Chapter 4 - You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling

During the following weeks, Thor made it a point not to speak or be near Sigyn unless absolutely necessary. Odin had urged the pair to put their differences aside and accept each other as they were, for the sake of their impending marriage and the future of Asgard, but Thor had no intention of letting matters rest.
Thor found the tales the Warriors Three told were not at all as he recalled. Even Sif's account of what had transpired on the training grounds differed. The Crown Prince was certain Loki changed or possibly even erased his friends' memories of Sigyn using magic. Part of him wanted to believe his brother had done so to protect his betrothed. But Loki never did anything out of the goodness of his heart. He always had his reasons, and he always had his schemes. Thor loved him dearly, and he was grateful Loki saved his life, of course, but sometimes...
And what of Sigyn? Thor didn't know what to think of her anymore. He made a mistake in believing she was only a sweet and beautiful maiden. Sigyn held a power that could make her a potential menace to the people of Asgard.

This begged the question whether Frigga was aware of what Sigyn could do. Surely she must be? Thor found it hard to believe his mother wouldn't have sensed magic within Sigyn when they first met. The Queen was a mighty sorceress herself, descended from witches, and would not purposely put her sons or her kingdom in danger.
Perhaps he should speak to her about his concerns. If only to learn more of the woman he was to marry. If Frigga deemed her safe, he would attempt to start anew with Sigyn. But if she admitted to having made a mistake as well, Thor had no choice. He was the Crown Prince of Asgard, the firstborn son of Odin, and protector of the Nine Realms. If Sigyn posed a threat, he would not hesitate to act.

And as for Loki... Thor would need to know what his brother's plans were with the young woman as well. He could ask Sif or one of the Warriors Three to follow Loki and Sigyn around, but Loki had his ways of travelling without being seen. There was only one other he could turn to. Only one who saw all within the Nine Realms.

"It has been some time since we last saw each other, Thor Odinson. Yet, considering what has happened, I hold no grudge."

"Heimdall." Thor smirked as he descended from his horse and greeted the dark-skinned Gatekeeper and Guardian of the Bifrost heartily with a fond embrace.

"How are you feeling?" asked Heimdall, his all-seeing golden eyes going over Thor's body.

"Well enough. My bones have regrown, and my organs and skin have healed. I have some difficulty still using my hand, but this too will heal with time." Thor took a breath before he continued, "Forgive me. I come with an ulterior motive, but I desperately require your help, my friend."

"Would this, by chance, have to do with the incident? With your betrothed and her magic?"

"What do you know of it? Sif and the Warriors tell of an enchantment on Sigyn's hand mirror clashing against Mjölnir. My mother took the mirror and said it was protected by blood magic, even showing it to my father, but I doubt this caused the explosion. Neither does it explain how Sigyn could melt my hammer with nothing but her bare hand. Her companion and my brother tell the same story as the others, but I have my suspicions. Astrid has been with Sigyn for years and will do anything to protect her. As for Loki... he is Loki. There is always a reason he does things. I do not know what to believe anymore."

"Believe your own mind, for it is not wrong," said Heimdall. "The stories I have heard are not what my eyes told me that day. I sensed an enormous energy within Asgard and searched for it, believing we were under attack. I did not expect to see what I saw. Sigyn possesses a dangerous and uncontrollable force within her, one believed to have been extinct centuries ago."

"You know what she is, then?" inquired Thor, his brow raised.

"I have my suspicion."

"Which is?"

"I believe Lady Sigyn to be a fire mage."

A chill fell over Thor at the mention. Fire mages were the most terrifying magic wielders the Nine Realms ever knew. There hadn't been that many, but their strength came not from numbers. With a single flick of their wrist or a snap of their fingers, they could burn entire cities to the ground, reducing all to ashes and brimstone. Any who crossed paths with a fire mage had a very slim chance of surviving.
His grandfather Bor had declared them a threat against the Nine Realms and hunted them mercilessly. The last fire mage supposedly fell during the early reign of Odin, but Thor knew of at least one other who survived, and only because her blood was so diluted by her Elven heritage. If Sigyn truly was a fire mage, he was fortunate to still draw breath.

"I know what you are thinking," said Heimdall. "If your betrothed is proven to be a fire mage, Odin will not hesitate."

"Nor should he," said Thor angrily. "A fire mage can destroy Asgard! She can bring about Ragnarok and the end of our people! How could my mother not have sensed this magic within her?"

"What makes you think she did not?"

"No, she would never put our people or me in danger. Sigyn must have concealed it from her somehow."

"Lady Sigyn does indeed hide her magic," affirmed the Gatekeeper, "But only because she fears it. I very much doubt she knows, let alone understands, what she is."

"That is of no concern; she is a threat to us all and must be stopped."

"Hmm... and here I believed you cared for her."

This stumped Thor. He couldn't deny he had feelings for Sigyn. Everything she had done prior to the incident had made him care for her. Deeply, in fact. And she hadn't hadn't pushed him away or reprimanded him for kissing her on the overlook, so she must have the same feelings. His parents loved her. The people adored her. She wasn't a vain, spoiled princess, but a clever young woman who took an interest in everything and everyone she encountered.
But things weren't always as they seemed. The most beautiful and nicest things could be the deadliest. Sigyn was no exception.

"I have no choice, Heimdall." Thor sighed. "Fire mages cannot be controlled; you said so yourself."

"True. But it has been a long time since the last mage lived. This one may surprise us all." Heimdall placed a broad hand on Thor's shoulder. "You came seeking my help. I offer it by advising you to wait before you act. Wait and watch. Listen. Learn."

Thor nodded. He had to give Sigyn the benefit of the doubt and not name her a monster when there was no cause for it — yet.

"Did you see my brother with her?" he asked.

"Yes, he watched over her as she lay unconscious," answered Heimdall. "He seems to have taken an interest in her."

"That is what worries me. If Loki fills Sigyn's head with lies and persuades her to pursue her magic, she may become the very thing we fear."

"No matter how mischievous Loki is, he is still a Prince of Asgard and the Nine Realms. He would never purposefully bring harm to his family or the people living here. Yet if it would make you feel any better, I shall keep an eye on him."

"I would not keep you from your duty, Heimdall."

"My duty is to protect Asgard from all threats, both from outside its borders and from within."

Heimdall's golden eyes glowed, emphasising his words. Thor knew the Gatekeeper would not disappoint him. If there was a reason to fear Sigyn, and if Loki did indeed plan to do something with her, they could stop it before anyone got hurt.

"I thank you, my friend." Thor shook Heimdall's hand.

"I will send word if I have news. And a last word of advice; speak with the Queen. Frigga may put your worries at ease if she tells you the reason she chose Lady Sigyn."

Thor nodded and took his leave. He spurred his horse over the Bifrost, back to the palace. His mind raced as fast as the steed did. He thought of all the good he had seen in Sigyn since her arrival, as well as of the moments she became another person entirely. Thor hoped with all his heart no further incidents would occur. And he fervently hoped his mother would tell him why, in Odin's name, she chose such a creature to be his wife and the future Queen of Asgard.

***

"How much further is it?" asked Sigyn as she climbed up the rocks after Loki.

"Don't tell me you're tired already." The Prince looked down with a smirk. "You're the one who asked for somewhere remote."

Sigyn rolled her eyes at his comment. She'd thought of one of the islets in the lake, not a mountain nearly half a day's ride from the palace. It was a good thing she learned how to climb up and down the stumpy old birch in the garden at home. If she hadn't, this would've been far more challenging for her.
Loki reached the edge of the ridge and pulled himself up. He reached down to help Sigyn, but she managed well on her own and swatted his hand away, earning another smirk. As she rose to her full length and took in the crisp air, she took in her surroundings. Her eyes widened at the steep wall disappearing into the clouds up high.

"Are you mad?" she exclaimed in dismay. "Loki, we cannot possibly climb all this!"

"Who said anything about going further up?"

Loki beckoned her to a peculiar protruding rock in the shape of an arrow tip. He pulled it down. The rock seemed to make a scraping sound, but Sigyn soon saw it wasn't the rock that was responsible for the noise but the mountain wall. It parted, revealing a dark path inside the cliff.
Loki stepped towards the opening and then turned and held out his hand for Sigyn. She tilted her head in thought. If Loki meant to harm or kill her, he would've done so already. He could've attacked her on their ride or pushed her off the ridge, making it look like an accident, but Sigyn believed he was sincere in his offer to help her with her magic.

In the past three weeks, he had sent her books to read, marking the pages he believed would be helpful. And then yesterday, he'd finally told her their lessons would begin at dawn. Sigyn had left a note for Astrid, leaving her companion asleep so she couldn't stop Sigyn from going out with Loki on her own. The Trickster had a reputation, and Sigyn knew there was a possibility Loki meant to use her for something, but two could play that game. Growing up with older brothers who loved nothing more than to fight and make her life miserable taught her that brute strength was severely overrated.
So, with newfound resolve to see this through, Sigyn looked over the ridge, reassuring herself no one followed them and then grabbed Loki's hand. When the wall closed behind them, all Sigyn could rely on was his guidance through the darkness. It amazed her she would put such faith in another, let alone the young Prince.

"You will soon see the light again," Loki said, giving a gentle squeeze with his hand. "Don't be afraid."

"I'm not," said Sigyn.

And then, just as Loki said, she caught a faint blueish glow further down the path. Careful not to trip, they came upon a cavern, illuminated by hundreds, if not thousands, of magnificent beryl gems. Sigyn gasped at the sight, basking in the soft brilliance of the precious stones. Never in her life had she seen such splendour.

"Where are we?" she asked in awe.

"The path to the very centre of Asgard, the Urdarbrunn," answered Loki. "The sacred well in the city bears the same name, but I believe that's a mistake. The Urdarbrunn is supposed to be in the middle of Asgard, and though the well is in the middle of the city, it is not in the middle of the realm. This place is. The magic here is pure and strong. We need that for your training."

With her hand still in his, Sigyn followed Loki past the gemstones. In their radiant luminescence, the second-born Odinson appeared more enigmatic than she had first perceived him to be. As if there was something hidden deep within him. Something that could only be seen with magic. It made Sigyn's heart skip a beat just thinking about it, which she absolutely could not do. She already made a grave error in kissing Loki, even if it was by accident, but Thor's coldness towards her had only made matters worse.
Every time she attempted to seek his company, the Crown Prince would find some excuse to send her away, or to make himself scarce, or to ensure others were present. Sigyn was certain the Allfather and Queen had noticed, but they didn't interfere. They told Sigyn to give it time, that Thor was still healing, both physically and mentally. Even though Odin had expressly told Thor to put the incident past them, Sigyn knew he hadn't. And since he had barely said a word to her, she couldn't tell if he acted the way he did because he remembered her magic and feared it or simply because he was wounded in his pride.

In the meantime, Odin and Frigga's second son seemed all too happy to pick up the broken pieces. It was more than just the books and scriptures on magic he sent her. It was the not-so-coincidental meetings in Frigga's garden or the hallways, the escorted walks to dinner, and... oh, the flowers... Each week a new one. Roses, lilies, tulips, peonies, and orchids, all surpassing each other in beauty. And all of them made from Loki's magic. Sigyn could tell, for they were all snow white with blue veins, just like the rose he gave her that first night. And they never withered.
As Thor's affection for her wavered, Loki's only grew. But that was something Sigyn could not allow. She came to Asgard as Thor's bride and refused to break the vow she made. Her word was her bond. Loki would have to understand he could never be more than her friend, brother, and teacher. And she would have to silence her heart before it was truly too late.

"It's just up ahead."

Loki's voice startled Sigyn, as she'd been so lost in thought. Only now did she notice the sound of running water. Or no, not running. This wasn't the flow of a river she heard. Sigyn moved a bit to the side so she could look past Loki. Sunlight seeped through a curtain of hanging vines. When they neared them, the vines parted ways to let them pass, and Sigyn held her breath.
The gemstone tunnel led to a sequestered glen. The waterfall fitted perfectly within the mountain walls, its thundering water filling a marvellous blue pool. A single weeping willow grew on the bank, its foliage partly covering the water like a shield. The grass seemed impossibly green, full of life. It was... enchanting.

"What do you think?" asked Loki, as he turned to face her, his eyes gleaming in anticipation.

"Loki, this is... I don't... I have never seen anything this wondrous in my entire life! It's beautiful."

He grinned at her reaction. "I thought you would like it."

"I do." Sigyn sighed. "That's why I do not want to stay."

"Come again? Sigyn, this is the perfect place for —"

"Loki, you still don't understand. My powers destroy. If this place truly is the Urdarbrunn, then we cannot risk anything happening here."

The Prince looked taken aback for a moment. Then he conjured a dagger in his hand, spun around, and threw it straight toward the tree. The blade cut clean through one branch and stuck into a thicker one. The branch splashed into the water, leaves slowly fluttering down after it. Sigyn's eyes widened as she saw the branch and falling leaves disappear before her. The blade evaporated, leaving not the faintest trace of it ever having struck wood.
What happened then was even more extraordinary. The stump of the branch lit up, and within seconds, a whole new piece had sprouted out, an exact twin of the one that was cut down.

"As I said," said Loki, facing Sigyn again, "this is the perfect place. No matter what you do here, the Urdarbrunn will always heal itself. Pure magic in controlled chaos. That is what you must learn."

Sigyn still believed Loki didn't fully comprehend what he got himself into, but she had to admit he had indeed found the best place for her training.

"You are certain no one can find us here?" she asked.

"Quite. Everyone has forgotten this place exists. And I disposed of the only book that mentioned the passage through the mountain."

Loki reached for Sigyn's hand. His touch made her shiver. Why, in Odin's name, did this man have such an effect on her?

"We will be alone here, I promise," he whispered. "The magic here shrouds and protects us from the outside. Even Heimdall won't see us here. You needn't fear."

Sigyn gazed into his blue eyes. She instantly believed him. Despite the many warnings from Astrid, the Warriors Three, and even Sif, Sigyn knew she could trust him. It should be Thor before her, helping her and protecting her, yet by some twist of fate, Loki was the only one who cared to be near her. And deep in her heart, Sigyn wouldn't have it any other way.

***

I cannot believe how easy this is. She is falling for me without me having to make much effort. A stupid flower once a week, a kind word, and she is practically eating out of my hand. Of course, it helps that Thor won't have anything to do with her. He probably remembers her magic as clearly as I do, which only benefits me. With his natural suspicion of magic wielders, Thor will push Sigyn further away, right into my open arms. And when she chooses me, publicly, he will be shamed before all the Nine Realms. Depending on what I can teach the wench, she may still prove of value to me in the future.

Loki hid his grin from Sigyn and watched her kneel at the pool. Her fingers caressed the surface of the water. The sun peered through the leaves above her and caught her hair. The blood-red and golden waves in her braid made Loki hold his breath. And when Sigyn looked up, a content smile on those lush lips, Loki swore his heart skipped a beat.
He felt... He didn't know how he felt. But it was exactly like when Sigyn had accidentally kissed him... and when he had kissed her back. Less so by accident, but Loki still hadn't planned for it to happen. Why did this woman have such an effect on him? What was it that made her so beguiling? That made him almost crave her?

By the Norns, get a grip! She's nothing but a means to an end. Now focus.

Loki cleared his throat and said, "Sigyn, before we begin, I need you to tell me everything about your magic. Besides your fire-wielding abilities, you have some form of teleportation too, I believe? Astrid's ruse wasn't a complete lie, was it?"

"No, it wasn't," admitted Sigyn, rising to her feet. "Though I wouldn't exactly call it teleportation, as I don't disappear in a puff of smoke or something. I travel through mirrored surfaces. I'm still not sure how I managed it, but I believe my desire to be free of my family had something to do with it."

"Can you elaborate?"

"Before my family realised they could use me, or rather my beauty, to improve their standing, they kept me indoors. Every day I looked out my window, longing to be beyond the walls, and at night I dreamt I was away from the life they bound me to. One day, I heard a whisper, like a soft whistle in the wind. It came from my mirror, and when I touched it, I suddenly stood in this dark room filled with mirrors and water basins. I recognised the fountain in our garden, and as I reached for the water, something pushed me through, and I was standing in the fountain and before my mother. She beat me and made me swear not to tell a soul and never to do it again. Suffice to say, I did not exactly keep that promise. At first, I would only sit in the dark room to look through the reflections, but in time, I dared to venture further and would occasionally go through another mirror. Only for a few minutes, though. Never too long."

"Why?" asked Loki bluntly. "I mean, if your life was so horrible, why not run away and start anew elsewhere?"

Sigyn hung her head with a sigh. "I feared what people would do if they discovered what I could do. If my own mother despises and locks me up for using magic, what can I expect a stranger to do?"

Her frailty and fright surprised Loki. Sigyn hid this side of her remarkably well. A little too well, perhaps. One's magic was linked to one's emotions, and she would have to learn which emotions she could use to fuel or restrain her magic before he could teach her anything at all.

"Two more questions," he said. "First, how old were you when you first exhibited your fire-wielding abilities?"

"I'm not sure," said Sigyn pensively. "Young. A child or even a babe still, I believe."

"And this other power, this..."

"Oh, I call it mirror-scaping. I was twenty-one."

"And no one has instructed you on any form of magic? Not even the basics?"

"No, nothing."

"Hm, curious. One power manifests itself when you lose yourself to rage and is wild and fierce, while the other is controlled, born out of desire and purpose. It is possible to learn other types of magic if you have a strong core, but only under tutelage, and certainly not with such a wide gap between both forms. Based on what you told me, I find no connection between your powers whatsoever, which makes little sense."

"Is magic supposed to make sense, then?" asked Sigyn.

"Ha, good point. Still, this will be harder than I imagined it would be."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

Loki met Sigyn's gaze. Despite her overall calm composure, her eyes betrayed panic.

"It will be challenging," he said, "but I am more than willing... as long as you stand with me."

He brought her hands to his lips, and he pressed a soft kiss on her warm skin. She tensed up again at the unexpected gesture and averted. Was that guilt he detected?

Guilt over what she feels at my touch, perhaps, he thought. Looks like our kiss stirred up something after all. Let's see how far I can push this.

***

Loki stepped closer. He raised Sigyn's chin to make her look at him again. He leaned in. No, no, she couldn't allow him to kiss her again! But she stood frozen, unable to even wiggle a finger. Surely he was hypnotising her somehow. Why else would she feel this way? Loki had to be using his magic on her. And that's when it occurred to her — she had no idea what he could do. Apart from the flowers and the blade she had seen him conjure, what else did this man have up his sleeve?

"And what of you?" The question fell from Sigyn's lips right before Loki touched hers.

He pulled back a little and blinked, startled and confused by the sudden question. "Me?"

"We have been talking about my magic all this time," said Sigyn, trying to sound as airily as she could, "but I am curious about what you can do. After all, I need to know my teacher isn't some charlatan who can only perform a trick or two."

"A charlatan?"

Sigyn nearly laughed at Loki's rattled expression. The insult clearly threw him off, and she took her chance to dare him further by saying, "Proof you are worthy, Loki Odinson."

The intent glare Loki held in his eyes wavered. The corners of his mouth curled up in a wicked smile. He stepped back and raised his hand. A blade appeared in his palm, just like she'd seen him do before. Only now, he made it hang a few inches in the air.

"Hmph, a parlour trick." Sigyn shrugged. "Is that the best you can do?"

Something glistened in Loki's eyes. Not quite dangerous, but more... mischievous.

"I'm only just..."

"... getting started."

Sigyn whirled around when she heard Loki's voice behind her. Yes, there he stood, clear as day. But he was also still in the same place as before. Two Loki's? Her eyes flashed between them, and that's when she noticed — one Loki held the dagger of his right hand, while the other held it over his left. They were mirrored illusions.

The new Loki before her sniggered. "Pay attention, my Lady. You will miss..."

"... the rest of the parlour trick," finished the Loki behind her.

Both Loki's disappeared, taking the daggers with them. Sigyn looked around, but they were nowhere to be found. She kept her eyes and ears open for any sign of them. A soft hissing then attracted her attention. It came from the tree above her. She searched the branches and then saw a dark-green serpent slithering down to her. Sigyn's instinct to back away kicked, but then she perceived the serpent's clear blue eyes.
Carefully, she took a step towards the snake. The animal remained perfectly still, its scales glistening like dark emeralds. Sigyn's fingers brushed against them, and she was surprised at their ice-cold touch. She gently caressed the serpent's head. Suddenly, it wrapped around her arm, shooting up at her face. Sigyn stood paralysed, too frightened to move or make a sound. The serpent pushed its body against her cheek, making her shiver, and slithered around her as if she were just another tree branch. As it did, something amazing occurred.
Sigyn's braided hair fell loose around her shoulders. Her riding gear glowed green and transformed into a beautiful, emerald silk gown with gold thread at the sleeves and a low-cut neckline, with matching slippers instead of boots. She dared glance into the pool to see the reflection of a Queen... and of a Prince beside her.

"Well then, my Lady." Loki smiled broadly. "Am I worthy?"

"Th-That... was amazing," stammered Sigyn. "How did you even...? I mean, everything happened so quickly, I never saw —"

"You weren't meant to see. I spent years perfecting my illusions and transformation. But don't worry. In due time, you will sense the magic used by others. As long as you control your own first. That reminds me..."

A golden chain holding a snake pendant appeared in Loki's hand. It had a light-green shine on its scales, a mesmerising effect almost. The Prince walked round, and before Sigyn could protest, he hung the necklace around her neck, leaving the pendant to rest just above her bosom.

"Whenever you feel something bad, like anxiety, rage, or sadness even, touch the pendant and make it your anchor. Ground yourself to it. When learning how to control your emotions, it's better to focus on something... or someone."

The way Loki whispered those last two words in Sigyn's ear made her tremble. She turned to face him, realising that they were standing too close to each other once again. She lowered her eyes so she wouldn't fall under his again and said, "Loki, I cannot accept this. Thor will —"

"Thor need never know it came from me. Only we can see the pendant. To everyone else, it will simply be a golden chain, a trinket you bought at the market."

Sigyn sighed. The flowers he gave her were one thing, but a jewel such as this... Even if no one else could see it, they would still notice the chain. Astrid would immediately ask her about it when she returned. Sigyn could never keep this hidden from her friend. There were a million other things of her own she could use as an anchor. This wasn't Loki aiding in her training. This was Loki courting her.

"Loki, why do you want to teach me how to use my magic?" Sigyn demanded wearily.

"You know why."

"Yes, I believe I do, which is why I cannot be your student." She took the necklace off and returned it to a stunned Loki. "Thank you for all your care, but it is best if we no longer seek each other's company. I will not betray both our families and the whole of Asgard by risking my already fragile betrothal with Thor. Even if that means I have to hide who I am for the rest of my life."

"Sigyn, please, don't be like this. We can —"

"There is no 'we', Loki. We both need to accept that. Goodbye."

***

By the time Sigyn returned to the palace, the sun was already giving birth to the moon. She'd climbed down the mountain on her own, and had ridden at great speed, cutting through the woods, wanting to put as many miles as possible between her and Loki. His magic on her clothing had thankfully disappeared once she crossed the gemstone tunnel. It was one less thing she needed to explain to Astrid, who had been waiting for her at the stables since she found the note Sigyn left her.

"Where were you?" The handmaiden rushed toward her when she dismounted her grey palfrey. "I was so worried! Please never do that again!"

"I'm fine, Astrid. I just needed to clear my head and be on my own for some time."

"But you're all right? You came upon nothing... peculiar? See anything? Anyone?"

Sigyn raised her brow. "No. Why? Should I have?"

"No! It's just," Astrid paused a moment, "Loki went riding too, apparently. No one has seen him all day. I, we, thought that... maybe..."

"Yes?" Sigyn crossed her arms impatiently.

At that exact moment, the raven-haired Prince strolled in with his horse at hand. He paused when he saw Sigyn and Astrid, but then continued on his way, a stable boy following close behind to help him with his horse. Sigyn gave an inaudible sigh, feeling some remorse at the way she'd stormed off and left him at the glen. But she couldn't let Loki distract her any further. She turned her attention back to Astrid and said, "Come with me. I may have a way to make amends with Thor. But I will require your help. And the Warriors Three. I need them too."

"And here I was, hoping to be away from Fandrall for a day."

"He still pursues you?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Astrid rolled her eyes. "Men. They think 'no' means 'yes' and 'get lost' means 'take me, I'm yours'."

The two young women left the stables, chatting and plotting how to regain Thor's affection for Sigyn, unbeknownst to them, that they were being followed. Where they went, Loki went. What they discussed, Loki overheard. And what Sigyn intended, Loki saw as a new opportunity for a new scheme.

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