I look at my diary and feel a sigh escape my lips.

I was sitting in the chair, the chair Romano and I used, the chair that I talked to Belgium on. Thinking back on all those times now, I decided that I hated it. Every bad memory was tied to this chair. I slumped down in it, tilting my head back and stretching out my legs as I recall all of the bad times, but focus on one thing in particular; Romano. He must hate me right now. Even though I knew that, I couldn't help wondering. Was it too much to hope that he was missing me? I missed Romano so much that it hurt. Sitting there in the study room, with only my thoughts for company, it makes me realize how lonely I am. I left him, in the summer house... According to Austria, he'd been there for three days. I'd wept like a baby when I found out. I rest my head on my hand, tears slowly building up until they rose into a crescendo that poured out of me.

"Oh, Romano! I'm so sorry!" I yell with no one to hear me as I sob uncontrollably into my palm. "Please forgive me!" I lurched up from that horrible chair and stumbled over to the fireplace. My body collapsed underneath me, my knees buckling, causing my legs to spread akimbo under me as my arms fell limp. I sobbed, regretful of everything I'd done. I picked up my diary and lifted it in front of my face to see it clearly.

I stood up and went over to my dusty desk and got out an inkpot and quill before slamming my diary down onto the desk.

Dear Diary,

When I gave Romano away I thought it would make me happy to know that he'd be safe... but now... I don't how much of me wishes I did that. I miss him so much that I haven't left my study room in weeks. What am I going to do? Should I take him back?

I left my book open for the ink to dry as I think about what I just wrote. Should I? Should I really take him back? But what about England! Will that git get in the middle of our reuniting?

I walked over to my book case and took out a random book. I looked at the cover and it read, "The art of an Italian" Telling you how to approach an Italian and what right things to say. Oh, the number of times I'd read this book! What is it now, sixteen times perhaps? And yet still, I was none the wiser about what to do with Romano.

"Hehe" I let out a little giggle to myself as I recalled that one time...

>>>>>>>>>

Spain's other memory of Romano

"Hey Romano!" I yelled after Romano who was in the tomato field. When I reached Romano I skid to a stop, almost bumping into him. "Romano!" I yelled in his face.

"What bastard!? Can't you see I'm busy!" He yelled back at me biting into a tomato. "What?" He said with his mouth full.

I instantly kissed both of Romano's cheeks, which turned as red as the tomato he was holding in his hand.

"G-Get off me bastard!" Romano yelled pushing me away from him.

"I was only following what the book Feliciano got me said! You know, 'The art of an Italian'!" I said with glee.

"Don't read retarded shit like that! It's nothing but inaccurate, sometimes reading it makes me want to beat the hell out of the writer!" Romano said turning towards his tomatoes again. I wasn't all that discouraged though because by the faint smirk I could see on his face I guessed that he might not have hated the kiss on the cheeks after all.

>>>>>>>>

Back to Spains original memory

"Romano... I remember you so clearly, your adorable curl, your love of Tomatos, your love of me..." I say distantly, before letting out a wistful sigh. "If only I-" I cut off as I heard the door opening and turned to see Belgium walk in the room with a basket of tomatoes.

"Knock knock?" She said, letting herself in. She placed the basket on the desk I was using for my diary, and she spread out her arms. "Spain? Do you need a hug?" She said sympathetically. I nod my head as I allow her to pull me into her arms. Tears start streaming down my face again as I take in her warm comfort. "And I thought Romano was bad... you're a whole different level Spain..." She said while stroking my head.

"I can't believe I did that to Romano. Left him there, by himself, in that summer house that was meant for us..." I'd thought about my decision plenty of times, letting go of Romano is a lot harder than I'd expected it to be.

When Belgium spoke I could hear the sorrow in her voice. "Oh Spain, you're much worse than Romano was when you left him. I'm really considering whether or not if it was my place to say anything about your guy's relationship."

I push away from her, to look at her at eye level. "Relationship? I-I don't know about that-..." I say rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. Recalling the time Romano and I had on the chair, I nervously glance at it. "I wouldn't say relationship..." I hedged as I pull away from her, going over to my diary and closing it.

"Spain, please don't deny the obvious. Romano has a diary too you know?" I flinch.

"You read Romano's diary?" Rage welled up inside me.

"I stumbled across it when I was picking up his room -while you were gone- and I happened to read one page of something very interesting..." She slowly went for her tomatos. My face was flushed red. No one was supposed to know about it, no one, it was a thing Romano and I shared. I leaned over my desk in surprise, this is so embarrassing.

"I'M NOT A PEDO!" I yell defensively at Belgium. "ROMANO... Romano started it... IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" I yell again grabbing a hold of Belgium's shoulders frantically. After I calmed a bit I bowed my head in apology as I let go of her.

"Please Spain! It's no big deal! I don't care, so stop!" She said patting my head. Tears fell down my cheeks in complete and utter embarrassment.

>>>>>>>>

I went to Romano's room that night, hoping for some kind of closure.

"His room... It's so... clean." I walk around the tidy room, feeling the shelves and the dent marks Romano somehow made. I chuckled when I saw 'Spain and Romano Forever', and tears blurred my vision. No wonder Romano never liked me near his shelves, they had embarrassing inscriptions like this. I chuckled to myself.

I walked by his bed, his smell of tomatoes was definitely long gone. I place my finger on the soft pillow, which reminded me of that one time...

>>>>>>>>>>

Spain's other memory of Romano #2 (lol)

I lay in my bed with nothing but clarity from the immense silence.

Silence... hmmmm...

"BASTARD!" Ah, that's the problem, Romano wasn't being loud! It all makes sense as to why I'm content. "BASTARD! ANSWER ME GOD DAMN IT!" I smiled as I got up from my bed and walked to the door Romano stood behind. I open the door to see Romano with his pillow tightly clasped in his arms. "Um... um, Spain?" He looked away, his cheeks turning a bright red. "Can I sleep with you t-tonight?"

I smiled brightly. "Of course Romano! You can sleep with me anytime!" I walked to my bed, and Romano followed like a duckling.

He crawled in bed and I crawled in after him. I left the light on and snuggled in the covers.

After twenty minutes Romano spoke. "Spain?" I nod. "C-can you sing me a lullaby? You know, like you used to when I got nightmares..." A smile crossed my lips.

"For you Romano, anything..."

-----

"Hush now, quite now

It's time to lay your sleepy head.

Hush now, quite now

It's time to go to bed

Drift, drift off to sleep

Exit today behind you

Drift, drift off to sleep

Let good dreams find you"

-----

I smiled to myself as Romano fell asleep, letting out small, adorable snores.

"I love you..." I said kissing Romano's forehead.

>>>>>>>

Back to Spains original memory #2

That pillow was the pillow he would bring to my room. I forced the tears back, as knowing that Romano will never ask to sleep in my room again saddens me.

I went over to Romano's desk and noticed his diary. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Romano's... diary..." I reach out for it and slowly open to the first page.

Dear Diary,

I'm living with spain for the time being, I was really happy when I found out that Spain wanted me... but I guess I was wrong. I overheard him on the phone with Austria and he was begging Austria to take me back and trade me in for Feli. Am I really not that loved? Does everyone hate me so much that no one wants me with them? Am I important at all?

I slammed the book shut. No, I can't read this anymore, it's just too unbearable.

I stood there for the longest time, reflecting on what I just read. Was I really that inconsiderate? I opened the book again, but to a random page.

Dear Diary,

One day I was going over to Spain and I saw him crying. I couldn't believe it. Spain, who's always smiling, crying? I was sad, upset, and worried. So I did everything to cheer him up. I don't know what I would do if he'd stop smiling...

I remembered that day... I couldn't remember why I was crying though... something really sad happened that day, but I couldn't entirely recall what it was... oh well!

I should really stop reading this, I thought. I closed the book and walked out of the room. I looked at the wall in the hallway and frowned. I don't want that house on that cliff top any longer...

>>>>>>

When I reached the summer house, gasoline burned my nostrils as I poured it on every belonging of mine. It was a nice adrenaline rush to pour every ounce of the flammable liquid on the furniture. I led a trail of gasoline from the doors entryway to the end of the path.

I pulled out a match and kneel on the ground, as if to say, "I'm sorry..."

Then a short lullaby came to mind.

-----
"Sing me to sleep

I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say

'I miss you. '

'I'm sorry.'"

-----

I sang the lullaby through stricken tears as I dropped the match in the gasoline and watched the trail of fire as up it raced toward the house, and I sat there and watched as it burned to ashes.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A/N
I hope you liked this chapter, it's definitely longer than the other ones, and more... feely... I just want to thank everyone who is reading this fanfiction it certainly means a lot to me!

Credit to Chelsedrag for editing

Have a wonderful Day/Night/Afternoon/Evening

Fusososososososososo

CC_Green~