This is like my fave chapter so far cause so much happens that I just can't even with. Lately I've felt like my writing has sorta gone downhill so I'm a bit happier with this. And my puppy always steals my phone so I have this new game apparently called phone hunting... Not as fun as you'd think. And he thinks my computer is some weird moving screen thing. And he's still kinda nameless. It shall either be Stiles or Newt but at the moment it's Fluffball XD And I have a problem. The car scene with Theo and Stiles last week made me think they'd be really cute together like noooooo. And can we just talk about how The Scorch Trials premieres two days earlier in this country than elsewhere like ahhh I hope it's not the wrong date they wrote. And the song is slowed cause ugh copyright but it fits well and is on Spotify if you wanna hear the not slowed down version. I'm gonna shut up now.

It was all dark. Pitch black like the night sky in the winter time as it snowed onto the concrete and buildings. Except it wasn't winter and it wasn't snowing. It was just darkness, the occasional sound of a beep echoing a bit further away. But he couldn't see where it was coming from, and he couldn't see what the exact sound was that he was hearing. It was unknown to him, just like his surroundings. Thomas was lost.

But then he saw something, and the beeping slowly got louder when there was a shining light not too far away from him. He couldn't make out what it was either, and the sound was still strange to hear when he was surrounded by what seemed to be nothing. It confused him, and he felt like he couldn't move his body as the brightness slowly got bigger, consuming him and his surroundings in a matter of seconds.

And then it was dark again, the beeping getting even louder and sharper as he heard voices. He couldn't see who was speaking, or where they were speaking from, but he knew that they were there. They were somewhere. He just needed to find them.

Then his eyes opened, adjusting to whatever room he was in. It was way too bright for his fragile irises, so he shut them again so that it stopped feeling like he was burning his eyes into nothing. He focused on the sounds instead, settling on the beep he'd been hearing for a few minutes now. It was steady and slow, and that's when he figured out what it was.

It was a heart monitor. Thomas was in the hospital.

His eyes snapped open again, and he groaned at the blurriness and pain it brought him. But he was quick to adjust then, and he stared up at the white ceiling with a confused gaze. Why was he here?

"He's awake." Thomas looked to the side, finding Minho not too far away with Ash right behind him. She seemed scared to approach him, as if he'd try something if she did. It made him sad, but he was happy that Minho took the first step of moving closer, her following behind.

"H-hey." He croaked, his voice barely audible as he hadn't spoken in a while.

"Why am I here?" Thomas asked straight afterwards, sitting up despite the pain it brought him. It felt like his head had hit something and was now forming an unbearable bruise that he felt all over his body. He subconsciously reached to touch the back of his head, wincing when he did.

"I wouldn't do that. You hit it pretty hard." The boy looked confused, and Ash hopped onto the edge of his bed before answering.

"You came home last night, completely out of it too. Me and Minho were there but we didn't question it. At least we didn't until you fainted right in front of us and hit your head against the marble counter top in the kitchen." Thomas looked at Minho, as if waiting for the boy to nod his head and confirm that it was true. He couldn't remember any of it happening. The last thing he could recall was being with Newt in his apartment. They'd had sex again, which wasn't much of a surprise, and then they'd gotten dressed before having a joint and a bit more to drink. That was all he could remember. Thomas looked around the room then, as if expecting Newt to be there too. He felt a part of his heart break off into pieces when he didn't see the blonde in the room. Newt probably didn't care enough to look after him when he was in the hospital.

Thomas was mad at himself even more for wanting Newt to be here more than his two friends that he'd had for years. He just wanted Newt to be sitting right beside him, having waited for his eyes to open and to have smiled when they had. But the other wasn't even here. It angered him, a fury surging through him as he clenched his knuckles. Newt really had him all over the place.

"She's right. Doctors said that your alcohol intake along with ibuprofen and weed was too much. You never told us you were taking drugs." Minho held a look that showed he was accusing Thomas of something, even though Thomas had never done anything. Well, he had done a few things, but to have such a look of accusation was annoying him.

"That's cause I don't normally take drugs." Ash gave him a look, one that he decided he didn't like on her. He wished she'd smile at him. Thomas wanted reassurance, and she was normally the one to give it to him.

"Then why was there weed in your system?"

"Cause I had a joint. But I don't normally take drugs. It was only my second one." It was quiet then, and Thomas liked the silence that Minho quickly broke.

"It was Newt's idea wasn't it?"

"Will you stop blaming him for everything? It was my idea, Minho. I asked him both times. Not everything is his fault." Thomas was visibly upset every time Minho said something about Newt, but he was also upset with Newt now. It made the whole situation more complicated for him, and he wasn't sure what he could say.

"Can you stop defending him?" Ash said, joining the conversation after having mostly sat back.

"Why? So that you two can say whatever you want about him because he's responsible for everything? No, I got myself into this hospital and I am getting myself out." Thomas stood up, losing his balance slightly because he hadn't used his legs in a while.

"What are you doing? You can't leave Thomas!" The boy seemed desperate to keep Thomas in place, but Thomas wasn't having any of it anymore.

"I can do whatever I want. And I want to leave. I'm done hearing you two complaining all the time. I do that enough on my own. Just let me be." Thomas was agitated, and it was only growing worse by the minute the more he thought of the blonde and how he wasn't here. Newt was supposed to be here.

The fact that he wasn't just seemed to confirm that Thomas was in love with someone that didn't love him back, and he hated it more than he'd ever hated anything in his life. But Newt clearly didn't care, and now Thomas was desperate to run back to him so that he could scream at him and break down into pieces in front of Newt so that he knew just exactly what he'd done.

"Please, let me check myself out of the hospital. I'm fine now. I'm okay." He gave them a pleading look, begging them to simply let him go. But Minho was stubborn, and he clearly wasn't moving any time soon.

"You're shaking. How does that indicate being okay?" Ash said, both of the boys looking down at her as she was still sat on the bed.

"You don't understand. No one can understand." He whispered, looking down at the seemingly more interesting floor.

"And maybe we don't want to understand. You're wasting your life away because of some random guy." Thomas looked up again, glaring at Minho for mentioning him again.

"What did I just say about blaming Newt?" Thomas clearly wasn't being fair to his friends, but it was an automatic reflex for him to become so defensive. He didn't exactly know why, but he figured that it was probably because it felt like they were attacking him as well, not just Newt, because they were so similar.

Newt had been smart to tell him that yesterday, because now the thought never left his mind, consuming him more than he'd ever wanted or thought it would. The blonde was extremely clever, making everything play out in the way it'd seemed he'd wanted it to. Maybe Newt had every step calculated. Maybe he'd known that Thomas would eventually ask to get high, and that's why he was so willing to give it to him.

"I'm telling you the truth. And I know that you know that it's the truth. You're not dumb or blind. I know that you see it." Thomas sighed.

"But I also see another side." Ash's head snapped up then, making eye contact with him before looking at the boy that she'd come with.

"He sees the side that he's fallen in love with too." Thomas nodded along to her statement, and Minho huffed before going to the door.

"Get back into your bed and I'll get the nurse. If you really wanna get out of here, I'm not gonna stop you." And then he was gone, and suddenly it was only Thomas and Ash left to look at each other.

"He's just worried about you. You should've seen how scared he was when you were lying on the kitchen floor. And I think he knows that it's not all Newt's fault, but I think blaming it all on him makes it easier for Minho. He doesn't want to accept that some of your decisions were your own. Having it all be Newt's idea makes it easier to live with." Thomas went back under the blanket in his bed, not saying anything at first before he looked at her.

"Do you blame him too?" She sighed.

"I want to. But that wouldn't be fair because I've never met him. And like you said, some of the things were your own idea. It's not all on him, as much as I'd like for it to be." Thomas was about to speak, but Minho came back with a nurse before he had the chance. So, the conversation ended there.

An hour and a half later, he was fully dressed in jeans and a sweater, heading out to Minho's car that was parked out in the front. Ash got in first, sitting in the back as Thomas got into the passengers side. They didn't say anything, and Thomas' anger was still gripping onto him, desperate to burst at any second. It was mostly directed towards Newt, and so he knew where he was going next.

"Take me to Newt's." Minho chuckled bitterly.

"You've got to be kidding."

"I'm not. Take me to him, now." His irritability was visible, which was what made Minho stay quiet until he started asking for directions. Thomas gave them to him, his words harsh as he ended each sentence. He shared a glance with Ash in the rearview mirror, and he was surprised to see a barely visible smirk making it's way onto her lips. It was like she knew what he was up to.

He eventually got out of the car, yelling out a thank you and telling them not to wait for him. He didn't know how long this could take, and he wasn't in the mood to have them around. All that kept going through his mind was how Newt hadn't been there. Sure, he wasn't in any critical condition, but he'd still fainted, and Newt wasn't there.

His hurt and anger seemed to build up the further up he walked the stairs that led to the right apartment, and he clearly wasn't thinking straight anymore when he knocked at the door rather harshly, hurting his knuckles.

The door was opened, and he pushed past the blonde and rushed into the living room, pacing around as Newt came to join him.

"So, you just barge in here now?" And then Thomas stopped walking as tears filled his eyes. He was all over the place, or more like his emotions were. He was sad, angry, and just about any other feeling in the world.

"Why didn't you visit me?" He asked, his voice gentle to hide how upset he really was. Newt only stared, surprised at the tears falling down the others cheeks and onto the floor.

"We saw each other yesterday. You never asked for me to come over."

"So I'm supposed to ask you to visit me in the hospital?" The look on Newt's face after he'd spoken was that of utter shock, quickly laced with worry as if it was his first time hearing this. And then Thomas knew why he hadn't been there. Newt's expression didn't lie to him.

"You didn't know, did you?" Newt shook his head, confirming it before the blonde sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. Thomas sat down across from him, his legs moving up and down at a rapid pace as he couldn't sit still.

"Are you okay? I swear if I would've know then I would've been there. No one told me. Tommy, I'm sorry." Thomas wanted to laugh. If he'd known that getting himself in the hospital would make Newt finally show some sort of emotion, he may've tried to end up there a lot earlier.

"Like you care if I'm okay or not. You just wanna know if you can get me into bed." Newt quickly looked up at the comment, his eyes glazing over as his lower lip trembled. Thomas almost felt bad for thinking that this was another one of Newt's acts, and that this wasn't really him. But Newt really looked upset.

"You really think so lowly of me?" And that's when Thomas completely snapped.

"No, you do not get to suddenly play the victim in this. You can't suddenly cry or be upset. And you can certainly not ask if I'm okay when you've never cared before. And don't you dare make it seem like I'm the bad guy by asking if I think so lowly of you. But if you want an answer, I don't think that highly of you either." Newt gaped at him, as if he hadn't known that Thomas was capable of saying all that. Thomas probably wouldn't have believed it either a few months back, but things were different now.

Thomas looked Newt straight in the eyes, and the blonde seemed to be deep in thought about something. It made Thomas' knuckles clench, but at the same time he couldn't stop crying either. Newt made him feel pathetic.

"Get off the couch for a minute." Thomas gave him a baffled look, but he got up anyway as the blonde did the same.

"Kicking me off a couch now too? Classy." Newt didn't respond, and what he did next wasn't something Thomas had ever expected to see. He pulled out the couch to turn it into a bed, and it was now a giant rectangle instead of the usual u-shape it had.

"Wait here." And Thomas did. He waited despite having wanted to yell at the blonde less than a minute ago. He still did, but now it was like he had nothing to say.

Newt came back with a blanket and a pillow, laying them on the couch so that it really was a bed now. Thomas didn't know what this was, or where this was going, but it was odd. He didn't know what to make of it.

"Lie down."

"Then what? You gonna climb on top of me and have your way?" Thomas could've sworn he saw hurt on the others features, but he quickly brushed it off. Newt didn't feel. He couldn't.

Thomas did what he'd said anyway, taking off his shoes before lying down in a comfortable position on his left side as he adjusted the pillow under his head. Newt placed the blanket over him, and Thomas felt a blush form on his cheeks at the others sudden kindness.

"Why are you suddenly doing this?" He blurted out, because he was in fact dying to ask the question.

"You clearly need to rest. You're all over the place. We can talk later, but I want you to sleep for a little now. I promise that you can yell at me all you want then, but please do this now. For me."

"Like I'd do anything for you." Thomas knew that he'd lied then. He was sure he'd do almost anything for Newt if he asked. Newt only sighed, another tear slipping from his eye, and Thomas had a strange urge to wipe it away with his thumb.

"I'll be in the other room if you need anything." Was the last thing he said. He returned a few minutes later with a glass of water from the tap, but then he walked off to his room.

Thomas closed his eyes, seemingly at peace as he lay on Newt's couch. It was soft, and the blanket wrapped around him smelled like Newt. Thomas loved it. The blonde had a really intoxicating scent, a strong cologne mixed with a hint of what seemed to be mint. Thomas didn't know where the smell of mint came from, maybe it was part of the cologne, but it was nevertheless one of the most addicting things in the world to him. It almost felt like Newt was right next to him, and he opened his eyes a tiny bit to see if maybe the blonde was.

He sighed when he didn't see the other, and he was close to getting up to ask the blonde if he wanted to cuddle. But he knew that it was a long shot, and Newt would probably laugh at him and turn down the offer whilst Thomas walked back into the living room with his head hung down in shame.

Thomas couldn't help it though. He wanted Newt's arms around his waist and he wanted to hear the others breathing as he played with Thomas' hair. Thomas laughed at himself, he was so stupid. It was like he was on a roller coaster of mood swings. First he's mad, then furious, suddenly he's in love, then he's needy and desperate, and then he's sad. The sadness seemed to linger a lot longer than the rest, but he still hated the roller coaster he found himself on. He felt ridiculous.

He hadn't even noticed that the blonde had walked out and was now sitting on the carpeted floor in front of him. The blonde cleared his throat, snapping Thomas out of his daze as he looked at the boy on the floor. Newt handed him the untouched glass of water, and Thomas took it with a shaking hand. Their fingers touched for a second, leaving a tingling warmth on his finger tips like it usually did.

"Feeling any better?" Thomas let a small smile make its way onto his lips, Newt returning it as he took the glass back and set it on the coffee table again.

"A little. Thank you." Newt seemed to hesitate with his next words, looking around the room to focus on something else for a bit. Thomas noted that he seemed distracted, or he was still deep in thought like earlier when Thomas had just barged in.

"Can I sit on the couch?" Newt had gotten up, waiting for Thomas to answer.

"It's your couch Newt." The blonde nodded, taking a seat next to where Thomas was lying, crossing his legs over each other as he looked down at the boy.

"But it's your temporary bed." Thomas bit his lip, shaking his head as he nervously played with his fingers.

"Tommy, look at me." Thomas obeyed, his brown eyes coming in contact with the others, and he was instantly drawn closer. Newt seemed to notice, but he didn't move away when Thomas had moved closer to him whilst still laying down. He just looked up at Newt, careful with his movement.

"There's something on your mind." Thomas barely whispered, and Newt nodded after a few seconds of silence.

"Maybe. But there's more on yours. Tell me the truth, Tommy. Why'd you really storm in here?" Thomas lay his head back on the pillow, letting out a sigh as he looked out of the balcony window straight ahead. It was raining again. Surprise.

"I felt hurt when you didn't visit me." He replied.

"Yea, but besides that. Why'd you show up? I don't feel like you would've had such an outburst if the only thing you were upset over was me not visiting you." Thomas sighed again. Newt had a point.

"You're right." The rain got stronger, and Newt walked over to close the balcony door that Thomas hadn't even realized was open. Even if he'd been looking at it.

"So, what is it?"

"It's everything." Newt sat back down, downing the last bit of water that was in Thomas' glass.

"It's you and me mostly." Thomas surprised himself when he'd said it, but it slipped out and he couldn't stop it anymore. Besides, Newt was acting strange since his outburst. Maybe he just needed to confess everything that had been running through his mind.

"What about you and me?"

"Okay, Newt you're not an idiot. You can't be that stupid. You have some clue of what I mean." Newt looked down, and Thomas knew that he was facing some sort of battle inside his head. He seemed conflicted, thinking and worried. It was unusual and weird.

"What are you really wanting to say to me?" Thomas sat up, leaning his upper body against the back of the couch as Newt leaned back as well to sit on it properly with his feet up. Newt was now sat where Thomas' feet ended, and Thomas had the urge to wrap the blanket around the blonde as well so that they could share it. He didn't though. Instead, Thomas told Newt what he'd bottled up, kept away somewhere hidden until he finally reached for it now.

"I love you, Newt. Just as much as I hate you. And I hate you with a burning passion." Newt looked at him again, trying to spot if it was a lie or the truth.

"You love me?" Thomas nodded, completely unafraid suddenly, despite having confessed.

"And you hate me?" Thomas nodded again, moving closer so that he was sitting right beside Newt.

Newt placed his hand on Thomas' cheek slowly, and Thomas let him, leaning into the touch due to the comfort it brought him. He hadn't felt comforted in a while.

"I told you what's on my mind. What's on yours?" Newt smiled in response, leaning in until he brought a slow, lingering lips onto Thomas' own. It shocked him, nevertheless fueling something inside him as his whole body heated up. Newt chuckled, pulling the blanket until it was wrapped over both of them. The blonde had answered with a kiss, and Thomas was confused over what it meant.

"Maybe a proper answer would be nice, Newt."

"Well, I don't hate you Tommy. But I don't love you either." Thomas winced and bit his lip, despite the words not being spoken in a harsh tone towards him. Thing is, what Thomas hadn't managed to catch onto was Newt's unsteady heart beat. And it wasn't just unsteady because they'd kissed. It was unsteady because he'd lied.

Newt did feel something more for Thomas, but he wasn't even completely aware of it himself yet. He believed in his own lie, and so did Thomas.