19. Arya

To occupy my whirling mind, I spend all of Sunday cleaning the house. While Sam has seemingly been glued to the couch in front of the television, I succumb to my obsessive need of cleaning every crevice of this house. I scrub the floors, dust shelves and even re-organize my closet that up until now held clothes I haven't worn in at least five years. I am an unstoppable whirlwind of cleanliness!

Last night had been awful. I spent it twisting and turning in bed, not being able to calm down the thoughts that took hold of my mind. Nothing I tried could shut them out! Seth's voice would echo in my head like some sort of mental torture technique! Over and over and over again, I would hear him tell me that he... doesn't hate me. I still can't believe what he told me and part of me is still convinced that all of this is but a dream. Surely I will wake up and all of this will just have been a feverish nightmare. 

As per usual, I wished for Sunday to go by as slowly as possible as it prevents Monday morning from coming. No matter what I try though, time ticks twice as fast as normally and soon enough Monday comes around. 

Sam wakes me up like he does every week day. He presents the usual bowl of oatmeal and an apple to me and I made sure to sprinkle brown sugar over it to give the slimy breakfast some flavor. Sam glares at the amount of sugar I pour onto the cereal and I ignore him.

Now I am sitting in his car, biting my bottom lip in anticipation of getting to school. I am jittery and beyond nervous. Sam obviously notices my change in attitude but decides to not talk to me about it for some unknown reason. I am grateful for this as I am currently knee deep in my own head. It'll probably take a miracle to get me to talk to another human being today. I doubt I can form a coherent sentence.

"We're here," my cousin states, pulling into the school's parking lot. I had been too preoccupied to notice.

"Right," I mutter and slip out of the car, swinging my backpack over my shoulder before Sam can get another word out.

For some reason, I feel like everyone is watching me today as I enter the school. Of course they have no idea about what happened this weekend so I'm most likely imagining things. Unless Seth told anyone which I highly doubt because he is too focused on his reputation. I don't think he would even mention that he ever talked to me unless it includes making me cry. That, of course, is different. His peers would have a majorly good time, living vicariously through Seth and enjoying every second of my torture.

Fortunately, I reach my first class room without any run ins or confrontations but I know that Seth is going to enter this room any second and probably sit down right next to me.

I have been acting this scenario out in my head for the past 30 hours. What is he going to say? What should I say to him? Should I even talk to him? Are other people going to notice? But those aren't the only questions cursing through my mind... Of course I wonder if I would notice a change in the way he looks at me. Will I feel more comfortable now that I know that he... likes me?

Just thinking the word, not even saying it out loud, makes me cringe.

It feels odd. I am aware enough of the fact that Seth is as much of an emotional cripple as me... maybe even more so. He is pretty fucked up but does that really excuse the way he treated me? Surely not. How did he end up liking me when all he did was insult me? Truly none of this makes sense...

Then he finally enters the room. I immediately notice the change in his looks. In contrast to how he looked on Saturday, he is now clean shaven and his skin is unfairly smooth and beautiful. His hair is perfectly styled without looking as if too much effort was put into it. Also, the shirt he is wearing hugs his torso perfectly. And his lips... they appear extra plump and--

"You realize you're staring, right?" The smirk perfectly embellishes the mocking tone of his comment.

I don't even deny it because that is exactly what I had been doing. Nobody can deny Seth's handsome looks but they get to his head and that is exactly what puts the sour look on my face. He is too cocky. If only I could knock him off his high horse.

I turn my head back to look at him, trying to demolish my blushing with sheer willpower. I don't succeed but rest my eyes on his profile, trying to figure him out as he stares ahead. The corner of his mouth pulls up in a tiny, almost unrecognizable, smile. 

Why does he have to be so damn good-looking?! 

"What?" He snaps, all signs of the hint of a smile gone and replaced by the same sour look I am wearing. Wow, mood-swings!

"I was just..." I mutter, trying not to attract too much attention. "Just... Oh, I don't know. Never mind."

I puff out a sigh of frustration and lean back in my seat. The cheap wooden chair creaks a bit and suddenly I am hyper aware of my every movement. This is not turning out the way I had planned in my mind. Things never do but I just can't stop myself from making up these fiction scripts about my own life when I am alone. They just form in my mind and that's where they stay until nothing turns out the way I planned.

"How was your weekend?" To anyone this would seem like mindless small talk but to me it is so much more. I can actually feel my heart skip a beat at the simple question. I think this is probably the first time Seth speaks to me casually. Mark your calendars! 

"Restless," I admit and hear him grunt in response.

If this is all I can get out of him, I will take it. Welcome it with open arms even.

Unfortunately that really is all I get for this class. Soon after Seth's attempt to make conversation our teacher enters the room. Her eyes flicker over the students, linger on Seth for a second and then continue to roam across the class room. Before she can start her class, she announces a motivational speaker that would be visiting our school in a couple of days to talk about 'how to find greatness in life'. Sounds exhilarating.

Class passes by in a blur and I can't stop fidgeting the whole time. All I can concentrate on is Seth... God, I'm pathetic! I blame all of this on teenage hormones. 

As I leave the classroom, expecting Seth to follow, I see that he stays behind to talk to the teacher. No matter how much I want to stay and listen to what they're talking about, I practice self-control and force my legs to keep moving.

Just because he admitted to liking you, does not mean that you can stalk him!

Ethan doesn't show up in any of his classes but surprisingly I am not fazed much. However, when I enter the cafeteria I am not surprised to find him sitting at one of the large tables. He sits alone but spots me immediately. Lifting his hand, he waves me over. Before anyone notices me, I scurry over to the, way too hyperactive, teenager.

"What? Aren't you gonna get any food?" I scowl at him but see the amounts of food on his tablet and drop down across the table from him.

"Nope," I smirk and grab his tuna and mayo  laden sandwich off his tray. "I'm going to have some of yours instead."

I free the sandwich from its plastic wrapper and take a large bite out of it before he can protest. Ethan quickly accepts the fact that his sandwich has been stolen and crosses his arms in front of his chest, leaning back in his seat.

"Where have you been all day?" I ask after sipping on some of his water.

"Doesn't really matter." Typical cryptic answer I should have expected. "What matters is what happened on Saturday. I want to hear everything. What happened after I left?"

"Nothing." I quickly take another bite of the sandwich, clearly avoiding the question. 

I don't know what gives me away... The blush? Maybe the slight uncertainty in my voice or maybe it is the fact that my answer comes too quick. No matter how but Ethan knows that I'm not telling the truth. 

"He told you!" He shouts, throwing his hands up. 

Suddenly everyone's attention on us and I shrink down in my seat, dropping the sandwich on Ethan's tray. I put on the meanest glare I can muster and shoot invisible daggers at him. Did he have to shout?!

"What the hell," I whisper harshly. "You don't have to yell it out!"

"I'm sorry," he laughs. "I'm not sure if I'm happy or surprised. Or maybe both. Damnit, I am so good. I actually got him to admit it. How do you feel about it?"

"I'm not sure if I want to slap or thank you, to be honest." My glare does not waver but I blow out a sharp breath. "I thought he might like me before you told me."

"Did you now?" Ethan raises an eyebrow at me but looks intrigued. I just nod, trying to look casual.

"That's not the issue here, though."

"What do you mean?"

"The fact that you knew and never even told me! It just drives me kind of insane. I thought you were my friend and then all of a sudden you come out with all of these secrets. Secrets that affect me and my life. You didn't think once to fill me in on what you were doing..."

Ethan sighs and his happy expression is replaced by a very rare thoughtful and guarded one. He leans across the table a little and lowers his voice, "It's not like I didn't want to tell you. I would have but I needed to make sure that I was right. I had to be 100 % certain before confronting Seth about it."

"I understand that but you could have let me in on your plan," I argue, not having any of it.

"Maybe." The glee returns to his face, "but that would've been no fun at all. This way, I can see the both of you squirm a bit."

I scoff and crumble up the plastic sandwich wrapper just to throw it across the table towards Ethan. He catches it and is about to throw it back at me but stops himself mid-throw. 

"Hey. Seth has a class with you, right? First period. How did it go?"

Should I tell him about how disappointing this morning was? Probably not. Maybe I can make it seem a little more interesting for him.

So, I try to embellish this morning's happenings as much as possible without making it sound unrealistic. It makes me feel a bit stupid but at the same time, it gives me some peace. At least for a moment, I can live in my fantasy world. The moment doesn't last very long at all. As I knew it wouldn't.

The minute Seth and his peers enter the cafeteria, I feel like I am pushed back to the very first day at school. Seth doesn't spare me one glance and sits down at his usual table. This scenario reminds me of every high school themed 90's movie out there. Freakishly similar.

"He can be an ass," Ethan notes and I just nod in agreement. "I know he is a good guy deep down, though. He just doesn't really know how to deal with it yet. He's been living his life like this pretty much since birth. Trying to break those habits must be hard."

"I know," I grunt. "I just wish he would stop being such an a--"

I don't get to finish my sentence as I hear the unpleasant noise of high heels clacking against the linoleum floors. Without turning around, I know what (or who) is coming for me. The hyena herself. Leena.

She comes to a stop behind me and my whole body freezes up when she clears her throat. The high pitched noise makes me shudder in disgust.

"Pig!" She calls out and I cringe. "Hellooo, I'm talking to you."

I roll my eyes and twist around to look at her. Better just get it over with.

"What do you want," I all but hiss at her. Fortunately no one really seems to care about what is going on and I do have Ethan backing me up if anything happens.

Leena's blonde hair is perfectly straightened and her clothes fit her tiny frame just right. If anything, she is the picture of perfection and nobody can deny her outer beauty. But I know better than to fall for that. It's a mirage. I know that she is an ugly witch underneath all that perfectly applied make up and those expensive skinny jeans.

"I want to make something very clear," she snaps. "I've been putting up with your crap for way too long. The minute you latched yourself onto my boyfriend-"

Ethan scoffs and it almost looks like Leena is ready to rip his throat out but she continues japing on anyway. "The minute you did that, you signed your own death wish. Do you know how cold he has been towards me? Before you came here, he couldn't get enough of me."

She leans down closer to me, "I got to know him in a way that you surely never will. So please, do yourself a favor and just give up because this disgustingly creepy crush you have on him is clearly going nowhere."

Now that her voice has reached maximum pitch and volume, she attracts more attention than before. Everyone at Seth's table has now turned towards us and is watching the show unravel. I try to keep my face as straight as possible. I can't let her see how much her words are actually getting to me. Of course she can give Seth something that I have... I shouldn't even be thinking about that! Now that she has thrown that into my face, though, I feel as though me being with Seth is never going to happen. 

"I'm going to give you one last chance to back off and if you don't..." She pauses for ridiculous dramatic effect. "Well, let's just say that you can say goodbye to my friendly side and get ready to live a miserable life."

"This is supposed to be your friendly side?" Ethan pipes in and I jump as his voice is loud enough for anyone to hear. I want to turn around and beg him to stop but of course, I am frozen.

"Excuse me, but who the hell do you think you are?" Leena shrieks at him.

"Oh would you please just shut the hell up." He gets off his seat and walks around the table to stand next to me. "Nobody gives a fuck about you and you're just disrupting our quiet lunch here. What has this girl ever done to you?"

Leena seems stunned and even intimated by Ethan for a second before she goes back to her bitchy attitude.

"Well, Mr Know-it-all, if you must know, she is a fucking annoyance. She is everything I despise and I am sure that she is also the reason why my boyfriend has been acting strange lately!"

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yes!" She gives him that typical duh look and throws her hands up in the air. "Seth Smith. I am sure you are familiar with him?"

At that moment, I can't stop myself from glancing over at Seth. His face is tense and his whole body language reads pissed off. He connects his eyes with mine and for a short moment, we are the only two people in the room. But I break eye contact and stand up.

"Pretty sure he's not your boyfriend," I snap back at her and look at Seth, whose face has gone from tense to shocked.

"Oh yeah?" Leena smiles an evil smile at me. "Why don't we ask him?"

That's what I am provoking. He doesn't do me any good all the way across the room. This is his chance to stand up to this bitch and show me that he really meant the words he said to me on Saturday.

"Seth! Will you tell this fatty that she's wrong, please!? I don't think she can take a hint!" Leena calls across the cafeteria.

Seth hesitates for a second and one of his friends slaps his hand on Seth's shoulder before whispering something to him. Seth shakes his head and gets up just to stalk towards us.