23 May by theoceancuzimsalty-

This is a very unique and pretty story. The format plus narration style makes it a little hard to edit because it turns the story almost into poetry, but that doesn't take away from its beauty—in fact, it adds to it.

Currently, it's far more of a short story length than novel or even novella, so the characters are definitely more snap-shot type than fully-fledged "novel characters", but I think that's okay in this instance. You had expressed a desire to lengthen the story/chapters, so my only advice on that point would be to reconsider your non-dialogue writing. Try to incorporate a little more setting description, and try to be a little more subtle with your description of characters' actions/moods. Research simile and metaphor and try to incorporate them into your descriptions of the characters so that you can more roundaboutly explain what they're thinking and feeling, rather than just telling the reader. Check over rhetorical questions (questions asked in the narration) to see if there's a way that you can express the same idea without using the question, even if it takes another sentence or two.

Other than that, your main issues were in minor grammatical errors like a couple comma-splices and a few tense issues, but a careful eye as you continue writing should be able to keep you from continuing those. Though I didn't really appreciate the last chapter because of theme issues, and though I occasionally had a hard time understanding certain things due to the differences in our cultures, your story is very pretty and compelling. Double-check your descriptions of setting and character feelings/actions, and you should be golden! Keep up the good work. <3