"Don't go." Luke pleaded, hand quickly reached out to grab my arm. I could see the desperation in his eyes, I could see how scared he was and I could feel from his tight grip on my arm that he really didn't want me to go. "You know I hate needles."

"I'm here." I nodded as I pulled up one of the small stools that were placed in the corner of the room. It smelled clean and everything inside was white and bright and I knew that if I were Luke, I'd be freaking out too. There was always something about hospitals and examination rooms that gave both Luke and I the creeps. I was trying my best to let him do the freaking out as I just sat there.

I cleared my throat, watching as the tall nurse walked over to where Luke was sat, telling him she would tie the strap around his arm and asking him to ball his fist. Luke did as told, taking in a deep breath as she ran a cotton ball with some strong scented alcohol solution on it before feeling around for Luke's vein. My eyes were focused on that, watching carefully as she pulled up a tray with a needle and all the tubes Luke was going to fill up with his blood. It was only then I realised Luke's hand had slid down my arm, fingers fitting themselves between my own as he held my hand. Very tightly.

"Okay, Luke, here's what we're going to do." The nurse said calmly, taking a seat on her own stool as her large hazel eyes stared back at the blond. "I'm going to take some of your blood samples now, and these are going in to get the antibodies checked out. If you are infected, the antibodies take usually between two to eight weeks to be generated, so the chances are that even if your tests come back negative, you could still HIV-positive. In either case, you'll have to take a confirmatory test. If it comes back negative, that'll be in about two months time to make sure the antibodies have time to be produced. If it comes back positive, it will be sooner. You okay with that?"

I could see Luke gulp down nervously, nodding slowly before he looked up at me with wide eyes. I could feel his hand shake as he gripped tighter and tighter, avoiding the urge to look down at the nurse as she began to get everything ready. It took Luke about three seconds to screw his eyes shut and let out a yelp when he felt the brunette woman place her finger on his vein again, making sure it was the right place before she let out a small sigh.

"Okay, I'm going in now. It's very important that you stay still so that I can get the vein." Luke let a squeak, opening his eyes and letting them meet mine. We were looking at each other so intensely, it felt almost like we were in a different world. It was almost like soulmates didn't exist, like Luke and I were meant to be and he wasn't running the risk of being infected by HIV. Everything felt perfect. Until Luke looked away and bit his lower lip.

"So, what now?" I cleared my throat, turning towards the nurse with a curious expression. Luke was still clinging to me, and I could see by the way she looked between us that she figured we were soulmates. Which we weren't. And I could see it clearly down on her as she spotted the anchor on Luke's right wrist, but not on mine.

"The tests will be ready in about half an hour but the doctor is only allowed to disclose the information with the patient and family members. Are you two partners?"

"No." Luke groaned as he sat up, hand still laced with mine as he looked down at the tiny bandaid on his arm. "But he's still family."

"Alright." The nurse nodded quickly. "The doctor will be back in about a half hour with the results."

"Thank you." Luke smiled weakly, watching as the nurse left the room.

The two of us sat in complete silence, letting the ticking of the wall clock fill in the small room. I still hadn't let go of Luke's hand, and luckily for me, neither had he. It took me a second to realise that Luke hadn't asked me not to go just because he was scared of needles. He wasn't holding my hand just because he didn't really want to get punctured in the vein. I knew deep inside that it all meant a lot more, and although Luke had left me five years ago, I knew I wouldn't leave him. Not even if he was sick; and I was pretty sure that was all he wanted. He wanted me to be there, like Ale had said he would need.

"What am I going to do, Michael?" Luke whispered, eyes glued to the white wall in front of us as he shook his head. "Seriously, what am I going to do?"

"You're going to wait for your results." I shrugged nonchalantly. "And then you're going to take the test again and see what the doctor says. If they come back negative, you go back to your life and everything is good. If not, then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." 

"I can't just go back to my life, Mike." He sighed heavily, covering his eyes with his free hand. I knew he was holding back tears, but Luke was always the one to hold back. Luke hated crying and he hated showing vulnerability. Even to me. "My soulmate's dead."

"Yes, he is." I nodded slowly, rubbing my thumb over the back of Luke's hand. "And there's no sugarcoating it. But your life is going to move on eventually and you'll be okay. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to mourn, but don't let your life stop because of it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"

"Yes." Luke let out a shaky breath. "Thanks, Kelly Clarkson."

"You're most welcome." I smiled up at him, feeling warmth speed through my body as Luke rolled his eyes playfully. I could feel the mood start to lighten up slightly.

"You know, I really missed you, Mikey." He cleared his throat, placing his free hand over mine. "Living in Melbourne with Ale was great, but there was always something missing. It didn't take me long to realise it was you."

"So why didn't you reach out? You never called or texted or anything. You were just gone." My eyes were focused on the blond sitting next to me, watching his thin eyebrows furrow slightly as he ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots like he used to do when he wasn't sure of what to say.

"I-I don't know." Luke shrugged with a sad smile. " I just... I just figured it'd be easier if we went our separate ways. When Ale got sick, it hit me so hard that you weren't there and it was the worst thing. It all happened so fast, too. Two months ago I was happily engaged to my boyfriend of five years and then all of a sudden he got the flu and died a month and a half later."

"So you've known for a month and a half and you're only getting tested now? Luke, you should've done that first thing."

"We didn't know it was HIV at first." My best friend shrugged, keeping his eyes away from me. I knew he was holding back from looking at me. But I also knew that if he did, he'd cry. I knew him like the back of my hand. "Ale refused to go to the doctors. Or maybe he knew it was HIV and he just didn't want to tell me. I-I don't know. The thought just never crossed my mind, to be honest. Then he got really bad and we found out it had developed into pneumonia and you know the rest."

"I'm sorry." I smiled sadly, watching as Luke nodded. We sat in silence for a little longer, drowning in our own thoughts until we heard the click of the door.

"Luke Hemmings? Hi, I'm Dr. Peters." The short man smiled widely, shaking Luke's hand before shaking mine. "I take it this is your partner?"

"Best friend." Luke nodded shortly, loosening his grip on my hand but not letting go of it just yet. "So, what are the news?"

"Well," Dr. Peters sighed, flicking through some papers before setting them down and looking at Luke through his reading glasses. "Luke, I'm afraid the results came back positive." My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. "But there was a very small amount of antibodies in your blood sample, which could either mean they have just started being produced and your infection was spotted in a very early stage, or that this infection is going to hit you hard because your body does not have enough antibodies to fight it."

"So how do we know which one it is then?" I asked, glancing at Luke to see him with his free hand covering his mouth, glassy eyes staring at the floor. I knew I'd have to ask the questions Luke wouldn't be able to ask himself.

"Well, we can't know for sure right now. We'll need a confirmatory test to verify if Luke is indeed HIV positive or it was just a malfunction of his antibodies or our lab. If that test comes back positive, we will have to run a CD4 count. This will show us how well Luke's immune system is working and how close he could be to stage 3 HIV, which would be, you know, AIDS." The doctor sighed, removing his glasses as he rubbed his temples slightly. "Once we see how that CD4 is going, we'll be able to figure out how intense Luke's ART will have to be. That means, which medications he will have to take to prevent the infection from developing."

"Will you be able to know how long Luke will have based on his cell count?"

"Well, people with HIV can live for decades. As long as they're careful with their health and take the right medicines, they can live a full life on stage 1 or 2 HIV. It's only at stage 3 HIV that things start getting complicated. But by the looks of it, looking at Luke now, he doesn't seem to be anywhere near stage 3. We will have to let the tests tell us where we stand, though."

"Alright." I nodded, giving Luke's hand a squeeze to get him to look at me. "Thank you very much, doctor."

"No problem." He nodded as he stood up. "I'll have the nurse schedule Luke's next blood test if that's alright with you. If you could just go to the front desk and get the date and time with her, that'd be great."

"Yeah, we will." I nodded with a small smile, watching as he left the room. "You doing alright there, buddy?"

Luke bit his lower lip, turning his head to look at me with red, glossy eyes. It had been the first time in over ten years that I had seen Luke so close to crying.

"Please don't let me die, Mikey."

~~~

i started a new story called "paris" plsss go check that out!!! :-)

and so much research going on for this wow

i don't know how well informed you guys are on hiv, but writing this i just realised how little i knew about it and i'm glad i'm writing this and getting the chance to learn more about it bc it really is so important. 

i hope you guys learn a little from this too!!