In the following days, Sigyn didn't seek Loki out. She barely left the room she now shared with Rúna. And if she did, it was only after asking her handmaiden to ensure Loki wasn't near. She couldn't bear to face her. Not after what'd been said and done. 
The reasonable side within her knew she had to respect Loki's wish for privacy. Let her come to terms with what had happened in her own way, just like Sigyn herself had done thirty years ago. But back then, neither had died. Losing their child hadn't weighed as hard as it did now. No curse had been cast. And even with the door closed between them, their love had still felt strong. In this moment... it stood on the verge of snapping, like a chord strung too tight.

The first night she'd spent apart from Loki, Sigyn had once again tried to connect with her through their mind-link. She yet sensed her being entwined with Loki's, her wife's magic yet strumming with her own deep within the pendant she wore. But no matter what she tried, she failed to make it surface. 
Had they yet been on speaking terms, Sigyn would've simply asked Loki about it. Had she closed the link off so she could focus better on undoing Aphrodite's spell? Was it because of Aphrodite's magic that their minds no longer connected, the Olympian's sorcery clashing with their own? Or... was it because Loki didn't want Sigyn connected to her anymore? Didn't want her to somehow learn the truth she herself was too afraid to face and admit to? 

Those dark thoughts, those fears, consumed Sigyn a bit more every day. For every perfectly sensible explanation she came up with, for every ounce of courage she mustered to just go about her day and allow Loki to come to her when she felt ready for it, that little irksome, nagging voice at the back of her mind grew louder and bolder. 
The Allfather was right; she was a danger. She'd nearly caused another war between Olympus and Asgard by attacking Hermes. Her lips curled into a snarl at the thought of him. She should have finished that bastard. Why let the one who'd truly hurt Loki live? Why let the prospect of war stop her? She was a fire mage. Desire was her strength. If she wished for destruction, it would be so. Who could stop her? Baldur, that pest? Thor, that fool? Odin? Loki...

Would she really dare to stop you? All you'd do would be for her. To protect her. To keep anyone else from hurting her. If she loves you, she'll realise that.

Sigyn chewed her bottom lip. If Loki loved her... Eros had said their love was severely damaged. But damaged in what way? Could it still be mended? Or had she already lost Loki? 
Norns, what if, in her efforts to help, she drove the person she loved most in the entire universe away instead? What if... she hurt Loki? 

You've always been able to restrain yourself when Loki was near. Remember Frigga's garden? You didn't hurt Loki then, you won't hurt Loki now. It's not what you want, so stop thinking of what if and focus on the undeniable truth that Loki needs you.

She did. Sigyn knew she did. Loki needed her as much as much as she needed Loki, perhaps even more. Like fire needed oxygen, like the sun needed the moon, like life needed death. They were a natural balance, both halves unable to exist on their own for too long. 
But to be near, not apart, yet not together either, was excruciating agony. An agony that was making Sigyn desperate enough to consider breaking her promise. The only thing keeping her from returning to Asgard alone and asking the Allfather and Queen for help was that it would be yet another betrayal for Loki. One that could send her over the edge... if she wasn't there already.

A soft knock on the door nearly made Sigyn jump from the bed. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly to compose herself, and straightened her skirts as she walked to the door. She opened it to a sliver, throwing it wide upon seeing Loki on the threshold.
Not for the first time did Sigyn's breath choke at the sight of her. Loki's raven locks, that soft hair she loved to bury her fingers in when they slept together, lay in a weaved side braid across her head. Her blue eyes had a detailed shade of nude, brown, and copper, bringing ice and earth together in just one gaze. She wore a tawny blouse over dark, tight-fitting leather pants, which hugged her curves perfectly. Sigyn's nails dug into the door so as not to lunge at Loki and make her hers again.

Loki cleared her throat and asked, "May I come in?"

Silently, Sigyn stepped aside, allowing her wife access. Loki gave a small scoff when she entered.

"I see you've been busy," she said.

Chaos reigned supreme in the room. Books about the Olympians from the town library covered every inch of the bed. Scrolls and pieces of paper with foreign handwriting as well as Sigyn's lay strewn everywhere. She'd gone through the mirror, pushing down her fears of that once familiar world, to scour every realm renowned for their knowledge of Asgardian and Olympian lore, for even a smidge of hope of finding some way to break Aphrodite's curse. So far, there were a lot of possibilities, but no certainties. And she had to be certain.

"I won't apologise for wanting to learn and help," said Sigyn. "Blame me for whatever you want, but never for that."

Loki turned to face her, her head tilted. "Blame you? Sigyn, I don't blame you for anything. It's not your fault this happened."

"Isn't it?"

"No. Don't even think that."

But all Sigyn could do was think about it. If she hadn't gone to Mephisto and had just waited until Frigga woke, or until Karnilla arrived, she might not've been forced into that horrid deal. She might not have lost her baby. She and Loki wouldn't have needed to meet with the Olympians. Even if she tried to convince herself she hadn't known any better and that not only Loki's life had been at stake, but that of his father and brothers as well, of every single Asgardian even, it still didn't change the fact she'd rushed in without knowing what or who Mephisto was. She'd been rash. Careless. That was on her and only her.

"How, um... How have you been?" Sigyn asked, moving to stand against the door as she shut it.

"As well as I can be, I suppose," answered Loki with a sigh. She pushed some books away to sit on the corner of the bed. "Norns, how do you and Rúna sleep in this mess?"

Sigyn shrugged. "I don't sleep that much. And Rúna's been sleeping in Fandrall's room —"

"What?"

"... who's been sleeping downstairs."

Loki had tensed for a moment, but visibly relaxed after Sigyn finished her sentence. She understood why, of course. Their own relationship had grown from wanting to having in just a few instances, but they had nothing to fear with the new couple.
Sigyn had spoken to both, after learning Loki already had, and had merely asked they didn't rush in to anything. Fandrall had instantly sworn, on his life, he would never seek Rúna's affection or more against her consent. Sigyn trusted him with that promise. He was the most honourable person she knew.

Yet if Loki hadn't noticed Fandrall had been sleeping in the living area, it meant she, too, hadn't left her room much. Sigyn observed her wife from across the room with narrowed eyes. She looked better than she had a few days ago. Not as pale anymore and well nourished. Seemed like Rúna had more success with Loki than with her. So what had kept Loki cooped up in her room then?

"Was there... something you wanted?" asked Sigyn carefully. "Something I can do for you?"

Loki's hands, which had been fidgeting in her lap since sitting down, moved to the side of her body to grip the bed. She inhaled deeply and said, "I'm leaving."

The silence ensuing with those words still fell heavy enough to crush Sigyn's heart. She stared at Loki in disbelief. "Leaving? No, what... what do you mean, you're leaving?"

"I'm going to Hades' realm. To see the Goddess Mnemosyne."

"What?"

"I know this isn't what you want to hear, but —"

"You're damn right it's not!" snapped Sigyn. "Norn's sake, Loki, why would you do such a thing?"

"Because Hera and Eros were right," she replied calmly. "I need to face my past and understand... whatever it is I'm supposed to understand if I'm to undo this."

"So you'd rather place your faith in those Olympians than in your own kin?"

"There was only one amongst our kind with similar powers as Mnemosyne, but my great-uncle, regrettably, died some time ago. If he were here, I'm sure he would advise me to go."

"You sound awfully certain of that, considering you won't even seek your parents' council."

Loki's lips pressed into a thin line. She lowered her head with a sigh and a light shake of her head. Sigyn couldn't bring herself to feel sorry for her snide comment. Not this time. Not when her wife was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. 

"Is there any way I can persuade you not to do this?" she tried.

"Not really, no," said Loki.

"Then I'm coming with you."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." Loki raised her head, her expression as stern as Odin's. "This is something I must do alone. I cannot have you there. Besides... I would like you to take Eros' offer to stay with him and his wife."

Sigyn gave a shocked gasp, aghast Loki would even dare to ask her that. "You can't be serious."

"I am. We both need to heal. I wish we could do that here, together, just like before, but... things are too different this time. I'm different. Even before this happened, I was going to accept Hera and Eros' help. These past days have helped me reflect, and... I see no other way."

The ground gave way underneath Sigyn's trembling legs. She slumped against the door, collapsing onto the floor. Her eyes settled on a crumpled piece of paper, but she didn't really see it. She'd become numb and blind to all around her. 
How could this have happened? How could it have come to this? In thirty years, they hadn't spent more than a day apart. Neither could bear it. Yet here Loki was, suggesting just that. Sigyn's voice strained, a lump forming in her throat, as she asked, "How... How long?"

"I don't know," said Loki. "Days, weeks, months, maybe."

"Months..."

She couldn't. Not that long. Sigyn was willing to compromise on days, a week or two at the very most, but months? It was too much. 

"Loki," she whispered her name, "I don't think I can."

"You can," Loki replied. "You must. For us."

Sigyn forced herself to look up. The strict glare had dissipated into a somewhat sympathetic gaze. It was then Sigyn realised Loki held the same reservations she did. Like her, Loki felt the ache of their impending separation. It was reflected all too well in those clear, icy eyes. Somehow, the shared ache made it just a little more tolerable. 

"When?" she wanted to know.

"Tomorrow morning."

"So soon?"

"Yes, I believe it's for the best. I've already informed Hera and Eros of my decision. I just... wanted to talk to you as well."

Oh, how thoughtful. 

Sigyn silenced the sarcastic, sneering voice inside her and asked. "Do you... I mean, will you message Asgard as well?"

"If it's all right with you, I would like to send Fandrall and Rúna home. They can explain to Odin and Frigga where we went, omitting the details of my... current situation, so they'll know why we have no need for them right now. They can return once we do if they wish, but I see no reason to have them join one of us, nor to separate them as well."

A weak smile crept up Sigyn's lips. It warmed her heart to know Loki had truly accepted the couple, despite her previous objections and fear because of the significant age difference. If she was willing to give Rúna and Fandrall a chance, she was surely prepared to fight for her own marriage as well.
Slowly, Sigyn rose to her feet and sauntered over to Loki. She hesitated a moment before sitting by her side on the bed. Their hands lay so close together, their pinkies mere inches apart. If Sigyn stretched hers, she could touch her wife. She scanned Loki's face, wanting to be sure this was all right. She didn't like what she saw. 

Once again, Loki's entire posture was taut. Her manicured, black-coloured nails dug into the mattress as if she were ready to push off and run at any moment. She made it a point to keep her eyes fixed on the paper-covered floor, unwilling to even glance at Sigyn. And she was shaking. It was barely visible, but Sigyn still perceived that light tremor running over her figure. 
Was it truly that difficult for Loki to have her so close? Was she that terrified of the fire mage? That scared, that rattled, she couldn't even breathe normally? Had the worst already happened?

"I won't hurt you," whispered Sigyn. 

"I know," said Loki, attempting to hide the quiver in her voice. "I'm sorry, I just... It's this form. The memories it carries aren't very good ones."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Sigyn opened her mouth to insist, but then pressed her lips together. This was the first genuine conversation she was having with Loki since Olympus. She had to prevent her walls from going up again. So instead, she said, "I like your hair this way. Did you do it yourself?"

Loki hummed and nodded in response. Sigyn looked closer, only now noticing the little silver runes and snakes adorning Loki's raven hair. She nearly reached out to touch them, but held back at the last moment. 

"These jewels are beautiful," she said. "Perhaps you could do something similar to my hair when we're back?"

"If you like," answered Loki. She threw Sigyn a side-ways glance. "Gold would fit better with your red hair, though. Or maybe green ribbon. I could entwine it in the braid. Add a little sparkle, perhaps."

Sigyn chuckled in delight. "Once more, my love, you prove to have a far better sense of style than I do."

At last, the faintest smile spread across Loki's lips. Sigyn's heart fluttered at the sight. How she'd missed that smile. But as quickly as it'd appeared, it was gone again. 
With a sigh, Loki pushed off of the bed. She wrapped her arms around her, rubbing her hands up and down as if to warm herself. Sigyn furrowed her brow at the strange action. In thirty years, Loki had never done such a thing. 

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yes, fine," said Loki, her back to Sigyn. "Just anxious about tomorrow."

"We don't have to travel back to Olympus, do we?"

"No, they're meeting us here. Eros will take you to his home near Thespiae, whilst I must travel to Cape Taenarum at the most southern point of Greece."

"You won't be going alone, though, will you?"

Loki remained silent at her question. Sigyn tilted her head, once more taking in Loki's body language as her wife stood averted, her shoulders hunched, like she'd been caught red-handed in one of her tricks. She was holding back on something. And Sigyn could already guess what it was. 

"Loki, who else is coming beside Eros?"

Loki turned around to face Sigyn, her expression contrite. It was enough of an answer. With a scoff, Sigyn ran a hand through her hair and dropped her head back in exasperation with a muttered, "Unbelievable."

"Sigyn —"

"Don't." 

She averted, unable to look at Loki right now. Her lips pinched into a thin line as she contained her rage. Every bit of care, every bit of trepidation she'd held for her was no more. 

"Why?" she demanded then. "Why would you put your trust and faith in someone who's hurt you?"

"I have no choice," answered Loki.

"You have every choice! You can choose not to go with him! You can choose to stay here with me! You can choose to return to Asgard and ask for your parents' help!"

Loki groaned. "Norns, not this again. I've told you before, I don't want anyone to know about this. Asgard isn't an option, and neither is staying in a realm with barely enough magic to conjure a flower from a hat. No other worlds in the Nine Realms have what we require, so yes, I must, regrettably, place my trust in the Grecian psychopomp who assists lost souls in finding their way. It's not something I'm looking forward to, I assure you."

"Could've fooled me."

Sigyn knew she shouldn't have said that. She knew those words were spoken in anger and hurt, possibly even jealousy. Yet she didn't regret uttering them. Not even after meeting Loki's appalled expression. 
Then, the dismay changed into something Sigyn could only describe as acceptance. It happened smoothly, like the turning of a page in a book. Loki's jaw clenched, and she swallowed. With a brief nod, she moved back to the door. With one hand already on the handle, she said, "I was hoping we could have a civilised conversation, but this was clearly a waste of time. You do what you want, but I'm leaving with Hermes when he arrives at dawn tomorrow. I can't promise I'll be able to send or receive messages from Hades' realm, so I don't know if we'll be able to reach other. If we don't, I need you to know that... whatever the future brings... I've loved you, Sigyn. With all my heart."

Loved... Not love, but loved — past tense. That singular realisation sunk into Sigyn, a sharp-edged rock cutting through the waters of her being until it hit the very bottom of her soul. It was an intruder, one she couldn't cast out because it was wrapped in the daunting possibility that... Loki was already slipping through her fingers.

No, I can't let her leave like this!

The bedroom door creaked open just as Sigyn moved off the bed. She crossed the distance between her and Loki in two determined strides and nearly threw herself at the door to shut it. Her sudden action took Loki by surprise. She gasped, but before she could step back, Sigyn already held her face and forcefully pushed their lips together. Loki flinched, hands seizing Sigyn's wrists, shoulders tensing instantly. If her intention had been to pry her away, Loki failed miserably at it, for she just couldn't seem to make her let go. 

"Stay with me," breathed Sigyn against her mouth. "Loki, I beg of you. I'll do whatever you need, go wherever you want. Just stay with me, please."

Again, she kissed Loki's lips, less roughly yet with the same urgency. It didn't feel any different. Man or woman, kissing Loki still filled her with the same love, the same passion she always felt. He or she, only Loki sparked the flames of her desires. And what Sigyn desired most of all at this very moment was for Loki to know she loved her beyond anything. 
Hesitantly, and to Sigyn's own delighted astonishment, Loki finally answered Sigyn's kiss. She parted her lips just a little, and Sigyn's tongue lightly brushed against the tip of Loki's as it poked through. A faint moan escaped Loki, further heating Sigyn's core. She nudged her wife back against the door and pressed their bodies together. Loki's hands moved to Sigyn's waist. Yet instead of slipping around her, to hold her at the small of her back as they'd so often done, they pushed.
The couple parted, panting heavily as their kiss had stripped them of their breath. Sigyn looked at Loki, the question of why she'd stopped her burning on her lips. But then she saw the torment in those beautiful blue eyes she so adored.

"I'm sorry," whispered Loki, her brittle voice breaking. "I can't"

She fumbled with the handle behind her and slipped through the gap in the door as soon as she'd opened it enough, leaving Sigyn alone, her heart twisting and chipping just a little more inside her chest.

***

For Loki, the dawn came too soon, yet also not soon enough. She didn't want to leave the home she'd made with Sigyn. Didn't want to leave her presence and warmth. They hadn't been apart since before their marriage, and Loki didn't know how she could even live without her anymore. But she needed to stand strong. She had to persevere, for both their sakes. Especially after last night's utter disaster.
Loki had gone with every intention to make parting easier by stripping Sigyn of any choice, by making her wife hate her for leaving with that Olympian bastard. For a moment, it had almost worked. Loki was certain Sigyn had been seething, but then that kiss... Norns, she'd nearly given in.

I shouldn't have gone to see her, thought Loki despondently. I should've just remained in my room and snuck away at first light. If she's there when Eros and Hermes arrive, if she begs me not to leave... I don't think I can refuse her again. 

Loki raked her fingers through her long hair, nails scraping over her scalp. For about the hundredth time since Olympus, she looked at the covered mirror over the vanity and bit her lip. She knew very well her reflection would show a young woman instead of the man she really was. But in the solitude and quiet of her room, she'd been able to imagine otherwise, even if only a few seconds. No more.
Her hand pulled at the sheet, letting it fly to the ground. There she was. That pitiful creature who had been ensnared so easily. Nothing but a worthless, broken wretch. How could Sigyn ever love that?

Mnemosyne is my only hope. If she and Hermes can't fix me, it's better if I never return. I'll renounce all my titles and my claim to the throne of Asgard and appeal to Hades and Persephone, requesting sanctuary in their realm. Neither my family nor Sigyn can follow me there without their permission. She must live her own life. Even if that means I'm no longer part of it.

But the mere thought of leaving Sigyn alone or imagining her with another tore at Loki. She hurriedly swept her fingers underneath her eyes to prevent tears from welling and took a deep breath. Her mother's words, spoken long ago when Loki had been a princeling, echoed through her mind.
Even in her darkest hour, she wouldn't forget who she was. She was Loki, child of Odin and Frigga, Crown Majesty of Asgard, Trickster deity of Mischief. She'd survived heartache, torture, death itself. If it was her lot in life to once again be left with nothing and no one... she would survive still. 

Loki rose, as stately as a Queen, put on her travel cloak and hung her satchel across her chest. To the untrained eye, the simple bag would seem very little for a journey of unknown length, yet the enhancement spell on the inside allowed her to carry all she required.
Fandrall had been quite impressed when she showed it to him on Vanaheim, questioning why Loki wouldn't use such a clever spell in daily life. She had merely shrugged that she didn't want magic to be perceived as an 'easy fix'. The truth was, she hadn't wanted to be reminded of the person who'd taught her that particular trick. How often had they used it to steal precious items during their little escapades? Loki couldn't recall. Nor did she want to. 

With a last glance through the room, Loki left and made her way downstairs. She halted a moment at the bottom of the stairs, seeing a bulky mountain of blankets on the couch in the living area. Carefully, she tiptoed around Fandrall so she wouldn't disturb the warrior. Without knowing Sigyn's decision on taking Eros' offer, she hadn't been able to tell him or Rúna anything, and she preferred not having him wake and ask unnecessary questions. 
But when she reached the door, Loki again hesitated. Once it opened and she stepped through, there'd be no turning back. Was she really going to do this? Leave with her former lover, a man who had used her so cruelly, without even giving her wife a proper goodbye? Leave without giving her the certainty she would definitely come back? 

What certainty? I've none to give. None at all...

She opened the door, letting the chill morning air strike at her face, and went outside. As the comfort of home shut behind her, Loki froze at the sight that greeted her. Just a few feet away, seated around a lit firepit, were Sigyn, Eros, and Hermes. They hadn't noticed her yet, appearing to be in deep conversation.
Loki blinked fast, believing this was some sort of illusion. Yet the sight remained as clear as the approaching day. She pinched the back of her hand, wincing at the snapping pain. It wasn't a dream, so... had she somehow opened a portal to another world? 

"Loki."

She looked up at Hermes' voice. The Greek Trickster, the only one seated with his face towards the lodge, had seen her and was already on his feet. Eros was quick to get up as well, but Sigyn remained seated with her back to Loki. 
Briefly, Loki considered prodding at Sigyn's mind again to know what she'd walked in on, but she knew it was no use. Sigyn had closed herself off since Loki had told her to leave her alone, and no matter what she tried, she hadn't been able to bring down the barrier erected between them. It was all the proof she needed of Sigyn's resent and pain, and part of the reason she was leaving. Being near Sigyn, and at the same time not being near... it was too much.

"Is everything all right?" Loki asked.

"Yes, perfectly fine," answered Eros. "We were just going over some things with Sigyn. She was very kind to welcome us when we arrived early."

"She was?"

"Well, she hasn't set my wings on fire or burned Hermes alive, so yes, I'd say so."

"Don't give the Princess any ideas now, nephew," remarked Hermes with a lighthearted chuckle. "I'm still recovering from our last encounter."

Loki squinted. The burn marks on Hermes' throat had already healed considerably, but she could still clearly discern where Sigyn's fiery serpent had coiled itself. Pride swelled within Loki. Even if her actions had nearly caused a war, Sigyn had handled the bastard wonderfully. 

"Are you ready?" asked Hermes.

Loki stared at her wife's back. She hadn't moved or even glanced back at her. Though curious about what they'd discussed, Loki didn't want to delay this any further. Every second she stayed was another second Sigyn could convince her not to go through with this. 

"Yes," she said. "I'm ready."

"Great." Hermes clapped his hands and walked around the firepit. "We best be going then. Eros, you'll handle the rest here?"

Aphrodite's son nodded. "I'll let you know once Sigyn is settled with me and Psyche. Don't forget about your promise."

"Yes, yes, I'll play messenger twice a week. I won't forget."

"You better not. Wouldn't want to tempt the Fates in cutting a God's thread because you pissed off a fire mage, would we?"

Hermes had the sense to keep quiet and beckoned Loki. Yet the moment she took a step in his direction, she caught movement in the corner of her eye. Sigyn finally rose from the log she'd been sitting on and came over. Loki stood paralyzed as she watched her wife's graceful figure walking towards her. When Sigyn halted a few feet away, she held out her open arms, silently asking for permission. Without a second thought, Loki rushed into her embrace, propelled by the urgent need to feel Sigyn's warmth. 
In that moment, in that place, it was only them. No Eros, no Hermes, just them. Their pendants shimmered at their bosoms, the magic within flowing, surging like an unstoppable river. Even if the surface was frozen, with ice shattering and cracking, it yet ran deep and true underneath. 

"Be safe," whispered Sigyn.

"You too," murmured Loki back.

Sigyn nudged Loki back to cup her face. She leaned her forehead against Loki's, her thumb stroking her cheek, and said, "By your side, in seconds, if you ask it. Always there, to catch you when you're falling. Remember that."

"I will. I... Sigyn, I —"

"I know. I do too. Now and far longer than forever."

Loki clutched her, tears stinging in her eyes at hearing those words. She didn't want to let go. She needed Sigyn more than she could ever possibly admit. Sigyn was her light, her fire, her heart and soul in the cold abyss of her existence. A beacon that assured a safe haven. The plea that next spilled from Loki's lips thus promised an even greater anguish for them both if she failed to fix herself. 

"Wait for me."

She tore herself away before their lips could touch. With her head hung low, Loki hurriedly walked to Hermes and took his hand. His aura wrapped around her body as he prepared to whisk them away. Loki's tears finally rolled down her cheeks. She didn't need to glimpse behind to know Sigyn was crying as well.