Sleeping Alone - Flatland Calvary

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COLT

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"God Damnit, Johnny! I said to lean back, not lean forward!" I yell across the arena as my student is sent flying off the bull. He immediately gets up, sprints to the railing, and climbs as fast as possible before the bull clips him. I walk up to him, whacking his helmet with my clipboard, "Fuckin' hell, I should pull you from the rodeo this weekend. You'll just be losing money."

Johnny groans, pulling his helmet off, "Sorry Coach Dutton. Send me again. I promise to make the buzzer. Don't pull me!" Not that I had a choice to cut him, but I like threatening my students with words like that.

I sigh, chewing on the end of my pen, "Go rest, we will go again tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, watch a few videos on balancing yourself on the bull. Okay, kid? I don't want you getting disqualified or, worse, thrown over the bull's head." Johnny nods before scurrying back to the group of students, all waiting on their turn for their bull riding lesson.

"Tucker," I call, looking for him in the group of boys, "You're up." He nods, climbing over the fence to the shoot, where they release another bull into the slot. He takes a few minutes securing the bull with his rope before climbing up and lowering himself onto the bull. He lifts one hand in the air before nodding, and the boys open the gate to release Tucker into the arena. I watch his movements in detail, realizing this kid reminded me of myself when I was young and brave. The buzzer sounds that Tucker makes the eight seconds. He slides off and runs for the railing as his teammates cheer him on.

He walks over to me, taking his helmet off, revealing the vast smile that formed on his face. I smile back slightly and shove his shoulder, "Good ride, kid."

"Thanks, Coach."

I nod and walk over to my students, "Alright, that's a wrap for today. Release the bulls into the pens and ensure everything is put away for the night before you leave. I'll see you tomorrow." They bid me goodbye, and I walk over to my ATV and drive it back to the cabin I've been renting on Buck's ranch for the past five months. I walked inside, ready to see that the maid had cleaned today, and I silently praised her as I threw my jacket on the floor. I grab a beer from the fridge, sit on the couch, and turn the television on.

It had been five months since I moved to Cody, Wyoming, where Buck took me under his wing. I know that bastard one hundred percent regretted inviting me here, not knowing the price he'd pay for it. In these past five months, I have not been able to ride a horse, nor can I look at one without thinking of Diesel. Buck found me useless since I wouldn't saddle up, but offered me to be the handyman around his farm, which was fine for a while. He did score me a job as a fill-in instructor for the local school's rodeo team, which I've learned to love recently. Teaching came easy as I know so much about bulls, learning everything from my brother, Buck. I have yet to ride a bull since I've been here, though the team always begs me to ride.

I'm still taking baby steps back to everyday life, I suppose. Ive had nightmares since the accident, waking up in a sweat, screaming for him. This was the reason I no longer lived in Buck's house. His wife did not appreciate my terrors, nor did their baby boy.

It's weird, but when Charlie had slept in my bed with me those nights after the accident, I did not have terrors, but as soon as I left, they began. I had a hard time sleeping since I became an insomniac, but Buck, being the big brother he is, recently made me visit a therapist about my PTSD, and I am now medicated for it.

I miss nothing more than my Charlie. I wanted to return to that life so badly, but I couldn't bear to where the memories flooded my brain. I miss my friends; the only ones I have here are Buck and the high schoolers. The population of this town is under a thousand; there's not much to offer here. There are few girls, as men dominantly run this town.

Ive seen the girl I dated years ago when I lived here years ago, but I have no interest in her anymore as I can only think of one woman: Charlie. Every day, I want to text her and see how she's doing, but she deserves better. She deserves someone who would never leave her like I did. I hadn't expected to stay so long, but since the rodeo instructor is out for a hip replacement, I'm filling in for the time being. Whenever I call Knox, I still ask about her and how she's doing. I wonder if she knows I do that. I know she's leaving Auburn for good, which breaks my heart, but I would do the same thing. I won't be able to live there again either, which is another reason I am still here. I now live vicariously through her social media, smiling every time I see a new post, praying it's not with another dude. I hadn't deleted any pictures of her off mine, as I silently hoped to be with her again one day.

Being here has given me a lot of time to heal, which I knew would happen, but there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about Diesel. I genuinely wonder if I will ever forget what happened to him, maybe when I'm old and gray.

My front door bursts open, revealing a drunk Buck, "Dude, you wanna hit the bar?" He throws himself on my couch, looking at me from upside down.

"Shit, yeah, I'm almost out of beer anyways." I stand up, sliding on my jacket, waiting for Buck, who slowly rolls off the couch.

We hop in the Gator that he drove over here, letting me take the wheel as I was still sober. I don't know how he arrived here alive. He definitely shouldn't be driving this.

I hadn't bought a new truck yet. I didn't need one since I'm not hauling Diesel around anymore. The money from the accident had been far enough to let me buy a yacht if I wanted, but I'm saving it to buy a ranch one day. Luckily, I think the snow will melt soon, so it will be so much warmer when we ride the ATVs. The town wasn't incredibly far, which was nice. I could probably walk if I wanted. The longest part of the ride is getting up Buck's driveway to the main road. It had to be at least a mile long of gravel road.

The bar was deserted when we arrived, as it was a Tuesday evening. As soon as we sit in a booth, I order nachos and a Jack and Coke, realizing I haven't eaten dinner yet. We look for the game we want to watch on the big screen televisions hung across the bar and get the bartender to change the channel.

I won't lie. The bartender was incredibly attractive. She was nothing like my usual type. She looked...scary. She had jet-black hair with the deepest blue eyes I could stare at forever. She wore the tiniest clothes possible that left little to no room to imagine, you could tell. God, her shorts. They fit perfectly, showing off her ample ass, which made me go wild.

"Why don't you just ask her out already?" Buck groaned as she headed into the kitchen for my nachos.

I roll my eyes, swirling my glass around, "Please, as she'd even consider. The first time I told her I was a bull rider, she turned and walked away." Buck laughed at my failure to pick up a woman. Not that I was a bull rider anymore. I hadn't gone as far as to even place my hand on a bull since my last ride.

Buck turned to me with a brotherly look, "Colt, you gotta get over that damn girl if you don't plan on returning home. It seems to me like this may be a permanent decision." Did I want to go back? Did I even have a home? Last I heard, Levi moved in above the barn so Knox could have a nursery for the baby. I had failed to return home for Christmas. My parents had to hate me, but they flew out for a weekend and came to see Buck and me. My sister is graduating at the end of the month, so I could go and watch. I don't have anything pulling me back. Maybe if Charlie still talked to me... "Oh hell, you're thinkin' bout her again, aren't you?"

I take a long sip of my drink, "well, the only time I think about her is when you bring her up." Lies. I think about her every time I see the girls at the rodeo. Every time I lay in bed at night, pretending my pillow is her. Every time I look at my tattoo. She's everywhere, and I can't escape.