(Kida)

It’s not that I hadn’t ever kissed someone properly before, but it had been so long ago and with everything that had happened to me, my head kept flashing back to moments in my life. The first one was when Adam had chased me through the garden and tackled me to the ground, it was still daytime and there had been a few others around. Adam had forced himself on me, although I’d been scared, I went along with it to stop him hurting me even more.
Just then, I felt Lay shift a little as we kissed. His hand moved away from my face and he managed to take hold of my hand in his and placed it on his chest. The tips of my fingers felt the edges of his scars again and it switched my mind off from my flashbacks, reminding me who I was with. I had to start truly telling myself that he was my mate and he’d never betray me; that’s what mates were meant to be to each other, faithful.
I parted my lips and touched the tip of my tongue to his, tasting him for the first time. There was a minty flavour left over from his toothpaste and I could smell his muskiness in my nostrils. Now his hand was free again, he took the time to stroke his fingers up my arm to my shoulder and then down the side of my chest to my waist and fumbled to find the gap between the hems of my top and bottoms.

*****
I forgot the moment it happened, when the flashbacks wouldn’t stop coming. Lay was now on top of me but that’s not where my head was at.
“No! Ryan, stop!” I had shouted at him.
Ryan had learnt about Alex chasing me in the garden, jealousy must have taken over. “I decide when we stop,” his voice snarled in my ear, almost as clear as the day it happened.
My body writhed in his arms, and I tried screaming out but realised no one would care or come to save me. Ryan had ripped my clothes off and pushed me on my bed, his face full of rage as he stripped off his lower half. I had tried to scramble off the bed but, gripping my ankles, he held me back and lumped himself on top of me.
“Kida, baby, it’s ok... Kida!” It was Ryan’s voice I heard first, then blended into Layton’s. Ryan’s hard grip on my body faded into Layton’s gentle embrace.
With a deep breath, my eyes flashed open, my chest pounding and raising up and down as I lay there, feeling hot and terrified. Lay was knelt between my legs, his hands caressed my cheek and upper arm. We stared at each other, my panting slowly drifting off; his expression of worry matching my own internalised panic.
“I...” My eyes flitted round the room.
“You were lashing and screaming out.” He removed his hands from me.
“I... I’m...”
With a shake of his head, he dropped back onto his legs, still knelt between mine. His hand found mine under the sheets. “Don’t say you’re sorry. This is gonna take some time.”
The tears began to flow. “Please, Lay, stay with me.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded.
“Alright, let me lie down again.” And as though we knew exactly how we wanted to be, I rolled onto my side, facing the room, as he lay on his side behind me. His back was to the wall and his arm came over my middle. With a final peck of his lips on my head, he whispered. “Sleep well, baby.”

*****
(Layton)

I had never slept so well as I did that night. It was bliss having her in my arms, as though every night of my life so far had a been a restless mess. Falling asleep in a haze of meadowy fragrances, her body seemed to slot into mine as though she was made just for me. My dreams were full of grass and trees, like when I was a child. As high ranking cubs, Drew and I used to run off into the woods for days. We would seek deer and other prey to stalk and practice our wolf skills, despite not finding our wolves until we were eighteen. Finding myself in a familiar scene, I explored my dream without a goal. The sound of water trickled in my ears and I followed the sound. Reaching the rise of a small hill, I peered down into a small pool being fed by a waterfall. Scanning the scene, I spotted Kida sitting on a large boulder. My heart skipped and I fought back the urge to leap down to her.
Step by step, and a small slip, I meandered my way down to be by her side. We shared a moment together with her arms around my fur-covered body whilst I lay beside her. There were no words spoken between us, just the soft gurgles of the water as it broke the surface of the pool. I’d never wanted someone so badly nor have someone want me just as much. I was willing to wait for her to be ready. I could only imagine what she’d been through since before we met, yet it only made our relationship more special. While we set our own pace, there was someone I knew who might not be prepared for us to stall; some rules had stood for centuries and I doubt they’d be changed for me.

Despite my best efforts wanting to stay asleep much longer, the sunshine and Kida’s twitching woke me too much to resist. My eyes slowly opened, my vision blurry at first as I yawned then shook my head. Kida still had her back to me and still asleep. As I watched, her muscles twitched, like that of a deer who fears it is being hunted, ready to leap from danger. Propping myself up, I pushed a strand of hair from over her cheek. She looked so at peace but I did wonder what she dreamt of. Maybe I would ask one day but not today. Softly tracing my fingers down her arm, my hand came to rest on her wrist and I nuzzled my nose to her cheek, whispering. “Kida, wake up.” She stretched, remaining asleep. I smiled. “Kida... wake up,” I repeated just as soft.
Her head jolted up, colliding with mine. Both of us yelped out from the thump. “Ow!”
“Hmph!” I let out, dropping back and rubbing my forehead.
She too flopped down again, rubbing the back of her head. “Owww... that hurt,” she moaned accusingly.
I chuckled. “Your head hit mine, not the other way around,” I concluded.
“Then your head must be made of stone.”
After the thumping subsided, Kida became my next point of attention. “Is your head better now?”
She nodded. “Yeh, though I’m sure there will be a bruise.” She rolled and faced me which made me smile in return. “How did you sleep?”
Hooking another strand of hair behind her ear, I looked over her face. All I told her was how well I slept and about the forest, I chose to leave the part about the pool and her out of it for now. “Do you always twitch in your sleep?”
With a head tilt, her eyebrows furrowed. “Twitch?” I nodded slowly. “Hmm, I guess I might. I suppose being on edge all the time, even at night, takes it toll.” Her body sighed, even if she didn’t.
I reached up and touched my palm to her cheek. “It’s ok. I was only asking. Shall we get breakfast at the cafe again?”

After freshening up and changing, we headed out. Kida had asked could we walk rather than drive. As it was a breezy, sunny day, I agreed. Eventually, finding ourselves holding hands up the road all the way to our usual table. Kida ordered us both a cooked breakfast and a coffee each, cappuccino for me and latte for her.
“...Layton!”
I had drifted into a blur. “Huh?” A plate passed down in front of my eyes. “Oh, thank you,” I mumbled to the waitress, grabbing my coffee.
Kida had her head tilted, she looked cute when she did that. “You ok?”
With a nod, I shoved a mushroom into my mouth and swallowed after two bites. “Yeh, I’m alright.” Truth is, I had a lot on my mind.

*****
That afternoon, my father had asked for a meeting with me and Kida. Whenever my father called for a meeting, it was always something serious and it was usually about something which had been playing on his mind for awhile. My father was careful and considerate, my mother was slightly more ambitious and instinctive; they balanced each other out. Kida was still somewhat of a mystery to me, as she probably was to herself. The more time we spent together, the more out of her shell she became and that’s what I liked most about her. Every day was like watching her grow into the mate which suited me so well. Whatever she thought of me I could only guess, I was careful not to make her feel rushed into making decisions, giving her the freedoms to decide what she wanted to do, pushing her to make friends amongst my pack and not necessarily with my own friends. I expected her to be wary of new members who she met. She most definitely was wary of my father, and I didn’t blame her.

My father’s office was a small extension to our house; it wasn’t a converted garage, that was on the other side of the house. It was cosy but in a business kind of way; there were black leather chairs and a matching sofa around a small wooden table. A small fireplace to one side with a small bookcase either side of that. Kida seemed so nervous next to me. With a gentle squeeze of her hand, I kissed her cheek and asked her to wait outside the door.

*****
(Kida)

I anxiously waited outside, my back pressed against the cold stone wall. I had to hear what his father demanded of him, of us.
“If you can’t mate with her within a month then you must reject her. I cannot and will not put the future of this pack at risk for the sake of your loyalty.”
There was a heavy pause. “Yes... father,” Layton responded though it sounded coarse and strained.

Footsteps sounded and I believed it to be Layton, I stepped out from beside the doorframe and gasped as Jasper almost knocked me over. I immediately bowed my head and waited for him to walk past me, but not before I felt the weight of his eyes on me first. Taking a deep breath, I whipped round the door. Layton was on the floor, as though he had slid down the wooden frame he had his back to. His elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Striding over to him, I knelt down beside him. Turning his head, he looked at me with a hard stare.
“Lay...” I put my hand on his shoulder and felt a shudder.
“How much did you hear?” His voice was still harsh.
“Enough. Baby... I...” But my words were cut short as his hands shot up onto my cheeks and he planted a kiss on my forehead.
“I won’t abandon you. It’s not in me to do that... but I can’t ignore the situation my father is putting us in.” I closed my eyes and nodded my head. “All I’m asking is for you to trust me.”
My eyes flashed open. “I do trust you!” I pulled his hands off my face. “I can’t help how scared I am every time.”
Without another word, he threw his arms around me, pulled me onto his lap so I straddled him. The stroke of his hands down my back and side sent a shiver through me and we started kissing right there. His tongue in my mouth and mine in his, holding each other tight. I wanted to give him everything but the fear I had grown conditioned to just wouldn’t ebb away so easily. His hands gripped my hips and, being stronger than me, he began to grind my hips on his as his member grew in his jeans. His fingers explored my thighs and edged their way towards my pelvis. With a harsh gasp, I ceased my lips and broke our kiss, pulling away just enough to stare in his eyes. My chest panting for air and my heart pounding.
He saw the look in my eyes, sliding one arm round my back and his other hand on the back of me head and pulled me close again so my head rested on his shoulder. We embraced each other like this for hours, feeling lost in our own little world together where we were happy with our own company.

*****

That night did not go as we wanted. The flashbacks returned.
“Kida. Kida. Kee, stop! Stop!” Lay called out to me as I flailed and kicked at him from underneath. I was panicking and panting for space. He had barely set himself between my legs and against my groin when I freaked out again. He grasped my hands in his and rolled off me. I pushed my body away until I felt the edge of the bed. “Kida, ssshhhh. It’s ok, I’ve stopped. Calm down.”
As I panted, I looked at him in the eyes. He released my hands and lay them on the bed between us. “Layton, I’m sorry,” I whispered as he rolled onto his back and brushed his fingers through his hair. His bare chest glistened with sweat under the dim light around us. “Baby?”
His eyes closed then he turned and looked back at me. “Well, at least we got a little closer than last time. Hmm? Come here...” He laid his arm across both pillows for me to scuttle across and lay into his side once more. “I’m not blaming you, Kee, but you have to trust that I won’t hurt you.”
“I know, I know. I’m really trying to fight these flashbacks.”
Pulling the sheets over us, he kissed my forehead and cheek. “Let’s get some sleep. Wake me up if you need anything,” he whispered to me as we held each other.

My mind wouldn’t rest. Thoughts kept going round and round my head. Layton laid next to me, his breathing was soft and shallow which told me he was asleep. Inch by inch, I silently shuffled out of bed, keeping the covers over him as much as possible. Standing up, I grabbed my t-shirt and sat on the window seat. All I could think about, worry about, was if I couldn’t get past these fears then Layton would be forced to reject me, or worse. If that happened, I wouldn’t know what we’d do. Would he resent me?
My forehead touched the cold, steamed up panel of glass. With each exhaled breath, it steamed up again in front of my eyes. A sudden touch on my shoulder, I jumped to life again. “Huh!” His hand caressed my cheek as he sat on the ledge with me. “Did I wake you?”
He shook his head. “No, love. Couldn’t sleep?”
I shook my head too. “No.”
It must have shown on my face. “We’ll get through this. In time.”
“How much time, Lay? Your father won’t wait until I’m ready,” I stated, reminding him of the conversation I overheard earlier.
“Whatever happens, you’re still my mate and that will never change.” And with that, he stood up, taking my hand and we slipped back into his bed where we stayed until morning.