Azza sighed. "Lucifer is in Heaven."

I rolled over to look at him. "In Heaven? But he hates it there."

"Yes. he does. There is a price to pay for his deal with the Mistress, however. God could not look away this time."

"He's punishing Lucifer, isn't He?"

"Yes, He is. Lucifer won't be able to come to you for five days."

My eyes went wide. "Five days! But why?"

"Because of the punishment. It will take two days for him to endure and another three to heal."

I gasped, "Heal? Heal from what?"

Azza gazed at me and touched my face. This time, I couldn't resist; I leaned into his reassuring touch as he told me. "God is making the Mistress pluck his wings. He feels it is a fitting punishment for the two of them. Lucifer will endure and heal, but I don't think the Mistress will ever be the same."

"Wait," I gasped, my hand covering my mouth as my eyes watered, "by pluck, do you mean pluck? Like to rip out all the feathers on his wings?"

"Yes."

"Lucifer's enduring this for me? So I could see Deirdre today?"

"Yes."

I didn't know what to do or how to act. My stomach soured, and my dinner would not stay down. I scrambled up and over him to get to the bathroom. Done, I rinsed my mouth and leaned on the counter, putting the usual cold cloth to my neck. I contemplated what to do as I slid to sit on the floor; standing had suddenly become too hard.

"Azza?" I whispered, but somehow, he heard me, watching me from the bed.

"Yeah?"

"What can I do? Can I stop it? Can I offer myself in his place?"

"There is nothing you can do. God will not allow it. He is only interested, right now, in Lucifer. And, you cannot stop it; it has already begun."

I became empty and numb. My tears dried up, and left in their wake was nothing.

He must have sensed something had changed because he came and collected me from the floor and laid me on the bed again. I closed my eyes but still felt him staring down at me.

"Olivia?" It was the first time he used my name.

"Yes?"

"You need to rest, but you'll be more comfortable out of your clothes."

"Okay."

He didn't move. I didn't think he knew quite what to do. I didn't feel like offering to help. "Is it okay if I help you?"

I didn't care, really, but he seemed concerned. "Yes."

He went through the drawers of my dresser, looking for sleep pants and a t-shirt.

He sat on the edge of the bed, motioning for me to stand in front of him. I did so because it was easier just to do whatever he wanted than to protest. I didn't have the energy.

I noticed his hands were trembling as he began to undress me. Somewhere in my brain, how much he wanted me registered, but not enough to make a difference. He could have fucked me sideways, and I wouldn't have cared.

"Can you help me?" he asked, hoarse.

I reached up and mechanically unbuttoned my blouse and let it fall to the floor before pulling the camisole under it over my head. It, too, fluttered to the floor. I undid my pants and let them fall before I stepped out of them, kicking them away.

He grunted and realized he was breathing a bit fast, but he didn't touch me. I undid my bra, pulled down my underwear, and stood naked in front of him with an outstretched hand.

"Dear God in Heaven..." he mumbled as he stared at me. At any other time, his gaze would have turned me on and made me self-conscious. Now? I just wanted my sleep pants and t-shirt.

I plucked the t-shirt from him when he held it out, careful once more not to touch me. I pulled it on over my head and heard him sigh. He handed me the pants, and I pulled them on. I shuffled past him and back into the bed. George came trotting in from somewhere to cuddle with me.

I snuggled down into the covers and was almost asleep before Azza moved. I could hear buttons and buckles clinking and felt it when he, too, climbed into the bed and under the covers. When he had settled, something stirred in me, and I wanted comfort. I worked my body across the bed until my back was touching his.

I expected nothing more. I appreciated it when he rolled over and hugged me to him. I could feel his erection pressed against me, but it didn't cause any reaction in me. I drifted off to sleep.

I don't know how long it was before I realized my back was cold. It confused me, so I didn't move. Instead, I opened my eyes to look around first. Some noises came from the bathroom. Azza leaned on the sink through the partially opened door, his head against the mirror.

He reached for himself, thick and swollen, and began to stroke slowly. He whimpered muffled noises, on the verge of tears. I didn't understand, but I wasn't in the frame of mind to do anything about it. So, I looked on with detached interest.

I watched another Fallen Angel manifest in all his glory as he stroked himself, white wing tips touching the floor, and head hung low. Faster and faster, he pulled until, with a silent cry, he threw his head back as he came. He continued until he stumbled and couldn't go on. Between one heartbeat and the next, his great wings disappeared, and once again, he leaned on the sink with his head hung, so it touched the mirror.

He turned his head to look at me and froze, seeing me watching him. He sighed, straightened up, and then cleaned up after himself. When he came back to bed, he laid with his back to me.

I rolled over and whispered. "How long, Azza? How long has it been for you?"

He was quiet for a few moments before clearing his throat. "One hundred and eleven years."

I reached out and touched him gently. "I'm sorry, Azza." I wanted to say more, but I didn't have the energy to think of the right words.

His breath caught at my touch, but he stayed still. He spoke low and nearly whispered, "Lucifer said you were different."

"Am I?"

"Yes. It's why he wanted me to be here for you, so you didn't lose yourself like you almost did before."

"He did? There's no need to worry; I'm not going to kill myself. I don't care enough to try," I admitted. I wasn't in the same mindset as when I'd taken all the pills. I still had my wits about me, just not enough energy to go around.

"There is more than one way to lose yourself, Olivia. Not all of them require death," he explained.

"Oh."

Azza continued, "He picked me to be your guard because he knew I could both tell you about the deal and comfort you while he was gone."

"I don't understand," I stated. I took it as a positive sign that I wanted to know what he meant.

He rolled over and reached for me, pulling me to him. "How does this make you feel, Olivia?"

"I—I don't feel anything."

"And yet, not so many hours ago, you could barely stand under my touch. Now, you are in bed with me, pressed up against me, and you don't care. There is nothing in you; you are lost."

"Oh."

He moved a ringlet of curl from my face with tender fingers. "He assigned me to you because I can use my touch and powers to coax you, the real you, back out. He knows I won't take advantage and take you in the state you are, not when you can't properly consent. I'll be able to rein it in until you are ready if you ever are."

"He will need me when he comes home," I stated.

"Yes. His body will heal quickly, but his mind will require a little more time."

"I want to be there for him, Azza."

"But how do you feel, Olivia? Right now? Can you provide care for him in the state you're in?"

I sighed. "No."

"The two of us will work to find you again," he said, petting my hair.

"Okay. Yes."

He stilled. "Yes? You consent?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

I wanted to explain, to tell Azza I was sure. I couldn't be like this when my love came home, and I needed to have emotions in me again, but I just couldn't push myself past the barrier between them and me. But I didn't have the energy to find all those words. It was all I could do to say, "Yes."

"Okay," he said and snuggled up against me more. I expected him to kiss me or touch me or something, but he didn't. He just held me. It suited me just fine. I closed my eyes and went to sleep in his arms.

I woke in bed alone. It took me several seconds to remember why I felt so stupified. Oh yeah. Lucifer is having all the feathers ripped out of his wings because he dared to arrange it so I could see my daughter. I should have been unhappy, or angry, or something, but I wasn't. I was numb, and the numbness wasn't right.

I remembered Azza and the conversation we had had. I rolled over to see if I could find him, but I was alone. I rolled out of bed to use the bathroom before deciding that sleeping for the day seemed like an excellent idea. As I went to crawl back into the still-warm covers, I saw a strange man on my terrace. It wasn't Azza, and it certainly wasn't Lucifer.

I stood for a solid minute, deciding if it was worth the energy to know who was on my balcony. The need to feed my meowing cat decided for me. If I was going all the way into the kitchen to put out some food for George, I might as well investigate the stranger.

My bare feet slapped on the floor lightly as I went to feed George. While there, I decided I should eat. I didn't much feel like it, but I knew I needed food. I set up the coffee pot and glanced outside. He was watching me.

I went out to him. He was big like Azza with the same tanned skin and imposing size. But where Azza was brown-haired and hazel-eyed, he was blonde with blue eyes. Except for those features, they looked almost identical. He watched me like a hawk watches a mouse. I could tell he was potentially dangerous, but I didn't care.

"Which one are you?" I asked.

"Uzza."

"You want some toast?"

"What?"

"Toast. Do you want some toast?"

He blinked at me.

I turned to go back inside where it was warm.

"Yes," he called out after me.

"Come on, then," I invited him in.

I put four slices of bread in the toaster, got out the butter and the strawberry preserves.

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please."

I poured two mugs of coffee and pushed a cup of coffee and two pieces of dry toast toward him before fixing my own. He copied what I did. It was like it was the first time he'd ever had toast and coffee.

I ate mechanically. After a while, I asked. "Where is Azza?"

"He is tending Azazel."

"Azazel. He's the crazy one chained to the rock, right?"

Uzza scowled. "I suppose that's one way of looking at it, yes."

I drained my cup and put it in the sink. I put away all the items as he ate and sipped.

I headed back to the warm fluffy comforter waiting for me. "Put your dishes in the sink when you're done," I called from the living room.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Back to bed."

As I climbed into the sheets, he appeared in the doorway. "I'm supposed to keep an eye on you and to ask if you need anything."

"I need nothing, and I don't care what you do." I had no idea why I was so callous.

Before I knew it, he was holding me in the air by my shirt.

"Bitch. You do not talk to me that way!"

"Get out," I calmly said as I hung in his grasp. "You are not wanted, nor are you welcome here."

He dropped me on the bed, turned on his heel, and stomped out a portal he had formed in the frame of the bedroom door.

I sighed and looked at my ruined shirt. I thought about putting on a fresh one but just shrugged and crawled into bed. I woke when someone sat on the edge of the bed.