I tried to look away from the screen as the girl went down, the boy from One getting her in the back of the head with a well-aimed throw with a knife. A cannon went off, marking the girl's death. All of the sudden the anthem went off, and the blue capital logo flashed in the sky. The names and headshots of the dead flashed on the screen in order from districts. One, two, and three were all safe since it started with four; the only one I recognized was Jeff. The logo flashed once again, and it was over as soon as it started, leaving the arena even more quiet and dark. The screen changed again, and it showed John in a green night vision camera, huddled under the rocks and rubbing the necklace I had given him with his thumb.

"I don't know where these cameras are, but I know they're here somewhere." He said, the first time I had heard him talk in a while. It was so falsely comforting, but I wanted to scream at him to shut up. The Careers were hunting, he really shouldn't be talking. "Well, Sherlock, I made it, roughly speaking. I hope you're okay, in fact I don't even know if you're watching this, so Molly or Mrs. Hudson, make him turn on the bloody TV or something." John said with a small smile. His voice was down to a whisper now, which was better. I felt Molly's eyes on me, I didn't know where Mrs. Hudson was, but if she was out here she'd probably be crying. "It feels good to hear my own voice." John said, looking down at the necklace.

"He's talking to you." Molly said in a whisper, as if worried I'd yell at her for talking.

"I guess a lot of people died today, I'm shocked I'm still to be honest." John admitted. Caesar mentioned something about how he was one of the few to actually talk to the cameras they knew where there.  "I hope Irene's okay, even if she was rude, she doesn't deserve to die." If only you knew John, you'd want her dead.

"So, I imagine you're there Sherlock, hello." John said, waving to the bare rock, oblivious to the camera on the right of him. I smiled weakly, wanting to say hello back but not wanting to look like that much of an idiot. "I know you're probably cursing me to be quiet, but I just want you to know I'm okay, and I want you to be okay. I guess I sort of freaked out earlier, in the tube, I don't want you to be scared that I'm scared, because of course I'm bloody terrified, but not like, out of control. And before you think that everything I said and did was fear induced, some of it, you know, wasn't. That was real, and I wish I could go back." He admitted. I felt myself blush, now the entire nation was questioning what exactly 'that' was, and Molly definitely was asking herself. "I haven't stopped thinking about you, worrying, wishing you were here, well, wishing I was there. I don't think you'd want a postcard from the arena, it's pretty bleep bad in here. And look, there I go cursing again, and it's not even about tripping over furniture." I couldn't help it, I laughed silently. "Sorry mom." He added. It was amazing that he could keep his spirits up, cracking stupid jokes and laughing to himself even through the situation he was in.

"I just want you to know that..." he stopped talking at once, gripping his sword. I guess he heard something, and I hoped to god that it wasn't the careers. They couldn't be too close to him though; they had almost a day's speed walk to get to where he was, unless it was another tribute who was doing their own killing. My heart seemed to stop with his words, I didn't want him to be attacked or even scared. I hadn't heard anything, but our sound quality wasn't nearly as good as his ears were. Eventually the cameras switched over to another tribute, seemingly fighting off a snake that was invading their sleeping area. I guess that meant there was nothing interesting going on with John. I wished it would flip back, I wanted to make sure there wasn't a tribute or an animal out there, I wanted to hear him talk, to laugh at his stupid jokes and find out just what he wanted me to know.

"Did he have your necklace?" Molly asked. I nodded stiffly. I could almost sense her eyes welling up with emotion, as if we were some depressing love story. I guess she wasn't going to ask about what he had said to me before the games, or what had happened. I think she'd probably figured it out though, by now.

"That's very sweet." She said, sniffing. Without looking I handed her the box of tissues, and she took one. I was shocked I hadn't broken down yet either, maybe I was just fresh out of tears.

"He'll be okay right?" I asked, even though I knew she knew as much as I did.

"As long as the cameras aren't on him, I think he'll be good. They like death." She said truthfully.

"I don't." I muttered in a weak voice.

"I know, I don't either, but the people in the Capital do." She pointed out.

"Do you think he'll continue talking?"

"Probably not." She said truthfully.

"If anything happens, just yell really loud, if not I'm going to bed." I decided.

"It's not even nine o'clock yet." Molly debated.

"The tributes are asleep, there's no reason I shouldn't be." I pointed out, and with that I walked into my bedroom and shut the door. I didn't even go on my bed, I didn't last that long, I leaned my head against the wood and sighed. My first night in a while that I had to fend for myself. I knew I couldn't ask Molly to come in here and hold my hand, I know she'd do it in less than a heartbeat, but it wouldn't be the same, it had to be John, I knew there was something between us that helped me relax. I wondered how he'd sleep tonight, if he slept at all. I doubted under a rock would be nearly as cozy as it is in these soft Capital beds. In Twelve I used to sleep in some lumpy mattress that probably had an entire ecosystem of bugs in it, but if I could just run that over to him right now I think we'd both feel better. I wanted to curl up beside him, act as a shield for everything, the only way a weapon, snake, or even wind could get to him was through me, and I wouldn't stop for anything. I needed him here as much as he needed me there though; I was going to need to drug up just to close my eyes tonight. So I did, I stuck a needle in my arm and sat there as all my problems seemed to drift peacefully away in the ocean, sinking to the bottom where I wouldn't need them anymore. I didn't change into my pajamas, I wasn't that skilled when I was high, I was able to turn off the light and burry myself under my covers though, trying to forget this miserable world.

                My hand was in Johns, back where it should be, where it had to be. We were strolling in a rose garden, and for some reason he was wearing a crisp white suit. There was nothing wrong with it, in fact I thought he looked stunning. There were no people in this garden, just he and I, the birds were chirping, the air was calm, and the roses smelled so sweet. John was looking up at me with so much admiration that he practically had 'I'm in love' written across his forehead.

"Sherlock I missed you." He said. Suddenly the victor crown was on his head, coughed up out of dreamland.

"I missed you too."  I said truthfully. John stopped walking and turned to face me, making my heart beat a lot faster.

"And I never got to say how much I love yo..." a blade erupted from his stomach, rust and blood staining to handle.

"NO JOHN NO!" I screamed, rushing to his side as the One boy ran off into the distance. John fell into my arms, making me stagger with the weight and sink to my knees. I tried to slow the bleeding by pressing on the wound, but it only seemed to bleed faster. Soon my hand was covered in the scarlet liquid, trailing down my arm and starting to eat its way across my body.

"Sherlock." John said in a cough of blood, splashing down his cheeks. "Sherlock help me!" suddenly the landscape changed we were in the rocks, John was laying where he had been sleeping and I drifting away slowly. "Where are you going help me!" John called again. I tried to move my legs, but I was drifting farther and farther apart. "DON'T YOU LOVE ME, HELP ME YOU BLOODY TRAITOR!" John screamed.

"JOHN!" I screamed, trying my hardest to move my legs, but they wouldn't move. "JOHN!"

                My eyes flew open. This time I was in my bed, gripping my pillow to my chest. I felt tears running down my face, and I could almost feel the blood that had been on my hands. I looked at the clock, 2:46 in the morning. I had been out for a long time, must have been why my drug induced good dream was turned sour. I didn't wait around to think about the dream or feel sorry for myself; I grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV. The games turned right on, but it was just footage of the Careers walking though the landscape, all looking rather drowsy. I needed to make sure John was alive, not bleeding to death under those rocks. I tried to push the images out of my mind, in the locked door, but something about me just couldn't do it, I wasn't strong enough. John couldn't die, I wouldn't let him, if he died I'd go with him, it was that simple nothing would keep us apart. Apparently the careers were heading back to the Cornucopia, sleepily talking about their adventures. I really hoped the only one they had managed to find was that girl, and John was still hidden and safe for now. The screen flashed back to the tribute who was fighting the snake, forget what district, now clanking rocks together over some dried brush, trying to start a fire. Not only was he making way too much noise, but the light and smoke from a fire is basically a blinking strobe light screaming here I am, come kill me! I guess it's one less person John had to worry about though, if anyone did come get him. I doubted the Careers were going to go after him, they all seemed to care less at the moment. The boy now had a small fire going, blowing on it softly and trying to get the flame to catch. Soon he had a crackling fire, and held the now dead snake over the flames, cooking it slowly. Then it switched to some other girl, who was freaking out in her sleep, screaming and throwing stuff with her eyes closed. All of these people were bloody idiots. After her tantrum was over and she went back to peaceful sleep, it showed John, who's eyes were open. I breathed a sigh of relief, he was alive, but I hope he was sleeping at least a little bit. He was twirling the charm in his fingers again, looking up at the bare rock with boredom. There was nothing he had to say apparently. Once the screen went back to the guy cooking the snake I turned the TV back off, leaving the room into a dark silence that made this whole thing seem a lot worse. I put my head back down on the pillow, trying to fall back asleep but knowing it was a lost cause. I wanted to reach out and feel John's hand take mine once again, I wanted him to be here with me, laying against my chest and snoring quietly. That dream had been the worst I've had, the pure terror in it made me worried for my own safety. In Panem it was dangerous to love, even more dangerous when you're both wrapped up in these dangers. Any time you turn around it could be the last time you see whoever it was, your family, your lover, your children, they could be taken from you or you could be taken from them. I buried my head in the pillow, now excepting the fact that I was going to be awake all night.