Six days later, I pull up in front of my packhouse. My limbs are stiff from the long drive, and I'm weary after having been behind the wheel for hours. How did Nicollo manage that? Too bad I won't be able to tell him how much I admired his driving skills.

The now constant lump in my throat swells to new proportions, a fresh wave of anger flooding my senses. I slam the door to the SUV shut with so much force that the metal shrieks.

The whole pack has gathered. I glance at the truck; on its bed, a body is wrapped in sheets soaked with blessed water. One body. That's all Andrenior was able to recover. Even after he combed the entire Scopan Lake territory, he couldn't find as much as a severed toe of my sister. The Moon Goddess only knows what those bastards did to her. And in the long run, they've succeeded. If Cassum isn't properly put to rest by tomorrow night, her soul will be lost. The thought drives bile up my throat.

A handful of elders pull Nicollo's body off the truck. They carefully set him down in front of Arabella's feet. Hand clutched over her mouth, she drops to her knees. One of the elders pulls the sheet back and a heart wrenching howl rises toward the sky. Her wolf lies down next to her mate. Her snout nuzzles into his fur just under the kill bite. When I meet her gaze, the sorrow I find is enough to break my constraint. Spinning around is the only way to hide the moisture in my eyes from my pack.

Show no weakness, Kendrick.

A surge of rage rushes through me, setting off an explosion of stars in my head. At least she has a body to bury. I have nothing left of Cassum.

Facing my mother in the packhouse is the next challenge. She sits on the couch, rocking Allo in her arms and humming to him. She chokes on her tears. Allo gazes at me with droopy eyes, suckling on his fingers. He's the spitting image of his mother. When the lump in my throat blocks my airways, I gulp. He'll grow up not even remembering her.

Looking into his trusting eyes proves too much. I turn toward the wall. With a growl, I unleash my penned-up anger, battling the wood panels over and over again. The pain burns in my knuckles and the bones in my wrists are about to snap in two. I still can't stop. I want the pressure in my chest to ease; it's threatening to rip me apart. Yet, each blow just makes it worse.

"Kendrick. STOP."

Raelyn's shout has me drop my hands. I blink at her. Sweat stings in my eyes and has soaked the collar of my shirt, but who the hell cares? "What the fuck do you want from me?"

"You punched a freaking hole into the wall. If you don't stop, the whole house will come down. And not only that." She points at the couch. "You're terrifying the pup. He doesn't need this."

Allo squirms and cries hysterically in my mother's arms. His wails drive me close to the edge. I want to tear his head off. Closing my eyes, I fill my lungs to the brim.

Chill, man.

I exhale.

Nothing you do will bring Cassum back.

Inhaling helps to calm my shaking body.

You'll get your revenge. It's just a matter of time.

But no matter what, I'll never be able to give my sister a proper burial. She will never find peace. Her soul will wander the earth forever.

With all my might, I kick against the living room sideboard. The wood aches and splinters. My mother's good vase with the dried wildflowers drops onto the carpet, scattering into a few dozen pieces. Fuck, Kenna made that arrangement for her. She'll be mad.

I chuckle with bitterness. I'm so beyond caring.

"That's enough, Kendrick. Go upstairs and clean yourself up, and don't come down again until you got yourself back under control."

I glare at my mother. "I should've never left her there. I should've known they'd never accept a female as their leader." Or better yet, I should've told Cassum that her plan to become an Alpha was absolutely ridiculous. I should've blown her off when she asked me to train her. Sure, that would've pissed her off and she would've likely never spoken to me again, but at least she would be alive.

"It wasn't your fault, son."

Then why do I feel responsible? I was her big brother. Protecting her was part of the job description.

Raelyn strokes my arm. "Come on, Kendrick. Once you take a shower, you'll feel better."

I snort; I highly doubt that. "I have to help wash Nicollo's body for the burial."

"That can wait. You need to take care of yourself first, or you'll make yourself sick."

My angry finger stops an inch from her nose. "Learn your place, female, and stop ordering me around."

Without a further word, I spin on my heel and storm out of the house. When I slam the door shut, it comes off its hinges. I steer straight for Nicollo's dead wolf. Pack members jump back as I pass them. I barely notice; it's as if this constant pounding rage has put me into a trance. Everything feels surreal. I want to wake up from this nightmare.

Kneeling down next to Arabella, I take the offered sponge. My cracked knuckles burn as they come into contact with the blessed water. I squeeze the sponge out in my best friend's fur, watching as his blood soaks into the ground. Arabella is quietly weeping. When our hands briefly touch, she looks up at me. Her eyes hold pain—desperation—and most of all hate.

Hate for her Alpha. I made Nicollo stay behind at Scopan Lake. His death is on me.

I can't hold her gaze. Fire is eating at my heart, my soul, my gut. Burning hot. Consuming me. Simmering close enough to the surface to erupt at any moment. It won't stop until I avenged his and Cassum's death. But even then, some of the guilt will always cling to the fibers of my existence.

"I'm sorry, Arabella."

"Just make sure you make those bastards suffer."

The promise rests on the tip of my tongue, but the words don't make it across my lips. I will never make another promise I might not be able to keep. "Don't worry, I will."

~~~~

The moon sits bright in the sky. It's just one night from its fullest, the last chance to bury the dead whose life was extinguished in the current month cycle. The moment Cassum's soul will be lost. Nicollo, on the other hand, will make it. He'll be able to wait for his true mate in the afterlife until she joins him.

Kenna and a few of the other younger females play the flute. When my toes go numb, I shift my weight to my other leg. The night air is frigid. Burring my hands deep into my pockets, I wait for the elders to finish their chanting, so I can light the pyre. That will send Nicollo's soul on its way. Arabella asked me to be a death watcher, but I politely declined. Not that I didn't want to, but I can't make the commitment to mourn for twelve full moons. The smell of war is in the air and I'll be gone for most of the coming months. Anything to escape her accusing eyes. And once her pup is born, it will be unbearable to be around her.

The head elder gives me a brief nod. I light the torch. For a moment, I let the flame hover over the pyre. Long forgotten memories run through my mind. Nicollo and Cassum chasing me with wooden swords through the grass after my mother read Robin Hood to us. We tried to make Cassum Maid Marian, but she flipped us the bird.

No way. Females can fight.

I was so proud when she killed her first bear. Nicollo showed her how to gut it.

Watch me. One day, I'll feed the whole pack.

Back then, we had laughed at her, though deep down, I had known she could pull it off. My sister could do almost anything she put her mind to.

Let's hunt fireflies, guys.

Cassum's giggles were bursting with excitement. Nicollo was too much of a wuss to leave camp in the middle of the night without the fighters, but my sister and I ran across the clearings for hours to catch fireflies in a glass jar. We wanted to make our own lamp. A cougar cut the adventure short. Cassum carried the scar on her arm with pride; I hid the punishing whip marks with shame. I swore that day that I'd never endanger her life again. Another promise I broke.

With a surge, the fire catches the logs of the pyre. The flames lick at Nicollo's body, rip through his fur, engulf him.

May the Moon Goddess receive your soul, my friend.

The chanting and humming set off a vibration in my skull and I clutch my temples; it's as if my head is about to explode. The pain snakes down my neck and into my chest, spreading to every nerve end of my body. It's tearing me apart from the inside out.

One leap and I'm in the woods. My paws pound the forest floor. I run to release the building pressure—faster and faster—until my legs fold underneath me. Panting, I stare at the sky. Howls and barks drift toward the moon. And when I shift back into my skins, I cry until only coldness remains.

~~~~

© Sally Mason 2018

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