Don't beat me please 😭. I know I abandoned you guys. I'm so sorry.

Ghosted

Today was supposed to be a good day.

The Squad were coming over for a sleepover. Humaira's wedding date has been set and through all their busy schedules and school, they haven't had time to sit and discuss the wedding.

She was excited. It's been long they met like this. The last time they were all together was when she was at the hospital. It was kind of an emotional time for all them.

But this time will be different, she can feel it. This time, it will be full of laughter and joy. They were going to have fun. So much fun.

She was happy. Or so she thought.

She was in charge of the cooking. This should make her happy too since Umma will be out of her hair. She gets to choose the menu and do as she pleases without any interruptions.

But she can't understand why she was being moody.

One minute she was humming a happy tune while peeling some potatoes,  the next minute she was fighting back tears as she crushed some parsley and ginger in the food processor.

Actually she knew why she was feeling like crap, she just didn't want to admit it.

She was mad at herself for being this way. For becoming so obsessed with the idea of him, for thinking there could be 'something' going on between them.

Only for him to prove her wrong.

It's been two weeks. Fourteen days. Not a word from him.

Since that fateful day in Ramadan when he messaged her out of the blue using a three month old picture of his pasta as a conversation starter, they've been talking non-stop.

They were sharing recipes and he was always sending her pictures of the stuff he made for iftar whenever he gets home on time to cook. On days when he spends the whole day at work, he calls her on his way back home and they talk and talk and talk until he finally says 'I'm home' and then they hang up and he goes straight to bed.

She loved their conversations.

He told her so many stories about his childhood; how he lost his mom, how his sisters raised him and all. With each passing day, she saw him in a new light.

He was amazing. He was kind. He was passionate about his work. He loved his family alot. He loved kids too.

It was all so surreal. It felt like she was meeting him for the first time and was getting to know him.

How is it that she's known him most of her life, but she was only getting to know him now?.

She can't explain the chemistry, or even the biology behind it; the way they clicked.

When she told Humaira, she went berserk with excitement.

"Maybe you've finally found your soul mate!" She'd declared "This is the only logical explanation"

She'd thought so too.

For the first time in her life, she was talking to a guy and she was totally comfortable in her own skin. With him, she didn't feel like she has to fake anything to make him like her or respect her.

Unlike her other relationships where she sometimes felt claustrophobic, Haseeb was a breath of fresh air, something new, something she's never experienced. It was easy with him. She didn't need to make any effort. He saw her, and that was all that mattered.

Until recently when he didn't.

"You really need to get out of your head Shukr. Are you being serious right now?" Azizah had attacked her on the phone the previous day. She'd called and found her crying.

At first, Shukrah had lied that she was having cramps, but eventually told her everything in the end, ommiting Haseeb's name from the whole story.

"Just because a guy talks to you all the time, asking you for recipes and sending you random pictures of his activities doesn't mean he is in love with you. He probably just wants to show off his good cooking skills"

Shukrah was mentally stabbing herself in the chest with a knife as she listened to her sister ramble about how dense she must be to fall desperately in love with this guy.

"How long?"

She swallowed.

"Huh?" She perfectly understood the question. She was just stalling.

Azizah sighed in exasperation "The conversations. How long have you guys been talking...."

Shukrah felt her lips tremble. She felt stupid. This is was all Humaira's fault. She was the one that encouraged her and put all those 'soul mate' talks in her brain. "Two months or so..."

Azizah was apalled. "Are you freaking kidding me? Shukrah lafiyarki kuwa? How can you fall for a guy sharp sharp like this? In this end times? Haaaaaa!"

She was really dense. No doubt.

Everything was making sense now.

"You're crying because a guy you barely know ghosted you? Unbelievable!"

She was thankful she didn't reveal Haseeb's name. It seems Aziza was taking this very personal.

"Ya Zeeezee you're making me feel worse"

"Oh you should!" Azizah scoffed "You really should. This is below your pay grade Shukr. So low!"

"Okay it was nice chatting with you. I'm going to hang up now" and she did.

But Azizah called few hours later and apologized for being mean. She is her favorite sister after all, she can't stand seeing her suffer.

"But to be frank Shukr, you need to put a leash on your heart. You can't let it loose like this. You can't be falling for everyone and end up getting hurt"

Shukrah rolled her eyes. "I'm not falling for everyone. It's just him"

Just admitting it made her heart hurt.

"Well then you need to tone it down a bit. It's obvious he doesn't feel the same since he hasn't contacted you all these while"

There was silence.

"I'm sorry Shukr but it's just the plain truth. You need to wake up from your dreams and face reality. Wake. Up."

She sighed. "Yeah I know."

They were silent for a while before Shukrah finally spoke. "Thank you Ya Zeezee. I needed that"

"You're welcome"

She felt better after their phone call. And she thought that was the end. But she woke up this morning and was scrolling through her Instagram when she stumbled upon a vedio of someone making spaghetti and meatballs and she bursts into tears. Since then, she'd been like this.

She was glad Humaira arrived a little earlier than the rest and they had time to catch up and talk about the wedding and even their Eidul Adha preparations. Eid was in two or maybe three days, and Shukrah was yet to receive her clothes from the tailor.

She's already jinxed it.

She always gives her clothes to the tailor months before Eid and she always receives them on the morning of Eid. She was tired of fighting with them. There was no point.

They finished cooking dinner before the rest arrived. She and Humaira set the table in Abba's dining room while Fayrouz and Na'ima arranged their own food in Umma's living room.

They prayed and then sat down to devour the sumptuous dishes Shukrah had prepared for them.

Everything was delicious.

Bintu came in with a tray laden with fruits. Shukrah had forgotten it in the fridge where she'd left them to chill.

"Ya Yusuf is here" she said as she dropped the tray in their midst and left.

Her friends exchanged looks before they started smiling slyly.

Shukrah eyed them as she made a move to stand. "Don't you dare!" she warned them before she donned her hijab and went downstairs to meet him.

She found him in the waiting room downstairs, a box of what looks like cupcakes on his laps. She was surprised to find him there, and not in the main living room.

"Hey you" she smiled as she sat opposite him on the only other single chair in the room. "What are you doing here?"

He returned her smile, but there was something off about it.

"I'm here to see you"

She ignored the warm feeling she felt in her chest and focused on his face.

"No I meant why are you sitting here?"

He shifted on his seat and scratched a spot behind his ear.

"Munzo da Baba. He and Abba are talking inside."

She gave him a cheeky smile. "Maganar ta grown ups ne kenan. An koro ka" she teased.

She thought he'd laugh at that, instead he just stared at her. She couldn't pinpoint what the issue was but there was something definitely off about him.

"Are you okay?" She decided to ask.

He nodded and tried to smile. His heart was beating erratically against his chest. He wished he stayed in the car. This was not how he planned his day.

A week ago, he and his mother had a very confidential conversation regarding his plans for marriage. He told her his plans and how he wanted to put them in motion. He thought that was the end of the conversation until he finally made the 'move' but she got so excited and went to give the full gist to his father.

Unknown to him, his father decided to take matters into his own hands.

He was surprised when he received his call this evening while he was waiting in line to buy Shukrah red velvet cupcakes from her favorite store.

"We have somewhere to go after Maghreb" was all he said after they exchanged pleasantries.

He didn't know that they were coming to her house until when they got into the car. And he didn't know what his father wanted to discuss with her father until five minutes ago.

He was shaking internally.

This was not how he planned it.

He wants to tell her now, but it will only freak her out. And he didn't know any other way to say it without making her panic.

He wished he'd stalled when her father had asked him of his intentions towards her. He wished he'd waited until they heard her own point of view. But his father was staring at him and he didn't know any other way to say it. He was put on the spotlight. He felt like a child who had committed a crime. So he did the only thing he thought was right.

He admitted the truth. The truth that he's been burying in his chest for years.

And surprisingly he felt a little bit lighter when he said it.

And he was still feeling lighter when the fathers told him to excuse them.

Until she came in and everything came back to him all at once and he instantly wished he hadn't come in the first place.

How will he tell her now that the deed is done? Well barely done, since their fathers haven't finalized anything yet.

But they eventually will.

What will happen then?

This is all so messed up.

"Are you hungry? Kaci abinci kuwa?" Her voice crawled into his head and brought him back from his thoughts.

He shook his head.

"Are your sure? Do you want tea or something?"

There she goes melting his heart away with her 'motherly' love.

"I'm okay. It's just....." he bit his tongue just as the door leading to Abba's living room opened and their father's stepped out.

"Ah ah, kuna nan ashe" his father said with a wide and proud smile.

Shukrah quickly squatted and greeted him.
They exchanged pleasantries and he turned to Yusuf  "In kun gama I'll be in the car"

Yusuf barely nodded.

Abba had a lopsided smile as he walked Yusuf's father out.

"This is for you" he said as he placed the box on the table between them.

Her heart warmed when she finally saw the logo on the box. Yusuf never gets tired. Once he realizes she likes something, then that's the end. If he doesn't bring it himself, he sends someone.

These little things makes her appreciate him even more. That's why she's always hovering around him when he visits. She sometimes sends him lunch packs to the office as her own token of appreciation.

She has no idea how much he appreciates them.

"Thank you" she said with a bright smile. "Allah ya saka da alkhairi"

He stood and nodded, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"I have so much to say but I think this is not the right time" he looked up at the ceiling and swallowed. "So I'll call you later"

Her brows knitted but she nodded anyway. "Okay"

He looked down and took her all in.

She was so beautiful.

Her face was devoid of any makeup yet she was looking radiant. She was dressed simply in a floral boubou and a matching hijab. The color suited her. It made her glow, just like the way she made his heart glow.

He smiled at her and she smiled back.

His heart hammered against his ribs.

He breathed in. "Alright then. Take care"

"My regards to Badri"

He barely nodded as he walked out of the room.

Shukrah happily took the box to the kitchen where she offloaded 12 red velvet cupcakes unto a plate and took it upstairs to her friends.

"Dessert is here" she announced as she entered Umma's living room.

"Har kun gama hiran?" Na'eema asked with a teasing smile.

Shukrah rolled her eyes "I'm just going to pretend like I didn't hear you"

They all laughed.

The cupcakes were heavenly. They were moist and the whipped cream icing was delicious. They finished them all.

After Isha, they cleared the dishes and helped Bintu with washing them and putting away the left overs in the fridge.

By the time they got back upstairs and took turns taking a shower, it was already 11pm.

Na'eema and Fay were already asleep by the time Shukrah was out of the shower. She did her 5 step routine and wore her Pajamas before she slipped next to Humy on the bed of quilts they made at the foot of the bed. She'd given her bed to Fay and Na'eema.

"So....." Humy began "No update?"

Shukrah straightened her jersey cap and tried to smile. "14 days and 21 hours. But who's counting?"

Humy placed a comforting hand on her shoulder "You need to stop doing this to yourself. It's totally not healthy."

"I can't help it. I keep thinking maybe it's something I did, or said. I keep going back to our chats and reading in between the lines but there's nothing"

"Shukr don't beat yourself over this please. It's not your fault he ghosted you. And you guys weren't technically in a relationship, so you really need to calm down."

Shukrah felt tears prickling her eyes.

She doesn't know what's worse; falling for him or getting ghosted.

It was all so awful.

"I can't help it" she whispered into the darkness.

Humy hugged her arm to her chest. "Please don't cry nau. It's really not your fault wallahi. He's a coward for doing what he did and it's his loss. You're an amazing person and you don't deserve to be treated this way. You don't deserve him"

Shukrah felt a pang in her chest.

"I don't deserve him" she repeated Humaira's words. They felt heavy and tasted bitter on her tongue.

"Yes" Humairah assured her. "Mayyyyyyy be you deserve Yusuf?"

Shukrah shoved her with her elbow. "Don't even go there. We're just really close and he is nice to me. There's really nothing going on there"

Humairah giggled. "But you know he likes you yeah?"

"He doesn't" Shukrah rolled her eyes. She vividly remembers Badriyyah telling her about his girlfriend one time. They use to work at the same place or something like that.

"Well you must be blind then"

Before she could reply, her phone buzzed from where it was charging on the dresser. It was set to vibrate so it was now shimmying with the incoming call. She reached for it and saw that it was him.

She quickly muted the call and put the phone back.

If Humairah hears her talking to him at this hour of the night, she won't let her rest.

Whatever it was he wanted to discuss, it can wait till the morning.

Or maybe not.

********
It's short but I hope you enjoyed it.

Please don't forget to vote and comment. I stayed up this late so I can give you this update.

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Thank you.

Yours,
Miryamah