[so im going to do this in alex's pov because i don't really know how to write the whole top surgery situation in a first person's perception. this is just easier. sorry. also i should mention that i dont know how top surgery works so if this is inaccurate in any way please understand that im just going off of what i think its like.. - k i t]

Alexander
*day of John's top surgery*

"Hey, Alex..."

I say up and rubbed my eyes. John was sitting on the edge of the bed. It was dark in the room, and the only light was coming from the lamp. John was curled up, and what seemed like crying. I scooted over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his shoulder. "Hey, Johnny, what's wrong?"

He wiped his eyes, and turned to face me. "I'm n-n-nervous," he whispered. I sighed and kissed his forehead. I peeked over at the clock that read 2:40 am. "I'm scared Alex. Wh-What if some-some-something happens?" I brushed his hair back. I cupped his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss.

"Hey, hey, hey, John, babe. Everything is going to be fine, I promise. Why don't you go back to sleep okay? It's really late and you have a big day. C'mere, c'mon let's go back to sleep." I pulled him closer to me as he turned off the lamp. He rested his head on my shoulder and his arms were wrapped tightly around my arm. He was holding onto my arm so tightly, and I ran my fingers through his hair.

"I love you, Alex. Thank you," he said quietly. I kissed his forehead.

"I love you too John. Get some more sleep okay? You need it babe," I said, rubbing his arm. He looked up and kissed me. I pulled back slowly and just held him in my arms. After a while, he fell asleep, and shortly after, I did.

-

John's alarm went off, and I rolled over to turn it off, being stopped by the body before me. John was laying there with tear-stained cheeks. He was shaking. I nudged him softly, caressing his arm gently. "Hey, hey John. C'mon let's get ready." He just laid there, staring up at the ceiling, letting tears fall. I just wanted to hold onto him forever and never let him go. "Johnny, babe, please. This is a big day for you, aren't you excited?"

He wiped his face and sat up, nodding. "I-I'm just scared that something's going to go wrong. What if th-"

"Nothing will go wrong, I promise. You can hold me to that. Why don't you take a shower and get dressed? Okay? I'll cook up something for you, Laf, and I, hell maybe even Hercules too." He smiled a bit, making me smile. I kissed his cheek. "Okay?"

"Okay, okay," he replied softly, still smiling. He grabbed a towel and some clothes and went to the bathroom. I got up and tidied up his bedroom before going to Laf's room. "Hey," I knocked, "Are you ready for this?"

They sighed and shrugged. "This is all John could talk about for years, as long as I've known him. I've never seen him so nervous. But this means so much to him. If he's ready, I'm ready." I nodded.

"Can he eat before his surgery?"

"Unfortunately not, it's just like any other surgery."

"Oh..."

"Alex, the four of us are going to take him over there, but I think you should be the one to stay behind with him. Keep him company. Bring him a hoodie, some warm ups. Make him happy. He's really nervous, and you so obviously mean the world to him. So will you do that? Will you stay behind with him? It might help him stay calm to know his boyfriend's waiting with him. His favourite book is in his nightstand. His favourite warm ups are the royal blue ones with black lines running down the legs. His favourite jacket is his ninja turtle jacket. Oh a-"

"Laf, hey, calm down. You're acting like an overprotective mom. I'm sure John will be okay. He's tough. And I'll be with him before he goes in and when he comes out. And so will you and Hercules. He will be so happy to know that his friends are all there for him. Okay? I will take his favourite book, and his favourite warm ups, and his favourite jacket, and hell I'll take his favourite stuffed animal if it'll keep him calm and happy and you calm and happy."

Lafayette let out a big sigh of relief. "Thank you so much Alex. I really can't thank you enough for all you've done. John's been so much happier since you came into his life. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. I love seeing him so happy, thank you." He gave me a tight hug. I went to John's bedroom, packing in a small duffel bag. I threw in a pair of boxers, his sweatpants, some socks, his NT jacket, and his favourite book, It's Kind of a Funny Story. John comes back into the room, towel drying his hair. He looks a bit more calm than he did when he woke up.

"Hey babe," I said warmly.

"Laf said I couldn't eat before I go in for surgery. Is that true?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry Johnny," I pulled him closer to me as I sat on the bed and pulled him onto my lap, "but as soon as they clear you, I'm going to take you out on a nice long date. How does that sound?"

He giggled and kissed me. "Thank you Alex." He took a deep breath. "I think I'm ready. Is Hercules going to meet us there or-" The knock on the door gave us the answer. I went out to go open it and Hercules came in, giving John the tightest hug I've ever seen him give anyone. "I'm so proud of you boy. Are you ready? You don't want to be late!"

"Jesus Christ, do you have to be so loud Mulligan?" Laf teased, putting on their coat. They let John borrow an extra, one that was still a tad too big. I made a mental note to go buy him one while he was in surgery. "He is right though. We should get going. I'm sure the doctors will appreciate you showing up a bit earlier."

John squeezed my hand tightly, clinging onto me. "Okay," he said softly. I pulled on my coat, grabbed the duffel bag, and the four of us squished into Laf's little Nissan Pathfinder. John and I say in the back, John shaking and me trying to calm him down. "Alex, promise me you'll stay right next to me."

"Not a second shall pass that I'm not right there by your side. From the second they take you to the second they bring you out. I promise John." He wasn't shaking as much. I pulled him in for a deep kiss, cupping his cold face with my warm hands. He smiled and pulled back, resting his head on my shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too."

When we got to the hospital, that's when John couldn't pretend to be calm anymore. He was shaking like crazy and hyperventilating. "Hey, John, hey. Look at me." He looked at me with wide puppy dog eyes, with tears threatening to spill. "You're going to be just fine. You'll be okay. I promise. You won't feel a thing. Just take some deep breaths, hold my hand okay?" He nodded gently. He tried taking deep breaths, clenching onto my hand with all his strength. I tried not to mind it too much. "You're going to be okay Johnny," I said, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, his grip eventually loosening. He was laying across the chairs, using my forearm as a pillow and my coat as a blanket. A nurse came from behind me. "Are you John Laurens?" I shook my head and pointed at the soft snoring, curly haired boy laying across the chairs. "They're ready to take him in now." I nodded.

Gently, I shook him awake. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, making awkward eye contact with the nurse. "We're ready to take you in now. If you'll just climb up on this stretcher." She stood there with a smile. She seemed friendly. John looked over at the three of us nervously. Hercules and Lafayette pulled him into a tight hug and wished him luck and told him they were proud of him. John wrapped his arms around my neck. I laughed softly.

"Hey Johnny, you'll be okay." I pulled him in for one more kiss and a last kiss on the forehead. He gave my hand a tight squeeze and climbed up on the stretcher. "I love you" I said. He smiled.

"I love you too." The nurse laid him back and started to make conversation with him as she pulled him down the hall. I smiled. John's in good hands. I looked over at Hercules and Laf.

"You're a good person Alex," Hercules stated. I chuckled nervously. "You mean so much to him. You kept him calm. If it had just been Laf and I, I don't know what we'd had done." I smiled.

"Thanks Hercules. That means a lot. Really. John means the world to me, and I would never hurt him... Again. I know I really screwed up last time with the whole binder thing. But I never want him to be hurt." They both smiled at me like proud parents marrying off their kid. I walked over to the little gift shop down the hall and started wandering around when I found a little stuffed bear with a Superman cape. It was pretty big, about as tall as my forearm. I smiled when I saw it and grabbed it off the shelf. I found a cute little card and paid for the items.

I put them in the duffel bag and sat around, listening to music and playing games on my phone for an hour until my phone died. I started to read It's Kind of a Funny Story, and was nearly finished, when that same nurse came out to see me. "Are you John Laurens' caregiver?" she asked. Laf and Hercules had left and gone to work.

"I'm his boyfriend. I'm the closest thing to a caregiver he has." She shrugged.

"Well he just got wheeled into his recovery room. Would you like to go see him?" I nodded. I picked up the bag and followed her to John's room. "He's asleep right now, the anesthesia is still wearing off. You're welcome to stay as long as you like." I thanked her and she left. I pulled a chair up to John's bedside and leaned against it, careful with the wires. I held his hand and finished up the last few chapters of the book. I pulled out John's NT hoodie and put I over him.

After about half an hour, John started to wake up. I looked up at him. "Hey, baby," I said softly, rubbing my thumb on the back of his hand. He smiled softly. I leaned over to him and pulled him into a soft kiss. I pulled out his warmups and gave him his jacket. He smiled.

"Thank you so much Alex. You've done so much for me. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend." He kissed me. I smiled and kept our fingers intertwined. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'm so proud of you John. Here I got you a little something," I said, pulling out the teddy bear and card." He smiled and held onto the bear like a little kid. He looked at his chest and smiled. "You did it," I said. He laughed a bit.

"Yeah, I did it."