24. Seth

After listening to Lilly explain on the phone that Arya found Poppy downtown and actually brought her back, I get back into my car and speed back home, ignoring any speed limitations. Not only do I want to make sure Poppy is alright but I feel incredibly guilty about screaming Arya when she was trying to tell me Poppy's whereabouts! It really doesn't get any worse than me. 

I find myself grinding my teeth and tightening my fists as I watch Arya drive off. When Sam's car disappears into the distance, I turn around and start jogging towards the front door where my dad is waiting for me. He is leaning against the door and lets me walk by him into the house without a word.

"Where's Paulina?" I ask my mother who is also standing in the entrance of the house.

Did Arya just meet my parents? Did she talk to them?

"She's in her room," she states and I head toward the staircase when my father calls out my name. There's a tone in his voice that makes me shiver with discomfort. I stop dead in my tracks. The last time my father used this tone was when he had to cancel our last attempt at a family vacation because of some work thing. That was about five years ago. 

"Come back here. Your sister is sleeping. Let's sit down." My father motions towards the large living room that we barely ever use. The huge leather couch is extremely uncomfortable and really just exists for my mother's sake. She had remodeled the living room two years ago after having to listen to countless babble about how our home actually looked homely. She despised that. Now it looks like something out of an over the top architectural furniture catalog. 

"What's going on?" I ask guardedly.

Both my mother and my father sit down silently in front of me.

"Are you going to lecture me about how I didn't watch Paulina properly because that is not fair! I was studying for my test tomorrow and there's no way I could have--"

My father holds up his hand to stop my rant and I shut up.

"That girl...?" He starts and gives me a questioning look. I freeze up.

"Arya?" I reply and he nods at me. My whole body tenses up. So she did talk to my parents. What could she possibly have done to get this kind of reaction out of my parents? I lean back into the leather couch and cross my arms in front of my chest. 

"When she brought Paulina back, she said some things that we want to discuss with you." My mother says avoiding eye contact with me. Whatever she is thinking to bring up has me very nervous. 

"We know that we have been working a lot and we have been expecting even more from you. Well... at least we now know." She looks down at her hands and I narrow my eyes at my father.

"So...what are you trying to tell me?" My voice is icier than intended but I can't keep my emotions hidden.

"We have decided to hire someone to watch Paulina." He finally speaks up. "Someone to take the load off your back. You won't have to worry about her as she will be watched around the clock. Lilly will merely take care of the household. You are to concentrate on your school work and sports."

My jaw drops for a second before I jump off the couch.

"No," I snap. "I don't know what Arya told you but taking Paulina away from me is not going to help one bit! That will only make things worse! She is the one person that I care about, the one person whom I can trust, who doesn't criticize me, or tries to manipulate me. We are there for each other when you are at work. I'm not letting some stranger watch her! That's just not happening!"

"Calm down, Seth!" My father warns, but I am not about to calm down. If they are going to go through with this, I know I'll barely ever see Paulina. I am not about to let another stranger into this household. Paulina needs her parents. Not a trained professional. This is bullshit!

"You're not doing this to me! If you want to make things better, you should start thinking about cutting back on work and investing some time in your damn family!" I shout. "I am fine! I am handling things fine just the way they are now. Why are you listening to some girl from my school anyway? You don't even know her and neither do I! I'm totally fine!"

I turn and run out of the living room needing to see Poppy to calm myself down. I climb up the staircase and almost run into Lilly. Her smile drops when she sees me storm towards Poppy's room. As I burst through the door, she says something to me but I block her out and stride towards Poppy's bed. The room is darkened and I can only see Poppy's tiny frame, wrapped into a big blue blanket.

"Poppy," I whisper, kneeling down next to her bed. "Hey, Poppy? Can I lay with you for a second?"

I hear her sniffle and she turns around to face me. Her eyes are red and puffy but she nods her head and I climb into her bed carefully. She lifts her arm to let me join her under the covers. Immediately, she cuddles up to my chest and I feel her shallow breathing on my neck. With my arms wrapped around her, I pull her closer and can feel myself calming down. Now that I have her in my arms, my parent's "solution" seems far away and not as threatening anymore. She's right here with me where I need her to be. 

"Were you fighting with daddy...?" Poppy whispers into my chest.

"No... shhh." I coo. "Don't worry about that, Pops. That's grown up business. Look, next time you feel like running away, you talk to me or Lilly, okay? I don't ever want you to do that again. You scared me... so much."

She nods her head and her body goes limp as sleep takes over her body. It doesn't take very long for my eyes to flutter shut and exhaustion wins my fight against sleep.

A bright light and a gasp wake me from desperately needed sleep. When I open my eyes, Lilly is standing over me and Poppy is still clutching to my body. Heat radiates from her tiny body and I am covered in sweat. I groan and carefully roll Poppy off of me, placing her in the middle of her bed.

"Good morning," Lilly smiles at me. "There's breakfast in the kitchen and I can prepare a shower for you if you like?"

"Thanks for the offer," I groan and stand up. "Just get some food in the little one and I'll go shower. I'll get her to school today."

Lilly nods and grins as I leave the colorful room and make my way towards the bathroom. My back aches from sleeping in Poppy's tiny bed and I stretch my body as I strip from my clothes. They scatter on the ground as I turn on the shower and wait for the water to turn hot.

I turn around to look in the mirror. My face looks haggard and tired and I can't stand to look at myself. I am grateful for the steam that fogs up the mirror and indicates that the water is ready. I blow out a gust of breath as the hot water gushes down on my body. Running my hands through my wet hair, I suddenly feel an overwhelming pressure on my chest.

A thousand thoughts fill my head and and suddenly tears start to mix with the hot water from the shower. I haven't cried in such a long time. Putting my hands and head against the cold wall, I try not to break down but seem to have lost all control of my body. My breathing is heavy and I feel like someone is shouting at me while continuously beating and kicking me. My father's voice echoes in my head and although the words don't make any sense, I realize how scared it makes me. Not only my father's but also Arya's, Poppy's, my mother's, my teacher's and even Sam's voice mash together to criticize me.

I turn off the hot water and let an ice cold stream of water pummel me instead. Clenching my jaw and breathing through my nose, I stand under the icy stream for as long as possible before jumping out of the shower and grabbing onto the sink. I can't see myself in the mirror now and am grateful for that.

I wipe away some stray tears and wrap a towel around my waist, shaking my hair out of my eyes.

Trying to steady my breathing, I decide to get dressed and forget about what just happened. There is no point in showing weakness. I don't even want to admit weakness to myself so it's best to ignore it for now. Push it as far away as possible in order to get through the day.

"Look!" Poppy calls out when I enter the kitchen. She is currently shoving a large spoon full of sugary cereal into her mouth. Her cheeks puff out and milk spills out of her mouth making her giggle. 

I grin and ruffle her hair, "You ready to go?" 

She grabs her empty bowl and chucks it into the sink in response. I crouch down in front of her so she can hop onto my back and get piggy back ride out to the car. Breakfast for me isn't an option as I already feel sick as a dog and don't think my stomach can handle anything solid right now.

On the ride to school, Poppy is back to her old self, singing along to songs on the radio and being a goof, just the way I like it. The fact that she can just forget what happened yesterday is extremely admirable and I wish I could be more like her which would make life so much easier.

"Here we are." I stop the car and grab Poppy's backpack from the backseat.

"Seth? Can I ask you something?" She timidly asks.

"Sure thing, Pops." She starts fiddling with her fingers and I can feel anxiety building up in the pit of my stomach.

"Are you really not friends with crayon girl?" She mumbles and I freeze.

"You mean Arya? No. No, we're not friends. Why?"

"I like her." She states simply, staring up at me with big eyes. I just nod and she starts biting the inside of her cheeks. "She's really nice!"

"Alright, alright. Come on, you've got to go."

"Hm, ok. Bye," she chirps when I don't say anything in response. She opens the car door, pulls her bag onto her back and heads towards the other kids outside of the school building. With a sigh, I start the engine again and take off towards my own school.

When I arrive almost all the parking spots are taken and I have to park my car way in the back.

Feeling watched as always, I make my way to my first class. I really am trying to do better in school but something always goes wrong and in this case it would be Arya. She is already sitting in her usual spot and since I am practically late every other seat is taken. When she looks up at me, anger boils up inside of me. I wish I could ignore it but she is the very reason for my parent's sudden interest in a change that I personally hate!

"Hey," she greets me as I sit down next to her.

I roll my eyes and drop my bag next to me. She clearly gets the message as I stare ahead and don't react to any of her attempts to talk to me. There is just one thing that almost makes my perfect facade crack; the look in her eyes when she notices that I am actually ignoring her.

It takes a lot to just keep quiet and wait for class to begin but I somehow manage to do it. Although I can barely concentrate on what Ms. Crones is trying to teach me, I at least look like I am interested in what she's saying. Since I've been putting more effort into school, I can actually answer some of her questions as well, surprising both her and me.

Once class is over, she pats my shoulder and tells me to "keep it up". I quickly hurry out of the classroom. I try to get as much distance between Arya and me as quickly as possible but have no such luck. She seems to be stuck to my back as I weave through the students, following my every step.

"Seth," she calls and grabs onto my arm. Her eyes are narrowed and I almost want to crack a smile as she looks... sort of cute. But then I remember what she has done again and all signs of a smile are gone.

"What..? Are you going to lecture me as well? Come on give it your best shot!" I hiss at her keeping my voice low but of course people stop and stare anyway.

"What are you...?" She stops herself and I can almost see a light bulb go off in her head. "Is this about what I said to you parents?"

"Of course it is! How dare you interfere with my private life? This was none of your business. You have no idea what's going on at my home and now my parents are going to take Paulina away from me. Do you know what you've done? Do you realize how much damage you've created?" To my utter annoyance, my voice quivers and I try to calm myself down. Can't have a repeat of what happened in the shower this morning. I am not about to cry in front of her like a little...

I expect Arya to respond defensively, maybe even hysterically but her voice is calm and almost rational. "I never meant for that to happen. After what happened with Paulina, I thought that it might be necessary to make them aware of their lack of parenting skills."

"Well, whatever you said... you put my world in a tailspin," I snap.

"I am sorry for your frustration and I know you're trying to find someone to put the blame on but I'm not the source of your problem. Think about it for a second. I only tried to open your parent's eyes. You, more than anyone, know that your parents need to sort out their priorities. I merely tried to get them to see life from Paulina's and your perspective!" She explains and I put my face into my hands.

"You don't know my perspective." I've lost already. Of course she is right. She knows me better than I even know my fucking self.

"My dad wants to hire someone to take care of Paulina because he thinks that I can't. Do you know what that means, Arya? I'll barely ever see her... I'll go insane!" I can feel the tears well up in my eyes again and try my best to hold them back. What is wrong with me today?! 

In a quick and surprising move, Arya hugs me, wrapping her arms around my neck tightly. My muscles immediately relax and I take a deep breath, smelling the scent of perfume.

"We really have to get to class but I'll meet you after school by your car, okay?" She whispers as she pulls away from me. "Neither of us can afford any more missed classes but we really, really have to talk."

She starts to walk off and I just nod in shock. About a minute later I realize where I am and sprint to my next class. How did she manage to change my mood within mere moments? This girl has scary power over my emotions!