"Kenji-kun," my mother greeted with a grin as I stood outside her door. "Come in." I stepped inside and discarded of my shoes at the genkan while my mother waved at Honoka, who was reversing out of the driveway.

My mother had called me and asked to talk, in person. It wasn't convenient since Honoka and I were having another get-together with Clay, Alissa and Darian later on that day. My psychiatrist advised me to maintain friendships and relationships, so I was trying to be more social again. I had reasons to decline, beyond my own personal bias, but I couldn't hide from this anymore.

We needed to talk.

Once my shoes were off, my mother smiled at me with a hand on my shoulder. "How—?"

She was cut off by obnoxiously loud barks, which were followed by three annoying dogs running down the stairs.

      Ugh.

These creatures.

The Yorkshire Terrier almost came over to me, but it changed its mind at the last minute.

Good.

I'd been slipping lately with my appearance, but that didn't mean I wanted to smell like a dog.

"Okay, babies," a familiar voice said with a clap of her hands. "Outside. Come on." Caroline came down the stairs, and peeked over at me. "H-hello, Kenji."

She fought to keep her eyes on me, and I didn't miss the hesitance in her voice. I would have been hesitant, too, especially with the fact that the last time I saw her, I told her she was a terrible excuse of a woman and that I hated her.

"Hello, Caroline," I greeted, trying to sound as cordial as possible.

She nodded with a close-lipped smile and followed her dogs out the backdoor.

At the moment, that was the best I could do.

Being cordial.

"Take a seat, Kenji."

My mother led me to the nearest couch, and we sat down, slightly facing each other. I kept my gaze slightly averted because we hadn't spoken in weeks. I didn't even know why I was here in the first place. This was only going to end in disappointment, like always.

Maybe it was me being pessimistic again, but what could I expect from my mother?

She chuckled. "I almost asked you how you're doing, but it's obvious you're not doing so well."

I talked to my psychiatrist, and we discussed different treatment plans. We even settled on the type of antidepressants he was starting me off with. Nothing was guaranteed. Medication was trial and error, so we had to see. I was more frightened by my impending therapy session though.

"Tou-san," I muttered, already knowing he had been keeping my mother informed on my well-being, or lack of.

"And Honoka," she added, and I groaned. "They care about you, you know. Your father and your sister." I almost rolled my eyes. "I care about you, too, and it saddens me that you're not feeling well."

I slit my eyes at her. "Can you call it what it is?"

She tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Depression," I said. "I have depression. You can say it. It's not a bad word."

"Kenji—"

"No, that's our problem." I adjusted myself so I could face her completely. "When there's a problem, you sugarcoat it, or you pretend it doesn't exist. That's what you did the first time I had depression. You pretended I didn't exist because I was the problem. You keep saying 'I'm not feeling well,' as if I have the flu."

Her gaze fell on her lap. "I know, and I'm trying to be better."

"Can you please look at me?" I asked, and she glanced up. "You summoned me here, so we're going to look at each other as we lay it all out there. No more holding anything in and continuing this cycle of resentment and confusion. It's honesty time."

I didn't miss the wet tears in my mother's eyes as she watched me with a sad smile. "This is really hard for me, Kenji." Her voice wavered, and she cleared her throat before continuing. "I hate how we've ended up like this, and I know it's my fault. I just hate how my personal flaws have impacted our relationship. All the characteristics you point out are things I've struggled with my entire life."

"Then why haven't you done anything about it?"

I was being impatient with my mom, but I didn't even care.

"It's hard to change, Kenji," she said. "It's hard to stray from what you know and what you're used to. Most people only change when they only have two options: Change or perish. Figuratively, of course."

Was that why Darian wanted to change?

He had no choice but to change if he wanted to survive?

Wait, did that mean I had to put a gun to my mother's head for her to change?

This was fucking ridiculous.

"I guess you changed somewhat," I said. "You finally had the decency to stop wasting Tou-san's time. That's something."

She sighed. "I don't regret being with your father."

"You wasted his time." It was difficult for me to keep looking at her.

"I did," she agreed, "but I don't regret it because I got a friend and two beautiful children out of it. I'll never regret that."

I thought about it and shrugged in agreement. One thing I admired about the situation was how my parents remained really close friends, despite it all.

Honoka and I existing was definitely a plus, too.

"When I came to America," my mother said, "I had the same mentality that I had in Japan. I was a member of society, and I had a role to play. The most important aspect of society was the family, and it didn't matter that I was a lesbian. I had to play my part and continue the lineage. In Japan, I almost never saw publically gay couples roaming around, and I certainly wasn't going to engage in that behavior myself."

"That's who you are."

"I didn't care back then. I was going to contribute to society," she said, "without standing out of it. So that's what I did. I got the husband and the kids. I did what I thought I had to do as a useful member of society, and your father made it easier because he was such an amazing man. He still is."

        Tou-san was pretty awesome. Many people made jokes about how stereotypical Asian parents acted, but Tou-san was nothing like that. Then again, Tou-san wasn't like most parents in general. He was in his own category.

"He was so open-minded," she said, "so kind, generous and accepting. He was so tolerant of different perspectives, cultures, views, identities and so much more. I'd never met a man like your father until he showed up, and I was instantly drawn to him. Not romantically, but he could do something I desperately wanted to do for myself."

"What's that?"

She smiled. "He accepted me, even when I couldn't accept myself."

"That's Tou-san."

Her words reminded me why I loved my dad so much. He was the foundation of our "family." Even though it was currently broken, the foundation was still there. Holding all the pieces for the moment they would be put back together.

"I was slightly homophobic when I met your father," she confessed.

I made a face. "But you're a lesbian."

"I know," she said with a snicker. "It's easy to hate in others what you hate within yourself."

"How did you overcome that homophobia?"

She was definitely not homophobic now. If she was, she wouldn't have been with Caroline's hippie ass.

"Your father," she answered. "The more time I spent with him, the more open-minded I became, and his acceptance rubbed off on me. He accepted me, flaws and all, so much that I started to accept myself."

"Accept yourself enough for you to come to terms with your sexuality?"

She nodded. "And my happiness."

It still stung. Knowing my father couldn't grant her that happiness. Knowing our family would never be conventional. Knowing my mother would never love my father the way I wanted her to.

I wanted us to be happy—together.

"You know, Kenji," my mother started, staring at me intently, "I believe in multiple soulmates." My brows knitted together in confusion. "I don't think there's just one soulmate out there for everyone."

"What do you believe?"

This was going to be interesting.

"I believe," she said, "that everyone has a set of soulmates that serve their purpose during different time points of our lives. I see a soulmate as a person who impacts your life greatly and enters it to serve some purpose that no one else can." Huh. "When I recently moved to America, I was confused and lost. Then I met your father, and he changed my life. He helped me find clarity and peace within myself, and he opened my mind to so much. Your father was my soulmate at that point in my life."

I grinned, fighting back the sudden heaviness in my eyelids.

I knew my parents were good together. I knew it. Even if it didn't last forever, at that moment, they were.

I wasn't just a kid in denial of his parents' divorce.

"Then Caroline came into the picture," she continued, "and she was a new beginning. Ichiro led me to that point, but Caroline sustained me." My grin was gone, but her words were partially true. "She was me finding the happiness I never imagined. The happiness Ichiro helped me realize I could have. Caroline is my soulmate at this point in my life."

I nodded with my lips curled into my mouth.

My parents were good together, but that wasn't enough.

She had a new soulmate.

"Don't get mad at Honoka, Kenji," my mother said, "but she told me something."

I deadpanned. "What is it?"

Everyone needed to stop running their mouth about my business, but it was my mother, so I would let it slide.

She watched me silently for a couple seconds before saying, "During your last two years of high school, Rosalyn was your soulmate."

I wasn't expecting that, but her words hit home.

It brought back all the thoughts of guilt and shame. Rosalyn was so good to me, and I repaid her with pain.

I wronged my little Latina.

"Rosalyn was your soulmate," she said. "She was there for you when you were abandoned by your friends and me, and she was there when you were grieving. She stood by your side while you were down and stayed while you rose up. She was there for you in a way I bet even Ichiro and Honoka couldn't be there for you. She was your soulmate junior and senior year of high school"

That was Rosie.

She was the rock, the foundation.

I was the scissors, the source that dismantled everything.

"However," my mother went on, "at the moment, Darian is your soulmate."

I jerked my head back. "Darian?!"

When did my goon enter this conversation?

Honoka told her. Hopefully she didn't tell her everything.

My mother didn't need to know about me getting my dick sucked or any of the other debauched things Darian and I did.

She snickered. "Yes, Kenji. Darian is your soulmate. He re-entered your life for a reason. These feelings you're suddenly having must be present for a reason. There's a purpose Darian is going to serve in your life that you may not even be aware of yet. Rosalyn got you to this point, and now, you must allow Darian to sustain you. Allow him to give you the happiness you never knew was possible."

"Darian?" I chuckled. "With the roller-coaster of a relationship we've had?" She nodded. "We've known each other for years. Why would he be my soulmate now?"

"Maybe he's finally ready to be in your life the way he's supposed to."

         This moment reminded me why I loved my mother so much. Whenever we talked in the past, I was always in awe at her wisdom. Wisdom she acquired from her mistakes and her personal struggles. My mother had many flaws, and she wasn't perfect, but that imperfection added to her strength and her knowledge.

When did it all go wrong?

When did her imperfection lead to resentment instead of admiration?

"Sometimes it takes years," my mother said. "Sometimes it takes a wake-up call, but at certain moments, a person becomes ready. Ready to be the person they should have been. The person they're willing to be, even if that wasn't the case for the majority of their life." She scooted closer to me. "I'm sorry, Kenji. I'm sorry I wasn't the mother I should have been, but I'm ready now." I fumbled with my fingers to distract myself from my blurry vision. "I'm ready to be your kaa-san. Depression. Boy problems." Moisture collected in her own eyes. "Anything you're struggling with. I'm staying, and I'm not going anywhere." A tear slid down her face, followed by another. "Not again, musuko."

My own tears fell from her words.

She hadn't called me musuko in years.

Only Tou-san continued to.

"Kaa-san," I said in a barely audible voice. She opened her arms, and I grabbed her in an embrace, not holding the tears in anymore.

I'd been crying more these past couple days than I had in months, but for the first time, I felt relief.

"It's okay, Kenji-kun." She smoothed my hair down. "It'll be okay. We'll be okay." I nodded. "Change or Perish? We won't perish."

I cried a little harder, not even caring because I was in my mother's arms. She never judged me, and I always felt safe.

This moment was no different, and I never realized just how much I missed my mother until now.

Just like I wasn't letting go of Darian, I wasn't letting go of my mother. They caused me the most anxiety, but they also caused me the most joy. This was the beginning of me and Darian, and the beginning of me and my mother.

As my crying quieted down, my hold and body relaxed, and we held each other in a comfortable silence.

I was never letting go of my kaa-san and my ichiban.

I stared at the list taped on my wall. It was usually the first thing I saw every morning.

Darian made sure of that.

I sat with him as he wrote that list, and he took it so seriously. Researching different ways to elevate my mood and different ways he could be supportive.

The more I thought about it, my feelings for Rosalyn and Darian were completely different.

The way I felt about Rosalyn was similar to how I felt about Camila and all my other friends. There was a lot of compassion, but since Rosalyn seemed interested in me, and she was always there for me when I needed her most, I figured my feelings had to be romantic as well.

But I was wrong.

The way I wanted Rosalyn in my life was completely different from how I wanted Darian. I couldn't believe it took me this long to realize it.

Maybe my mother's theory about "soulmates" wasn't so bizarre after all.

The doorbell ringing snapped me out of my reverie, and I ran out of my room to answer the door.

It was Darian!

Clay and Alissa were already here, and once I entered the living room, I spotted them fighting over the chips bowl from the corner of my eye.

"I got it!" I yelled while swinging the door open.

I grinned at Darian, but my face dropped when my eyes landed on Arya standing behind him with a disturbingly calm smile. "Arya?" I asked as they both walked in, and the others' eyes widened as well when they caught a glimpse of her.

I closed the door behind them and moved to join the others. I had intended on kissing Darian, but the sight of Arya made those thoughts vanish.

Alissa and Honoka frowned.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Alissa stood to her feet with her hands on her hips, eyeing Arya, who rolled her eyes.

Darian chuckled nervously. "I brought her." I raised a brow at him, and he sent me an apologetic look. "Well, she asked to come."

Why today?

I was having a surprisingly good day. My depression was tolerable today. I reconciled with my mother. I was thrilled to see Darian.

I didn't need an altercation with Arya ruining that.

"Now, you want to talk to us?" Honoka asked as she rose to stand beside Alissa with her arms crossed. "What happened to you not wanting anything to do with us?"

Arya waved us off. "I'm not here for you guys."

Why the fuck was she here then?

Arya's gaze shifted to Alissa, who furrowed her brows together. "There's something Alissa needs to know."

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* Like mother, like son?

* What do you guys think about Kenji and his mother's talk? Keiko's advise and backstory? Their reconciliation? The whole "soulmates" theory? That last scene? What you think will happen in the next update?

* I hope this update gave more insight into Kenji's family and home life and how much of a transition state this is for him. But of course, one thing gets better and something else goes wrong. Lol 😂

* I'm going on a cruise and I won't be updating until I get back, but it won't be too long. I have to update my other book, too, but I'll update this book as soon as possible. Hope you enjoyed! 😊