Jungkook's heart stopped. For a second it felt like he was transported into a dream. He watched as his hand cupped Jimin's cheek, watched how he shook as he pulled Jimin closer, kissing him deeper. Jungkook was drunk off of each push and pull of their lips. How many times had he thought of doing this? Of Jimin pressed so close to him? Of Jimin responding. Of Jimin kissing him back.

The kiss deepened and Jimin put a hand over Jungkook's heart as he shifted to straddle him without breaking the kiss. It was turning hungry - whatever this was. Their hearts were pounding at the same rate, neither boy ready to pull back. It was like a taunt rubber band was suddenly let loose and Jungkook could think of nothing else expect for Jimin. How strong Jimin had gotten. How warm his body was when it was pressed so close to his. How toned his thighs were, how soft his lips felt, how good he smelled.

Jungkook's hands went to Jimin's hips, his thumb digging just into the waist band of his jeans while his palm rested against his waist. The whole thing was so outside the realm of possibility that Jungkook's mind struggled to keep up with the reality of it. That there he was, laying on an abandoned stage, kissing the boy he was in love with.

Jimin pushed his hips down and his hand cupped the side of Jungkook's neck. The touch was gentle, caring and careful in a way that contradicted the heat of the kiss. Jungkook let out a breathless sound and a smile grew against Jungkook's lips from Jimin. Jimin closed his eyes closed and Jungkook's own followed with a flutter. He moved his hands up Jimin's back under his shirt, digging into him enough to add pressure without any pain. Jimin gasped, arching slightly into it.

"Jimin." Jungkook said breathlessly.

He'd thought of this moment countless times: from a teenager fever-dream to an adult romance. He'd wanted to kiss Jimin since the first time he'd met him. Back when they were both kids and Jimin cried when Taehyung teased him for having no jams. A joke that genuinely made no sense, and yet this beautiful, older kid on the playground, buddled up his sweater, started to just absolutely wail because of it. That was when Jungkook decided he'd do everything in his power to become friends with Jimin so he could kiss those tears away the way his grandma used to.

That innocent love changed in tone slightly as they entered middle school. Jungkook would think of kissing Jimin's lips instead of his cheek while they played video games side-by-side. He'd blush when their shoulders touched and would have to scoot back an inch. Their friend group widened that year. He didn't feel that way with any of their other friends; it confused him.

Then high school hit and Jungkook watched Jimin dance for the first time at the school's senior performance. He'd never seen someone do exactly what they were put on earth to do before, and it left him breathless. He used to daydream of buying Jimin flowers so that when Jimin bowed to the crowd, he would find him in the audience and smile the smile that made his eyes disappear into crescent moons. Thought how he'd run to him and Jungkook would do something cheesy like lift him in the air and kiss him.

Then college hit and Jungkook could finally identify the feeling he had when he saw Jimin. That feeling that was always there, the one that pulled him towards his orbit. He had a crush on him. He wanted him. Wanted to be with him and make him laugh and watch him dance and the fantasies started to grow and grow in his head about how Jimin would react if he told him about it.

Those daydreams were where he'd lived for years. He'd shut the fantasies off a year ago when reality hit. Who was he to force Jimin to live up to this romanticized version of his friend in his head? This image he'd built of them together since before he realized he was doing it?

It'd been a year since the last time he'd even entertained the daydream of kissing Jimin, but an equal time had past since the last time they hung out together one-on-one. Maybe it was okay for Jungkook to be selfish again, just this once, and lose himself in the daydream. Expect that this time it felt so vivid, so real. It broke Jungkook's heart and filled it at the same time, like the sun breaking through the creaks of the theater's ceiling was the same as this feeling spilling from his chest. An old ache and new joy clashing with each other.

Jimin felt amazing. He smelled like lilacs and honey and he tasted like gin. Jungkook shifted Jimin so that he was on top of him, pinning him to the floor. Jungkook's thin silver necklace dangled, hitting his chin as his bangs shielded his face in a storm of thick, black, curls. He laughed, breathless. Jimin fit so perfect underneath him.

Jimin's small, soft, hand went to Jungkook's forearm, tracing down from his shoulder where his tattoo began down to wrist, and then the two boys froze. The tattoos were new. It was like the ink poking at the bottom of Jungkook's sleeves broke the spell they both had fallen under, reminding them that time had passed, that this wasn't a daydream after all.

Jimin blinked, then reddened, and Jungkook's stumbled back. He stood up and Jimin's eyes went wide with panic and his hand moved to cover his mouth with shock.

"Um." Jungkook started, his voice shaking. His cigarettes burned in his pocket and his hand etched to rip the box apart and smoke each one until his body was covered with nothing but tar. He could still taste Jimin on his lips. Honey and lilac and gin.

"Jungkook-" Jimin started, the name choking out of him and another wave of pure shock stifled any words he'd meant to follow. Tears still stained Jimin's cheeks from minutes before, his face so incredibly pale, and Jungkook noticed how much weight Jimin had lost. His body had the defined muscles of a dancer, but the strictness of his dance program had stolen the color from his skin and the softness from his face, too. Jungkook thought he might vomit. He had gotten too so lost in his own desire to see how vulnerable Jimin.

Jungkook crouched back down and took off his jacket, putting it around Jimin's shoulders. Jimin looked up at him, confused, and tugged the jacket closer to himself like it was a shield against the world.

Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and giving himself a single second to grieve, before he washed the complicated feeling away and replaced it with something more tangible. "It's okay." Jungkook said. As he released the words, he released the knot in him with it, then smiled.

The smile was kind. It was a bunny-like grin and his hair draped the sharp lines of his cheeks to frame it. Without the leather jacket, his tattoos were on full display. His necklace was skewed, sitting above his left collarbone. The cigarette box continued to burn through the back pocket of his jeans as he reached for Jimin's hair and ruffled it.

"That was probably hard to share, right?"Jungkook said, deflecting as best he could and trying to hide the tremor in his voice. It was the only thing that made sense to him, anyway. The only thing that could explain the lapse of judgement they both had. "And coming back here after going through something like Busan, I can only imagine how emotional and overwhelming that must feel."

Jimin frowned, rubbing his eyes like he was trying to remember something. Had Jungkook done this recently? Change the topic or omit something important? He felt a nag towards the night he'd blacked out, remembered the cold wind and the giddy feeling in his bones as he got to watch Jungkook smoke. The details were gone, but he remembered Jungkook's energy shift over the phone when he'd asked about it.

"It's okay. Jimin, really. We can just forget about the kiss. Heat of the moment type thing." Jungkook said again, mistaking Jimin's confusion as aimed towards him. Jungkook's honey-like voice was still so-heartbreakingly kind as his hand went to Jimin's shoulder. He gave him a squeeze, but Jimin could feel the slight shake to it. "You've only told Taehyung about all that, right? I guess that explains why he was so mad at me for so long." Jungkook's eyes darkened with sorrow. "You didn't even get a fighting chance walking into that mess with me on your mind."

"Jungkook, you would have been on my mind regardless." Jimin said, hugging his knees and looking off into the empty crowd. Jimin's lips burned where Jungkook had pressed against them and the prints of his hands branded onto his waist.

Jungkook blinked, then sighed and reached a hand down to help Jimin up. He then ran a hand through his hair, a breathy laugh leaving his chest after.

"Right. I was a bit of a menace even before all that." Jungkook laughed awkwardly, and his eyes dipped to Jimin's lips like he couldn't help it. He blushed and looked up right away.

Jimin shook his head. "No, that's not what I meant. Shit I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking bringing us here."

Jungkook winced. Then, he grinned, and Jimin shivered. The pain was gone from Jungkook's face. The regret erased from his eyes like it had never known a home there in the first place. His body shifted, shoulders rolling back and stance relaxing as he clapped Jimin on the shoulder in an almost comically 'bro' way. Jimin watched in horror, wondering just how often Jungkook had needed to do this. Deflect, disappear, reinvent. How much was because of their friends pressuring him? How much was because of Madison? How much due to Jimin himself? Or had he done this long before any of that?

Jimin swallowed. He wanted to confess everything. Tell him that the kiss wasn't a mistake. That actually, he wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to share how a part of him was still mad about their fallout, how he doesn't know what to do with that anger. Talk about how he didn't know how to navigate their new dynamic and also apologize for nearly blowing it up. But to say any of that would be to open up the can of worms, which wouldn't be fair to do to Jungkook right now.

Jimin used his palms to get rid of the tear stains on his cheeks. "We should talk soon. Not right now obviously, but we should talk about what happened last year if you'd be willing to." Jimin said. "I thought if we didn't then things would get back to normal but I don't think that's possible. I don't think I know how to."

Jungkook's brow tensed with confusion and Jimin watched the gears in Jungkook's eyes freeze. Watched which path his mind refused to go down, which avenue was off-limits to think, and Jimin thought again about the hardships Jungkook had gone through because of him this year. Jimin hadn't known how strongly his friends had reacted to the whole thing a year ago. He'd been away and Taehyung didn't share many details about it. Jimin was genuinely surprised to hear Hoseok had supposedly chosen sides, even more so confused when he came back to find Taehyung had barely talked to Jungkook. The can of worms could wait. Who was Jimin to throw Jungkook into that conversation now? It would be the same thing Jungkook had done to Jimin a year ago, corner him into the topic. And he wanted to - needed - to do it when he thought Jungkook would hear him out.

"You absolutely don't need to answer right now. Text me whenever you feel ready to." Jimin added. "Um. So. The opera house." He said, changing the topic sharply and awkwardly, seeing Jungkook start to panic. "You know Drag originated in operas? They used to not cast women in roles in the 1500s so they had men dress up as them instead. Kinda like Yoongi did for that play in middle school when they were short a girl. Crazy how far Drag has come, right?"

Jimin cleared his throat and Jungkook seemed relieved. He pulled out his box of cigarettes and flipped them in his hand. "I uh, the opera house is down the block. Mind if I wait for you here? I'll walk you back then drop you off at Hoseok's? You can let me know if you see any drag queens on the way." Jungkook flashed an awkward smile. Jimin winced.

Jimin nodded slowly, rubbing his fingers into his palms. He couldn't seem to move again, his feet stuck to the ground while his mind blasted an orchestra of violins screeching as they crescendo, Jimin an audience member to his own body. He pressed his fingers into his palm a little harder, trying to delicately unknot the paralysis gripping his heart. If he could just take one step, he could run from the awful truth that their friendship would never go back to what it once was.

If Jimin could just move. Jungkook's mask cracked, then a real smile slipped as he took Jimin's hand in his own and gave it a squeeze. Jimin closed his eyes and oxygen released, like a prisoner that finally made bail, from his lungs. The orchestra in his head died down and the conducting stand was returned to him. Jimin let out one more breath and then fluttered his eyes open to the beautiful, doe eyes of Jungkook. Jungkook was standing so close to him, his touch so gentle. He smelled of cigarettes and pine wood.

"Definitely." Jimin said, each muscle thawing back into his control as he focused on Jungkook's hand. The anxiety lessening its grip. "I'll meet you outside after." Finally Jimin pulled out of Jungkook's touch, his finger's brushing with Jungkook's own as if neither boy wanted to fully untangle the touch, and then Jimin turned his back and walked out of the theater of his past.

Both boys crumbled the second that door closed. Jimin pressed his body against the concrete wall outside, heaving breath after breath with his hand going into his hair as he unraveled. Jungkook similarly sank against the stage, closing his eyes and pressing his temples as he pulled out a cigarette and finally lit it, slowly breathing in the smoke and letting it linger in his lips as the scent burned his mouth and nose and mind.

When they met back up after the hour, the two fell back into a natural comfort with each other. Stepping into known territory as if they had never entered Jimin's old theater. When Jimin had returned, Jungkook had just finished a phone call, and he smiled. He asked how it was and Jimin said the opera house was beautiful. When Jimin asked how the cigarette was in response, Jungkook had replied the same, which made Jimin snort.

The drive to Hoseok's was void of conversation, filled instead by the dark, moody sound of an indie artist instead. Night had stolen Seoul, causing the buildings to blur as they passed and the Han River sparkled a cascade of colors as it reflected the lights. Jimin watched the window while Jungkook watched the road.

He dropped Jimin off at Hoseok's, his leather jacket still wrapped around Jimin's shoulders and both boys were too dazed from the day to notice. Jimin thanked him for the ride, which was met with a grin, and that was that. The night barely a memory, barely even a moment. As Jungkook drove away, both wondered if the kiss had even happened at all.

* * *

"What? You said you'd come for Drag Night. Yoongs. It's the finale. They're going to crown the winner. You gotta be here." Hoseok said over the phone as he pressed it to his ear with his shoulder, his hands typing away on his laptop to order pizza for the night.

Taehyung flung a rubber band he was playing with at Hoseok, swinging on a stool of his kitchen island. Hoseok smacked it away and Taehyung sighed with exaggerated boredom.

"Be so for real. I know you secretly live for drag. Remember Min Yoonji?" Hoseok said with a massive grin that lit his whole face. He laughed at whatever curse Yoongi gave him on the other side for bringing up an old joke from middle school where the teacher made Yoongi dress up in drag for a play.

If Yoongi had two nickels for Yoonji being mentioned that day..

"No no, I think Yoonji should have a comeback, I've been saying it for years. We can workshop a drag race audition while we watch the finale together." Hoseok said, placing the order for four large pizzas, one of which Jungkook would finish himself once he got here. He transferred his phone to his hand and wacked away another rubber band mid-flight Taehyung launched.

Hoseok mouthed where?, gesturing to the sudden plethora of rubber bands covering his kitchen island. Taehyung pointed at the bananas he had out behind him near the fridge, which used to have rubber bands around the stems. Hoseok blinked and Taehyung flashed a classic box style grin back.

"So he's not coming?" Taehyung said in a hushed voice. "You know who is though? Namjoon. Right now, probably."

Hoseok grimaced, putting the phone back between his ear and shoulder to perfectly launch a rubber band back at Taehyung and hit him right in the forehead. The not-so-secret couple in their friend group now open as ammo for their jokes.

"Bro. What do you mean you're taking Jungkook to the recording studio? It's almost 9." Hoseok frowned.

He looked over at Taehyung who responded to the sudden attention with a wink. "Tae, didn't you say Jungkook's coming too?"

Taehyung blinked. "Uhh, no. I think he's just dropping Jimin off. I think he needs time to chill. Which I should check Jimin's location, he should be close."

Yoongi then said something more over the phone and Hoseok's smile faded. He readjusted his stance and leaned back on the counter. "Is he alright?"

That perked Taehyung's interest. He tried his best to hear what Yoongi was saying.

"Speaker." Taehyung said in a loud whisper. Hoseok waved him off with his foot. "Put him on speaker."

Hoseok rolled his eyes, pushing Taehyung away using his hand to face, but ultimately gave in and put their friend on speaker:

"Jungkook called me thirty minutes ago and asked to come over. He didn't sound good. I called Namjoon to join because he's better at getting Jungkook to talk than me. We're taking him to the studio to see if music might help him get out of his own head. I'm sorry Hobi. I can't make it tonight but I'll make it up to you tomorrow? We can watch the rerun?"

"Wait what do you mean Jungkook doesn't sound good?" Hoseok said, immediately reaching for his car keys. "I'm coming over, I can try to help how I can. Should I can bring something? We ordered pizza, I can drive some over once it's here?"

Yoongi was quiet for a second. "Hobi, man you know I love you but I think if we gang up on him it's not going to help. Let Namjoon and I try first. I uh, I don't know if you're the guy he's going to open up to right now." He added after another moment of hesitation. Hoseok's face dropped and a real flash of pain crossed his usually sunshine-blessed face.

"Yea." Hoseok said. "You're probably right. I'll reach out to him tomorrow in that case. Maybe see if he'll grab lunch with me. Rain check on that rerun?"

Taehyung went to Hoseok's fridge, pouring out some lemonade for the two of them.

"You guys take care of Jimin tonight, alright?" Yoongi said. "We tag-team this. They hung out today, so I'm worried something might have gone down again. We'll help both our friends better than we did last time, you know?"

"Uh, hey Yoongi." Taehyung said with a light hearted snort as he pulled out the margarita mix next. "You can go fuck yourself."

"Wasn't targeted." Yoongi said and Taehyung shook his head in response as if Yoongi could see the motion over the phone.

"Alright Min, I'll call tomorrow. Let me know how it goes."

"Thanks, you too. Good luck."  Hoseok hung up the phone and ran a hand down his face.

"What did they get themselves into this time?" Hoseok asked. "How bad do you think it is?"

Taehyung sipped on his lemonade and laughed because honestly, he didn't know what else to do.

"God, who even knows." Taehyung said.

"Category is: awkward." Hoseok said.

Taehyung scoffed. "Hoseok. What."

Hoseok shrugged and launched another rubber band. Taehyung shrieked and grabbed a banana, holding it like a knife in self defense in response.

"A banana, really?" Hoseok quipped.

Taehyung shrugged. He'd been doing a lot of shrugging today. Maybe one more time and his shoulders would get as large as Seokjin's yummy ones.

"You know who else is holding someone's banana right now?" Taehyung said, looking at the fruit.

Hoseok smacked Taehyung on the back of the head, then took the banana and sighed as he put it back where it was supposed to be.

"Probably the only person who's got their shit together in this friend group." He mumbled.

___________

A/N: sorry the note is long!!

Hi 😘

Sorry for any spelling and grammar errors, these are not heavily edited!!

Also, I know the jokes are so old, but the are OG. Tell me someone understand to jams and Yoonji call outs. If not, you need to look those up because they are so funny and culturally significant 💀

I know there's a lot of drama going on right now but definitely hoping to highlight the group friendships and group dynamics more in the next couple chapters. For dark moody artist, I was thinking something like Benson Boone. His music is where Jikook are at right now. If you guys haven't listened to him, he's very tiktok angst pop but some songs scratch my brain 🙂‍↕️

How are you guys doing?

I've got one more stressful week to get through before my life opens up for some healing writing and reading and all the good hobbies soon. I'm planning to go cafe hop next Monday to do all that which God is going to be so so nice. Genuinely can not wait. How about you guys? Anything you're looking forward to?

- Violette 🥰