Chapter 56 – Truth (Brennan Conrad POV) Pt.3

Things had changed, shifted, while we were on the road, my granddad Antone had become more of the man that my mother probably would remember when she was my own age.

I left Javier on the bus to go search for Antone before everyone returned to the bus for bed. Javier was kind of taking what he could get at the moment. Between deep sobs and straightening himself up because he thought someone might be coming. He just lost a parent and for whatever reason not that I blamed him, he wanted to grieve alone; not even with Devin.

Peeking outside, I see everyone still relaxing. A complete different atmosphere than the one I left in the bus.

"Sweetheart?" my grandma Bess calls startling me from behind. What little lines rest permanently on her face crease, "You okay? Javier?" She whispers brokenly.

I thought for sure she may have stayed with Devin after coming on the bus in search of granddad learning the fate the other Rosario's had.

"That poor family," she adds when I just shrug.

That was the thing, outside of what she had just said now, 'that poor family' I didn't know what to say to my friend. Hell, I asked if he wanted me to get Talia but he was quick to shut that down.

"I want her to come back to me more than anything, it hurts to be without her right now," he said pitifully, "but I want her with me for the right reasons and right now she'd only come back because she feels sorry for me – you and I both know how Talia is," I nodded, leaving him and coming in search of Antone for I don't even know what.

Guidance?

I'm not sure what to say.

Sure I had experienced loss with Silas but I'm not sure I could even begin to process the pain Javier was in right now. I mean the way he saw it, it was his entire fault despite what he said a loud.

He was placing blame on his parents and Taylor, but there was just something about the way he said that as well. It was as though he felt like he could have prevented everything that happened.

The truth was all muddied.

In a hushed tone I lean towards my grandma, "I don't know what to say or act. I'm-" I press my lips together.

"You what sweets?"

My heart jerks kicking back almost like a faulty break. "I know the truth now and when Devin arrived I was furious at Taylor," I start, hushed. "Now, Javier, with what he's said... I'm furious with Shannon and Javier Senior. I don't understand how they thought anything they did was helping anyone. I mean their dead and it's like they left Javier and Devin to deal with their bad decisions?"

Grandma runs a hand over her blonde locks, nodding.

When she sighs, I swallow.

"Javier is... he's falling apart and it was bad enough when I learned why Silas died, but he said that in truth it is Shannon and-" I stop when the door opens and Talia and Harleigh bust in the kitchen. It's painfully obvious that something is up and my sisters' gaze dart between my grandmothers' eyes and mine.

All traces of the smiles they walked in with gone. "Is something wrong? With mom and dad, the others?" Talia asked nervously twisting her fingers at the same time.

I shake my head, trying to gather control of my emotions at the same time. My face was worn and I'm sure showed the tiredness I felt. It hurt to blink so I'm sure my eyes were just enough swollen and red to garner the worry their faces expressed.

"No your parents are just fine," Grandma Bess coos, her smile reassuring.

As she walks towards my sisters, I abandon the search for Antone and head back onto our bus quietly. Just staring down at his hands Javier jumps a bit in his seat when I close the door behind me. Wiping at his face, green orbs shine in the low light, highlighted more by the red rims and lines in the whites of his eyes.

"You can have the back room," I blurt out, knowing that soon all my siblings would get on the bus. Rushing to the said room, I start grabbing out their go bags, and products left around, before lifting my chin to point towards the empty space.

Giving him the room, time to grieve in private that is the least I could do at the moment. My family was feeling the loss of Silas all over again, but in my heart, Javier had lost so much more and had been putting up with double what anyone or I truly realized.

When he heads back, I rush back to the garage and grab the foam mattresses that my grandfather had spares of, rolling two out in the open space of our bus.

I've just tossed blankets onto them when Thaddeus, Caterina, Paige, Talia and Harleigh all start climbing the stairs, stopping right at the front.

"What the hell is going on?" Caterina asks waving a hand at the new sleeping situation. Shrugging, "The back room is occupied so we're sleeping out here." I answered with a hint of finality.

"Who is occupying that room?" she asked again, showing every bit of her fifteen-year-old petulance. My eyes shifts from left to right, ending on Talia who is the only one to hold my gaze. We both ignore Caterina for a few beats, before Talia shifts her gaze to over my shoulder.

Narrowing her eyes she pushes her brows together. "You know who is back there Cat, ignorance does not become you," she says dryly.

Talia was toeing the line and though I didn't want to be in between her and Javier, I also knew that I couldn't abandon him either. Lame and clichéd, moms say all was what I thought of: treat others the way you'd like to be treated.

~ 0 ~

With the bed closest to the back room, the night after Javier learnt of his families demise, at Taylor's hand no less, I heard him letting out his emotions, trying to keep it unnoticeable.

I hear him.

I lay awake, as minute after minute slowly passes on by. I don't think time has ever in life dragged by this way. Just around dawn, I hear the screech of the window being pushed aside. It's just a second before it stops and then repeated.

My siblings remain asleep and as quietly as I can, I push aside the comforter I had over me, toeing around sleeping bodies until I can peak out of the front window, peering from side to side. Not too far away from the bus, I spot Javier, his back to the bus, front facing the mountains as night is chased away by light.

As Javier gazed out, I wondered of what he could be thinking and feeling at this very moment. When his shoulders sag and his head drops forward, I tell myself it is time to look away. I didn't want my siblings to see his grief yet here I was peeping from a window.

Before I'm spotted, I sink back giving Javier his moment alone.

~ 0 ~

As I walk up to my grandfathers' property just outside Austin, Texas the air warmer than what we left back in Bend, I'm pushed towards the sprawling wall narrowing the path. "Spill Brennan!"

Startled, everyone still unsure what was going on, I sigh as Talia uses all her might to hold me in place. It's not enough to truly keep me in place but fighting her off would only hurt her. Instead I look up and stare at Javier walking up the drive following Antone, my grandma Bess, Devin and my uncle Scotty and dad's cousin Peter.

After a long nearly twelve hour trip with stops included, Antone has informed everyone that one by one we'd be led up to the house, there were questions that had to be asked before the long stretch to our final destination.

It did not escape my attention that when I went to hug my uncle Scotty, his persons scented heavily of charcoal, sulfur, chalk and burnt material. Gunpowder.

"Is mom and dad sending Javier away?" Talia asks in a nervous whisper. Not giving away anything, I take a moment before shaking my head. "Nothing's wrong Talia," I say the words we both know is a lie.

In the last six or so hours, I think we've spent maybe five or six minutes collectively in Javier's presence. Doesn't seem odd but then again it did since we had all been on one bus together.

"I know something is wrong Bren," Talia mumbles tiredly, moving brown strands that tickle her face away. "You were with grandma Bess, you're helping Javier hide out in the back room, and he's wearing sunglasses!" At the last one, I arched a brow before slowly breaking contact to look up at the brilliant sun shining down on us.

Growling, Talia smacks my chest, "that. Is. Not. What. I. Meant." She grits out, the grays in her eyes starting to spread.

"What if something is up Talia?" I throw back dryly. "What does that have to do with you?" Such a low blow. I know that the minute I say the words but I don't regret them, not even when the anger leaves her face instantly, and her chin slackens, indents forming.

When she swallows, I keep my eyes narrowed on hers.

"You don't talk to him, cold turkey," I shrug, "made he needs time to let things die down to you two going back as friends?" I offer off the top of my head. I wouldn't tell her that in the last twenty-four hours that Javier revealed his sister was a cold-blooded killer at age five. Or that in those same hours he learned that Taylor had struck again ending Shannon, Javier Senior, Josey and Jess' life.

"He's doing the best he can," I whisper, using Talia's distraction from my words to slip past her and head up after my grandfather and the others. Ten steps away from Talia, much further from Antone he turns around and nods.

"Right there Brennan, send each person up, one at a time," I nod.

One by one, I do as Antone says until finally, there is no one left and I walk up the rest of the path with my arms at my side, lost in my thoughts. It was absolutely amazing property. Hidden.

I'm halfway up the paved path and Javier comes strolling down, a bowl full of keys, sunglasses in place. "Antone said we can park the trucks up along the side of the way," Javier jerks a thumb at the twelve-foot cement block wall.

"I volunteered to drive them up," he adds in a small voice, and all thoughts of checking out the property are gone. "I'll help."

In silence we walk back together, and one by one drive our traveling buses up until all RV's are lined up towards the house and down prepared for when we leave. When there is nothing left to do, and the only place to go is inside the house, Javier hangs back, dread written all over his face.

"I'll bring us back some grub," I offer, "If you want," I tack on.

Nodding, but not meeting my gaze Javier walks away slowly, almost drained towards our bus.

It was wrong but despite the last hours, I was thankful for the reasons to stay away from others. The more I thought over how so many people just picked up and followed my father, without many details to boot, the more I realized just how much I had interfered and damaged by helping Devin. Worse, the fact that Devin wanted to accept no fault, only made me soak up all that responsibility.

It was just too much to process that lives were lost and she showed very little empathy and going on with everyone when I knew I had to tell them what I had done was just getting to be too much.

We were in stress mode, all of us, but watching everyone through the kitchen window, my siblings there with me, some outside playing with the other children their age... I hold back from making plates for Javier and I, and go out to the porch.

Hands at my side I lift one and run it over my hair nervously when I approach the group of adults seated around, some speaking to one another, others focused on their children playing in the large pool.

My grandmother, resting back in one of the lounge chairs is her usual lively self-speaking to the group of ladies around her. "Yeah, when we want to get away from the kids, we come here, it's private, and Antone purchased over two hundred acres of land here some years ago. When it was much cheaper to do so," the three women nod, engrossed.

"Properties like this one," one sighs, "it is... so peaceful! Growing up we lived in the city and it felt like all eyes were on me and we had to be so much more careful with our behavior. Had to be mindful," the redhead finishes.

My heart races accelerated hammering in my chest. I did not want to ruin everything but I felt like the closer we got to our destination, or maybe the further from Bend we got I wanted to come clean.

Regret was building each day.

Dad couldn't be the one to do this. It had to be me without him around, accepting responsibility for my actions. Waiting until we arrived wherever we were going, having them see their leader around.

My legs freeze, holding me in place, as does the fear building inside me. Unfocused vision clears when Bess – my grandmother – calls my name, lifting a brow at me questioningly.

"I – I wanted," I start off in a small voice, weak. Fearful. Unlike with Javier or Thaddeus, these were adults that wouldn't lay a hand on me – think – however it would change the light in which they viewed me.

Viewed me.

Mouth open, ready to explain a explosion of indecision and fear steal my voice. It would come out eventually – what I did.

I wanted to control when that information came out. However was now the right time? Everyone here had followed dad blindly. What if telling them now somehow changed even how they view dad?

Closing my eyes, I bite the bullet, hoping that I had made the right decision.

"I – ten months ago," I start again, this time when I close my eyes and open them again, I stand a bit more sure, focused on my grandmother. She knows what I've done, and I start in a way I hope that if she believes I'm doing the wrong thing she can shut me down, but instead I see her nod slightly. Or maybe I don't see it, but imagine it to help me get the truth out.

"You all have trusted my father with your lives," I continue, watching and feeling the amount of eyes on me increase. Each new set turns my stomach but I feel them. Even when some gaze at me confused, I feel them.

Nearly ready to empty my bladder where I stand, I hold on and continue. "You have put faith in him, and what he has done to protect you all and I hope that you all hold onto that piece of information while forming opinions?" it's meant to be a statement but fear changes the tone in my voice.

Close your mouth.

"Ten months ago Devin Rosario and I hacked the private servers my father uses to store information and the network that my aunt Angela set up. Unbeknownst to us – Devin and I," the perplexed looks on some of their faces start to transform and sink into a blank stare while their next expression forms.

"Someone used the backdoor entrance we put in place and used that to gather information, read private messages that – that..." I stumble.

Stop speaking!

I want to say dad but immediately throw myself into a mini panic attack. Will saying 'dad' lead them to believe that he helped me? Oh god, now they're all looking at me...

Stop talking! Turn around, tuck tail and get the hell off the porch! I scream the words in my head.

Do I listen? Of course not.

"I did not know that what we did those month long ago had caused any trouble, or put anyone in harm that was never the-" again I have a stumble. "It was never my intention to put anyone in harms way, but it seems that by hacking the servers that someone was able to use the backdoor that Devin put up and gather information," I'm sweating, I feel a drop slowly rolling down the side of my face. It's like a troublesome fly buzzing around my face I want to swat but I'm afraid of making any sudden movements.

"So, this move – this is because of you?" one of the men asks from my left and I force myself to follow the sound of his voice, making eye contact. "No," I say softly without conviction.

"This is because of Cynthia, she had intentions of calling the Elders," my grandfather's voice sounds from behind me and I feel my heart drop to my stomach and stomach sink down to my feet.

Unfortunately, the ground doesn't open up and swallow me as the adults around peered at me with a hint of apprehension and disfavor.

"How are we supposed to believe that?"

"I'm not sure of what information Angela was able to gather at this point, but the boy is only informing the den of his wrongs for which he will and continue to be punished for until he is believed to be trusted," words.

That's all it is really. Antone spoke words but the ones I spoke before him are not the type that can be covered with another speech and authoritative tone.

"Lives were taken because of my actions and while I do not believe it put the den in danger, it was wrong and I will forever carry the guilt of lives lost," I say shakily, and in that moment I'm a bit disappointed.

It is still there. All of it, the overwhelming feeling – guilt – is building stronger, a stone in my belly, a boulder on my chest though I'm still in the same spot I was before. I'm on the porch, I tone out the whispered conversations, but I hear my name, my siblings, my father and mother...

"How could he hide this?"

"What else is Ansel hiding?"

"Why tell us now?"

"Maybe we shouldn't continue on to the new location," couples – the adults – whisper to one another as I force my feet to head inside. The stares and disappointed, fearful expressions I'm met with, that were once welcoming and awed, feel like beestings. Each one causing a bit of pain.

As I walked past the whispers, and unsure stares I realized for the first time in my life that in this den I had just lowered myself down to the lowest.

Strangely in my heart, I felt good knowing I was at the bottom of the pecking order now.

I thought announcing my wrong doings would alleviate the pressure I felt inside, I was wrong. As far as I knew, Taylor was a coldblooded killer, but I had taken more lives than her. 

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So, Talia and Javier... Brennan... how do you guys think he's handling their sort of break?

Is Javier right? That he cannot turn to Talia right now?

Was Brennen right to come clean to those traveling with him? 

Lets get 'Loving Ashlynn' to 250k votes. please? PRETTY PLEASE?