The day Ashton and Calum met marked a big day in my life. It was, obviously, a much bigger day for the two of them, who crossed eyes in a busy coffee shop in the City Business District. But it was a big day for me, nonetheless. I, the young man with no soulmate, had to give up a best friend a second time because of a stupid black ink symbol somewhere on a body part. In Ashton and Calum's case, an ankle. I had to watch first hand, for a second time, as the person I had grown attached to grew attached to someone else. Someone they had never met, someone they had never even seen before, but that all of a sudden were a whole lot more important than I had ever been.

I wasn't sure if it was selfish of me to feel the way I did, but I couldn't help it. I had tried so hard to be happy for Luke back when I was seventeen, it felt like I had wasted all my energy on that one single person. When the time came to endure the whole Cashton romance, I was having none of it. Watching them be so happy around each other made me want to cringe. The way they could talk with nothing but their eyes made me want to cry. The way they spent hours sitting on my living room couch (before Calum moved in) in the late hours of the morning talking about their life dreams made me want to scream. The way the two of them looked at each other when Ashton handed Calum a key to our apartment and then proceeded to formally ask him to move in (I already knew about that considering we had discussed it and Ashton had asked for my permission) made me want to move out.

It took a very long for me to get used to the idea that my life would always turn out the same way. Whoever I met, whoever I got attached to who had yet to find their soulmate, would eventually find their soulmate. The outcome would forever be same as it was with Luke and then Ashton and there was no point in me wallowing in self pity. That was the way things were, and it was something I would have to learn to brush off and move on from. Everyone around me would fall in love and I would watch them do so, only dreaming about the day it would happen to me. I would have to find happiness elsewhere: in my studies, in my family, in my job. I was destined to live this way and there was nothing I could do about it. It was when I finally accepted that, that watching Ashton and Calum became easier for me. That was when I realised there was no point in me wishing anything but happiness for the both of them. Because I would gain nothing from any different outcome to their relationship.

Ashton sat across from me at the table, eyes focusing on his phone as he typed away. I didn't bother speaking, finding that whatever I said would go completely unnoticed by the curly haired man. I could see he was frowning, biting down on the inside of his cheek, and by the distressed look in his eyes, I could tell he was fighting with someone. My first guess was obviously Calum, but the thought of soulmates getting into arguments was something foreign to me. Everything about soulmates was foreign to me, but this was something I didn't think was even possible. Soulmates, in my head at least, were supposed to love each other unconditionally, to be in love with every little thing about their partner. Fights just didn't seem right.

He sighed, locking his phone and tossing it onto the small table. Crossing his arms, Ashton frowned, looking out of the window. We were sitting up on the second floor of the Dome restaurant just across the road from my old apartment (now only Calum and Ashton's), getting the familiar feeling we used to get when walking the way down here for dinner when we got paid. I smelled of dog piss and I felt like a layer of dirt covered my entire body, but when Ashton asked me if I wanted to come in for a sandwich, I couldn't say no. I just didn't think the atmosphere would be as bad as it really was.

"You have no idea how lucky you are," Ashton shook his head, hazel eyes flickering to me as I eyed him curiously. "To just not have a soulmate."

I tilted my head, watching as Ashton picked up his glass of Coke and took a long sip. "How so?"

Ashton shrugged, clicking his tongue as he did so. "Things just get so complicated. It's an eternal battle between feeling happy and feeling completely miserable. I always find myself wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't found Calum, you know? Or if we weren't soulmates and things just stayed the way they are with you. If we were just very good friends."

"Do you think you would be happier?"

"I think I wouldn't feel like I'm under pressure all the time. You know?"

I chuckled, leaning back against my chair as my eyes met Ash's again. "I don't, actually. No soulmate, remember?"

Ashton let out a small laugh, but it was clear to me that there was no excitement in it. It was killing me to see him like that. Ever since I had met Ashton back when looking for a flatmate to get me away from  home and all the memories of Luke, he had always been a walking bundle of joy. He was constantly smiling, giggling, lighting up any room he walked into. Ashton had always been the person to help me without making any effort, without even knowing I needed help in the first place and seeing him look so down and out of place made me wish I could be like him for a day. To be a giggly ball of sunshine, someone who could give him comfort in the slightest of actions. I wanted to be as helpful to him as he was to me.

"Yeah," He smiled sadly, looking down at his hands. His voice was barely above a whisper, and if someone else had walked past as he spoke, I wouldn't have been able to hear him. "Lucky you."

I frowned, trying my hardest to pinpoint the moment Calum and Ashton's relationship had gone so sour to the point Ashton didn't even want to have a soulmate anymore. The whole situation, seeing Ashton frown like that, made me wonder if not having a soulmate was really that bad. I thought about all the nights I spent alone, knowing Calum and Ash were cuddling next door and that Luke and Alessandro were most liking cuddling in Melbourne too. I thought of all the tears I had shed, knowing that I had nothing to look forward to in the future when it came to meeting someone and building a life. I felt alone and misunderstood, nothing seemed to be enough to make me content for longer than a day. At that moment, watching Ashton, I began to question myself if it was the lack of soulmate that made me feel like that, or the fact that I was in love with Luke out of all people.

"Is everything okay?" I asked softly, searching for any hints in Ashton's facial expression, but somehow, he had managed to keep it neutral.

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugged, sighing right afterwards. "Actually, no. Everything is not okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The curly haired man huffed, looking up at the ceiling as he bit the inside of his cheek. "I just feel like I was so infatuated with the idea of a soulmate that I was blinded. I wasn't infatuated with Calum but with what he represented. And it's weird to feel like this because he is my soulmate. We have the same tattoo. We are destined to fall in love and live happily ever after. Why am I feeling like this, Michael?"

I nibbled on my lower lip, trying to come up with anything that would comfort one of my best friends. I could hear the sadness, desperation and confusion in his voice and the idea of talking about something that was far from my area of knowledge was absolutely terrifying to me. But I couldn't just leave him hanging like that, I couldn't shrug it off and act like nothing was happening and then proceed to talk about my own problems. Ashton deserved to be heard and he deserved support. He was one of the few people to ever tell me to put myself first, if not the only person. But now, he needed me and for once in my life, Luke wasn't coming first. Ashton was.

"Honestly," I whispered. "I don't know. But I'm pretty sure you're not the only person in the world to feel like this, either. Destiny isn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows. Luke's destiny was to spend the rest of his life with Ale...and now here he is. Destiny doesn't always go to plan and it's okay not to know where to go from where you are now. Everyone gets lost some time and looking for your way out can be a lot harder than it seems."

"Do you think I should just wait and see if it goes away? Should I just see what happens?"

"No," I shook my head, pushing my lips into a thin line. "If you're not in love with Calum, Ash, he has a right to know. Don't just let him realise little by little that you're not the same as you were years ago because that will slowly kill him. I know you love him, even if it's not in the same way that he loves you, and you'd never want to hurt him intentionally. So please don't. He deserves better than to be kept in the shadow about this. Be honest and be open with him."

Ashton nodded, and for the first time since I had seen him that evening, he flashed me a genuine smile. "Thanks." He breathed. "And Michael? You're the best friend someone could ask for."

~~~

quite a few stories have been deleted...i just want to write the best stories i possibly can and be proud of what i write.

the newer ones have just been unpublished bc the feedback wasn't good and i just want to make sure they're well written stories instead of half assed one (like waking up alone lol).

i have come to the conclusion that i have way too many ideas for one single person who's about to start year 12 and wants to get into universities that require an ATAR score of 85 or higher. but i want these stories to be written. if i started a story ideas book, would anyone want them??