Chapter 55 – Frosty Predicament, Bozeman Christmas (Brennan Conrad POV) Pt. 8

I'm not sure what my face looked like but after leaving Devin on Antone's bus, my siblings did not question Javier or myself. Thankfully. Instead this blanket of confusion, disbelief and despondency swaddled us – all levels of sociability and membership between my siblings and Javier were lost.

All that seemed to remain after the truth coming out was bad blood, indecision and wretchedness.

At this point I had concluded that we were not staying in Arizona but I also would not dare ask for more information. I was so far in the doghouse I needed to buy furniture.

I had seen less of Devin now even on the same trip than any other time in my life but at this point, I did not so much make peace with it as be grateful.

Leaving Devin with grandpa had given me time to move pieces together and apart. I considered my self luckier than Talia and Javier. At least I had already ended things with Devin, Javier had given up his family to follow Talia and as of yet, well she was lost in her head.

Me on the other hand there was a level of fear that I just developed and I could not seem to get over the hump that my mind created. Hell I'm not sure Talia was on the same page but if anything she had more reasons to make things work with Javier.

Devin? I knew that there was a part of her reasoning that was justified, but at the same time, the part I played made all that a moot point. How was my aunt supposed to know there was a breach when I was helping Devin cover it?

Had I not helped Aunt Angela would know.

While Talia ignored or distanced herself from Javier, I realized the behaviors of the Rosario kids and that left me only terribly unsettled.

Devin had the level of accountability of a newborn and the self-control to match, that was my first thought. Then, it went a whole new place. What if her actions were done out of fear? From there it only spiraled. Did Devin know that Taylor had killed Silas?

"I don't know if I'd ever be able to be with someone that hurt one of you, or even their family," my littler sister, Paige said softly to Talia. Driving now, Javier no longer on our bus, deciding that he would ride with our aunt Courtney and her two children, I glance quickly behind my shoulder.

I remain silent, but Thaddeus next to me only hisses under his breath, turning around to face my sisters behind us.

"Paige why don't you keep your opinion to yourself?"

I half expect my sister to cower, then nod and leave the subject alone. No not true. I expect it completely. Especially with the harsh and biting tone Thaddeus used.

Wrong assumption.

"No," she snaps back, "you all agree with me, I'm just the only one that's said it. Why do you think Javier isn't on this bus? Because it was so frosty in here I'm surprised he didn't get frostbite from the cold shoulders at breakfast."

"I can say what I did because I'm the one that went to get him for breakfast. I don't hold him responsible. If anything, I'm more afraid of Devin," Thaddeus spits back.

My shoulders get heavy.

"How can we even trust any of them?" Paige asks her voice shaking, showing her true turmoil. "Taylor... don't you guys remember how hard she took it? I mean I was little and I thought that she had a crush on him," I frown though I don't take my eyes off the road ahead of me.

"She took it hard, that is why I thought maybe Samson was close with her while he pushed us all away."

"Taylor mourned with us, and now, we find out that she actually caused the accident-"

"I – she – Taylor," Thaddeus stammers, interrupting Paige's tirade but still unclear with his thoughts. "Out of everyone here, I'm going to say that I can be the one to set this straight," Thaddeus continues.

"First, let it be known, I said Taylor was psycho from the beginning. I didn't want her to be friends with Harleigh because seriously, the things Taylor says half the time just – it always sat wrong with me. Second, if you guys want to place all the blame on Taylor, then you need to place a bit of it on Samson too," this time my eyes widen and I'm thankful that after nine hours of driving – five hundred miles – we had arrived in Las Cruces, New Mexico.

When we exit the 10 freeway, I breathe a sigh of relief, but still Thaddeus' words hung in the air.

"You want to blame Samson for what Taylor did?" Paige strikes back as I concentrate on the desert valleys, and basin-like depressions. The clayey soil that look deep brown in some places, and have a hint of red in others.

I'd laugh at Thaddeus response if this were any other time. "Well, I thought this was us just saying the most ridiculous things," he feigns innocence.

"I miss Bend," I whisper, mostly to myself, as I take in the sparseness of the color that I've grown fond of.

"Mh-hmm," Thaddeus agrees.

I'm following grandpa, unsure where we were going since really I hadn't recalled a home or compound being built in New Mexico.

"I'm not saying we blame Samson, but Silas was never supposed to be flying that day. But blaming Javier is like blaming Samson guys, because he didn't go and because he did not, then he couldn't warn Silas that the plane was tampered with... it's all..." he huffs, sighing heavily.

"Which means Taylor knew his plans and went out of her way Thaddeus," Paige retorts back. "And then ran to the house to make sure Samson wasn't with Silas," I mutter distractedly.

There's nothing but silence, but then I'm almost startled by the next sound breaking the peace. "What?" Thaddeus cries.

"Did you know?" glancing at my brother, I'm looking for our next stop, a sign that shows which RV Park we were most likely going to but find none.

"I – know what?"

"What Taylor did?"

"Before you guys? No."

From the corner of my eyes Thaddeus nods, relaxing back into the large champagne colored leather chair. Focused, the sun filled sky has turned the landscape a brilliant shade of orange, everything illuminated.

"Look, I've been saying Taylor was off, I guess, I – I feel like Taylor should be blamed for her crimes. Because best believe that when the den, the rest of them learn that Brennan and Devin hacked the servers and that it cost so many their lives... everyone that's followed dad is going to do to us, what you guys are doing to Javier."

"We are going to be looked down, when it was Brennan that fucked up." That shut us everyone up.

I wanted to let it roll off my back, but the still small voice prevented that. My actions were my cross to bear, and at the core of who I was, was the person my parents raised. I just went off the path and I had no one to blame but myself.

In all honesty I agree with Thaddeus, but I still couldn't treat the way Devin behaved to hearing the news from Antone, or the way that she promised me she would stop but didn't. No matter how I tried over the last six hours all I saw was that Devin showed signs of being as manipulating as Taylor.

Maybe...

Manipulating wasn't the right word to be frank. Or it could be, but there was just this hint of dishonesty and self-serving that binged in my mind. "No, after Christmas Tay, let me just work things out with Brennan, then I'll help you," she had answered when Taylor told her to steal Faith's student file.

Still it was such a rabbit hole subject. I wanted to believe that Devin was nothing like Taylor. She ditched her sister when she learned of Taylors' involvement in Silas' death. So why didn't I feel as though that somehow made her not her sister? In the mood to overanalyze everything I find myself still seeking a clue or detail that shows Devin being different from Tay-

Bile creeps up in my throat and I have to swallow it down miserably. "Do... do you guys think the money that she had, Taylor I mean, do you think that money was for what she did to Silas?" My heart felt as if it were beating wrong somehow, as though there was an extra heartbeat and the physical space around my heart had shrank.

Instead I look at the Organ Mountains.

The light rose-colored sky was a stark difference from the melon colored peaks that darkened down to a foggy greenish gray. The sunset was a beauty to see but for something grand and breathtaking, in our current disconnect was far too daunting.

As is our way, we seem to drive to a desolate area, the nearest home a five-minute drive.

~ 0 ~

"Okay everyone," grandpa Antone starts, everyone giving him their attention, the little children any under seven, were moving about. "We're going to be staying here for the night, and instead of leaving at dawn, we will remain in Las Cruces until noon tomorrow," just as when dad speaks, the crowd of families remain utterly silent.

"Any questions?" it's a rhetorical sentence of course. "Good," grandpa says walking back to his bus, aunt Courtney following him while my grandmother stole off to the house we were all parked in front of it.

Dirt over cobblestone, when everyone fans out and the adults all set out to make a plan, head into the town, I find myself scoping out everyone. Standing in the background, defeated and avoiding everyone is Javier. It's truly the saddest I've seen him looking.

Worse he's gazing at Talia.

He's a good guy. Anyone else would push themselves on the person they claimed they love them. But he is giving her space.

Our lives were intertwined. Unfortunately, it was not in a pleasant fashion.

He turns away from everyone heading back onto Courtney's bus his shoulders slumped.

I'm going to be him when everyone finds out, I think.

Again, something another family member of his did, although I helped.

I'm lost in my head, analyzing everything, when grandpa Antone leaves the bus. With the crowd planning, murmuring amongst them selves of what we could do for the little children after all this traveling, and them being cooped up on RV buses.

Old habits die-hard and I look into the crowd for Devin, coming up short. It didn't matter if we stopped somewhere for five minutes of five hours. Devin did not leave the bus.

The only way I could sort of tell that she was still on Antone's bus was if he came towards me immediately after leaving the luxurious but tight space. I could place Devin's scent on him. It wasn't growing faint either so that gave me some hope.

Why do you need hope? I ask myself and when I do, I say it's purely habit.

Speaking of walking my way, I blink and note grandpa in fact approaching me. He flicks his gaze towards Courtney's bus, using his chin to point at it when I stare without moving. When it connects he wants me to go to her bus, I don't even bother with nodding, or asking what for.

A bus slightly smaller than the one Thaddeus and I had been driving, the colors are all light and we find crayons, coloring books, toys all scattered about. Nothing is messy but you can obviously tell that kids were ruling this bus.

Javier sits at one of the sofas, just staring at a movie playing, turning it off when Granddad and I get on the bus. His eyes red around the brim, more so than just seconds ago and the air around him still scents of salty tears.

"What's going on Javier?" Antone asks point blank, not even beating around the weed, much less a bush. "Courtney says you've been overwrought with..." I glance at granddad wondering why he brought me along. If anything, Javier wasn't going to answer with me in the room.

"I know you two fought, is that why you left the bus for this one? Do I need to remind you two that-"

"T-that's not why," Javier says and for a minute I feel a bit of dread. We didn't ask him to leave, but no one had made any sign of objection when he left either.

"Are you – and this is going to be my last guest before you just tell me son," Antone warns, lifting a brow, "worried that once Ansel and Kalenah know that Taylor was responsible for the tampering that they'll give you out of the pack?" again blunt as hell.

"You guys are – Ansel and Kalenah – meeting them, joining this p-pack," Javier says and when he feels a tear slip, he angrily swipes at his face, gritting his teeth. "Silas did not have to die," he whispers softer.

"Yeah and you have nothing to do with what Tay-"

"When I met them, all of you I was relieved because dad said that Kalenah had found us people to help our family," I frown. What is he talking about?

"Taylor started seeing Sonya," he widens his eyes as though it's going to stop the moisture-gathering stop from falling. It doesn't.

Green eyes shine and all I see is pain.

Worse I get the feeling that this isn't just about what my grandfather assumed or even just Talia maybe ending things with him.

"My parents told Devin to run," he whispers shakily. Antone's frown grows as does mine. Are his thoughts – hell they are as disconnected as my own. The turmoil was over different root problems in a way but the effect was looking similar.

"She said – they did not even tell her to go back for Taylor, they told her to run," he leans forward, repeating him self, tone raw and scratchy. Pleading.

I move to sit in the passenger seat next to the empty driver seat, while Antone slowly lowers himself to the chair opposite Javier.

"Shannon and Javier Senior, told her to run." He repeats and this time Javier nods, face filled with pure overwhelming grief.

"Kalenah," Antone's eyes widen, and he rubs his face roughly, looking at Javier as disbelief colors his face. What the damn hell?

"Kalenah found someone to help your family," and the impossible is done. Seven words are made to sound like both a question and a statement even with infliction.

Javier nods, and I just sit still running over the words that aren't clicking for me the way they have with Antone. Not yet.

"Help for the family," Antone repeats slower now, "help for Taylor," a brow is arched and if Javier's expression was laced with pleading for understanding, Antone's would be completely classified as warily regrettable mixed with... with hope.

That's an odd mix. It was hoping for a different – more pleasant – response when you knew the truth.

It wasn't exactly denial. No. It was hoping you were wrong when everything pointed to you being right.

It's one of those situations where you'd do anything to not be correct. Give anything to be wrong. It was devastation. 

"It – it was supposed to be a secret. Sonya was supposed to help her," Javier says with a bit more anger and I'm not sure if he's crying because he's broken up inside and sad, or the fury had taken over. "Mom she had already lost Jules, she didn't want to lose Taylor too," I felt like I was listening to a coded conversation.

Almost like watching a tennis match between Antone and Javier, only when Javier dealt his blow now, it was Antone's reaction – the horror – that made the pieces click. 

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