My mother was calling me.

That was new.

After I came out to her, her calls became less frequent and when they occurred, they were brief, and I had noticed the shift in her tone.

I didn't blame her. At least she still called.

"Mom," I answered while sitting up from my bed after waking up from a nap not too long ago.

"Darian." I could hear the smile in her voice. That was definitely new. "How are you, sweetie?" I groaned at the thought of Kenji and Clay. "Not good, I guess?" The joy in my mother's tone diminished.

"I don't wanna talk about it," I replied. 

"Are you having 'girl problems?'" she asked before going silent. "'Boy problems,' I mean."

Kill me now.

"I'm not talking to you about this."

Yeah, it was a shitty situation. Kenji and I hadn't spoken since that day. Not even a text. I wouldn't be surprise if this was it.

After all, he could easily find someone else. There would be people after me. He said so himself.

The thought made my chest tighten.

"You're right," my mother said. "It's best if we don't discuss such matters. I don't think I'm there yet."

"I know." My tone came out flat.

My mother sighed. "I'm sorry, Darian. I wish I could handle this news better. I wish I could be that fun, liberal parent who doesn't care. I wish I could be that mother who you could talk to about your boy troubles. I wish I could do all these things, but I can't." I wasn't surprised. "I'm grieving right now."

I chuckled. "My sexuality is making you grieve?"

"You think it's ridiculous." It was. "But I am. I'm grieving the loss of my straight son. The son I had so many hopes for, and now, some of those hopes will never see the light of day."

"I was never straight." I picked at my bed sheets.

You could fuck girls and still be gay as fuck.

"I know now," she said, "but it's still an adjustment period for me." She paused, and so did I. It was hardly ever a good thing when my mother paused. It meant she was thinking about something. "You should talk to your father."

There it was.

I squeezed my covers in a fist, resisting the urge to say things I would later regret.

My father and I hadn't spoken since that disastrous dinner. I moved out. He no longer supplied me with money or resources.

There was no reason for us to talk.

We were never close before, so we sure as hell weren't going to be any closer under these circumstances.

"You may want to tell him what you told me and the girls," my mother said.

"Mom." My facial features were relaxed. "You're 'grieving' my sexuality, and you're the understanding one. Can you imagine how dad will react to me being gay?"

She didn't say anything.

My father cut all ties from me because I was a dumbass who couldn't stay out of trouble and get his life together.

I didn't want to imagine what he would do if he knew I was gay.

"You're right," she said. "I just wish things were different. I hate keeping this from him."

I rolled my eyes. "He doesn't know squat about how I'm doing in general. Why should he know about my sexuality?"

"You and your father need to work on your relationship," my mother said, almost scolding me.

"We don't have a relationship."

"That's the problem!" she shouted. "You have a father. Take advantage of that, instead of wasting it away not getting to know him."

"Dad cut me off," I sneered.

That man was the reason I cried like a baby in front of Kenji.

"He did it for your own good," my mother said. "He cut off your expenses, but that doesn't mean he wants you out of his life." I snorted. "He only wants you to prove yourself, Darian. He wants you to be the man he knows you can be, even if that means you'll end up hating him for it." I frowned but said nothing. "I must say so myself that you're becoming that man." My muscles relaxed at her words. "You're currently employed. You're taking care of yourself, and you haven't been evicted." That was always a plus. "You're not drinking as much."

"I'm not drinking at all," I muttered.

It was difficult, especially with Arya coming over every other day bringing a new bottle of liquor with her, but I managed.

"Even better!" she said. "You're not drinking. Eva told me you're trying to quit smoking, too."

I had recently decided that, and my mother already knew. That was probably the hardest thing to give up.

My smokes.

I needed them even more at that moment. They never let me down. They eased my troubles as long as that cigarette touched my lips. I could really use a smoke right about now.

But I had decided to quit.

Now, it was time to devise a plan to make that happen.

"You're reconnecting with your old friends." I almost groaned again. "You're doing amazing, honey. If you won't inform your father about your sexuality, the least you can do is tell him about these other things. He'll be proud."

My father?

Proud of me?

That was a new concept.

"No, thank you."

"Darian," she sighed right as my doorbell rang.

I'd never been so happy to hear that thing ring. "Gotta go, Mom." I hopped out of bed and made my way over to the front door. "Someone's here. I'll talk to you later."

"Darian," she said in a warning tone, but I wasn't having.

"Bye. Love you!" I made sure to add before hanging up when I stopped at the door.

That was close. The bell rang once more. A small part of me wished it was Kenji.

No.

I didn't want to see him now.

At least, that was what I told myself.

When I opened the door, a smiling Honoka greeted me, and disappointment sunk in.

"Don't look so disappointed, Darian." She allowed herself in. "Geez. Way to make a girl feel welcomed." She worked on removing her shoes while I shut the door.

"Honoka." I tried adding more enthusiasm to my voice. "What are you doing here?"

Once her Sperry's boots were off, she faced me with a smile. "I want you to talk to Alissa."

I tilted my head. "Why?" I led her to the couch with my hand at the small of her back.

Once we were both seated, she scooted to face me again. "She's pissed at Clay and Kenji."

I scoffed. "I don't blame her. I'm pissed at them, too." I spread my arms out to grasp the back of the couch.

"That's exactly why you should talk to her."

I rose a brow. "So we can be pissed together?"

"No." Honoka scrunched up her face. "So you can come to your senses together and realize how stupid all of this is."

I slit my eyes and brought my arms back to my sides. "You're on their side."

"I'm not on anyone's side," Honoka said. "I just think it's bullshit. Why the hell is something that happened in middle school causing this much drama?"

I chuckled with a hint of sarcasm. "Easy for you to say. You're not part of it. How would you like it if you found out that Gavin and Aaron were sucking each other's dick in middle school?"

"Huh..." She pondered it for a second. "I never thought of that, but it was middle school. As long as we weren't together when it happened, I'll accept it."

"Yeah right," I said. "You're not actually in the situation, so you can't possibly know how you'll react."

"You see," she said while jutting a hand out at me. "This is why you and Alissa should talk. I've tried talking to her, but she won't listen to me. Maybe she'll listen to you since you understand."

"If I talk to her, I'm gonna tell her to dump Clay."

Honoka sent me a look. "Darian."

"Why should I talk in favor of his stupid ass?"

That son of a bitch. I couldn't believe he talked all that smack without me knocking some teeth out. My mom said I was getting better, but it was so hard to not say "fuck it" and go back to the person I was before.

"I'm not asking you to talk in favor of anyone," Honoka said. "I just want you two to talk. You both obviously have some unresolved anger because of this. I don't know why, but it's there. Maybe talking to each other will help you both figure it out. That way we can all be done with this."

I looked away. "I'm still telling her to dump Clay's ass."

Honoka deadpanned. "Darian, come on." We held eye contact. "How would you like it if someone told Kenji to dump your ass?"

"We're not even together!" I said. "Clay made sure he reminded me of that, and now we may never be together. So what's the point?"

"Because of this?" Honoka's eyes expanded, and I nodded. "Geez. You people." She massaged her temples while I stared ahead.

I didn't get it. Why was it so hard for me and Kenji to be together? Especially when it was so easy for him to be with everyone else.

"Kenji isn't doing well," Honoka mumbled, and we re-focused our attention on each other. "He attends classes and then comes straight home. I have to force him to eat and force him to come out of his room." My expression softened. "He hasn't been sleeping much either, but that tends to happen when his stress levels go up."

"He has to sleep!" I tilted my body to face her as well. "Sleep is extremely important for people with mood disorders." Honoka shrugged. "What about his antidepressants? He started taking them, right?"

Honoka sent me a sad smile. "For most people, those things usually take weeks to kick in."

        Fuck.

I needed to do more research on antidepressants. Maybe there was a way to make them work faster.

"What about the list I made him? Is he following that, at least?"

        I didn't just write that list for the sake of writing. Everything on it helped elevate mood and helped relieve depression symptoms.

He could use that.

"I'm trying to keep him on track," she said. "He's doing decent, with the exception of 'getting enough rest.' Also, he can't really work out with Darian and the goons, now can he?"

I cursed under my breath. Damn it, Kenji.

Honoka placed a hand on my knee. "He misses you, Darian."

He missed me, but he didn't want me. Not the way I wanted him to want me.

"Just think about talking to Alissa," Honoka said, "so we can all move past this."

I was silent for a second before saying, "I'll think about it."

She grinned with her hands clasped together. "That's all I ask." At that moment, my front door swung open, and Honoka and I snapped our heads in its direction.

Arya stood before us with a bottle of liquor in a brown paper bag. "Since when did you start pulling an Aaron?" Her eyes focused on me.

Shit. I left my front door open. "Good thing it's only you," I said.

Honoka and I stood up as Arya inched closer to us, and her gaze landed on Honoka's.

"Arya," Honoka greeted.

"Honoka." Arya set the bottle on my table, and she crossed her arms. "Disappointed you can't kick me out of this apartment?"

"I don't have you to," Honoka said. "You're not worth my time." Arya chuckled, not fazed, and Honoka glanced between us. "You two have been spending a lot of time together lately. What's up with that?"

Before I could speak, Arya jumped in. "None of your business." The two girls watched each other. "We have no dealings with each other, remember?"

Honoka narrowed her eyes. "But I do have dealings with Darian."

This sounded like some drug trade.

"Not when it involves me, you don't," Arya countered, barely blinking.

I stood back, staying the hell out of it as they glared daggers at each other. "This is ridiculous!" Honoka shouted while pushing her arms out. "Darian and Clay have beef, now me and you are acting like we have beef."—She pointed to herself and Arya—"Everything has shattered into ruins over some middle school experiment, and it's absurd. We're too grown for this, so I'll leave." Honoka grabbed her shoes and started putting them on. "Darian, I'll see you later."

"Yeah." I moved closer to her as she tied the last string. "We definitely need to talk later."

When she was done, she stood up and pointed a thumb a me with her gaze on Arya. "Don't mess things up with him, Arya. You've kicked me out of your life, and you've kicked the others out of it, too. Darian is all you have left. You can't afford to lose him, too, so keep that in mind."

Arya pressed her lips together, not saying a word, and Honoka headed for the door. "Bye, Darian. Take care."

"Bye, Honoka!" I hollered right before she closed the door behind her.

Arya was glaring ahead before turning on her heels to face me. "Who the hell does she think she is?"

I raised both hands. "She wasn't wrong." Arya's shoulders relaxed but confusion crossed her face. "Right now, me and Aaron are the only ones on your side."

"Aaron?" Arya scoffed. "Please. We fuck. We're not even friends."

Damn.

"Way to appreciate my boy." I frowned. "You see? How are people supposed to be on your side when you treat them like shit?"

"Be the dog or be the bone," she said.

"Well, be a dog to strangers, not to the people who care about you," I retorted. "In your pursuit to be a 'dog,' you started all this shit with the others."

"Are you talking about the middle school thing?" I nodded, and she shook her head with pursed lips. "I didn't start shit. I only instigated it. There's a difference."

"You instigated a disaster," I said while shaking both hands for emphasis.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Alissa is mad at Clay and Kenji," I elaborated. "Kenji and I aren't talking. It's a hot mess."

Arya's jaw dropped. "They took this seriously? I was messing with them." She giggled. "How could anyone take me seriously? Couldn't they tell by how dramatic I was being?"

"Everything was dramatic!"

Arya burst into laughing. "You're serious?" She laughed even harder.

This wasn't funny! This shit was serious.

"Arya, what the hell?" I asked once her laughter cooled down, but an occasional snicker creeped out.

"How could an irrelevant situation cause this many problems?" Arya asked, resisting the urge to keep laughing.

"What do you fucking expect?" I said. "You can't just bounce up in a place, expose people's secrets and expect there to be no consequences."

"It's not my fault you guys are overreacting," she huffed with her arms crossed.

"Overreacting?" I advanced towards her. "You think we're overreacting?"

"Of course, you are," she said. "How are you gonna get hurt over something that happened years ago? So what, two boys were sucking each other off. A lot of people were sucking each other off in middle school."

"I wasn't," I defended. Surprisingly, my promiscuity didn't start until high school.

"Yeah," Arya agreed. "Because you were in denial that you liked sucking people off."

I threw my arms up. "You're on their side, too."

"I'm not on anyone's side," she said. "I just have my opinion. It's ludicrous that what I did would cause all these problems. You know what I think?" She placed a finger on her chin. "Instead of worrying about this middle school incident, you and Alissa need to figure out why you're so hurt over this. The real issue stems from you and her, not Clay and Kenji."

I cupped a hand over my ear, hoping I head wrong. "Say what?"

Now, Alissa and I were to blame? That was ludicrous.

Arya wagged her finger at me. "You know what else I think?"

"Please, don't tell me," I replied while rubbing my forehead.

Arya went on anyway. "You're mad at Kenji, not Clay."

"What?" My neck almost snapped by how hard it turned in her direction.

She nodded. "For as long as I've known you, there's been one person who got the most emotions out of you." She made her way over to me with slow steps as we stared at each other. "One person who can make you laugh so hard, I'm afraid you're gonna have a brain aneurysm. One person who can make you so pissed that I'm afraid you'll pop a vein in your neck." She stopped in front of me before continuing. "One person whose words can cut you deeper than anyone else's. We all know who that person is."

        Kenji.

Arya took a step back. "If this whole situation is affecting you this much, then it's not about Clay. You're only channeling all your anger onto him, but he's not the source of it. Kenji is." She grinned. "Look at you glaring and proving my point."

I relaxed my facial muscles. "Why would I be mad at Kenji?"

She opened up her arms with a shrug. "That's for you to find out."

We weren't talking, and I hated that he was going through an even more difficult time, but a small part of me was glad we weren't talking. I couldn't face him. Not after what he said.

"Honoka wants me to talk to Alissa," I told her, "but I don't know."

"Are you afraid you'll both realize how stupid you're both being?" She stated, matter-of-fact.

"No," I grumbled, and I sighed. "I don't know."

"That's the problem." She groaned and picked up her bottle of liquor before venturing off to the kitchen. I was right behind her. "You don't know, and it's eating at you." She grabbed a glass and poured herself some alcohol. Jameson whiskey. Of course. "Maybe you should talk to Alissa. Not for Clay. Not even for Kenji. But for you. So you can finally confront this anger and eventually free yourself from it." She turned to me and leaned against the kitchen counter. "Call her. I dare you to." Arya smirked as she brought the glass up to her lips.

"I'm not mad at Kenji," I repeated, but in a smaller voice.

"One way to find out." She resumed drinking as I dug out my phone.

I wasn't going to talk in anyone's favor. I wasn't going to find out that I was pissed at Kenji. Maybe I wasn't even going to help Alissa with her own anger.

But she was the only one who could understand me and not invalidate my feelings, so I dialed her number.

Arya and I watched each other, her drinking and me calling, until Alissa picked up on the third ring. "Hello?" she answered, and my eyes widened.

"Alissa," I said, and Arya grinned as she twirled the glass. "Can we meet up tomorrow? We have to talk."

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* What do you guys think about Darian's mother's grieving and her advice regarding his father? Honoka's request for Darian to talk to Alissa? Arya's predictions about Darian's anger? Do you think Darian is angry at Kenji? And if so, what do you think it could be?

*I had to post this multiple times because Wattpad was having some problems making this chapter show up and when it did show up, there was notification. I won't be surprised if many of you get your notifications an hour or more after I finally published it (for it to show at least).

* There are three more parts after this and then Part Two will be over. I'll try to post the next part soon. 😊