she died, there's nothing more to say than that.
       I've never been this long winded or much for good byes, but this just seems appropriate. I'll miss you all regardless if you miss me, but can I ask one favor of you all closest to me? Stay away from my coffin. I know this sounds cruel, but please do it. Only because if you're crying in front of me this time, I won't be able to stand up and do something stupid to make you smile and laugh. Don't forget about me.
                        This is our final goodbye,
                                            ~M