Gabrielle Ray Lexington

Huminga ako ng malalim at saka bumuga ng hangin matapos kong maisara ang maleta ko. I placed both of my hands on my hips saka tinanaw ang tatlo sa kama ko. They have their own rooms but they love sleeping beside me kaya hinayaan ko na. It feels lonely sleeping alone here anyway.

I pulled my suitcase up at saka iyon itinabi. We will be staying there for a month kaya naman I reall need to prepare some things. May nakasulat na rin akong plans para sa mga kakailanganin kong gawin pagdating namin doon. Mostly ay about sa bridal house ang pinaplano ko.

I pulled my sketchbook from my shelf nang mahila ko rin kasama nito ang isang photo album. Binuksan ko ito at agad na napangite sa bumugad sa aking larawan. It was my very first family photo with tita, Jayhane, dad, my newborn twins and my son Gabe na nakakandong kay lola. My head was already bald that time.

Tumingala ako ng maramdaman ko ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. This pictures brought so much memory from that time. I still remember how painful it was to shave my head.

"Kuya, are you ready?" Ang tanong ni Jayhane habang nakaharap ako sa salamin.

I touched my hair and combed it gently with my hands. I slowly closed my eyes at in-imagine na si mama ang nagsusuklay ng buhok ko gamit ang mahahaba niyang daliri. This is not just a hair for me. Hindi lang 'to basta-bastang buhok na kaya kong putulin dahil nag-break kami ng ex ko. The moment I shave this off from my head, I'd be losing a memento of my mom.

I took care of my hair like a treasure because it's my greatest gift from my mother. Ang buhok na 'to ang nagpapaalala sa akin kung gaano kalambing dati ang mama. It was a memento of how her expensive comb would glide against my hair every morning before I go to school. Ang buhok na 'to ang tanging ala-ala ko sa kanya. How could I separate this from my body?

"Do you want us to do this tomorrow ba, kuya? Okay lang naman. Huwag mo munang pilitin ang sarili mo." Ang marahang bigkas ni Jayhane.

I shook my head. "Just...Just give me a little time."

"Don't worry, kuya. Morgan knows someone who can turn your hair into a wig and preserve it."

I looked up to him teary-eyed, "talaga?"

Tumango siya. "Yes. And even if your hair falls off you still look beautiful and strong. Look at your face in the mirror, kuya." He guided my face towards the mirror and smile. "Your mother once lost her hair too. May buhok ka man o wala, you will always have a reminder of your mom. Look at yourself in the mirror and remember that brave and beautiful face your mother always make despite losing her hair too."

I looked at myself in the mirror and cried harder. Mama will always be with me. She was always with me.

After crying for a few more minutes seninyasan ko si Jayhane na simulan na ang pagputol ng buhok ko. Patuloy pa rin sa pag-agos ang mga luha ko but I am calmer than I was awhile ago. Every snap of the scissory is like a stab in my chest. Ipinikit ko na lamang ang mga mata ko hanggang sa matapos ang pagshave ni Jayhane sa buhok ko.

It was traumatic. I kept on praying that I won't have to experience such thing again in the future.

Buong magdamag kong kinulong ang sarili sa kwarto. I couldn't eat properly. Sobrang bigat lang ng pakiramdam ko habang nakatulala ako sa sarili kong repliksyon.

I feel so incomplete.

I tried to feel positive with this change but I can't.

Nakatulog na lang ako sa kakaiyak. Kinabukasan, muli na namang bumuhos ang mga luha ko nang makita ko sila dad at Gabe. They barged inside my room with shaved heads.

"Papa!" Ang sigaw ni Gabe na nakabungisngis habang papalapit sa akin.

"Gabe, dad..."

"Papa, we have the same head. We're eggs!" Ang masayang banggit ni Gabe nang makayakap siya sa akin.

"Dad, ano 'to?" Ang umiiyak kong tanong sa kanya.

Umiling siya at saka niyakap na rin ako. "Shhh...Don't cry, sweetheart. We're all in this fight. Hinding-hindi na kita pababayaan pa."

That was how my dad and I got closer than we are before. He made attempts of getting close to me back then but I always shut him off. Hindi ko siya magawa-gawang mapatawad ng buo kasi I still couldn't let go of my hopes. Ang dami kong kung sana pagdating kay dad. But past is past ika nga nila. Wala ng magbabago kung patuloy ko pa ring kikimkimin iyon sa puso ko.

Mga pictures naman namin ni lola at ng mga anak ko ang laman ng mga sumunod na pahina. Lola became really close with Gabe. Si Gabe naman para ring buntot ni lola.

I remember when she came to my hospital room after I got admitted dahil nagkalagnat ako on my 8th month of pregnancy. She was teary eyed when she barged in my room on her wheelchair. Tulak-tulak siya ni Jayhane papasok ng kwarto.

"So you are dying," she said. Mapakla akong napangite.

"I don't know. Maybe. You are dying too," ang komento ko rin. I even had the strength to lift my eyebrows up at her.

"I'm dying dahil matanda na ako. My kids are all grown up. Kahit lumisan ako sa mundong ito, kaya na nilang ipaglaban ang sarili nila. How about you? Iiwan mo na lang ang mga anak mo ng ganyan-ganyan na lang? Anong klaseng magulang ka?" She asked me. I wanted to get angry at her for asking me such insulting thing. But when I saw her crying and in pain I couldn't speak a word.

Sumandal ako ng maayos sa headboard ng kama at tumingala. "I'm sure Jayhane, tita and dad will take good care of them. Even you, lola. If I die, please take care of them. I'm trying to stay strong and brave but my body always betrays me. Nakakapagod. Ang sakit-sakit physically and emotionally. I'm always tired. I want to spend time with Gabe but I can't. I want to shop things for my babies but I can't. I want to do things normally but I can't.

Kung ako lang gusto ko pang mabuhay ng mahaba. I still want to see them on their graduation days, I want to see them on their first job, on holidays, on their wedding day. I wan't to be their for them pero ang katawan ko, hindi ko alam." Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko.

"You're a strong young man. After everything that you went through ngayon ka pa ba susuko? I may not say it to you but I'm proud of you. I was guilty because I was the reason why your life became like this. I was the reason why you're parents got separated. I don't deserve a grandson like you. Despite all the things I did to you, you never disrespected. The guilt grows more.

You don't have to forgive me. But I want you to fight for your children. We're all waiting for your recovery."

I may have lost Blaze but I gained people that loves me unconditionally. It was a tough ride but I gained so much along the way. Mahirap pero kinaya.

On my birthday, July 13, I won the battle. I rang the bell on my way out of the hospital.

Sa kasunod na pahina ay ang inipit kong mga bulaklak. On my birthday, somebody left an elegant boquet of pink roses and red tulips on my window. Hindi ko alam kung sino but it made my heart feel warm.

Noong dumungaw ako sa bintana para sana hanapin ang taong nag-iwan ng bulaklak kaagad naagaw ng naggagandahang fireworks sa langit ang atensyon ko. It made me feel special. Kahit hindi para sa akin ang fireworks na 'yon, I feel like the whole city celebrated my recovery.

The more I flip the pages, the more I smiled. I made such good memories while I'm away from the Philippines but I can't wait to go home. Gusto kong dalhin ang kambal sa puntod ng mama. Excited na rin akong makita ang mga branches ng Gabriella Angeline.

I did not expect that the bridal house would come this far. The biggest achievement siguro na nagawa ng bridal housr ay ang partnership nito sa city. Every year may gaganaping libreng kasal sa lungsod at ang bridal house ay libreng nagpapa-renta at namimigay ng mga gowns at suits sa brides at grooms. I could not see them personally pero sapat na ang mga videos na sinesend na Criselle sa akin tuwing namimili na ang mga brides sa bridal house.

Gusto kong sumali sa event pagdating namin doon. I miss entertaining clients. Dito lang kasi ako palagi sa bahay at gumagawa ng mga gowns kasama ang team ko.

I closed the album at saka iyon ibinalik sa shelf. Nagtungo na ako sa kama at naupo sa tabi ni Gustavo. Si Gustavo at Grayson at pinakakamukha ni Blaze while Gabe on the other hand is growing more like me. He loves learning about fabrics and sewing just like me. Tuwing gumagawa ako ng mga damit nakamasid lang siya sa tabi ko. He would make comments here and there and I couldn't help but feel touched and proud. Parang bonding time na rin namin ang paggawa ng mga wedding dress.

Gustavo loves chess. Matapos siyang turuan ni David ng chess ayaw na niya kaming tigilan sa pag-aayang maglaro. Si Karen at Suzette, ang isa sa designer ko, ang palaging napapasubo. Nagpapadala kasi sa pagpapacute ng isang 'yon.

Si Grayson naman ay mahilig sa pera. Mukhang pera talaga ang batang 'to. Noong three years old kasi siya dinala sila nila Mhara sa isang money museum. Hanggang umuwi sila nagwawala siya kasi ayaw na niyang umuwi. Tumigil lang siya noong binigyan siya ng isang bundle ng pera ni dad.

Despite his love for money, Grayson is the most giving of them all. Tuwing dinadala sila ni Karen sa park may bitbit itong mga laruan sa backpack niya pero pag-uwi wala na itong laman. Karen told me he always drop his toys inside a box placed in front of an orphanage. Siguro naaalala pa niya iyong kwento ko sa kanila about orphans inside the orphanage.

Isa-isa ko silang hinalikan sa kanilang mga noo bago ako tuluyang natulog.

-

"OH MY GOSH! I think I really left my lipstick in your house, Gabrielle," ang sabi ni Jon sa akin habang papasakay na kami ng private plane ni lola.

I rolled my eyes at him. Hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit magkasundong-magkasundo silang tatlo ni Morgan at Mhara. "Pwede ka namang bumili sa Pilipinas pagdating natin doon. Tsaka I saw your make-up bag, ang dami mo na kayang lipstick. Why don't you use those instead?"

"Of course I know that, but that was my favorite lipstick. You know naman na may lipsticks are my precious babies. Dapat walang naiiwan. They should be with me wherever I go. Call Lovy nga please, sabihin mo ipadala sa Philippines iyong lipstick na nasa table ng kwarto mo."

I rolled my eyes at him bago kinuha ang cellphone ko mula sa purse at tinawagan si Lovy. Kung hindi lang nakakapit ng parang tuko si Grayson sa kanya matagal ko na siyang sinabunutan. Siya rin ang dahilan kung bakit nalate kami ng dating kasi naiwan daw niya iyong bag niya sa bahay.

"Thank you," ang pasasalamat ko kay David matapos niya akong alalayan papasok sa eroplano.

"What's with your face?" Ang kunot noo niyang tanong sa akin ng makapasok kami sa loob.

"Wala. Si Gustavo at Gabe?"

Tinuro nito ang likuran ko gamit ang kanyang nguso. I saw Gabe and Gustavo playing chess against lola.

"I bought you some cheesecake along the way. You wanna try it?"

My mood immediately lighten when he mentioned cheesecake. Kahapon pa ako nagcra-crave ng cheesecake.

"Sig—"

"Alright, love birds, tabi. May single na diyosang dadaan." Sa gitna talaga namin ni David dumaan ang loko.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa ni David saka sabay na napailing at natawa.

"Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"To go home."

Tumango ako. I'm so ready to be back to the place where it all began.

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Malapit na!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA. thank you po for the thousand votes sa chapter 30 hehe. It was my first thousand. Stay healthy, keep safe and God bless you all powxsXsz. Labyu ol! mwuah mwua! Ciao!

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