Behind Those Hazel Eyes

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Author's Pov

Jimin hates it.

There's nothing new about that.

Even back then when they're in a toxic relationship, Jimin will always tell him to stop crying or not he will threaten the younger. No, it's not because he loves Jungkook or whatsoever you thought. But it's because he felt nothing but a numb pain in his chest every time he watch the latter cry.

Why?

Jimin himself doesn't know why but surely it crushes him to the point he doesn't have any other option than to comfort Jungkook so that the younger will stop crying even though hates it. Just like now, Jimin couldn't help but hug the younger, giving the latter comfort so that he will stop crying. That's the only way for him to end the unexplainable suffering through his body.

"Shut it. You know well I hate seeing you cry." Jimin said coldly but tighten his embrace around the younger, not planning to let go any sooner, not knowing this only made Jungkook burst out further. Another set of tears and a loud whimper filled the office room, alarming Jimin who frowned upon the scene in front of him.

Frustrated, Jimin clenched Jungkook's jaw tightly before pointing it upwards; facing him forcefully. "Why are you crying? I told you to stop, didn't I? Tell me, why do you want me to do so that you will stop crying?" He asked harshly, trying hard to not show that he's hurting deep inside when the younger cry. He didn't want Jungkook to know that.

"W-why are you doing t-this?" Jungkook choked out, feeling his heart, crushed further inside. He's exhausted. Tired out of the way Jimin made him feel. One second the older made him feel wanted, loved, needed but the next second; the older made him feel unwanted, unwelcome, and even useless. He badly wanted to know why... Is he really just a toy for Jimin to play with?

Then why can't Jimin treat him like one? Why can't Jimin treat him like people treat their friends? Why did Jimin treat him like the usual sweet boyfriend does? Why did Jimin lead him on only to tell that they're nothing but partners with benefits?

"What do you mean with that?" Jimin raised a question, breaking off Jungkook's thoughts. No, he knows what the younger meant with 'this' but he just needed to act like he doesn't understand because he's scared. He doesn't even know why he's doing all of this. Bringing Jungkook's lunch, giving the younger his embrace. He doesn't know. But surely it feels right.

"You know exactly what I meant Jimin!! You treat me like treasure but the next day you treat me like garbage!! Why?! Why did you do such things if– If in the end, you already planned to leave me?" Jungkook hissed lowly, looking down as tears crawled out from his eyes more; unable to look at Jimin in the face because that will only break him additionally. If only he got enough strength, he would have shoved the older from his lap; kicked him out from the office just like what Jimin did to him back then in their college.

But that's the problem... He doesn't have the courage to do so. As much as he wants to do that, another part of him wants to pull the older closer, begging Jimin to hold him likewise.

"Fun is it? Playing with people's feelings? Playing with m-my heart?" He asked furthermore but not once looked upwards, scared if he looks at Jimin; his blinded heart would forgive the older and act as nothing happened between them in the past again. There were many people who had fallen for Jungkook but mistakenly he fall for Jimin; the lucifer of all the cure, the loveliest of all the pain. So stupid.

The older didn't say anything in response but just stared at the other. He badly wanted to remind Jungkook that he made it clear the other day that there won't be any surplus than a boyfriend with benefits in the relationship but then again, he couldn't. There's some kind of unexplainable feelings in his throat that stopped him from doing so. Beside... If he actually did tell Jungkook about their dealt back then, it will only make things worse.

Making Jungkook cry further is not what Jimin wanted.

A whimper broke Jimin's thoughts as he glanced at the younger and noticed more tears crawling out. He sighed annoyedly at this but nevertheless, he held out his hand that was on Jungkook's chest and moved to the younger's face, tilting it slightly so that he would face him. Jimin didn't waste any time than cupped Jungkook's cheeks and wiped off the tears stained with his soft lookalike baby fingers.

"Aww, Jungkook baby... Don't cry..." Jimin said once he looked in the male doe's eyes, seeing them filled with nothing but disappointment and sadness. He knows that Jungkook is still waiting for an answer from his mouth and he should gave one because the younger deserve it. But like usual, he can't. If you asked Jimin why did he bought Jungkook lunch, why he cuddle the male; Jimin himself couldn't answer.

"Like I have guessed... You will never answer it." Jungkook mumbled under his breath and titled his face away harshly, feeling completely used by the older but didn't have any other option than to accept even though it hurts him deep inside. It's not Jimin's fault though... No, it's no one fault but Jungkook's heart. It will be easier if the heart chooses to love someone else than Jimin.

"Baby I'm sorry–"

The office door creaked open, cutting off what Jimin was about to say; catching both of the males off guard. "Hey, Gguk– Oh, Jimin...?"

There, Aíden was holding a few plastic bags of food with shocked facial expressions plastered on his face; unexpected the cuddling scene of his best friend and his fiancee in the office. Not thinking further, Jimin immediately jumped out from Jungkook's lap, making some space between them before marching his way towards his best friend with controlled emotion.

"What are you doing here?" Aiden asked, confused clear in his voice but not once sounded angry even though he just met with the not-so-sweet view of his best friend and his fiancee just now. "I work with him. That's why I'm here..." Jimin responded and gave Aiden a small hug which get returned.

"Look Aiden... I bought him lunch and suddenly he started to cry so I try to comfort him. It's nothing." Jimin declared plainly, not caring if his choice of words will break Jungkook's heart. "Oh r-really? I'm glad then. I called his secretary just now, asking whether he ate and NamJoon said not yet so I thought it will be great to bring him some food but luckily you already did that. Thank you so much for it, Jimin..." Aíden said with a soft smile on his face as he glanced to Jungkook, watching the latter break their eye contact.

"If you don't mind. I'll get going." Jimin stated, decided to not bother the couple and led his way to the exit after but got disturbed when Aiden grabbed his hand, earning his attention as he glanced behind and raised his eyebrows in question way to his best friend. "Can we hang out later? I mean, after our work time." Aiden asked softly with a small genuine smile on his face, showing how much angel he is compared to Jimin.

"Of course." He replied and gave one more meaningless glance to Aiden and Jungkook before stepping out of the room with pain in his chest. He doesn't know why but confronting Aiden face to face, hit Jimin right at the reality; acknowledging him that Jungkook belongs to the male and not him. And surprisingly, it does hurt. Just the mere thought of Aíden cuddling against Jungkook like he did just now anger Jimin deep inside.

He stopped his step by the thought.

"You have turned crazy Jimin-ah... There's no way Jungkook will cuddle with Aíden..." He mumbled to himself as if there's two parts of him.

"But what if he does?"

"Don't worry he won't."

"He will..."

"No!! He will never!!"

"Keep fooling yourself. You know well Jungkook will leave you. Just like everyone else."

"ARGH– STOP IT!!" Jimin screamed out loud, catching all the workers who walked past him off guard by the sudden outburst. They didn't expect the model to suddenly yell out of nowhere, moreover when there's nothing and no one to yell to. Jimin glanced around and noticed that everyone in the area was looking at him with judgemental plus concerned facial expressions, causing him to run away embarrassed.

"Toilet!! I need to go to the toilet!!" Jimin mumbled panickily and started moving his legs forward, searching for any bathroom he could use. He turned around at the bottom of the hall while his crescent hazel eyes wandered around, searching for the toilet symbol, and when he found one, he didn't waste any time than to follow the direction faster.

Reaching the entrance, he pushed the door away from his face and stepped into the area. He then moved towards the row of sinks before opening one of the pipes water, letting the rush sound fill the space. "Calm down..." He mumbled to himself after closing his eyes and turned his focus on the water sound, feeling his body pressure slowly flow out. 

With a deep breath, he opened his eyes once again; meeting with a big set of mirrors, reflecting his perfect magnificent lookalike angel face. "You're so ugly." He whispered, noticing the barely apparent scar on his right cheek that was covered up with makeup, the skin irritation, the eye bags under his eyes, and the purple plump lips that everyone claimed to love.

"No, I'm not. If I'm ugly, I wouldn't have been a model in the first place." Jimin protests his own words, standing straight facing his reflection as if there are two of them with anger clearly plastered on his face. "Pft– you think you're pretty just because you're model? Nope. You're ugly. That's why everyone leaves you. Soon it will be Jungkook." He said again, changing the tone and emotions inside him in a blink of an eye.

"Jungkook won't leave me. He said he loves me."

"Yeah, keep believing that."

"You're jealous because no one loves you."

"Why would I be jealous? I'm you... In fact, the real you. The one who murdered his own mother."

"I DON'T!! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KILLED HER!!" Jimin growled loudly to the mirror, watching a person who look exactly like him laughing sickly. "We're the same Jimin... I wonder, what if Jungkook knows about this? Will he leave you? Pretty sure he will. All people in your life now will leave you once they know who you truly are–"

"STOP!!"

"Nothing but a piece of shit who murdered his own mother–"

"FUCKING STOP IT!!" Jimin yelled, punching the mirror scarcely, causing it to crack. He opened his eyes and was luckily confronted with his original reflection as he watch the strings of blood coming from his hand that was still attached to the cracked mirror. Shocked by what had happened, he pulled the hand back and quickly slid it down to his pants before taking out a small packet which has Sertraline written on it.

He then fastly opened the packet, meeting with a sight of multiple pieces of white pills, and didn't waste any second than to gulp all of it down. He choked halfway but nevertheless– he still finished it in one gulp, not caring if he will be overdosing for taking more pills than his body needed. After making sure there's no pills left, he throw the packet in a trashbin which was placed beside the sinks row.

"Fuck." He cursed under his breath when he glanced at the bloodied mirror. Not sure what to do, he splashes a small amount of water onto the glass, watching the red stain slowly rinse away before washing his wounded hands.

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[A/N: Sorry for not updating as usual again *sighs*... Your author is so dumb and stupid]

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