Chapter 2 | Friend

I didn't have a good night's sleep; it was nothing new. The truth was, I couldn't sleep at all. This has often happened, tossing and turning, thoughts racing through my mind like a never-ending parade. My mind seems to have its own sense when shutting off at night.

Despite my constant battle with undiagnosed insomnia, it always amazes me how I manage to push through and carry on with my day as if nothing is wrong. It's like my body just knows it has to keep going, regardless of how little rest I've gotten. Yes, there could be times when the fatigue hits me hard, and I struggle to stay focused or alert, but for the most part, I've learned to adapt and cope with my lack of sleep. I already accepted that this problem would never go right.

I finally jumped out of bed when I realized how hopeless I'd been the entire night. I took my time preparing the clothes I chose to wear today. Then, I went in front of my human-sized mirror. I brushed my hair several times. Pinanood ko ang sarili kahit paulit-ulit lang naman ang aking ginagawa. The sun had risen, and I could hear the maids doing their usual chores. As I expected, one of the maids knocked on my room's door.

"Miss, handa na po ang almusal. Nasa baba na po sina Ma'am at Sir."

"Sige po. Bababa na lang po ako mamaya."

"Gusto po sana nilang sumabay po kayo—"

"I'll take a bath first, pakisabi," I said as an excuse.

I silently wished that the maid would now surrender and just leave me alone. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang gagamitin kong palusot kung pipilitin pa niya ako.

"S-Sige po," aniya kahit may pag-aalinlangan.

Alam ko namang hindi iyon bibilhin nina Tito at Tita—I prefer them calling that since they weren't my real parents—dahil hindi naman ito ang unang pagkakataong hindi ako sumabay sa umagahan. Mabuti na ring walang bumalik na maid para katukin ako at piliting bumaba.

Every day feels like the same monotonous routine, with nothing new or exciting to break the cycle. It's as if life has decided to hit pause, and I'm stuck in a never-ending loop of boredom and repetition. There's no spark of anticipation, no sense of adventure waiting just around the corner—just the same old drudgery day in and day out.

Pinalipas ko ang oras nang walang ginawa. Naka-upo lamang ako sa gitna ng aking kama at nakatulala sa sahig. Wala naman akong iniisip pero para bang laging mabigat ang pakiramdam ko tuwing mag-isa—na kahit wala namang bumabagabag ay parang hindi ako komportable sa aking sarili.

A loud knock on my window made me jump out of sudden shock. It was only then that I knew who it was. I cursed into the air and lazily stood up.

"You never changed!" Salubong ko kay Gidon.

"Sshh," his finger against his lips. "They don't know I'm here."

Agad siyang pumasok sa aking kwarto. Tumayo naman ako upang isarado at i-lock ang pinto.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I'm so tired of my recent mission," reklamo niyang hindi naman konektado sa aking tanong.

"So? I'm tired, too, of my life, to be exact."

He stared at me. I meant what I said, though. No one spoke from the two of us for the past seconds. I took a deep breath and sat down on the mini couch of my bedroom, and Armageddon did the same.

"How's Eros as a specialist?"

"He's annoying."

He shifted on his seat and brushed his hair with his fingers. "I heard from him that his brother Lukan, your ex-friend, is approaching Mia."

"Well, yeah. Lukan saved Mia yesterday and may plano yata silang—you know—gawing, I don't know the right term, instructor? Gym instructor si Lukan ni Mia."

"Dad told me that kaya inuutusan niya akong doblehin ang securities ni Mia dahil may bagong taong pumasok sa buhay niya."

"So, Lukan is being followed by his men?"

"Yes. Dad doesn't trust easily, you know that."

Dominiko Zorron may present himself as kind and carefree on the surface, but those who truly know him understand that this is merely a facade to mask his deceitful intentions. Behind closed doors, I know him as a calculating manipulator. He has mastered the art of deception, carefully crafting his persona to gain the trust and admiration of those around him. His true nature remains hidden from most, allowing him to operate undetected as he secretly carries out his schemes. Those who have crossed paths with Dominiko have learned the hard way that his kindness is nothing more than a tool in his arsenal of manipulation—the more reason for me to be careful around him.

"So why are you here if you already know?"

"I wanted to personally check things out, especially on Mia and you."

I chuckled. "Me? Well, guess what? I'm still like I was before. Nothing changed. Damn it."

"No, something changed. You looked more heavy-hearted. Come on, where's the old funny and carefree Carthage?"

My lips shivered as they tried to form a weak yet genuine smile. "You always notice things. Talent mo ba talaga 'yan?"

"I'm just trying to understand someone else's situation. Look, hindi mo kasalanan kung nasasaktan mo si Mia."

"No," I immediately disagreed. "Kasalanan ko iyon dahil pinili kong gawin—"

"You never discussed your opinions, thoughts, and plans with us. Ilang taon na kaming nanghuhula, Serin. We want you back. We want to help you."

I was supposed to feel better because of my brother's statement, but I didn't like it. This is another reason why I would rather not tell my problems to anyone. Para ba kasing kahit malaman pa ng buong mundo ang katotohanan at problema ko, hindi nito mababago ang nararamdaman ko. I couldn't even trust myself, so how would I trust somebody else?

For years, they patiently lingered on the edges of my silence, their presence a constant whisper of reassurance. They said my well-being concerned them the most. However, I am convinced that nothing and no one could ever alleviate the pain that consumes me from within. It's like I'm already trapped in this loneliness, and there's no key to get me out.

"I appreciate it, really, pero simula noong araw na iyon, nahihiya na akong—"

"You don't have to be ashamed—"

"My parents did your family wrong—"

"But we accepted you because you were innocent. You don't need to carry your family's burden."

I sighed. "Sure. I-I know I'll get there."

Armageddon took a quick glance at his wristwatch. "Time to go. You better get ready for school, too."

He stood up and walked toward my room's window.

"Armageddon."

"Yes?"

This wasn't my character, but before he disappeared, I had to say it. "Thank you for being my brother."

🏐

I heard Eros looking for me the whole day, so I wasn't surprised when I saw him outside our room during break time. He probably didn't have difficulty finding me because he could easily ask around. His presence made the girls giggle, except me, of course. Wala akong gana makipag-usap kahit kay Vivien o sa ibang mga tao.

Saglit nila akong pinilit puntahan si Eros at kausapin. I swayed my head to show them that I wasn't going to do it. Pakonti-konti silang sumuko sa kapipilit sa akin at nagpaalam na kakain na lang sila. They didn't mind me being quiet.

"Girl, seriously! Kanina pa siya naghahanap sa 'yo. Ano bang nangyari?" Vivien asked intriguingly.

"Wala naman."

"Make a move naman girl para may mangyari!"

I rolled my eyes. "Wala ako sa mood, Vivien. Tell him that."

My gloomy response made Vivien pout. Pakonti-konting nawala ang ingay dahil nasa labas na ang mga kaklase ko. Tulad kanina sa kwarto, tulala na naman ako. Tinusok-tusok ko ang aking notebook kung kaya't nagmukha itong pinatay ng kung sino.

Moments later, I didn't expect to feel hungry. I could easily ask anyone to buy me a meal, but I didn't. I brought my bag with me to the main cafeteria. Mabuti na lamang at busy ang lahat kung kaya't konti lamang ang mga nakapansin sa akin. Vivien waved small when she noticed me, but I refused to acknowledge her.

Mabilis akong bumili ng puwedeng makain para makabalik agad sa classroom. Sa paglalakad, hindi sinasadya ng aking mga matang makita si Eros na papalapit kay Mia. Mia was stunned as if in front of her was a prince charming. Everyone in campus knows Mia's little admiration towards Eros. Ni hindi ko na nga kinailangang ipagkalat iyon sa sobrang halata noon pa man.

Hindi ko lang alam kung hanggang ngayon ba'y pareho pa rin ang nararamdaman ni Mia, pero sana huwag na lang. Hindi sila bagay ni Eros. Lukan is way better. Mas boto ako kay Lukan para sa aking...

Sana totoo kong kapatid si Mia para may karapatan akong banggitin ang salitang iyon kahit sa isip ko lamang. Minsan ko na ring inisip na paano kung hindi ako ampon, maayos kaya ang relasyon ko kay Mia bilang nakatatandang kapatid niya? The universe didn't let me dream about it for so long.

I couldn't remember how I ended up deeply asleep. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep while waiting for our next class. No one bothered waking me up, which made me a bit embarrassed. My classmates' boisterous voices echoing through the room rudely awakened me.

"Hoy, anong sagot sa number six?"

"Vivien, buksan mo na kasi ang notebook mo!"

"Shit, wait lang!"

I frowned and quickly figured out they were answering a quiz. Na-realize ko ring klase pala ito ng isa naming terror na professor. Damn!

"May quiz kayo kay Sir Printo?" I asked Vivien in the middle of her breakdown.

"Oo, girl. Patay ka dahil naabutan ka niyang tulog," she said while her eyes were busy finding answers.

"Fuck, bakit hindi mo ako ginising—"

"Huli kayong lahat!" Mr. Printo exclaimed.

Hindi nakagalaw ang aking mga kaklase kung kaya't kitang kita ang eksenang nangongopya at nangduduga sila.

"Ilabas ninyo lahat ng sources, sige na!"

Walang nagawa ang aking mga kaklase kung hindi ang ilabas nga ang mga iyon sa kanya-kanyang desks. Vivien was one of the shaking students he was glaring at. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. Kagigising ko lang at halata namang na-late ako sa quiz. Napuno ang silid-aralan ng katahimikan at halos lahat ng kanilang mga ulo ay nakababa, umiiwas sa mga titig ng guro.

"I'm really really disappointed. Higher section, nangongopya? Kapag ito ginawa kong headline sa school's bulletin, may mukha pa ba kayong ipapakita?"

No one answered.

"Sagot!"

"Wala po..."

"See! Kung dadalhin ko kayong lahat sa discipline office, hindi kayo magkakasya!"

Naiintindihan ko ang ginawa ng mga kaklase. Grade twelve na kami at huling tsansa na lamang ito upang may mapatunayan sa high school kung kaya't ganito na lamang ang pressure na dala ng karamihan. Kung ipa-publicize ni Sir Printo ito, maaaring maparusahan sila at paniguradong mapapahiya ang aming mga pangalan buong buhay.

"As for you, Miss Zorron," Mr. Printo said as he pointed his finger at me.

"You're also like them. Sleeping in the middle of class hours? Naging mahimbing ba ang tulog mo?"

I'd like to say yes to annoy him, but it could only worsen things. I forced myself to shut up.

"You can't buy me with your parents' riches. Pag-uusapan namin ito ng office para malaman ang maaaring gawin sa inyo. Such a disappointment!"

Kinolekta ni Mr. Printo lahat ng papel at sa mismong harapan namin pinunit. He didn't say anything while doing it. Nagkalat ang mga papel sa sahig at walang sabing nag-walk out si Mr. Pinirito.

"I hope he gets an Oscar," I said.

Vivien chuckled weakly, but I knew it didn't make her feel better. Vivien's one of the school's top student kung kaya't tinitingala siya ng karamihan. Mukha at pangalan niya ang laging display sa mga tarpaulins at kahit sa advertisement ng school. Madaldal at sabihin na nating may attitude minsan, pero pagdating sa pag-aaral, seryoso 'yan.

Wala namang epekto pa ang sinabi ni sir kanina sa akin. Disappointed siya sa amin? Matagal na akong disappointed sa sarili ko, pero hindi naman lahat ng kaklase ko ay tulad ko. I reached out to Vivien. I hugged her tightly. This was the only way I could do to comfort my at least only good friend.

She began to cry, which was new to me.

"We'll get through this," I whispered, even if I wasn't sure.

Hinaplos ko ang kanyang buhok upang pakalmahin siya. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko kinayang gawin ito sa kanya dahil sa mga gabing mag-isa akong umiiyak, kailanman wala akong naging sandalan.

"Nakakahiya, Carthage. Paano kung malaman ng parents ko 'to—"

Before I had time to think, words started pouring out of my mouth. "I'll do something."

"What? Alam nating lahat na pusong bato ang taong 'yon."

"We'll find a way."

It was like my brain went on autopilot and decided to take matters into its own hands. What happened in Mr. Printo's class was enough to drain everyone. Nang uwian, kasabay ko si Vivien lumabas ng room. Wala ang atensyon ko sa mga estudyanteng binati ako at nais pa sana akong kausapin.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Vivien while we were walking.

"Still nervous, but I'll be optimistic like you," she smiled.

I smiled at her, too. Hindi naman ako optimistic.

"Vivien, 'wag mo ng pangaraping maging tulad ko."

She stared at me briefly before whispering, "You know, Carthage, you can cry on me like... how I cried on you a while ago."

Before, I thought our friendship was only like a give-and-take relationship. The kind where we hang out when it's convenient for both of us but don't go out of our way to support each other. Recently, I've wondered if there's so much more to our bond than exchanging favors or pleasantries.

"But I won't force you to cry or open up, not because I don't care, but because it's your choice. Out of all people, I know the feeling of being forced to do things, so I don't want to do it to you."

Forced to do things, huh? I was never this attentive to a friend. Wala nga akong pakialam sa halos lahat ng mga taong nakakasama ko. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganito na para bang may koneksyon ako sa ibang tao.

"Vivien, the thing that happened inside—"

"When I cheated?"

"No, when you cried on me," I said. "Puwede pa muling maulit iyon."

She stopped walking and turned to face me. When I looked at her eyes, tears formed. She hugged me tightly, not saying anything. It felt okay for me to do these kinds of things for the first time.

"Carthage, you're a good friend."

I rolled my eyes. "Tara na sa gate. Baka kanina pa naghihintay ang sundo mo."

She nodded and quickly wiped off her tears. We talked while on the way out. Once we left the school gate, she waved at me goodbye. I waited for their car to go before approaching our vehicle. Before I could move from my position, someone grabbed my arm. It caught me off guard and made me wonder what was happening.

"What the hell!"

The faint light from nearby lampposts cast a subtle glow on his earnest eyes.

"I've been looking for you," Eros firmly said.