Chapter 5 | Illusion

I only had five hours of sleep, but the moment my alarm pierced the silence of dawn, I was up. With a routine swift and practiced, I dived into the day, knowing full well that the role of cheerleader came with its own set of unspoken rules—punctuality being one of them. Today's practice was important, starting at dawn, and I couldn't afford a minute's delay.

Our cheer dance coach had only two to three hours to mold us into champions. Given the tight schedule, returning home after practice wasn't an option. I prepared my essentials last night to avoid a foggy mind during the grueling session.

With the district competition merely eight days away, every moment felt like a step closer to the grand stage. My attire was simple yet functional—a white t-shirt paired with black jogging pants, rounded off with dancing shoes to cushion my feet from the relentless practice.

Currently, Ma'am Rañez hasn't deemed it necessary for us to rehearse throughout the entire day. We've all committed the steps to memory. The emphasis of our practice sessions has shifted to perfecting our movements and achieving flawless synchronization—a task that was easier said than done.

Tito Niko noticed me going downstairs. "Oh, you're leaving early."

"May practice po sa cheerdance, malapit na po ang competition. Sa mga susunod po na araw ay maaga rin po akong aalis," I informed him even if it wasn't necessary.

"Kung gano'n ay kumain ka muna, Serin."

"Hindi na po, bibili na lang po ako sa labas," I politely declined. "Bawal po kasi akong mahuli."

Naramdaman siguro ni Tito Niko ang aking pagmamadali kaya sa huli'y hinayaan niya na lang akong umalis. Mabuting handa na rin ang aming driver nang lumabas ako. Applying makeup barely crossed my mind; I only allowed myself a quick application of cream to combat exertion.

Kahit sa maliit na oras sa biyahe, nakuha ko pang pumikit at ituloy ang tulog. Ginising ako ng aming driver nang nakarating na kami sa paaralan. Hindi ko pala siya nasabihang magda-drive through kami sa isang fast food para bumili sana ng aking almusal.

Habang nasa daan patungo sa venue, iniisip ko kung anong oras ba madalas magbukas ang main cafeteria ng school. Our usual practice room felt like a sanctuary. Its spaciousness and air conditioning offer a conducive environment for rigorous practice.

I enjoy practicing here because it's a relaxed and fun environment. Whenever someone messes up the dance routine, I could tease them with lighthearted insults. It adds humor to our practice sessions and helps diffuse any tension. Our coach expects us to work hard and improve, but they also encourage us to have a good time while we're at it.

I was the first member to arrive. Ma'am Rañez was already setting up the speaker we would be using today.

"Good morning, Ma'am," I greeted.

"Carthage, mabuti't maaga ka. Paki-ayos ito sa likod ng speaker."

Sinunod ko ang kanyang utos kahit hindi ko pa nabababa ang mga dalang gamit. It was an easy task anyway.

"Inform your members to come early. Dapat 6:30 o 7 nagsisimula na kayo. Panonoorin ko kayo bago pumasok sa unang klase. Dadating ang instructor niyo ng mga ten."

"Noted po."

I immediately took out my phone to relay her announcement in our group chat. May iilang sumagot na parating na.

"Kabisado niyo na ang steps, hindi ba? Nililinis na lang ngayon?"

I looked up to answer, "Opo, saka sinasanay ko na sila sa mabibilis na parts."

"Mabuti. Ang balita ko may pasabog ang kalapit school natin," she sounded worried for a couple of seconds. "But I know our team's better."

The thing about this cheerdance team that set them apart from others was that most of the dancers were not just cheerleaders for show, but were actually trained in dance and gymnastics. They weren't that difficult to lead and collaborate with—but they could easily be distracted and sometimes arrogant.

My dance journey began in the world of hip-hop during my elementary days, gradually evolving as I sought out various dance styles and mentors. It was more than just a passion; it was my escape. I tried to do many things to distract myself from being alone. As senior high came, I decided to step back from the competitive scene to focus on my academic aspirations without abandoning my love for dance.

Ma'am called me again to announce something. "Carthage, I'll stay in the faculty room for a while. Message me before you start. Create an attendance sheet and separate the latecomers."

Iyon ang aking ginawa habang mag-isa sa loob ng silid. Hanggang ngayon ay palaisipan pa rin sa akin kung bakit pet peeve ni Ma'am ang mga laging late. I mean, I get it—punctuality and professionalism—pero minsan may mga nangyayaring hindi naman nila kontrolado. Hindi ko gawaing parusahan ang mga late—mabuti nga't pumunta pa. Iyon nga lang, napaparusahan sila kapag si Ma'am ang naabutan nila.

Natapos ko na ang paghanda ng attendance sheets. Muli kong binuksan ang phone at pinanood ang pag-akyat ng messages sa aming group chat. Iyong mga nagsabi kaninang papunta na, nagsabi muling papunta na. Saan ba ang tungo nila kanina, sa banyo? I chuckled on the thought.

The door of the practice room opened. I turned to see who had entered. Eros gave me a charming smile and walked confidently toward me. I frowned as he approached.

"You're here because?"

"Let's have breakfast together!"

He showed me the white plastic bags he was carrying and placed them in front of me. Because the room had limited chairs, I was only sitting on the floor. Eros sat beside me, and I immediately created a space between us.

I couldn't help but notice his hair slightly disheveled and damp, possibly from a recent workout, adding a rugged charm to his appearance. His muscles were more pronounced, owing to the snug fit of his black training tank top. It clung to him, highlighting the contours of his physique with every movement. He was in his typical athletic attire, the shorts marked with 33 on both sides.

"Hindi ka pa nag-aalmusal?" I asked.

"Well, Tito Niko told me you didn't eat at home. Tinanong ko ang driver ninyo kung bumili ka ba sa fast food. Sumaktong nakita ko 'tong masarap na breakfast shop sa daan," he said while arranging the food on the floor. "Ayos lang ba sa 'yong kumain dito sa lapag?"

I rolled my eyes.

He chuckled. "Okay. Akala ko lang aarte ka pa."

"Is that how you really perceive me? Anyway, bilisan nating kumain at baka magsidating na sila."

He slightly moved his head sideways. "Ayaw mong makita nila tayong kumakain?"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Magsisimula na kami ng seven."

I didn't want to accept the food Eros brought me, but as soon as the tantalizing aroma reached my nostrils, my stomach let out an embarrassing growl, effectively betraying my pride. Eros handed me my plastic utensils, and I silently took them with my food. The flavors made it impossible for me to resist taking a bite.

It was a good thing Eros was quiet the entire time we ate. A member came in a few minutes later, and I handed her the attendance sheets. I asked her to facilitate the attendance while I finished my breakfast. They never saw me so helpless, but I couldn't stop devouring my food.

"You're surprisingly quiet today," I said.

His eyebrows moved. "Is there a problem with that?"

"None at all."

He sighed. "Pangit lang ang gising tapos mahaba pa ang training mamaya."

Seizing the opportunity, I carefully studied his expression, a contrast to anything I had previously encountered. His seriousness, unwavering and profound, instilled a discomfort deep within me. Evidently, his stern look was natural, untouched by facade, and he appeared decidedly unimpressed by even the smallest of my actions.

I cleared my throat and drank to get his attention yet nangalahati na lang ako sa tubig, hindi man lang nag-angat ng tingin.

"Did you stay up all night? Anong oras ka natulog?"

"Two?"

I frowned. I wanted to ask why he slept late, but I wasn't the one to judge. Eros probably noticed me hesitating to ask.

"I pulled an all-nighter to finish my pending schoolwork and research parts."

"Natapos mo ba?"

Umiiling siya. "Hindi, kaya nga naiirita ako dahil hindi sila matapos-tapos."

My lips pressed tightly together as I contemplated the exhausting reality that enveloped Eros. He burned the midnight oil to complete his school assignments, only to rise early the next day for relentless basketball practice. Despite never asking, he brought me food and went to great lengths to share breakfast with me.

Gazing down at my nearly finished plate, I wrestled with a troubling thought: If Eros had ulterior motives, would he really invest much effort? My childhood, shadowed by my father's field of work, had been a masterclass in discerning manipulative behaviors.

I could unmask such individuals after a brief conversation. However, Eros's actions threw me into a state of confusion, challenging my well-honed instincts.

I had no idea how to break the awkward silence in the air, so I focused on finishing my meal. Eros seemed to be in the same boat as me, quietly eating his food without saying a word. It was almost comical how we both chose to avoid any sort of conversation by burying our faces on our plates.

"School's going to interview us soon. Where do you plan to go to college?" Eros asked out of nowhere.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit iyon ang bigla niyang gustong pag-usapan. Wala pa akong ibang sinasabihan ng aking mga plano bukod kay Armageddon dahil ayaw kong may ibang mag-expect mula sa akin. At this point, I was unsure of everything, including my future.

"I already tried applying to some universities," I said nonetheless.

"Really? Where?"

I bit my lower lip. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko ba itong sabihin sa kanya. "America."

It was as if my answer became his alarm clock. He stopped doing whatever he was into just to stare at me with a mix of surprise and curiosity.

"America?" He reiterated. "Bakit doon?"

I shrugged and started cleaning up. "Someone I know from there is helping me."

"Who?"

I turned my head to the side to ensure no one was listening.

"A relative from my biological mother's side," I whispered.

In that brief silence between us, I couldn't help but wonder what thoughts were running through his mind as he held my gaze without saying a word.

"So, may plano ka na para sa college, huh? What will you take? Architecture?"

I made a clicking sound using my tongue and replied, "That's my not-so-sure-of-a-plan."

"Alam na ba 'to nina Sir Niko at Ma'am Rhea?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Hindi pa. Sasabihin ko sana kapag natanggap na ako."

I inadvertently shared details that were beyond what was essential to tell him. Dapat nang matapos ang usapang ito dahil mukhang bumabalik na ang kilala kong katangian ni Eros.

"Bakit kapag natanggap ka pa? May balak kang bumukod sa kanila?"

I didn't give Eros a clear answer, but maybe my silence was enough to answer his question. Observing him, I noticed the gradual expansion of his eyes, a testament to the whirlwind of possibilities racing through his mind.

Eros was really smart; he wouldn't be Mia's specialist if he wasn't. Like a seasoned detective, I knew he could quickly figure things out with just a little information. I was always careful around him, but now I inadvertently let him get closer to my life. I hate it.

"What the hell..." He trailed off, bewildered.

It's understandable why some might think I'm living the dream within my family name. On the surface, I've got it all: wealth, status, and the kind of looks that turn heads. As the years pass, I've started feeling trapped by the very things that are supposed to make me happy.

My dreams and ambitions feel like they're slipping through my fingers, turning into nothing more than distant illusions. However, despite it all, there's this stubborn spark of hope inside me, quietly insisting that I'm meant for something more, that I have something truly meaningful to prove.

"You want to leave them, Serin?" Eros asked, but I guess he really didn't need my answer.

For a moment, we just looked at each other. Eros seemed to be holding back as if there were words he wanted to say but couldn't. That moment was interrupted when I stood up to throw away our food containers.

I couldn't understand why it seemed to bother him so much. After all, I've always kept my most personal thoughts and feelings to myself, never sharing them with anyone.

"Sino pang kulang? Magse-seven na. Maghanda na kayo," I said as I glanced where I left Eros.

He finished cleaning his area, and my teammates watched Eros casually leave the room without looking back at me. I shook my head, still unable to comprehend him.