Alex and I walked down the street, going against the hard winter winds. I felt bad making him walk through this, but I didn't really want to just sit in the foyer of my apartment complex. What if someone walked in and wouldn't leave us alone. For a good twenty minutes or so, we were just walking in silence, I was just staring at my shoes, occasionally looking up to make sure I didn't run into anything or anyone.

"John," Alex started, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about leaving you like I did. I didn't m-"

"You didn't mean what? To hurt me? I opened up to you." We stopped walking so we could face each other. "I showed my underside, I was so vulnerable. And you just walked out like I was nothing. Like nothing happened between us!"

"John, I didn't know what to say! I-"

I slapped him. Everything hurts more in the cold, my hand, and his cheek. His cheek turned a bright red, making the rest of his face look extremely pale. I don't really know why I slapped him, I think it was mostly just my anger. from the past two weeks. Some small part of me regretted it, hitting him, but another part of me felt like he deserved that. Both feelings contributed to a small turning of my stomach, guilt. Alex just stood there, stunned, slowly bringing his hand up to cup his burning cheek. [have you ever been slapped in the cold? that shit hurts] And we stood in this silence, but it wasn't an intimate silence anymore, it was more the calm before the storm. I expected something from Alex. For him to yell at me. For him to call me a name. For him to slap me back. But he just stood there, cupping his cheek. The redness eventually began to fade, which meant that we were actually just standing in a soft silence for a while. But I was too scared to say anything.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"For?"

"For walking out on you like I did. For letting you cry. Seeing you cry broke my heart John, but I know I hurt you more. I just didn't know what to do. I'm sorry. I should've come back sooner, but..." he trailed off.

"What?"

"I thought you hated me, or you were over me, or just didn't want to see me ever again. So I didn't want to upset you by going to the apartments."

I stayed quiet, half of me still waiting for that slap. "I-I'm sorry," I said.

He looked confused, putting his hand back in his pocket. "But you didn't do anything."

"For slapping you," I said softly. He chuckled a bit and we continued our walk in silence. Again, it wasn't intimate, but it was peaceful. I debated whether or not to ask him about the letters he'd given me. As I got more in thought, I could feel my heart speeding up. Why was I so nervous about that? Probably because those letters meant everything to me.

"I... I..." I couldn't find the words, earning me a concerned look from Alex. "I found your letters," I admitted finally. His cheeks turned a rosy red.

"You did? Oh, John, I'm really sorry about that... I wanted to surprise you and that's how I found your binder and I-"

"It's okay Alex. That's how I found them. I checked to see why you were looking under my bed and I found the box." I gave a soft smile, which he kindly returned. "Thank you," I said.

His shoulders dropped slightly at my thanks, but they were quickly brought up again, as he plastered a small side smile on his face. "No problem."

I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but after two weeks of not talking or even seeing each other, I wasn't so sure if saying 'I love you' was something either of us deserved. So we kept walking, and now the silence was awkward. Very awkward. I didn't want to go back home just yet, but our walk was seemingly dragging out because we weren't talking, or even looking at each other. I heard Alex's footsteps stop, so I stopped and turned to face him. He grabbed my arms and kissed me. I pulled back out of surprise. Alex looked so hurt when I did that. "I-I-I-I'm so sorry John. I-I don't know what I was thi-" I kissed him. It was very passionate, and I'm sure everyone who walked or drove by us was genuinely grossed out. The snow was trickling down around us, and piling up on our heads, which sounds pretty cliche and romantic, except when it starts to melt because of your body heat and run down your clothes as freezing cold water. That got us to pull apart.

My face was burning red. And so was his. "Maybe... Maybe we should go back to my place," I said. Alex frowned a bit. "Or we can stay out here longer, that's okay," I added.

"No, no. I want to go inside I just... I wish I could take you to my place, but right now it's just an empty dorm room."

"You know what? That sounds kinda nice, just you and me." I smiled.

Alex gave me small smile. "Can I hold your hand?" he asked.

"Hell no, it's freezing," I said, chuckling. Alex laughed nervously. "I'm just teasing. Of course," I said gently, taking his hand. He smiled wider. The space between us was smaller now as we walked to the campus. Alex awkward took out his keys. Maybe his was a bad idea. No. I wanted to be here. I wanted to fix things with Alex. That's what I'm here to do.

So we were in his dorm. It was nice, cozy. The two beds were close, mostly because the dorm was small. There were two small desks as well as numerous shelves. The whole room was cramped, but at least it was just us two. "This is nice," I smiled, hopping onto a bed and letting my feet dangle.

"You're just saying that."

"No, it is nice. It's cozy and small."

"Yeah sure okay." He sat next to me, slipping his arm around my waist. "Thanks for coming over here. It's been kinda lonely this whole break."

"Alex, why didn't you go home for break?"

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I...I don't really have a home to go to."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when we first met and I told you that I had to get away from my home?"

"Yeah."

"There was barely a home there. My dad left us when I was ten years old. And my mom and I, we were okay. But then my mom got really sick. She died when I was twelve. So I was taken to my cousin's and I was to live with him. But shortly after, he uh... he killed himself. So... There was no home there for me."

I felt tears in my eyes. I squeezed his hand and moved closer to him, staying close to him. "Alex, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"I know. It's okay. I didn't want to tell you until I knew I could trust you with that. I didn't want your pity."

"I understand Alex. But I'm glad you told me. No more hiding anything between us, okay?" I said, putting out my pinkie.

"Okay," he chuckled, interlocking our pinkies. "I promise." I kissed him softly, allowing his arms to wrap around me. "Thank you," he said. He pressed up against me. I pulled back and let myself lean against his chest. He ran a soft hand through my curls. "Why don't you wait here, I'll run down to the vending machine and grab some snacks." He handed me his computer and told me his password. "You can go on Netflix and find a movie for us to watch okay?"

I smiled and nodded, giving Alex a kiss before he went downstairs. I decided to put on Bob's Burgers, because you couldn't really go wrong with that show. It was very light, which was something both of us needed right now. I had already watched an episode when Alex came back. He set down about ten dollars worth of food and drinks on the bed and climbed in behind me, resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around my waist. The light was off, and the room was fairly dark, except for the light coming in from under the door and the natural light of the, still, setting sun through the window.

"I need to text Laf and tell them where I am, can I borrow your phone? Mine died." He nodded and gave me his phone. I typed in Lafayette's number and texted him, adding the contact to Alex's phone.

Me
hey im using alex's phone. we're staying in his dorm tonight - j.l

Lafayette
okay. thanks for the heads up. use protection! 😏

Me
LAF!!!! NOT MY PHONE!!!!

I put the phone down on the bed, leaning back against Alex. He kissed my neck, softly sucking on my collarbone. I turned to face him, putting my hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry I slapped you," I said softly, making him chuckle.

"It's okay. Really. I'll admit it caught me off guard, but it's okay," he smiled. He pulled me into a soft kiss which evolved into a make out session with my fingers knotted in his hair and his hands tugging on my shirt, pulling me closer even though there was barely any more space between us.

"I love you."