Taylor

When I woke up, it was still dark. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. I wasn't sure if it was okay to spend the night or not. I turned to look at Sin. He lay on his stomach, peacefully asleep. I smiled at the sleeping guy who had given me such an earth-shattering experience. My cheeks blushed at the memories of what we'd done.

I was still a little tender between my legs, but I felt empowered. I had taken control of my life and made the decision to lose my virginity. And now that I had, I felt more confident and sure of myself. Little by little I was building up the person I wanted to be, the person who lived life to the fullest. It was wasted life to hold back because of fear. I believed in the saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I was living proof of it. Surviving a horror in my childhood had taught me that.

In the darkness, I slipped out of the bed and began to pick up my clothes. I got dressed as quietly as I could, trying not to wake up Sin. I wanted to be able to slip out without having that awkward moment with him if he woke up. Besides, what did you say to the guy who helped take your virginity? "Thank you" just didn't seem right.

Once I was done, I walked to the side of the bed. For a moment, I looked at Sin still sleeping in the bed. I smiled and let my eyes drift over him. He had been mine for one night, and I savored it for a few more moments.

Our night was over, and he wasn't mine anymore.

Quietly I slipped out of his room and made my way downstairs. The house was dark and quiet. I descended the stairs and walked to the front door.

"Leaving so soon?" I heard Slater's voice. I gasped as my heart slammed into my chest from the fright. I was still clutching my chest when I turned to glare at him. I found the outline of his form sitting in a chair in the living room.

"Do you have to keep doing that to me?" I said as I glared at him.

"Yes," he replied. "It's fun."

"What are you doing sitting in the living room in the dark anyway?" I asked.

"I couldn't sleep so I came down here. I like the dark," he replied lazily. That had been twice that he'd caught me leaving the house at an early hour.

"You don't sleep much, do you?" I asked.

"No," he replied with a sigh. An awkward silence settled between us. He wasn't going to elaborate on why he didn't sleep.

"I'd better go," I said as I turned to leave.

"Do you have a car or are you walking?" he asked.

"I'm walking." It wasn't far from the dorm.

"You can't walk home now," he said, standing up. "It's like four in the morning and it's not safe."

"I'll be fine," I tried to insist. I had a can of mace in my bag. When I'd made my decision to leave home to go to college, Connor had bought it for me. He'd insisted I carry it in my bag as a precaution.

I didn't want still to be in the house when Sin woke up. He might think I was one of those girls who couldn't let go, and I didn't want him to think that. I knew what happened between us was never going to amount to anything more than one night of great sex.

"If you insist on leaving now, I'll have to walk you," he warned in a serious tone.

"Really, I'll be fine," I insisted again, reaching for the door handle. I opened the door and stepped outside. But when I tried to close the door, Slater stopped me. He'd followed me out.

"You really don't have to do this," I said, feeling exasperated that he wouldn't listen to me.

"Yes, I do," he said with a determined voice.

"Fine," I said as I began to walk. He caught up with me and walked beside me. For a few minutes, we walked side by side in silence.

"So, what made you decide to go to college?" he asked conversationally.

I contemplated his question. I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's what most people do when they finish high school. Why did you decide to go?" I turned his question around on him. He was silent for a little while.

"Sin and I wanted to build a better future than our parents had. We grew up living next door to each other," he answered.

I glanced at him for a moment. I didn't have to read people well to see there was a lot more behind that sentence than met the eye. His answer made me want to share more with him.

"I wanted to come to college to experience all the things I never had," I added. He glanced at me.

"I've led a very sheltered life and I always felt I was missing out on those little life experiences kids my own age took for granted," I explained further.

"Sin and I had the opposite. There isn't much we haven't done," he replied. I didn't miss the sad and hard look in his face. I remembered Sin telling me that they weren't good guys, but bad guys didn't watch over a girl they didn't know because she was so out of it, and bad guys didn't walk girls home to keep them safe.

I wanted to ask him more about his childhood, but I knew if he shared more I would have to as well and I wasn't ready. When people found out about my childhood and the horror I'd faced, they treated me differently. I wanted to be treated like a normal college student, not someone who had seen the worst side of humanity and lived through it. We were silent for the rest of the short walk. Outside the dorm building, we turned to face each other.

"Thanks for walking me," I said. It didn't matter that I hadn't wanted him to.

"You're welcome," he replied. "See you around, Tay."

No one but my brother had ever called me that. I smiled at him as he turned to leave. I entered the dorm building and opened the door to the staircase. I was really beginning to get annoyed that the elevators hadn't been fixed yet.

Halfway up the stairs, I heard someone else's footsteps besides my own. I thought it was a little strange so early in the morning. Maybe someone else was also doing the 'walk of shame.' I stopped for a moment and so did the other footsteps. I hesitated for a moment, hoping to hear the footsteps again. Silence.

Strange.

I felt a slither of fear up my spine, and I hastened my steps up the stairs even though I knew I was probably blowing it out of proportion. It could be anyone. The sound of the footsteps again made me climb the stairs faster than before as I began to panic. When I got to my floor, I pushed the door open and hurried down the hallway to my room.

It was only when I got to the door of my room that I turned to look down the hallway. There was no one. I shook my head and let out a deep breath. I was doing it again. I was allowing what happened to me as a child affect me. Feeling angry with myself for reacting the way I had, I opened the door and walked into the dark room.

I kicked my shoes off and climbed into bed, hoping to get a few more hours sleep before Jordan was awake and wanting all the details from my one night with Sin. It took me a while to calm myself down enough to fall asleep. The brief scare in the stairwell had opened the lid to the dark memories I'd buried deep inside of me. And as much as I'd tried to brush it off as an overactive imagination, it had really spooked me.

My dreams turned into nightmares, and I woke up breathing hard, tangled in my sheets, with a concerned Jordan peering over me.

"It was just a dream," she soothed as she hugged my trembling body to hers. She tried to calm me with words, but it didn't work. She didn't know that they weren't just dreams—they were the real life events that I relived in my dreams. It wasn't just a nightmare that would be forgotten about. What had happened had changed my life forever. It didn't matter how much I ran or how deep I buried the memories, they had marked me forever and there was no escaping them.