Dear all,

as promised here is the new chapter! I won't add much, just thank you very much for your support and sweetness: your messages are incredible!

I will let you enjoy the chapter and comment something at the end, in my usual Author's chit-chat section, pulling some questions out :-)

Now, let me say it is dedicated to all of you, to some of my dearest friends that never left me and I want to particularly dedicate this chapter to LadyDianna as a sincere thank you for your messages and words of that day! xox

The wonderful banner was created for me by the amazing Maria231000, thank you!

Btw, feeling artistic? Then I would love new banners! And Tolya would love them, too.

Music from Blink 182, I miss you, as it felt like fitting this chapter.

I will be looking forward to reading your comments and messages!

Now, no more indulging in words.

Enjoy the chapter!

-OLEG POV-

"Fear is often greater than the danger itself", from Junjou Romantica, episode 4 season 1.

My eyes opened up at the usual time and the room was still immersed in the dark light of the early morning. It was five and thirty minutes and there was no need for an alarm to wake me up, for I had been used to early mornings for over half of my life and however, it was a trait I inherited from my grandmother, who would wake up every morning at five sharp without failing a single day. Sometimes it was earlier and that was in summer, but she needed no alarm that however did not exist in their first very simple and humble house, and no rooster, for I believe she was the one giving it the signal to sing at the first lights of the day. My mind lingered on that distant memory a short while and took me back to time when I was a very young child, loving to wake up before anyone else aside my grandmother and find a moment of peace.

Those early mornings, those early hours where I helped my grandmother with whatever she needed, were rarely moments of peace and quiet. Peace and quiet before he would wake up, angry, disorientated and in search for a new bottle to drink him off completely. Peace and quiet before hell would break in that simple and humble house. I grew up in a very remote and simple village of Northern Siberia and we all remembered and experienced the cause of that war in Afghanistan in a way or another.

It was raining outside and the drops of water quietly tapped to the window of Anatoly' room. As the distant memories of my past regressed to their usual hidden and back space of my mind, not being of necessary importance, I silently stirred my body and stretched my arms and back. I kept a few seconds on that armchair making sure he was sleeping sound and deep, and I realized nothing would have woken him up. Anatoly was deeply asleep and probably entirely sprawled in the middle of bed having tossed arms and legs in every direction. I believe it was his usual way of sleeping and my lips curved in a soft smile, as I remembered the way he was when I woke up the other day. My legs pushed me up and silently I took a few steps stopping at his side. So it was correct and he was indeed sleeping in the middle of the bed just like I thought. Another smile formed and hence a silent sigh left my mouth.

I realized that Anatoly somehow was probably the only person breathing on this world able to pull such emotions and reactions from me. A simple and very spontaneous smile that I had forgotten I was capable of.

Probably the only person?

I shook my head knowing the answer too well. There was no room for "probably" in my sentence.

The sight of that miraculous balm against bruises and body ache caught my attention and I decided to let a clearer message. I found a pen and piece of paper on Anatoly's desk and quickly wrote what he had to do. He was stubborn and sometimes lazy in a rather surprising way, a common trait he had with his twin brother, and I knew he might refuse to use that balm simply dismissing it as a waste of time. This would be a typical reaction for that brat and forcing it somehow sorted some effects.

Mind it carefully though, because Anatoly was no person to be controlled or bossed around, and at first it surprised me slightly how he would quickly listen to me, but then again, it was as if we had created a special way of communicating between one another, as if my strict manners and severe attitudes blended and compensate with his stubbornness and need to feel free. Anatoly hated any form of control and that was striking obvious, however it was not just part of having a head harder than a mule, but part as well of his pride. I didn't need to ask him, because I knew how those past years affected his perception of pride. They had trashed it deeply into dirt and once he finally realized it, the awareness hit him painfully.

I let the small piece of paper right under the balm and lingered another short moment observing him. Anatoly was a mess of many clashing emotions, healing processes, understanding, self-forgiving and self-discovering. Anatoly was at the edge of a knife and I had to be careful. Yet, there was something that left me restless, as if my instinct alerted me how everything was now simply lying down calm before a storm. I did not want to think my instinct was right, but it couldn't be ignored.

More careful than before?

If only I knew what was out of place... but I bitterly had to admit my limits and resigned to the fact at the moment it was out of my reach. As I had to bitterly admit I could not guard him twenty four seven. It was not realistic and not possible. However he was out of the gang and the leader still hiding somewhere, the rest of the members keeping quiet, Sergey Kirillievich Lebedev would not represent another problem given his father had probably dealt with him last night, and yesterday I realized Anatoly had found a very good and loyal friend in school.

So why I felt the storm was not over? I had no rational answer to such question and decided it was time to get ready for work. I did not want Mr. and Mrs. Denisov seeing me stepping out of their son's room and not because there was anything to hide or because I did something wrong taunted with hidden and second aims, but because I had the impression Mrs. Denisov might perceive it as an intrusion. It was clear how worried she was over her son and how much she loved him. As well, I preferred to keep this moment only for me, as a very private personal fragment. Something last night moved me to this room and to watch over his sleep, and there was nothing remotely related to duties that were part of my job.

In a way, it might have been duty.

Indeed, duty of a very peculiar and personal nature. A duty I had ordered myself to respect and fulfill; a duty of watching over Anatoly, making sure he was well and healthy both physically and emotionally, and being there for him whenever he would need me.

A last quick glance before closing the door behind me without producing a sound. I walked to my quarters and got ready for the day.

"Good morning, sir" I saluted as I stepped in the office bringing over the usual newspapers about finance that Mr. Denisov read and as well other documents. "Here is the report from the meeting of yesterday. I completed my research and now we have all the data necessary."

"Good morning Oleg and thank you for your help." Mr. Denisov took the papers and carefully studied their contents. His brows knotted and I knew he had reached a specific part. "So they lied about their actual capital?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well, I believe my lawyers will have what they needed to complete their actions." He put the papers down on the desk with a satisfied expression and addressed me with a short smile. "As always, I can count on you for everything. Thank you, Oleg."

"My honor, sir."

I had avoided any common room of their residence, as I had decided to put some sensible distance between Anatoly and I. He was still sleeping without any doubt, but however it was better in that way. We spent part of the morning in his studio considering documents and talking with Mr. Denisov' lawyers and before ten o'clock he decided to drive to his office in town. Before leaving he went to see his wife and certainly asked about his son.

I pulled the sleek black BMW SUV out of the garage and waited for Mr. Denisov; when I caught sight of him, I stepped out, closed the door for him, offered to take his briefcase knowing he would refuse with a polite smile and shake of head and then opened the door for him. As usual he sat in the front seat beside me and while I drove, he immersed himself in his laptop, reading more documents and researching for more information. Three weeks ago a business partner tried to break the contract of one of Mr. Denisov deals by cheating with numbers and incomes; he basically tried to steal and then secretly form another alliance with a concurrent company.

Of course we discovered the rat and I had the personal pleasure of confronting him while delivering the message from my boss. Needless to say the conversation and my tone were of the utmost professional and civilized, but here and there I let slip an unspoken and silent message. The rat seemed to understand the situation and apparently my attitudes were enough to make him re-evaluate his position; no threatening words or glares, but a very simple and severe way of approaching the man served the purpose perfectly. During my service in that special Spetsnaz group, our restricted and elite cluster received training on how to scare and coerce people by the simple tone of the voice, the way the eyes would indulge on the prey and on particular words, the body language, the choice of words and other very useful details. Aggressive strength and open threats did not always work and in certain cases could not be of any use. I must admit my military training greatly helped me in serving Mr. Denisov and I was genuinely grateful for that.

I felt my upper lip slightly tilting up in a mute smirk, as no point in denying the fact I had always enjoyed how my presence and attitudes sorted out certain reactions.

Before reaching the office I quickly enquire about his son, because first I was sincerely concerned, second it was part of my duty and third, it would have been inconsiderate not to ask.

"Mr. Denisov, may I enquire how Anatoly is this morning?"

"When we left he was still sleeping, but I told my wife to call me as soon as we woke up. However I am sure he is better, as he is strong." There was pride in his voice and it was good to hear it.

"He certainly is, sir."

There was no doubt Anatoly was indeed strong; he had an inner strength that at the moment was wavering and not concrete, but I came to understand he was a strong brat.

-ANATOLY POV-

I lied in bed for longer time and kept staring at that armchair and at the balm now in my hands, along with the piece of paper he had written with his too neat hand-writing. My eyes had drilled a hole on that small note, as they read it over and over. I could not believe he had actually written me something. My hand closed around it with something I couldn't describe and I swallowed down.

I had just used a bit of his balm and, believe it or not, my bruises felt already somehow better. I wonder of what it was made of and how much of it he had used in his past years. The more I paid attention to Oleg's body and face, the more it was possible to see scares of every sort, shape and size. That man had a quite the life before meeting my parents and many times I wondered what he meant by saying we all make mistakes; he said he had done some as well, but I simply could not believe it. It was not thinkable for a man like him.

I sighed loud. It looked like stopping to think about that scary beast was not an option. My eyes rested on that damn armchair and it was like seeing that old geezer there sleeping, his head reclined down on his chest, his breath calm and deep, his chest rising with each long and silent inhale and exhale. Of course he did not snore. Nothing of that man was normally human.

Oleg had really spent the night in my room, but no idea why he did that and this thought was about to drive me insane. I shook my head to chase it away and cursed the second after. I was still all beaten up and I felt like some old grandpa. Ha, wonderful.

I looked at the window and realized the light was quite bright and intense, so when my look fell on the alarm on my nightstand, another curse left my mouth. It was incredibly late!

"Shit, why the hell nobody woke me up?"

I stupidly got up too fast and the entire room spun around me so much that I had to grab the nightstand to avoid the floor. I breathed deeply and got even more mad thinking that I was in this stupid condition because of that fucktard idiotic Sergey.

What was Oleg thinking last night? Had he thought I was some sort of stupid brat that needed babysitting no-stop or not? Was he what, worried about me? I shook my head. That couldn't be, it was not Oleg like, but then again, why he did it? Was it because my dad or my mum asked him to do so? Was it part of his freaking duty agenda? The idea pissed me off so much that blood began to pump in my head and I had to calm down, but apparently it was not an easy task for me. I wanted to ask him why he was in my room last night, but I knew he would never give me a real answer, so I wasn't going to waste my time and energy. He never really answered any of my questions and that was damn annoying.

I looked at that armchair again and pictured him sleeping there. I swallowed down and closed my eyes. Things were really bad and no kidding here. I liked the idea of him sleeping in my room too much and that was bad, really bad.

To be fair, it wasn't only very bad, but dangerous as well.

I was getting obsessed with that man, with his presence, with knowing his past, his life, why he did whatever he did for me.

This was some sort of obsession and I knew it.

I swallowed more and prayed to find the way out of this. My actions had already caused too much troubles and pain in this house and the least thing my parents, especially my mother, needed was me behaving like an idiot with a man almost fifteen years older than me and being my dad's personal assistant slash body guard.

The problem was that my mind could not stop racing toward him. Make it as well my hormones and body and everything else part of me.

Yes, things were bad indeed.

Also, very dangerous.

I needed a way out from this.

I stepped in my own small bathroom, as every bedroom in this house had a personal bathroom. Let's say my parents liked comforts and well, who would blame them? For sure not me as in these past months I realized how many things I had missed very much.

"Shower?" I wondered as my hands automatically opened cold water from the sink to splash my face.

I decided to go for a shower and considering everything it was not such a good idea, therefore I simply washed myself using the sink and carefully brushed my teeth, as my lips and mouth were still in much pain. Every part and cell of my body was in much pain and it was probably about time for more pills of painkiller. When I finished with that, I walked back to my room and chose something extremely comfortable to wear and that meant a pain of loose shorts and an old t-shirt and I pretty much looked ridiculous, however, it took little effort to wear it.

I limped out of the room and cursed in my head. Would I ever stop all of this cursing and swearing? I doubted it very much and well, wasn't that crazy Travis the same? Dima told me that the guy could be worse than a sailor in certain moments and that it was quite the funny combination. My brother was right: Travis looked elegant and very sophisticated, and cursing was sure a contrast, but well, he looked like a firecracker to me, so probably it fitted his personality just fine. I was about to slowly limp a step down the stairs when I heard voices coming from the main hall; the first reaction was to see whom that was, then something took over me and I stayed hidden. My ears caught voices, at first two speaking Russian, my mum's and Sergey's mother's voice, probably enquiring about me; minutes later the doorbell rang again and other voices joined. They walked to the living room mum used to meet friends and talk and only then I slowly and silently walked down the stairs.

I had no idea what made me behave in that way, but somehow I felt ashamed and didn't want to put my mum in some strange position by letting her friends seeing her son in these conditions. Adrian and that sadistic bastard told me about the problems my parents had to go through these years of school, especially after joining the gang and this past one, where I failed.

What were they thinking about me? What my mum thought about me? Was she ashamed of me? She told me countless times how much she missed me and how much she loved me, but deep down I was scared of her real feelings. What if deep in her heart she was ashamed of me, of what I was and what I had done?

I was scared to find that out and so I retreated back, but something stopped me. It was my curiosity and conscience, wanting to know, wanting to hear. Therefore there I was, hiding and waiting in the shadow of the stairs; every word could be heard perfectly from this position, as that room had no doors, only an arch on the ceiling to mark the entrance.

"How is your son, Natasha?" asked one of them with what seemed to be a rather phony concerned tone. I didn't remember that voice, but then again, where have I been in the past years? I let out a silent sigh and sat on the hidden step.

"He is still resting and thank to our God he has nothing broken." My mum's tone for sure was not phony, as you could hear real relief in her voice. However, her voice sounded tired, too.

"I am really sorry for what happened yesterday, for what my son did and you have no idea, we are out of mind, especially Kirill." I bet that shithead's father was deadly mad. I knew him too well and I knew how strict he was in terms of discipline and behaviors, so everyone wondered how that idiotic Sergey could come out like that. His sister was completely different, but hey, who was I to judge? "I...Natasha, I am just very sorry. I don' know what to say more, if you need anything or if you want to talk to my husband, or.."

"Thank you, Masha, but I know you are and I know how you and Kirill must feel right now." Mum felt sincerely sorry for her friend and it was clear she just wanted to put her out from that misery.

Then what she said, those words...those words hit me like a truck at full speed. How many times had I let my mother feel that bad and down because of my actions? I swallowed down the taste of bile in my mouth.

"Tolya is fine now and I am sure Kirill will take care of that and please Masha, don't say sorry anymore."

The other two women didn't say a word and after a few seconds of silence, something that I am not sure I would have been able to bear, they talked about something different as it was clear my mum didn't want to make Maria Lebedeva feel bad, in particular in front of those other two persons. If only I would have inherited her empathy and sensibility...but apparently neither Dima had so much luck, given how tactless the dofus could be sometimes.

After a while Sergey's mother left and only two friends were left.

What happened in those following minutes left me completely without words.

-EXTERNAL POV-

The four women sat on the expensive and very comfortable couch and talked about what happened to Anatoly, only Masha and Natasha feeling sincerely sorry and worried. Anatoly's mother felt the stress and tension coming from her friend and she couldn't help the smile. She understood her and she knew what and how she was feeling, her thoughts, her doubts as parent and more and more. Natasha could almost see and hear the words that without doubts her friend exchanged with her husband; Zhenya and Oleg went there and no doubt her husband and Oleg confronted Sergey. Oleg most of all seemed very livid last night and in some way it surprised her and she kept thinking about that the entire morning, but when the man greeted her in the usual professional and polite way, she told herself it was over-thinking.

Now she was here and she knew the other two so called friends were not sincere. They were part of some committee she as well joined years ago and she was aware that their "friendship" was dictated by social rules. However, at first she was happy to see them there and inquiring about her son.

Anatoly, she thought. She missed her son so much and she was afraid for him so much, feeling so guilty and incapable of doing anything in the right way. The more she tried to take him back and get close to him, the more he slipped away and pushed everyone farther away. Since Tolya joined the gang, Natasha had lost considerable weight because of the stress that situation produced to her and she knew how Zhenya was worried as well. However, her wonderful husband acted much stronger and stood there beside her trying his best and his everything to take his son back. Many times she heard their arguments, she heard him threatening Tolya to kick him out, hearing her two sons arguing and sometimes even going over words...but she knew her husband would have never really kicked him out. Never ever. Natasha knew how he had asked Oleg to keep an eye on him and that was the reason she was eternally thankful to that man, why more than ever and more than she already did before, she had welcomed him in their family.

Natasha did not want Maria to feel this down and so she smiled at her and squeezed her hands.

"Tolya is OK now, and please, do not say sorry anymore." She wanted to add more, but not in front of those other two guests. Her friend clearly grasped it and smiled back.

"Thank you," was all she said.

They changed topic somehow, after seconds of silence. They discussed about an upcoming evening meant to gather economical support for a volunteering organization taking care of young mothers left alone. Mrs. Denisov was involved in all sort of organizations that would try their best to help people in need and to raise sensibility and awareness from the general public. She did not need to work to sustain herself, given the great wealth her husband brought to the family with his business and activities, thus she decided to take care of her family and help others. It was not done out of hypocrisy. It was done out of sincerity.

After a while Maria Lebedeva excused herself and left the house; they exchanged a few words in Russian only when at the door, out of politeness for the other guests, and promised to meet and talk more the following day.

When Mrs. Denisov walked back, she could feel the two women slightly different. The atmosphere had someone changed.

"We were discussing how we feel bad for her; she is such a sweetheart and so is her daughter, but her son, that Sergey kid is really unpredictable," Savannah said, the one with the very dark blonde curls and pearls around her neck, a very stiff and hypocritical smile.

"She is right," Marissa chirped in nodding to the other one, "her son is really troublesome and I wonder if they actually apply the right discipline in that house." They both nodded folding their hands on their laps, as the seriousness of the topic apparently required an adequate posture. "Don't you agree, Natalia?"

Natasha could barely contain a polite smile, as she sure did not wish to hear them talking bad behind her friend's back.

"Marissa, Savannah, I can tell you that Maria and Kirill are amazing parents. It can happen to have some troubles with your kids." She silently sighed and continued with a stretched polite smile, "we are not perfect and being teen-agers sometimes is a great challenge. There are many factors that need to be accounted as reasons for certain behaviours."

She wanted to change topic and therefore she tried to ask for more details about the upcoming events, but the two guests were there not to discuss events, but to gossip only.

"You are so right, dear Natalia and we know how you must have felt in these years and how you still feel...with your other son and everything that happened."

Mrs. Denisov and Anatoly, who still was sitting on the stairs and listening to every single word, stiffened at those words.

Anatoly caught his breath and was afraid to even let it out. He found himself almost trembling at what his mother could answer and at what she had actually felt in the past. What she still felt, after the fighting of last night, after everything, him being gay, his confessions, everything.

Mrs. Denisov stiffened because the two women had dared to touch a topic completely out of their league and comprehension and as well, out of their sensibility. She tried to mask it for the sake of mere politeness and dismiss it with a quick answer.

"I believe it is not possible for you to understand my feelings." Her tone was curt and quick, never rude, but dismissive. "I love my sons, Anatoly and Dmitri. They are my sunshine."

She believed that with those words the question was closed, but she believed wrongly.

"Darling, you do not need to hide your worries and feelings with us. We know each other for so long that we understand you." Again they both nodded together and Natalia realized her patience was wearing thin.

"Yes, Marissa is right. We know that your son Dmitri is a great kid, even though it must not be simple to accept his current...how to phrase properly, inclination. You and Yevgeny are very philanthropic and we both think you two set an example of wonderful accepting and forgiving parents."

Anatoly widened his eyes so much at those words and he had to almost stick a fist in his mouth not to laugh. Philanthropic? How the heck were they talking? And however, what the heck? If there was something that his parents were absolutely cool with was their sexuality and "inclination", as that woman called it. His mother was actually happy Dmitri had found someone like Jasper and she literally adored the little chipmunk; his parents actually welcomed him as a third son. He doubted many other parents were that open about such situation.

"Excuse me?" Mrs. Denisov could only say, half in disbelieve she was actually hearing such words. "An example of forgiving?"

"Yes, we know both of your sons are actually...homosexual." That word clearly made them uncomfortable and they pronounced with certain reluctance.

"Of course Dima and Tolya are gay. We have been extremely lucky to have them to trust us and open it up to us. Dmitri's boyfriend is a lovely boy and we consider him like our son. We have nothing to forgive. Zhenya and I are happy they came to us and talked."

Anatoly let go and breathed out. His mother was amazing indeed. She was a fierce lioness when it came to her family, no doubt about that.

The two women looked at Mrs. Denisov with a rigid smile clearly not sharing her view and enthusiasm.

"Well, this is just adorable," Savannah said clearly not believing one word. "As I said, a wonderful example."

"Yes, especially with Anatoly. We knew what you two went through, with all the problems he caused in school and with the fact he had joined a gang."

"A gang.." they both exhaled that word and shook their heads, as it they had just heard someone swearing the name of God in the middle of Christmas mass service. "What a disgrace."

Natasha pressed her lips together and stiffened in one piece of ice. These two had crossed a line that could never be crossed back. They had insulted her son and no one would walk away with that as nothing. She calmed her breath down before opening her mouth, or else her words might have been a disgrace for their hypocritical and nauseating phony selves.

Anatoly stiffened even more. He was not ice; he was not fire. He was nothing in that moment. Awareness, clear and brutal realistic awareness had crushed on him and slammed his face. Disgrace.

Yes, those two harpies were absolutely right and deep down Anatoly always knew but never found the courage to even just think about that word.

He had shamed his family.

They were right. It was incredible and amazing that after all of his doing, they all gave him a second chance.

There was no way he could screw things up again and the thought scared him to his bones. He felt about to panic because he was afraid that something would creep out and ruin it forever. What about his gang leader? What about the other members? What about school and all the enemies he collected? What about...what about him? Anatoly sank on the step and realized how that would probably cause even more confusion and troubles in his family. He could not afford it and his stomach sank down even more, feeling as if he had eaten concrete and dozens of screws. He actually felt pain.

Anatoly felt pain because first, he feared what his mother would answer and secondly, because he realized how his past had compromised his possible future, if there actually was a future. Thirdly, this thought and fear made him realize how blind and stubborn he had been so far with himself. Deep down Anatoly had harboured hopes, thin, fragile and hidden, but hopes nonetheless and the worst part was discovering it now of all moments.

He closed his eyes and swallowed hard and silently. He kept listening to their words.

"Yes, such a disgrace for the entire family and what he did in school...he was such a terrible subject. We are both amazed how you two forgave him and gave him a second change. He did not deserve it if you want to hear my sincere opinion because we all know what he did to innocent kids and how much he had put you in a terrible position. We are amazed, sweetheart, at how stoically you let him stay here and provided for him."

Mrs. Denisov had already long stopped listening to their words, but however, what they dared to say in those final sentences...that made the restless and hardly contained lioness she had in her blow out with bared fangs.

Anatoly opened his eyes and dared neither to move nor to breath. He felt as if standing at the edge of a very sharp knife.

He waited for those words that would have sealed whatever was there for him, words that might have taunted him for his entire life and that he was deeply afraid to hear, but that he knew he deserved and that he had to listen to.

"Are you two done with it?" Mrs. Denisov pronounced every word with cold voice.

Silence dropped down as if heavy and wintry rained had poured from the ceiling. It crushed everyone in that room, aside Natasha Denisov that stood up and confronted those two women with burning eyes.

Anatoly could not believe his ears.

He thought he had heard it wrong, but it couldn't have mistaken that much. He breathed in and then out, a knot forming in his throat that he had troubles in swallowing down. His heart began to race and his ears to whistle. Anatoly had not realized how tense and nervous and panicking he was until he had heard those words.

Those words had given him new oxygen. It was as he surfacing from too long apnoea and he had probably really held his breath too long.

"Natalia darling, we were jus.."

"I do not want to hear another word about my Tolya and if you dare to add anything else on top of what you two already dared to utter about him, without knowing a thing about my Tolya, I will not be held responsible for what I might say," she cut her words still staring at them with such outrage that she felt her skin burning.

"Natasha.."

"Out of here. Now."

The two women paled down and looked with shock and indignation at her, now standing in front of them and clearly showing the way out.

"I will not repeat myself. Out of here. You are not welcomed in this house anymore. You do not dare to insult my sons and my family with such fake smiles. I will not let this continue and I will not tolerate another word. The door is over there."

The two women pulled themselves together, grabbed their branded bags and coats and quickly left the house without saying a word.

Anatoly pushed himself up and walked the stairs down, going to see his mother. He had feared to hear the truth for so long and now he felt stupid. He had doubted his parents and they just honestly loved him and cared about him. He heard his mother close the main door and walk away, to the kitchen. He stopped at the end of the stairs and briefly looked at his tattoo. Oleg was right. Oleg was always right and this time Anatoly could not wait to see the man and tell him so.

-ANATOLY POV-

I had no idea what to tell her or what to do. I was so bad at this and I cursed in my head because surely Dima would have known. He was much better in lifting people's mood and he was very easy going; I felt like an idiotic klutz and this was pissing me off. I guess this was another reason why I felt so much at easy around Oleg; somehow we were similar and I bet he was like me, not much the touchy-feely person.

I shook my head and walked-limped straight to the kitchen, finding my mum sitting on a chair, staring down at the table with her head in her hands, her back slowly moving at the rhythm of long breaths.

What a retarded idiot I had been!

"Mum," I simply said as I stopped right beside the table.

She lifted her head surprised to see me there and I could see her eyes were red and swollen. Argh...I wanted to punch those two harpies even though they were women, as right now I couldn't care less. She swallowed and brushed her eyes, forcing herself to smile, but she got serious and worried the following moment.

"You have heard everything." It was not a question, but a statement. My face probably spoke volumes at the moment and it was pointless to deny it. "Tolya, I am so sorry..." She got up and before she could add more, I spoke.

"I am the one sorry, really damn freaking sorry for everything, mum. I have been such an asshole, such a.." I looked at her and I knew the right thing was to hug her, but it was still so foreign to me, so strange, so...what would she think of me? "Mum..." I sighed and clumsily put my arm around her shoulders. "I am sorry."

"Tolya," she sobbed, resting her face on my side. I let her cry for a while, but then it pained me to see her like this.

"Mum, thank you for before. I didn't deserve you taking my side in that way and I'm sorry those two fuc...freaking stuck-up snobs made you feel this bad, but hey, it's true I behaved like the worst punk. So, thank you for what you said, for defending me in that way." Every word weighted a lot in my heart and in my guts, because believe me, it was not easy. "I feel like kicking their skinny ass for what they did and what they said about you and dad. They had no right to judge," I groaned annoyed.

She softly chuckled probably at my wanting to kick their skinny ass, given I wasn't even sure if they were skinny or fat-ass.

"They are not that skinny," she said as if reading my mind and sat down again. I laughed softly, too, and then crouched in front of her.

"Mum, what they said was right. C'mon, I didn't deserve to.." she cut my words off in no time, staring at me fierce.

"They had no right to utter such words. Who are they to judge? Nobody has the right to judge and they knew nothing, and nobody can dare to insult my family. Nobody, Anatoly." Mum stared at me with piercing serious eyes. "Did you understand? They had no right whatsoever to say such cruel things."

She softened her voice and I could tell she was trying to push her tears back. Mum was amazing indeed and I never thought I could something like this so easily, but hey, it was true.

"Mum, stop crying," I tried to say gently enough. "Thank you and yes, I got it, but well.."

"Tolya, I am so sorry for everything."

"Sorry for what mum? You and dad are...you know what I mean."

"Thank you, but many times I feel like I have failed as mother and what they said before made me realize that. I failed in understanding you, in being able to support you, defend you and shield you. Your dad thought the same...but he's much stronger than I am. He's wonderful. I cannot believe I haven't seen anything years ago, how could I not realize it? Why I didn't do more? Tried harder? The idea of losing you was literally driving me out of mind, even though I did not always want to burden you and our family."

She was half talking and half crying and I gulped the knot once more.

Once more, what a retarded jerk I had been.

I don't know how, but somehow I found it to properly hug her and she was clearly surprised, not expecting such little gesture from me. Of course, it was not my natural thing, but her words hit me badly.

"Stop it because it's all gigantic BS." She stiffed at my sudden reaction and she got it wrong, so I went on to explain. "I am the one that kicked everyone away, that ran from everything and everyone. I am the one to blame, mum, you get it? Not you! Don't say such things. You and dad thinking you have been bad parents it's simply insane. What are you talking about? Did you hear those snobs? Well, if I were their son, I would have been long on the street, but you? You always tried to talk to me, same for my brother and my friends, dad is different, but I know he always watched out for me. He told me once that he never meant to kick me out of here; he said he would have never done it. I know dad doesn't say things because they are nice to say. You had all the rights to kick me out and hate me, same for Dima and Jasper. Same for everyone."

I did not talk. I rushed into words and I wasn't sure mum got everything. She said nothing for what seemed to me a very long time and then pulled back to look at me. She smiled and placed her hands on my face.

"Anatoly, I really thought I failed as mother, because I did not understand what was going on in you and did not see what happened."

"I made sure to hide everything. I was...please mum, stop saying that."

"I am sorry for everything, Tolya." She smiled once more and caressed my hair, and I let her do so. "I think we had enough sad days, don't you agree?" I said nothing, but simply nodded. "Your words mean the world to me and I am happy you think of us in such way, that you don't see us as bad parents...as for me and your dad, sweetheart, we will always love you and you can always count on us. We are here for you and Dima."

I nodded and looked away. I was really bad at these things; mum surely sensed it and she ruffled my hair.

"You should be resting in bed."

I was glad she changed topic. All of these emotions and confessions made me uneasy, even if deep down, I was insanely happy. I had my answers and I feared for nothing. That scary bastard was so damn right: I was still an immature brat that needed to learn a lot.

"I wanted to go to school actually and I don't want to stay in bed the entire day. I'm fine."

"You cannot go to school for a few days." Her eyes widened and I decided to let it go.

"Fine, whatever," I grunted rolling my eyes.

"How about I prepare some breakfast for you? Toast, pancakes and scrambled eggs only with the white part?" She still remembered I didn't like the yolk, but just the white part.

"Sure, I'm starving," I admitted.

Mum got up and gave me another smile, telling me to rest on the chair. I followed that advice and looked at her moving around the kitchen. For how many years this hadn't happened to me? I sighed and got up, silently stopping behind her.

"Thank you, mum." I awkwardly muttered and I could tell her smile had probably reached her ears.

She understood me and hence avoided any further word, simply turning around and asking me if I still preferred honey on my pancakes instead of maple syrup. She still remembered that, too.

I spent most of the day reading a new book, but in the afternoon Adrian, Viola and after a while all the guys showed up to visit me. I gulped in seeing Viola, because I was not sure how my mum would react, but turned out she loved her and I knew that meant digging a deep grave on the ground for myself. That crazy hyper girl behaved actually relatively normal, not jumping on my neck or such. Adrian explained she was worried to hurt me and I somehow felt something grabbing my guts. Seeing everyone there for me was not easy. The chipmunk showed up later and brought me something. I arched my brow at the plastic bag he handled me and found out it was a book. A book from Star Wars. Figures. Ah dear me, what a couple of nerdy geeks they were.

"You really think I will read this?" Yeah, being a bit of a teasing jerk, I knew it.

"I saw you had many books in your room," he explained simply smiling. "I thought you might be feeling a bit bored."

I felt eyes on me and they belonged to River. He studied me a moment and then smirked. The Mighty Sasha noticed him and so as well looked back at me; I looked away and met Jasper's shining eyes.

"Thank you, chipmunk," I munched out.

"I am sure you will enjoy it." He sure was enthusiastic about Star Wars, just like my brother.

"Hey, I am not a geek like you two, clear with that?"

"What's up, bro?" Dima hugged my shoulders with one arm and looked at the book. "Oh, you will love this one! It's super cool, isn't it, baby?"

"You actually read?" I asked honestly surprised, because my twin didn't strike me as someone interested into anything too much cultural.

"Of course, I do. I'm not an idiot," he chuckled.

"Not much," I corrected.

"Not more than you for sure," he joked and I knew we could go on and on forever. The chipmunk giggled and Derek joined us starting to BS about...I had no idea. He told me about his girlfriend and showed me her pictures and must admit that for a chick she was quite good looking.

"Not bad for a chick."

"Uhm? Not bad? Dude, she's super hot."

"Who's super hot?" Viola asked softly hugging me from the side. As usual I stiffened, but given how she was trying hard to tune down her overly-hyper self, I let her be. "So, who's hot, aside you, my brother and everyone else of your friends? And by the way, you and your boyfriend look adorable together! Can we take a picture together?" She meant Dima and Jasper, and of course my brother was the out-going type immediately up to such childish and ridiculous thing.

Derek showed her Shenice's pictures and she gave him the right response, given how idiotically he grinned.

"She's gorgeous! Is she a model?"

"Man, I like her," Derek stated with a stupid smirk on his face. He was such a clown.

"You should see my babe!" That simpleton of Hayden butted in and Derek snorted.

"Hey, you are talking about my sister."

"And so what? She's my girlfriend and I love her. She's the most beautiful girl on this planet, actually of the entire universe." Please, tell me I was not listening to this for real. How cheesy could that be? A guy that huge talking in that way was absolutely lame. Sasha guessed my thoughts and stopped beside me, as D, Hayden, Viola and Jasper were busy in looking at pictures and going all fairy-like.

"Are they always like that?" I asked.

"Even worse sometimes," he admitted with an amused expression.

We kept silent for a moment, because I had so much to tell and ask, but it wasn't the right moment and I didn't know how to say it.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

"Wanting to punch that idiot back for making me feel like a grandpa. This morning I limped down the stairs," I groaned annoyed and he chuckled.

"My cousin is an asshole."

"No doubts about that."

More silence and I knew somehow he felt the same.

"I will come visit you tomorrow or another day." A few words and I understood the Mighty Sasha as well wanted to talk and had questions. With him it was not as easy as the others, but he meant a big deal for me, just like River and my brother. "They seem very nice." He meant Adrian and Viola.

"She can be very loud."

"I can tell that; she would probably love my Travis and I am sure he would like her." There again, that soft expression whenever he mentioned his man.

"How is he?"

"He's doing fine."

"Do you...miss him?"

"Like crazy," he admitted straightforwardly and in a way he was almost creepy how he opened that much with that crazy guy. "I will fly to London next month, but it's a surprise."

I said nothing for a moment.

"Say hi to him, OK?"

"I will and yeah, he told me to tell you to take care and to punch Sergey once more for him. Travis cannot stand my cousin." Sasha showed me the SMS and I couldn't contain my laugh.

Viola jumped between us and she was smiling literally like a child.

"I love your friends! We should do something together," she twitted, because it was not normal talking. I gulped at that, but had no time to answer or react.

"Yeah, let's do something together, I am up for that." That was Derek.

"Me, too, right baby?" Dima butted in and of course asked his chipmunk, who nodded and giggled.

I looked at the Sasha and then at Adrian, now shaking his head to contain a wide idiotic grin.

I had just dug a very deep grave. River gave me a gentle smile and I knew he was studying me and trying to understand things; I knew he wanted to know, but would never invade my privacy or such, letting me the time to slowly open up. The thing was that I wanted to talk to him and to Sasha.

Mum invited all of them to stay for dinner, ordering pizza and God only knows how much else. I would never admit it loudly or to someone, but I enjoyed the afternoon and the evening. It was something that...that...I shook my head. I enjoyed it a lot. Obviously enough, mum enjoyed that perhaps even more.

At dinner I looked for that scary bastard, but he was not around, surely wanting to avoid such huge group of brats. I rolled my eyes. When everyone left, I went to his room and knocked the door. I wanted to tell him about the tattoo and about wanting to modify it. He was right about that and I wanted to tell him.

"Yes?" He answered with cold and distant eyes. It felt as if I had slammed against a wall of ice. "What do you want, Anatoly? You should rest by now."

"You are not my mum," I snapped as his attitude ticked me off. What was wrong with him?

"So, what do you want? I do not have the whole night, Anatoly. I have work to do and I need to wake up early tomorrow morning."

There it was again. His most annoying and enraging attitude. Him seeing me nothing more than duty. So why the hell he had spent the night in my room? Why the hell he gave me that balm?

"Nothing, so go to fuck off you and work."

"Anatoly..."

"Anatoly my ass. I didn't do anything to deserve your damn stiff and I-am-better-than-you attitude." I turned around because blood was thundering in my head and no way I could stand to be there any longer. I would have regretted whatever came out my mouth and I didn't want to fight with him; however, I didn't want to talk to him when in such damn annoying mood. "I'll go to sleep. Good night and yeah, thanks for the freaking balm."

I walked away and once I reached my room, I slammed the damn door and sank in my bed, still cursing in my head at that bastard. What the hell was wrong with him? Who the hell he thought he was to talk to me in that way? Sure, he had never being Prince Charming when around me, but tonight something was off. It seemed as if my presence annoyed him, as if he couldn't stand my view. What the hell? I groaned overly annoyed and stared at the ceiling.

Why it was always like that with him? One step forward and two steps back. I sighed as anger slowly subsided, leaving me simply irritated and with my brain full of questions.

"Damn, I am not giving in that easily, sadistic scary bastard. You think I am someone to retreat as nothing? Well good fucking luck with that."

I switched the light off and it took me forever to fall asleep. When I woke up, the first thing I did was to look for Oleg, but he had already left with my dad. Of course at dinner he was another no-show and the whole thing went on for days.

What the hell was wrong with him? What did I do this time? It was as if he wanted to avoid me, but freaking why? A lightening could strike me if I knew. I dropped on the couch pissed and kicking a stupid pillow away. Then I let out a long growl and went to pick it up, my eyes falling on my tattoo once more. I had to talk to him, but how? He was nowhere to be found and I did not dare to knock on his door again; to proud for that, but at the same time too stubborn.

What a huge pain in the neck.

The whole thing was pissing me off so freaking much.

I was behaving like a retarded brat, but hey, it was as if whenever I was around, Oleg would disappear. I sat a moment and gave my brain a rest, thinking about it. The more I thought, the more it made sense.

That bastard was avoiding me.

"Why?" I groaned out frustrated and feeling like punching something.

"Why the hell?" It was driving me crazy and I swear I had no patience for this shit.

Oleg was avoiding me and that got my blood to reach the starts.

I opened and closed my fist and my arm was fine, fine anyway to ride my babe.

It took me two seconds to decide for that.

It was Saturday afternoon and he had left for the weekend. He could only be in one place and nowhere else for sure. I knew it. I pushed the helmet down and my babe roared to life.

However, once I stood in front of his door, I froze. I didn't know what to do or what to say. How would he be? Still ice-made like? Still annoyed by my presence? The point was that I had no time to dwell about any of that crap, because the door opened before I could even think to ring the bell.

"Anatoly," he simply said, looking slightly different and not so distant.

"How did you know?" It was eerie in a way and he smirked at my surprised expression, making me mentally curse.

"I heard the roar of your bike; I recognized it at first."

"You are not human, I'm telling you."

We both stood there in silent for a few seconds and I swallowed down whatever came over me when my eyes rested on him and his body, with the tight black t-shirt showing his muscles and tattoos off. My stare moved away a moment. I was in such deep shit that I had no idea how to walk back, if there was a way back. I squared my shoulders and directly looked at his eyes. Oleg stared back at me with the same intensity and I knew it was right: he had wanted to avoid me, but now, oddly enough, it seemed it was not the case.

"Can I talk to you a moment?" I asked without leaving his eyes a moment.

He considered my question for a long time, thinking about something and then he let out a very quiet sigh. He stepped back to the side and opened the door for me, eyes fixed on me.

"Come in, Anatoly."

Author's chit-chat:

So tell me dear all, what do you think? Any thought about Oleg? What about Anatoly's mother, isn't she very protective?

Now now, I can tell you something: this was a rather slow-paced chapter because the story and both Anatoly and Oleg needed it, but do no worry. From next chapter I can promise that the pace will pick up quite considerably. This is not an easy story given how the protagonists' personalities are and therefore it will unravel with quite the pace. You will see.

Now, a hint for next chapter: trick or treat? Who's Vince?

Stay tuned, because I am already working on the new chapter!

Thank you for your support and messages: I love your comments and let me see what you think of CH. 9!

Till next chapter,

-TheWitchAndTheCat-