"Jungkook. What's that?" Madison Lee, a beautiful Korean American girl with cascading black hair and a scatter of freckles, said. Her fingers pausing the motion of unbuttoning Jungkook's pants. Her thighs were straddling Jungkook's own while her pink nails, each with a small white flower design painted on them, rested against the tattooed sleeve of his arm. 

Jungkook watched as her heart shaped lips dipped into a frown before her eyes narrowed on his nightstand.

He brought his hands to his girlfriend's back, brushing under the band of her red bra. Jungkook leaned up on the bed, drawing his lips to her neck in the spot that usually made her curl into him. "Madison, please. Let's not fight tonight." He whispered into her, nose brushing against her skin and breathing in the lilac scent of her perfume. She saved it for special occasions, wearing a rose scented one otherwise.

If Jungkook was honest, the lilac caused his head to spin worse than the rose. He was sensitive to floral perfumes - or at least the two his girlfriend wore. But he'd spray her expensive bottle over every inch of himself and would pour the rest down his throat before he ever admits that to her. They agreed to a month ago not to fight as much and something as small as perfume wasn't worth the tidal wave that would follow. She could wear whatever she wanted, and he'd learn to like it. Didn't matter that he changed his favorite aftershave for the exact same reason - she said the pinewood scent made her head hurt.

"Jungkook. Stop." Madison says, tilting away and Jungkook pulled back. His shoulders slacked onto the bed, and he ran a hand down his face before looking up at her. Madison wasn't necessary a tall person, but her energy fills in the space her body can't. Quiet rage was battering behind her dark eyes as she looked inside his half-opened nightstand drawer.

Shit. He'd meant to close that before he'd left to pick her up for dinner.

"You said you quit." She said, words quipped. Jungkook's body felt heavy as he shifted her off of him and closed the drawer filled with half empty cigarette boxes.

"We had a good day today. Please, let's not do this." Jungkook said, now sitting at the edge of his mattress. He tried to reach for her shoulder, but she twisted out of the touch.

"You're unbelievable, you know that?" Madison said, getting off the bed and grabbing her shirt from the ground. She threw it over her head then starting to tame her hair into a braid with a scowl.

Jungkook could only sigh, shaking his head. They were so close to having a peaceful night. So close.

"I'm trying, Madi, but I can't quit smoking overnight. You only told me it bothers you last week, how can you expect me to be over it now?"

"It's not about the cigarettes, Jungkook."

Jungkook took in a long breathe. So much for not fighting. "Of course it's not. If it's not cigarettes, it's how I dress or how I talk to your friends or my aftershave or that my bed isn't big enough or-"

"No. You don't get to turn this on me." Madison's rage slipped from her tight fists into her voice. "You don't get to make me the bad guy here. A whole drawer of them? Really? If you couldn't quit, then you should have said when I first asked instead of lying to me. Was that what this date was today? You take me out today to that crazy dinner and that expensive ass bar and you what - were going to fuck me after so I forget I ever asked about it?"

Jungkook shook his head. He shouldered past her to grab his clothes and put them on. She scoffed, watching him dress.

He couldn't begin to decipher how this had turned on him. What part had he lied about? He was trying to stop. Jungkook never said he'd thrown every cigarette out, but that didn't mean he was chain smoking in his room every chance he got. He just had a bad habit of buying a new cigarette box before finishing an old one. 

And now what - because he hasn't thrown them out, their entire date turned into him somehow trying to manipulate her? Backstab her? Use her? He hadn't touched a cigarette in two days. The boxes helped him not panic as he tried to cut them out of his routine. But it wasn't like he could even explain.

Madison wanted results, not excuses. 

Jungkook's bones felt dense inside of him as he looked at his beautiful girlfriend. Took in the effort she had put into curling the ends of her hair and expensive makeup she'd done just for him. He wanted to make her happy today, that's all. Have a nice dinner, a fancy drink, and take her home to make her feel good after. And they were so close. He should have closed that damn drawer.

"Nothing to say?" Madison scoffed.

"You're going to twist whatever I do. So no, this time I don't have anything. I'm not fighting with you over this."

Madison gaped at him like he'd slapped her. "I hate the way those cigarettes smell, Jungkook. Hate it."

Jungkook walked to his living room, grabbing a leather jacket he'd thrown there the day before and shrugged it over his shoulders. Madison was only a step behind him, standing too close with all that white hot rage choking the room out. It covered every inch of the space. She covered all of it. She was in the hard, green couch she'd made him buy to replace his cozy worn brown one because she hated the look of it; in the way his game consuls were in a basket next to the TV instead of scattered under it because she said she couldn't respect someone who couldn't put their toys away, and in the way all his comics were replaced by classic novels because she thought they looked better on his shelf.

In the year they'd been dating, only half of his apartment remained the way it was before she'd chipped away at it. His living room looked like an Ikea advertisement; his kitchen was starting to get there too. The only room he hadn't let her change yet was his, but he guessed that was next on her list.

"Say something." She said shortly, tossing the half full pack of cigarettes she'd taken out of the drawer onto the kitchen table like she was a cop in some bad crime show. "I feel like I'm the only one fighting for this relationship." Madison wasn't a yeller. Her rage was more calm, more controlled. She didn't need to raise her voice for Jungkook to get the point.

"I only brought you back here to spend some more time together. Not to manipulate you. Today was supposed to be good for us." Jungkook said, finally looking at her. He ran a hand down his face again. "The date, the restaurant. It was to make you happy. I didn't lie to you, Madi." He added, voice as exhausted as his body felt. When were they going to stop running in these circles? He couldn't remember the last time they spent time together without it ending like this. "I said I would try to quit smoking and I am. I haven't gotten to the part where I can just throw those out yet. It takes -"

"If you say time again, I swear to God Jungkook I'll-"

"You'll what, Madison? Break up with me?" Jungkook called the bluff. Madison slowly closed her mouth, clenching her jaw.

Jungkook scoffed, grabbing his keys and walking towards his door. He needed to get out of this apartment before he fucking choked on the lilac scent inside of it. He didn't need to look back to know Madison was about to tear the place apart with those perfect pink nails. What would his friends think, watching him walk out of his own apartment instead of kicking her out of it? 

It's a good thing they don't know much about his relationships. 

"You can't run every time things get tough between us. I can't believe you, telling me to try at this, try at us, when you aren't even willing to fight for it! Running away just like you always do and then tomorrow I'm going to wake up to a call from you begging to hear you out while we ignore why we even argued in the first place."

Jungkook shut his eyes, rubbing his temples before swiping up the cigarette box off the kitchen table and shoving it into his pocket.

"Jungkook. Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Madison said again as he turned to leave.

"Out to smoke." He replied and slammed the door shut behind him. 

She wouldn't follow him out, he knew that much. No, Madison would facetime her girlfriends and for the next hour she would cry to them about how unfair he was, and they would tell her that Jungkook is abusive and toxic. Then tomorrow he would call her to apologize, and she would say that they shouldn't worry about the whole thing and they'd move on like nothing happened until the next time they fought.

The worst part is Jungkook knew she was right. Tomorrow he would call, they would ignore the fight, and move on. Stuck in a cycle he was too ashamed of to leave. 

Jungkook took out a cigarette and lit it, breathing in as much as he could before slowly letting the smoke leave his lips. The small buzz from the nicotine helped calm his mind. He'd gone through Hell to get a table at that restaurant. Worked extra shifts all month long just to afford it, too. With his free hand, Jungkook called the one person whose bright energy could pull him out of the nasty pit growing in his stomach before he did something self-destructing.

Jung Hoseok, who could put the sun to shame, picked up on the second ring.

"Jungkook?"

"...Hey Hobi."

"Fuck, what happened? You sound - well you sound terrible."

Jungkook let out a weak laugh at that. "I'm fine, just had a rough night."

There was a long silence on the other side of the line. "Madi?"

Jungkook clenched his jaw. Damn, maybe he wasn't hiding their problems that well. "Yea." He didn't elaborate and Hoseok didn't push. He loved his friends more than anything, but they wouldn't understand. They'd tell him to break up with her and move on or worse - call him weak for staying this long. "Is it okay if I come over for a bit?"

Hoseok answered with silence again, though longer than the first time.

Jungkook frowned. "Is now not a good time?"

"No, no it's not that." Hoseok said and Jungkook caught Jin's riot of a laugh in the background the call. Hoseok swore slightly. "Sorry, Jungkook Jin's over right now. I don't mind you coming but I have to warn you that Jin's not the only one here."

"I mean I figured. He doesn't go anywhere without Namjoon."

"Namjoon's got a deadline for his album so he's stuck in the studio tonight."

"Then who-" Jungkook started before his voice got stuck in his throat. There's only one person Hoseok would warn Jungkook about. Only one person Hoseok knew enough about to say something. 

Jungkook's cigarette fell from his fingers and his phone nearly followed before he gathered himself. His heart skipped a beat and suddenly he couldn't breathe for an entirely different reason than the premature lung cancer or Madison's anger. "But that's impossible. Jimin's in Busan."

"He's just here for the week before going back to finish the dance program. It was surprise visit. No one would blame you if you want to sit this one out." Hoseok said, his tone hesitant but kind. 

Jungkook's heart sank. "Jimin didn't call me."

Silence again. "I know. It's up to you, Jungkook. You're welcome to come but I can't exactly kick him out."

Jungkook hung up with a quick goodbye, putting his phone in his jacket and after a moment of hesitation, started towards Hoseok's apartment. His hands shook with each step, mind racing with images of a short boy with blond hair and dark brown eyes he hadn't seen in over a year.

Memories of a shy smile flashed his way followed by the focused crease of Jimin's brow when he danced. Jungkook's heart raced as more images flushed his mind, trying his best to shake off the way each one made his heart run wild. He was at this boy's mercy, his name alone enough to bring Jungkook down to his knees. But that all changed a year ago, when Park Jimin had left for Busan, and their friendship shattered with it.