Chapter 12 | Sorry

Xamuel wanted to quit at the last minute. Sinabi lamang ni Yara ang plano niya kaninang break time at hindi iyon nagustuhan ni Xamuel. Wala na nga lang siyang choice kung hindi sumunod dahil iyon na ang nahanda ni Yara. The idea wasn't terrible, it was in private and seemed romantic, but Xamuel had enough of surprises.

"You good?" Frost asked Muel. "Kanina ka pa nags-space out diyan."

"I'm okay," kumbinsi ni Muel.

Frost stretched his arms. "Can't blame you, though. Ang daming pinapagawa—I can't even do my usual routine because of bombarded school works!"

"We're graduating. Konti na lang naman."

Frost sighed. "By the way, okay na kayo ni Timog? Sinabi niya ba kung bakit absent siya kahapon?"

"Ah, oo. Nagka-emergency lang daw kaya siya umabsent. Hindi rin siya nakapagbukas ng messages dahil naging busy."

Biyernes na kasi nang bumalik si South sa paaralan. South missed many lessons, so he's grinding to catch up. Lion's with him to help with things he couldn't understand and to fasten his work.

"Did he specify what that emergency was?" Frost asked with a hint of worry.

"He didn't. Siguro ayaw pa niya pag-usapan."

Sumandal si Frost sa upuan niya. "South's really a mystery, 'no? I'm most of the time with him, but I only know less about his life. I mean, we know him as someone smart, suplado, and a guy with wit, but we don't know beyond that. Kahit pa nakakabisita naman tayo sa bahay nila at na-meet na ang magulang, parang may barrier pa rin."

Natigilan si Xamuel at napatitig sa katabi. "You think so, too?"

Frost nodded. "But I guess it's okay—as long as he's our friend."

"Of course, he's our friend, dummy."

Frost chuckled. "You know what I mean, Muel. By the way, sure ka na bang hindi pupunta ng prom? Ngayon ko lang nalamang required pala 'yon!"

"Siguro pupunta. Ikaw? Kumusta ang paghahabol mo?"

Napapikit na lang si Frost sa tanong ng kaibigan. "No luck. Ayaw talaga at may iba na siyang isasama. I'm planning to go alone. Hindi naman kailangang may partner, e. People are just afraid to come by themselves."

"For once may tama kang sinabi," Muel teased. "If Kla won't go with me, maybe I'll also go alone."

Frost's face lightened. "Tayo na lang kaya?"

"Asa," Muel rejected.

"Pati ba naman ikaw! Sana tanggihan ka rin ng jowa mo."

"Teka lang naman, wala pa nga!"

"Speaking of jowa, kayo pa rin ba? Marami nang kumbinsidong wala na kayo."

Napairap si Xamuel at walang ganang binaba ang ballpen. "Let them believe their lies. Kami pa rin kaya nga susubukan kong tapusin ang namamagitan sa kanila ng Derrick na 'yon."

"Oh? Hindi naman ako na-inform. How would you do that?"

"Basta—saka ko na ikukwento sa inyo kapag naging maayos."

Frost's eyes squinted. "Alak lang naman katapat mo. Tara, walwal! Deserve natin 'to."

Nagulat si Muel sa biglaang yaya ng inom ni Frost. Alam niyang tama ang timing ng idea ng kaibigan dahil Biyernes naman at matagal-tagal na rin mula noong huling nagkayayaan sila.

"Saan naman?"

"Puwedeng sa condo ko or sa usual?"

"Malayo pa kung mag-bar hopping tayo at baka mahirapang umuwi kapag lahat lasing. Though nandiyan naman si Li," Xamuel thought.

Iyon ang naging topic nila at naging pansamantalang distraction ni Xamuel bago mag-uwian. Sinubukan nilang kumbinsihin sina Lion at South na sumama dahil gusto nilang matuloy ang plano. Hindi nga lang nakumbinsi ang dalawa dahil sa kanya-kanyang rason. May family dinner daw si Lionel at kailangan naman daw ni South mag-aral pag-uwi. Sa katotohanan, kay Lion lang sila naniniwala pero hinayaan na nila si South.

"Hindi na nga lang din ako mag-iinom," Muel grunted.

"Iiwan mo na naman ako!" Frost said dramatically.

Xamuel laughed. "Kung iisipin medyo malayo rin condo mo kaya tinamad na ako."

The classes end in an instant. Frost tried to convince Muel once more before he went out alone. Sabay namang umalis sina Lion at South habang sa ibang daan naglakad si Xamuel. Ang usapan nila ni Yara, sa likod ng school sila magkikita. Maganda ang lumang building na nandoon at hindi pa matao dahil nasa pinakadulo. Wala ring nagkaklase doon dahil marami nang tinayong bago sa harap.

Nakita agad ni Xamuel si Yara na may hawak na illustration board. Maganda ang pagkaka-design ni Yara doon, iyong gaya ng mga nakikitang banner sa concerts. Dino-dog show na lang yata ako ng babaeng 'to.

Yara smiled when she saw him near. "Papunta na si Klassey kaya doon ka na sa pwesto mo."

"I can't believe you convinced her to come here."

"Dito naman kami madalas mag-hang out whenever her friends bother her."

Muel's eyes landed on the guitar Yara held. "At mas lalo akong hindi makapaniwalang nakahiram ka ng gitara sa music room."

"Saka ka na bumilib sa akin kapag nayaya mo na si Klassey. Bilisan mo na, malapit na 'yon!"

Hinablot ni Muel ang gitara at banner na gawa ni Yara bago tuluyang nagtago sa likod ng malapad na pader. Yara's wonderful idea was to guide Klassey on where Muel hid to advance the surprise. Xamuel read what was written on the board: sing the chorus if you want to go to prom with me! May mga nakapaligid pang bubble heads nina Klassey at Xamuel sa font. Nakahanda na ang double sided tape sa likod ng board para idikit niya sa body ng gitara.

It felt like a deja vu for Xamuel. He expected a decent idea for Yara, but maybe this was her idea of decent.

"Here goes nothing," Xamuel muttered as he heard footsteps.

"Pero bakit mo nga muna ako pinapunta rito?" natatawang tanong ni Klassey. "This is starting to feel unusual, Yara."

"Actually, it is not me—"

That was Xamuel's signal to go. He strummed a chord before finally revealing himself. He was slightly shocked at how close he was with Klassey. It has been a month since their cool-off, and Muel couldn't get near his girlfriend ever since. He almost forgot how much he liked the girl in front of him. He almost forgot how they used to be happy.

"I met you in the dark; you lit me up. You made me feel as though I was enough," Xamuel sang, even though his lips trembled.

Xamuel was waiting for Yara to do something to entertain Klassey more because the song was slow. However, it seemed as if heaven favored Muel's side this time. Yara didn't have to do anything to make the moment more entertaining as a perfect sunset hovered their skin. Klassey was simply awe-struck as she gazed at the breathtaking scene.

The sky had transformed into a stunning canvas, streaked with hues of warm oranges, pinks, and purples. It cast a golden glow over everything it touched, imbuing the entire landscape with an ethereal beauty. Xamuel couldn't help but feel a sense of tranquility wash over him as he watched the sun slowly dip below Klassey's figure.

"I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know 'cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go."

Xamuel hadn't talked with Klassey after their conversation last Christmas, but he felt hopeful with the ambiance and emotion building inside him this time. Once again, he chose to trust himself and Klassey, that-maybe this time-was right.

Xamuel, almost breathless, sang the chorus, "Just say you won't let go."

He purposely slowed the chord progression, persuading Klassey to sing it with him. Xamuel was already on the last chord before the last lyric. He was scared but hopeful.

"Just say you won't... let go," Xamuel sang, alone.

Before he could play the next chord to continue singing and give Klassey another chance to sing with him, Klassey told him to stop.

"That's enough, Muel," she whispered. "I... I can't go with you."

Xamuel's shoulders and hope fell. He was lost for words.

"I'm already going with Derrick. I told you before I need to do this because—"

"Kla, you don't need to do this anymore. We can just get back together and forget everything. No one's bothering me or you anymore. Derrick is not needed in our relationship—"

"You just don't get it yet," Klassey said, looking away.

"Then make me understand. Tell me why you are clinging to Derrick. Tell me what you are doing is all about. I can't stand watching anymore. Sino ba ako para sa 'yo, Kla? Bakit parang hindi mo naman ako kayang pagkatiwalaan? I didn't expect the failed anniversary surprise to prolong to the point that I couldn't remember what we were like back then."

Klassey wasn't stupid not to catch where Xamuel was heading. "It's not like that... I swear, I still love you—"

"And now you'll go with someone who's not me after saying that." Xamuel pointed behind them where Derrick Sarimento stood. "This is stupid. This is bullshit, Kla. Do you expect me to wait? Do you want me to wait with a little and less reassurance from you?"

Xamuel's chest hurt when a pool of tears formed in Klassey's eyes. Her tears reflected the vibrant colors of the sunset. I should be the one crying here, damn it.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Either you tell me everything, or let's end things here."

"I won't tell you anything. I won't let us end here, too, Muel!"

Xamuel's eyes squinted in disbelief. "Can you hear yourself, Kla? That's you being selfish. I honestly feel like I'm being played all this time. People around think we are done because you're always with Derrick. Kahit minsan lang ba naisip mo kung ano kayang nararamdaman ko? Kahit minsan man lang sumagi ba sa isip mong... nahihirapan na ako?"

"Klassey!" Derrick called. "What's going on?"

Hindi makapaniwala si Xamuel sa nangyayari. Parang mas mukhang boyfriend na nga talaga ni Klassey ngayon ang lalaking ito kaysa sa kanya-sa salita, sa kilos, at sa kung paanong tratuhin si Klassey.

Xamuel couldn't figure out what to feel first-disbelief, abandonment, betrayal, rejection—everything seemed to collide within him, leaving devastation in its wake. The weight of the emotions consumed his very being, suffocating him in a whirlwind of despair. Disbelief clawed at his mind as he struggled to comprehend how someone he held so dear could turn their back on him so callously.

He mindlessly leaned the guitar against the wall.

"We're over, Klassey," he whispered before finally turning his back to the one he once held dearly.

Xamuel heard Yara call him and ask to come back, but he already had enough. He ran as fast as he could. Hindi alam ni Xamuel kung saan ba siya patungo, basta't sumakay at nagbayad siya sa kung saan madala ng kanyang isip. Hindi na niya pinag-isipan pa ang ibang mga bagay. Hindi na niya inisip kung hinahanap na ba siya sa kanila.

Xamuel only realized where he was when he finally faced Frost's door. Ilang beses siyang nag-door bell dahil ang tagal lumabas ng kaibigan.

"I swear to God—oh my God?" Frost said, shocked at Muel's figure. "Bakit ka nandito? Hindi ka naman nagsabi?"

Naka-gray sweatpants at itim na hoodie si Frost na mukhang naglalaro pa dahil sa hawak na controller.

"Let's drink. I'm staying as well," walang ganang sabi ni Muel.

"Okay?"

Pinapasok ni Frost ang kaibigan kahit pa naguguluhan sa biglaan nitong pagbisita. Xamuel removed his shoes and placed it on the shoe rack. Malinis si Frost sa gamit kaya hindi na nagulat si Xamuel nang nakitang walang kalat sa kahit anong sulok ng condo nito. May beer at mga pagkaing pangpulutan sa glass table ng sala ni Frost pero malinis pa rin. Binaba ni Xamuel ang kanyang bag sa tabi ng sofa.

"I still have my clothes here, right?" Muel asked.

"You finally calmed down, huh? Oo, nasa cabinet lang sa common bathroom," Frost said while he stopped his game. "Want a drink?"

"Strong, please," Muel said before entering the bathroom.

Nakabukas ang aircon sa sala kaya nilamig agad si Xamuel nang natapos maligo. Hindi niya namalayan kung gaano siya katagal sa banyo pero nasa sala na rin si Lion paglabas niya.

"Li?" Xamuel called in case he was hallucinating.

"Oh, tapos ka na," Lion greeted. "I bought more potent alcohol because Frost said you want one."

"Akala ko nasa dinner ka?" Muel asked as he sat on the vacant sofa. Napansin niyang naka-casual clothes na rin si Lion. Siguro ay pinahiram ni Frost habang naliligo siya.

Lion shrugged. "Kanina pa tapos. The restaurant was near Frost's condo kaya nandito na ako."

"Papunta na rin si Timog," halakhak ni Frost. "Ako pa maniwala sa kanyang nag-aaral siya."

Xamuel saved his story until South came. He was already tipsy and absentminded when South joined their party. Nakabukas ang strip lights ng sala ni Frost at may videoke na ring nagaganap. All of them shoved different shots on South.

"Tang ina, saglit lang naman! Mahina ang kalaban!"

"Wait, dapat isang baso pala inumin mo dahil late ka," Frost said and immediately fulled a whole glass.

"Tang ina, ano 'to? Gin? Soju?" tanong ni South pero tinungga rin naman.

Mukhang nagustuhan ni South ang ininom kaya nakarami siya ng buong baso sa mga nagdaang minuto.

"Amputa ginawang tubig," halakhak ni Lion.

"Sino ba talagang broken sa inyo ni Muel, Timog?" tawa rin ni Frost. "Arte-arte pa kayo kanina, dito rin pala kayo babagsak."

"I know that you wanna start 'cause we got our problems. I love you, but I just need tonight off," Xamuel, even when drunk, sang perfectly.

Napatingin si South sa gawi ni Muel. "Lasing na ba talaga 'yan? Bakit hindi pumipiyok?"

"Nakaubos na nga ng apat na bote 'yan," Lion chuckled. "Mukhang mabigat dinadamdam, e."

"Hoy, Muel! Kwento!" South yelled while Muel hit those high notes unbothered. "Inang 'to hindi na yata tayo naririnig."

They realized South was correct when Xamuel wouldn't give them the mic. Patuloy lang ito sa pag-search ng mga heartbroken songs at wala silang nagawa kung hindi hayaan at kumanta na lang kasabay ang kaibigan.

Nakaubos muli ng isang bote si Muel nang tumugtog ang All Too Well ni Taylor Swift. Hindi pamilyar ang tatlo sa lyrics ng kanta kaya nag-video na lang si South. Sinayawan naman ni Frost si Muel na humiga pa sa sahig sa sobrang sakit daw ng kanta. Si Lion ang naging light operator nila para daw maganda ang ambiance ng page-emote ni Xamuel. Mas effective pa ang teamwork ng apat dito kaysa sa mga group works.

Hindi nagtagal ay napagod na rin si Xamuel. This was a rare sight to see. Xamuel never let himself drunk until he blackout. Hindi pa man siya nagb-blackout, pero mukhang papunta na nga roon. Hindi na nila kinailangang pilitin si Xamuel ngayong magkwento dahil siya na ang nagsimula sa topic na iyon.

In the dimly lit room, with the pungent smell of liquor lingering in the air, he found solace in his vulnerability. His weary eyes darted around, seeking validation from his friends, who clung to their glasses like lifelines. With relentless fluidity, his words spilled out like an unstoppable force, fueled by liquid courage and haunting memories locked away for far too long.

Emotions cascaded through every syllable as he bared his soul to anyone willing to listen. Each word carried weight and significance so profound that they seemed to echo off the walls, piercing the silence with their rawness.

The alcohol acted as truth serum; it lubricated his tongue so that each story was magnified tenfold-tales of love lost, trust shattered, and shame etched deep within the recesses of his mind.

He traded reality for embellishments as he relived those moments once buried under layers of self-imposed silence. And though slurred and distorted by intoxication, his voice had an unsettling honesty that exposed the depths of his pain-a cathartic release desperately seeking redemption.

Their night ended with Xamuel wasted with a lone tear on his cheek. Xamuel woke up the next day in a guest room he was already familiar with. He could only vaguely remember what happened last night. His head hurt as he tried to stand up. Ang tanging nagawa lamang ni Xamuel sa pagkakataong iyon ay abutin ang kanyang cellphone. Ngayon lang siya nakatanggap ng sabay-sabay na mensahe.

Xamuel decided not to reply to Klassey's message. He clearly remembered what happened yesterday-he already decided to end their relationship. It wasn't a decision influenced by his emotions but a decision he already had in mind for the past weeks. He knew it better than anyone else who thought this was out of impulse.