Love the song above! Colors by Halsey
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WARNING*- Mature content, including vulgar language, talks/ attempts of suicide, and trigger themes.

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Jabbing a key into a tiny keyhole was a grueling effort especially when you're drunk off you're ass.

After what seemed like hours of a pounding headache and silent giggles caused by inappropriate thoughts of keys, Finn finally managed to successfully open the door to his house.

He was surprised he didn't manage to lose the key somewhere in the midst of his night out.

Finn stumbled into his house with a tequila stained tongue and a smile so bright that it put the sun to shame.

He made his way towards the dark kitchen as his red rimmed eyes rolled back lazily.

The air no long smelt of whiskey and pure maliciousness that it usually smelt of because for some reason Finn hadn't seen his father in weeks. 

But now as Finn stumbled into the house the air filled with the tequila that stained his tongue.  Lavender that surrounded Lydia hours before now embraced Finn's aura.

Finn walked one step at a time as small creaking noises sounded from wood scraping against wood followed his every step.  Every step was more exhausting then the next and Finn's breath became heavier as he went on. 

After a couple of drunken falls and spontaneous giggles, Finn stumbled while tripping over his own shoes.

Although Finn felt utterly and completely drunk there was still a small voice that rung in the back of his mind making him feel like the kids that his mother despised.

Years ago when Finn still ate Cambell's soup and slept on a bed that looked more like a dirty mattress, Finn's mother always rocked back and forth on her rocking chair that sat on the front porch of their home.  She sat reading 'How To Kill A MockingBird' and with every page flipped she licked her fingers. 

Every night as she sat and read, a small black jeep rode through the neighborhood filled with drunken teens and forgotten dreams.  With whoops and hollers it was a surprise the whole town didn't wake up as they rode at full speed laughing and screaming as their hair flew through the wind.

Finn's mother never liked those kids.  She always stormed back inside the small home after slamming her book closed.  Her cheeks were red and her eyebrows were scrunched but when she turned and saw her small seven year old son sitting on the ground with a toy race car in his hand and a Capri-Sun in the other, her expression softened.

'Never become one of those kids, okay?' She would say and Finn would nod and kiss his mother's cheek.

But now as Finn lie in his bed he felt like one of those kids that his mother never wanted him to be.

He felt like he had let his mother down and normally Finn would cry; he would break down at the thought of his mother's disapproval. 

But instead Finn giggled a little, too drunk to really think the situation through.

He smiled with a laugh before turning over and falling asleep with the bitter taste of alcohol in his throat and the sent of caramel covering his hoodie.

And that was the first time Finn went to sleep peacefully.

~•~•~•~

Finn awoke to the sunlight shining through the blinds of the window to the right of his bed.

Usually this wouldn't be a problem for Finn and to Lydia it would be some what beautiful.  But Finn's eyes immediately squinted in the light making his jaw harden and his head pound even more than it already did.

The hangover that filled his muscle with weights of pain begged him to stay in the bed.  But the doorbell that made his fragile ears ring with no mercy begged to differ.

The alcohol may have emptied from Finn's system long ago, but the effects still banged against his skull. All Finn was wondering was why the hell was the doorbell ringing at 6 in the morning.

But as Finn slowly lifted his head from the soft comfort of the pillow he let out a groan that sounds more like a dying cat then anything human. The clock that sat on his night stand read 2:00 which made Finn more confused than he had been mere seconds before.

Why in the hell would someone be ringing the doorbell at 2:00 in the morning. And why did the sunlight shine through the window at two o'clock in the fucking morning.

Finn let his head slam back on his pillow giving up on trying to comprehend the universe around him as the doorbell's distant ringing continued.

Suddenly Finn's head shot up, eyes wide and mouth agape. It was 2:00 in the afternoon and the doorbell was ringing and it didn't seem like it was going to seize anytime soon.

Finn scrambled out of his bed before rushing down the stairs two at a time. The familiar creak of the wood echoed through the house and suddenly Finn stopped. He glanced the the small closet that sat at the edge of the hallway.

Debating on whether he should hide the bruises from tripping drunkly down the street the other night was difficult. Finn's instinct was to grab a hoodie and cover every single blemish that pointed to his personal hell. His instinct was to bury them so deep that they hid in the back of his mind as he waited for them to reappear once again.

But this was not a bruise from his father's beatings, but a bruise that showed that he was a teenage boy. A kid that made mistakes, got drunk, and had fun. And Finn knew he shouldn't be ashamed for having fun the night before with his best friend. He shouldn't be ashamed for tripping on his own shoes while giggling for no absolute reason as alcoholic vomit piled in his throat.

He shouldn't be ashamed for having fun for once in his life.

So with a small smile he turned from the closet and opened the front door to reveal Lydia.

But something was different. Something was off about Lydia. She no longer held a smile full of joy or a dress that sprinkled with color, flowers, and life. No, her hair was knotted in different directions and her eyebrows were furrowed into a scowl. Black circles surrounded her eyes as her jaw ticked with frustration. She wore a t-shirt and plaid pants that looks exactly like pajama pants out of a 1990's sitcom.

But she still looked beautiful.

"Well you look lovely," Finn said with all truth but still added a bit of sarcasm laced in his voice trying to mess with the girl he loved for so long.

"Shut up," Lydia grumbled before pushing past Finn. Finn responded with a smile trying to ignore the growing headache that was pounding against his skull.

"So, I'm guessing you have the same horrendous hangover I do?" Finn asked hoping the pain would go away soon.

"Mines worse, I drank way more than you." Lydia turned to Finn with a frown that said she was utterly done with the pain.  "But this morning I read online that greasy food helps with hangovers so I bought McDonald's." Lydia stated deadly before pulling out a brown paper bag with neon letters plastered on the sides.

Lydia's frown pulled into a small forced smile as she set the bag down on the coffee table and reached inside.  "I got you the double pounder with cheese and I got the large fries."

Finn smiled a little before taking the greasy hamburger wrapped in tin foil from Lydia's hands, "Thanks."

"And I brought Batman. I found it in Dylan's shelf and I thought you might like it." Finn smiled knowing the only reason Lydia had gone through her brother's shelves was because the last time they picked a movie from her shelf they watched Legally Blonde, and Finn did not like that.

"Okay so you put the movie in," Lydia pointed towards the small tv that sat against the beige wall. "And I will go to the bathroom really quick. Sound like a plan?" Lydia grinned her eyes still red from the tequila.

Finn nodded his headache still prominent.  While Lydia disappeared behind the bathroom door Finn stuck the movie in the DVD player that sat in the shelf below the tv. Finn sat down on the couch after turning the tv on.

Finn's headache still pounded in his mind like a wrecking ball crashing against the walls of his head. It grew in pain that rushed through his veins and made his muscles clench violently.

And suddenly the pain didn't feel like a headache anymore or even a hangover. No, Finn's head was burning in the pain that surrounded it and Finn couldn't catch a breath.

Because in seconds Finn was breathing heavily as if he couldn't breath anymore. He felt like he was drowning and his lungs were gasping for air.

His vision became blurry and suddenly he didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

Finn was hallucinating and that terrified him the most.

Sweat trailed down his forehead as he breathed in and out.  Slowly, in and out.

Finn's head thrashed around only to notice that the place he had once sat in wasn't the living room.  Because all he saw was darkness.  Silence surrounded him with the smell of alcohol floating through the air.

But Finn's vision was blurry and flickers of the tv in the background shined through the dark.

Finn ignored the flecks of light. He ignored reality and panic filled his mind.

Finn's eyes widened knowing that smell all too well. Finn frantically scanned his surroundings looking for the man that haunted his world.

But Finn saw nothing.  Darkness mixed with absence of reality made Finn feel uneasy and slightly on edge.

It wasn't silent, the distant sound of the tv was faded and muffled, still echoing in Finn's ears.

Finn knew he was hallucinating, because only minutes ago he was sitting on a the comfort of his couch watching tv.

But for some reason it felt real.  And Finn expected to come back to reality with bruises on his arms and scars on his face.

Finn was shaking violently and breathing heavier than he had before. Lydia rushed to his side trying to calm him down, but the constant shushing had no affect.

With panic in her eyes and fear in her actions Lydia stood in front of Finn trying to calm him down.

Finn told himself to calm down as much as he could, but it only made his breathing heavier. Finn's breath came out fast and choppy; Finn couldn't stop it.

"Finn," a voice whispered through the darkness making Finn look up in horror.

Although Finn could not see the face he knew the voice so well and he knew what came next.

"Finn!" The voice yelled through the darkness cutting the silence like a butcher knife.

The voice was low, rough, and the words that echoed through the darkness were slurred and loud.

"Finn!" Another voice shouted once more but instead it held a lightness that Finn found so comforting. Lydia's voice echoed making Finn's eyes widen and his heart beat clam instantly.

"Finn!" The low rough voice returned making Finn return to his panicking state.

Finn forcefully grabbed his ears.  He pushed his hands flat against his head as much as he could trying to block out the noise.

"Finn!" The voice bellowed as it rang through Finn's ears.

"Finn!" It felt as if Finn's head was on fire as he clenched his jaw and screwed his eyes closed.

"You're worthless," tears trailed down Finn's cheeks as his eyes turned red.

"You're a worthless piece of shit!" The words slurred as they rang through the air.

"You killed your mother!" Finn choked on a sob refusing to believe he was the cause of his mother's death.

Finn wanted it to be over, he wanted so badly to wake up from this reoccurring nightmare.  But how could it possibly be a nightmare when it felt so real.

So, Finn stopped.  He stared into the darkness ahead as the voice boomed through the air.  Finn's hands dropped to his side as the voice floated through his mind.  Finn excepted death with open arms because he couldn't possibly go on.

"Finn it's okay you just need to calm down. Taking a deep breath and count to ten with me. Please Finn!" Lydia pleaded trying so desperately to calm her friend.

"You're worthless!"

"Shhhh, one....Two."

"Worthless piece of shit!"

"Three."

"Listen to me!"

"Four."

"You killed your mother,

"Five."

"And your sister!"

"Six."

"You ruined my life!"

"Seven."

"I would be better off without you."

"Eight."

"No one will ever love you,

"Nine."

"Not even her."

"Ten."

Suddenly Finn heard a smacking noise. The noise blared through the darkness making Finn flinch in pain.

His vision blurred as small white dots formed. And that's when everything turned white.

Lydia gripped Finn's arm with fear still laced in her eyes. Finn had stopped shaking but now his breath was low and his body was still as his eyes screwed shut.

"Finn?" Lydia whispered still panic filled her thoughts. Tears welled in her eyes afraid something had happened.

"Finn?" Lydia's voice was barely above a whisper.

Finn's eyes fluttered open as he gasped for air, he shot up with eyes wide as he grabbed Lydia's arm.

"Oh my god Finn," Lydia sputtered before throwing herself into Finn in a hug.

"You scared me so much," Lydia whispered into the crook of his neck, arms still tightly wrapped around him.

"Are you okay?" Lydia asked as Finn wrapped his arms tighter around her waist.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Finn simply replied with fear still laced in his eyes and the smell of grease and fries still floating through the air.