Q&A up front from one of the many AWESOME READERs: I absolutely love the line about his kind not having predestined soul mates. I can't wait to see what you come up with for them. Thank you for this update :) Samson is not an intentionally cruel guy. He goes out of his way to not be like that, but once made to confront the situation he is honest, without being mean. of course, he is not perfect and has his moment's but don't we all. Fatima reminds me of Kieran, in the fact they grew up with brain washing. Now they are having to over come that. He has bumblebee, she has Samson. Things aren't  romantic but they care for each other, they have a trust there for each other that helps so very much. But not dependent fully on that person. love it :)

Okay, so what really makes me cringe sometimes are reading stories where two people who are in no position to be in a relationship, start a relationship. I mean become so dependent on each other that you just know one or both of them is going to get hurt. Badly.

There are many similarities between this book and the others, all clues I've been giving without telling you, that way you guys draw your own ideas. I know some of you might hate that, and would rather I just spelled it all out but, eh... this was seems more fun for you and me.

Samson isn't a cruel guy, he isn't the bad boy that ignores women or disses them in front of others, and well I know that seems boring but I guess I just didn't want to write about some guy slut shaming some girl. I think there are enough of those types of books so I'm trying something a bit different.

If you're reading this but haven't read my other stuff, you'll still be understanding this story.

However for those of you that are reading, Samson is no Gabriel lol. He was raised by two loving parents, yes his twin brother died, but Ansel and Kalenah are kind, compassionate and stable. There are no secrets, they don't lie to their children for their own selfish needs and coverups.

Anyways, lots of you said that you don't use Facebook so if I can put that stuff on twitter, and I already do.

my twitter name is newxseason

www.twitter.com/newxseason

that's all for now, onto the reading...

A/N: Not Thoroughly Edited.

Chapter 20 – Starting Something New (Faith POV)Pt. 2 

"We can go now, we have to run sweetheart-"

"No – no – no I – I cwan't go owutside!"

"They said we cawn't go outside – it's dwangerous – no – no!"

"I won't be wable to bwreathe – no – no – no!"

"I can't go outside – they said we can't go – no pwlease – no pwlease – help me – no!"  

My dream playing on my mind and my heart and I couldn't and didn't know how to trust myself. I was older, than the other times, however, the problem was that Dmitri came in and when he tried to take me from the room, the gray rough concrete walled room I went ballistic.

"Who told you that? It is safe for you outside sweetheart..." He told me and I shook my head in the dream, frantic that he was going to take me outside. "They want me – can't fwind me – I safe inside, we can't – I can't go outside-" Dmitri looked at me strangely.

"You want to come with me?" little me nodded my head furiously, I had never seen Dmitri before, not out of all the different faces I had seen.

"I want to cwome – but we need suits – masks – the air is bad," I tell him and his face in that moment looks like to me now, how Walsh looked at me when I first told him about the Loyalist and Independents. How everyone has been looking at me. Utterly confused I sit frustrated in my room. I had bought new fabrics from mine and Samson's trip up to Eugene, and when there was a tiny knock, soft, I knew it wasn't from one of the adults in the Conrad house. Sighing, I walk to my door, opening it and seeing Amy. 

Wild curly hair, and big blue eyes unsure, "Hi, can I come in your room?" Not afraid, but tired I step aside and close the door behind us, watching as a tiny version of Kalenah skips over to my bed, looking at all the art supplies I bought that I had laid out deciding what I would make. I no longer needed to make my own clothes but entering the fabric story alone was a shocking experience, and after paying for what I had ordered, I did a quick sweep picking up extra material.

More than I really knew what I would do with.

"Are you going to make a prwincess dress?" Amy asked touching the fabric almost reverently, although I'm not sure why she thought I would be making a princess dress? I try to think back to when I was five years old and immediately I'm filled with a sudden rage I can't explain. I couldn't trust the memories I thought of fondly when I was having dreams now that said and showed something else from what I thought was true.

There were so many pieces that I did not understand, things I was remembering, messing with what I had proofed of and so I shake my head and concentrate on Amy. "My birthday is coming soon, maybe you can make me a dress!" she exclaims happily her eyes focused on the blush satin fabrics.

A new distraction until I can make sense of my dreams that is what I need. To stay away from the Conrad's occupy myself get a project, "You're just a project to him," Devin said a week ago, although I'm not sure why she would. I'm sure Samson had enough school projects... if anything I was getting in the way of him studying.

With her smile bright and in front of me, I walked over to the bed, "Well I'll have to measure you and so that it fits just right, and you'll have to stand extra still..." I say knowing that Amy didn't seem to be the type of child that could remain still for so long while I got her measurements.

"Oh – yes! Yes! I can – I can!" she said making herself a statue her eyes wide and waiting and her arms out at the sides. "I've never had my own handmade princess dress!" I smile sadly, neither had I. By the time I had gotten into making my own clothes I didn't believe in princesses anymore.

"It probably won't be a nice as the store might have," that's the honest truth, but Amy just shakes her head, "No, but it'll be my own, an – and – no one else will have one like it," I nod and find my measuring tape.

Looking for a distraction, and finding one in Amy, who unlike I had believed did not seem violent, or inclined to hurt me, "When's your birthday?" I ask getting all the information down.

"Forty more sleeps," she shrugs and mentally I figure that its November 20th or around there. "Can you use shiny beads so that it sparkles?" her mouth is moving but tiny limbs are still incredibly still for her when I normally see Amy on the move. She never stops for anything, unless she's sleeping I suppose.

Forty minutes later, "I'm done," I whisper with all of what I'll need as well as all the things she wants on the dress, "I don't know... about flowers and a bow... how will you walk around in a dress so heavy?" I tease her.

"I'll be older and stronger on my birthday, so I'll be strong enough to carry it," her rationale simple, uncomplicated.

"Can we make bracelets? I came to see if you were ready to make them? I sawed mom when she was buying them, but then you gotted sick, but now you're okay so – can we make them?" she rushed out and cornered me.

Again, with all my schoolwork completed, still not attending school until the following week, I go to where I know Kalenah has put all the craft supplies in my room, leaving the fabrics on my bed – "Do you think you can make a dress for Sammie too?" Amy questions. Glancing over at her she's touching the fabrics on the bed again, "so that we can play pretend together, Sammie would like ones, too," she finishes.

I frown at first, quickly wondering how I'd manage two dresses, and what would the consequences if I did not finish in time before I quickly push that thought out of my mind. I was being foolish, but still, "I don't know if I'll finish them both for your birthday..." her face reflects her disappointment, but is void of anger. "I'll try, though," I tell her unsure that I would be able to pull it off, instantly Amy cheers up and we proceed to make 'friendship bracelets.'

One for her and obviously one for Sammie. 

When completed and I'm left on my own again to clean up the beads left astray, my mind wanders back to when I was in the basement or concrete room. 

Folding the fabrics, I place them away, bringing out the sketchbook from class and the pencils so I can draw out two dresses. I wasn't very good, but I had already warned Amy of that.

With the sketchbook on my lap, I close my eyes and instead of the dress, I wonder about the pictures Dmitri had shown me. Given to me. He had pictures of when I was just a small child, maybe a year or two, taken the same place in our safe house. The pictures now long gone but etched in my memory contradict every dream I've had. I couldn't be in two places at once and worse, everyone thought Dmitri had some how kidnapped me, but according to my dreams, I went with him willingly.

I was the one telling him about the poisonous air as a little girl. When the sun goes down, the light in the room darkens and I've sketched out two dresses one for Amy and the other for Samantha, my stomach growling hungrily. I debate whether I should even eat, knowing my supplies in the room had run low, and I barely had anything left in my fridge aside from four bottled water and two juice boxes, cubed cheese, milk and a few popsicles. I still had dried soups, where all I had to do was add hot water and wait, and the noodles would soften – a few chicken flavored and two beef flavored.

Putting the sketch pad aside, I took one of my bottles of water and chicken soup heading down the stairs slowly, listening for movement, or talking but hearing nothing until I'm finally in the kitchen and Kalenah is at the counter, with the kettle making herself a cup of tea. "Oh Faith, Ansel and I were just coming to speak with you," I glance over my shoulder and he's at the table silently, with a manila envelope in front of him. 

Nodding I go to pour my own water into a bowl before adding the noodles and placing them in the microwave ignoring the boiled water.

I stand anticipating what was to come, what they needed to discuss but no one said anything right away. "We actually need to speak to you privately, we would rather no one interrupt us," Kalenah confirmed and my heart went a bit crazy, and my mind filled with worry. Especially since Kalenah moved around with unusually jerky movements.

"Let's all head back to your room?" Ansel said standing as tense as Kalenah. When the microwave went off, and the three beeps rang, my thudding crazily heart, sank. But taking my soup and an eating utensil I carried it back to my room, following Kalenah and Ansel, wondering if they were going to send me away? Or maybe punishment for ignoring them all week long while I battled with my thoughts, memories, and dreams?

Sitting stiffly on my chair while Ansel and Kalenah sat on my sofa, I waited for whatever was obviously bad news if I had to go by how they were acting and their behavior down in the kitchen. I hadn't really done anything wrong, I kept away from the family, well except for today but Amy was the one that sought me out, not the other way around. 

Could I possibly be in trouble for being welcoming? 

Exhaling heavily, Ansel caught my attention, "Well you know – I know – Kalenah told me that the reason you ran last weekend was because you saw a woman inside the house talking to me, called her 'cold eyes.'" I tensed and he seemed to take in the change in my posture, but when I glanced at Kalenah she had watery eyes.

I had almost forgotten the woman, the dreams and my memories taking over my every thought, but now that Ansel mentioned her once again, there she was, adding another confusing element to my situation.

"First – we want to say and let you know that we are on your side Faith, you are our main priority," Kalenah spoke her voice thick and like she was going to deliver bad news to me. "I also found you another therapist, she's – well I think she may be a better fit for you, I made an appointment for you tomorrow, her next one was almost two weeks away and since – you've seemed to pull away once again, I thought maybe that the sooner you have someone you feel you can speak to the better," she nodded.

But I couldn't move. I couldn't even tell my head to bounce or move an inch to let her know I agreed.

"Kalenah told me that you said you were with her, and we wanted to know if you might be related to her, in someway," ice ran through my veins and I couldn't decide whether their reaction was because I was related to this woman, or I wasn't. That I was just some strange kid she left behind? Or that maybe they found proof that I wasn't in that gray concrete room after all. It had all been my imagination, nothing real.

"When you saved Talia, you're blood was taken at the hospital, and they still had it on file, so I had some of Cynthia's DNA tested as well, placed against yours to be exact," Ansel swallowed.

"And it turns out, that there was a familial match, a maternal one," he whispered out and oddly I just smiled. It felt like the final straw in my mind, I hadn't dreamt fake moments. It was real, all of it. And yet, so were those pictures I had taken from the safe house of me as a young child and the clutter in my head increased tenfold.

"You were nothing more than a mistake Fatima."

"You'll never know what you've cost me."

"I'm paying for his actions – but I'm going to let you pay too."

I sat unseeing in front of Kalenah and Ansel, the words she spat at me in the dreams rolling around my head, trying to find a place on the timeline I had believed for all my life when in reality the first six or seven years maybe... were all false.

None of it was real.

Dmitri had lied, but was he the bad guy? Was he the monster everyone had painted him to be when now I saw images, memories of him finding me? Rescuing me?

Was I to blame as well?

I had somehow deceived myself because nothing was real. Nothing, not even my own memories could be trusted, and as Kalenah and Ansel sat in front of me, a piece of who I thought I was inside, latched onto a helium balloon and floated away from inside me.

.

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© 2016 roxann_season All Rights Reserved

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Q&A:

So I chose this one: Everybody is saying Taylor did something while I'm thinking it could have been Devin. For some reason Faith would not look at her I'm guessing she could probably tell she doesn't like her. Also, she seems to be the one trying to play match maker with Samson and Taylor. You WERE RIGHT! Congrats!

He made his point crystal clear. This is a delicate situation though and no matter how kindly he put it, she will retaliate. Her heart is broken. I'm pulling for Faith and Samson in the long run, but I hope she finds a distraction soon and leaves Faith alone. So... I know everyone is pulling for Faith/Samson (hmm #Famson #Faithson #Samlynn... not sure on their ship name guys... lol) but she has some serious stuff to deal with and heal from.

As you've all read...