wasn't feeling good for the past two days, allergies had me empty two boxes of kleenex. like my nose plotted against me. that is the ONLY explanation. so any divergent fans reading? I was reading and saw that the final movie was being turned into a straight to TV movie... and maybe spinoff series... I haven't watched the last movie they put out but... i thought the whole thing was doing well. lol. anyways. enjoy.

Chapter 52 – Like Glass (Brennan Conrad POV) Pt.5

"Javier you don't have to sleep outside," Thaddeus says, sounding frustrated. But it is useless as Javier grabs one of the sleeping bags. "Okay now you're just being stupid!" Thaddeus throws his hands up in the air.

"It's practically ready to snow, and you want to prove a point by sleeping out in the cold?"

"It's not like I could die out there," he retorts back, while I gather myself moving to a seated position.

Tired, in more ways than one, I push myself up and back into the drivers seat. Turning the bus off, I lock the doors, keeping Javier inside.

"Go sleep in the tub if you don't want to be up here, but, you're not sleeping outside," I grumble. Taking a step towards me, Thaddeus boycotts whatever plan Javier had, sliding between the two of us.

With more disdain in him that I've ever witnessed before, Javier leaves the front of the bus, knocking on the closed door until Harleigh opened it for him. Eyebrow rose at him she stands protectively in front of the wedged door.

"Brennan said sleep in the tub," he mutters, forcing Harleigh to glance at me over his shoulder. She only guards the door for a few seconds longer, before standing to the side and letting him in.

Up front, Thaddeus pulls out the sofa bed, before throwing two pillows and the blankets we had stored under booth bench chairs.

"You asked dad for them to come, didn't you?" he asks me quietly going to the sink and wetting a towel carrying it to me.

I wipe my face silently, before nodding. "Honestly, I just, I love her. I do."

Serious Thaddeus was here now. "But?"

"I made Devin my life and-"

"She's not a puppet," Thaddeus snorts.

Huffing, I scoff. "I helped her, but we said that was it. That we weren't going to use it anymore, but she completely played me. And for what? Samson had already said that he didn't want Taylor and she just continued going on there even to the point where she listened to a private conversation I had with my brother-"

"So it's only wrong because you and her decided," Thaddeus says dryly. Shaking my head, I deny his accusation.

"No, I mean-"

Groaning he shakes his head. "Brennan, it was wrong from the beginning. I understand to an extent what you're trying to say. After you two decided to stop, she should have stopped, but really the damage had already been done," he says slowly.

Driving his blonde hair back. When he releases his locks, his hands fall palm down onto his knees.

"So you're saying that I can't be angry that after she promised me that she would stop, she did the opposite." Throwing my head back, the rational side of me contemplates what Thaddeus is saying. For a second alone before I stop.

"It's not that she continued," I pause, "Not only that she continued."

"Devin betrayed my trust for Taylor. Listening in to Samson and mines private conversation and still threw it in his face as though-"

"And had you stopped hiding her wrong doings then maybe she would not have had that chance," Thaddeus says more frustrated than I was at that moment.

"God Brennan!" Thaddeus says in a hushed whisper, frustrated. "You covered for her, why on earth would you think she would stopped when you practically made everything easy on her. I remember that night!" Thaddeus yelled in a hushed tone. "You stood right in our kitchen and said that you were wrong to tell Devin what you had," he squints his eyes at me.

"What did you think would happen when you covered for her?"

Nodding slowly, as one more of my siblings calls me out, and slays me down.

Aggravated, I grit my teeth. "Thad, I just. I just-" clenching my fists, "I covered for her because I thought she would stop. I even believed she did. When Taylor was going on one of her Samson loves me deep down inside rants, Devin said nothing. She sat there quietly, ignoring her sister like Javier always did."

"So when I made you come clean in the kitchen?"

Swallowing, my eyes water, and the knot in my throat only grows, "I love her Thad, I do, I swear. But she – Faith – she helped Talia, and Taylor and Devin were planning on finding dirt on her and I just, I went into this panicked state. I had to protect Faith, and I felt like," I rack my brain looking for the right words.

It wasn't just the feeling of debt I felt we owed Faith.

"I overheard Taylor conning Devin into sneaking into private files and I was going to dad regardless, it had gone so much further than I had actual control over," I finish meekly.

My brother's face remains blank until the veil drops. "I cannot believe Samson ran off with Faith," he says with complete incredulity. Though, I had to agree, it was pretty out of character for Samson.

"Where do you think they went?"

Ok, so apparently, we were through talking about Devin.

"Somewhere I am not," I throw out there without thinking.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe if you hadn't been protecting Devin, when they left they'd trust us to tell us where," Thaddeus says clipped. Tossing himself back on the bed, he beats his pillow a few times, before turning his back to me and pulling the thick comforter over his head.

I sit still for minutes, just looking at the room, lights off.

Telling my siblings what happened did not bring any relief to my guilt, not that I truly thought it would. Instead all that came with it was the bottom line that people died because I helped Devin hack our servers. I betrayed the Den, when I helped her though I did not mean too.

She continued sneaking in the system, and I threw her under the bus. At least, that is how many are going to see it. Eventually, should I try to be the one that Dad hands the Den over to, it will come out.

When we get settled, I'll have to tell the others. They too will see the inequality that my father showed by bringing me, yet kicking Devin and her family out of our Den.

That worry transfers over from what the Den will think, to whether Devin was safe now. Sure dad said that he would warn Shannon and Javier Senior, but the urgency of our departure... did Devin and Taylor really get out in time? How on earth were they even getting out of Bend?

Sure, there was the money that Taylor said supposedly was stolen... I sit turning the thoughts over in my head, until I can take it no longer. The room feels as though it's shrinking, getting smaller by the minute while my skin crawls.

Standing, as quietly as I can manage I bolt.

Pacing outside, I walk around the camp area, going no more than twenty feet.

My thoughts swirl, flip and connect. All my emotions are accumulating, felt and expressed in the nervous twitchy pacing I continue. I handled things wrong from the beginning, yet I was here with my family while Devin was thrown under the bus. I felt her behavior was troublesome, but I didn't have to tell dad behind her back.

I could have asked her to come with me, spill the truth out while she was there. Let dad decide our punishments. The time before that, when she spilt information that I certainly hadn't shared, I could have thrown us both in the gauntlet. Except instead of a fair fight with Devin, she was left unaware.

The debate in my mind continues, no clear-cut line on where I was, felt or what was fair. Pensive I remained. Each time I replayed the last few months in my head the outcome was unchanged, but the 'what if's' grew like weeds.

I hadn't meant to abandon Devin, yet I also felt this allegiance to Faith.

Back and forth, I go, until new thoughts I hadn't been ready to face just yet smack me one by one. I felt betrayed, so I went to dad. I thought Devin and I were a team, hearing Devin and Taylor plotting, the words Devin used. "I can help, but let me fix things with Brennan first," meant she was going to step out of line, just after she had suckered me into believing that she backed off Samson.

My pride had been dented.

Below all other reasons, as I hang my head back and remain still in the darkness of the Oregon night, I face another truth. I wanted to save Devin from her self in a way as well.

The minute she agreed to get into Faith's school files I knew she'd probably get herself caught and in trouble. Taylor did not seem to care about the lengths she was asking Devin to go to.

But was it really my place? Again the part of myself that was playing devils advocate asked. Devin was not a little child like Amy or Simon.

She wanted to help her sister, the other side of the argument I was having with myself stated. But you just have to draw the line somewhere, Devin didn't do that. Hurting me was where I thought her line would be. Instead, she wanted it all. Have me back, help Taylor get Samson and keep me in the dark while she achieved it all.

Now I was nit picking.

Leaving that inner turmoil behind, I asked the question that played on loop while I followed grandpa Antone.

Devin had betrayed me, we had acted stupidly, but did that mean that we should have left her behind? Then again, I wondered if dad left her because unlike Javier, if we brought Devin, there was no way we could have left Taylor. They share a room.

Frustrated, I exhale, watching my breath in the cold air.

Maybe dad left them, but he knew Devin and I had hacked the system, so she had access to the locations of the new houses. Javier's family could eventually find ours again, but for the time being we couldn't wait for them to come to Bend then leave.

Maybe. I was drowning in maybe's. The ones I was contemplating now? Was Devin able to get out of Bend safely? Should I find a way to get in touch with Devin?

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