I sat with my boys in their apartment, playing Call of Duty. It was much needed since we hadn't hung out in a while.

        It reminded me of the time we played Call of Duty during our "boys night" with Kenji. It felt like ages ago, but I wouldn't change anything.

        Kenji wasn't officially mine yet, but it was only a matter of time.

        Who could resist Darian Ansel?

        I knew for a fact I couldn't resist Kenji Kai.

        "Darian!" Aaron screamed in my face, making me flinch back. "What the hell's wrong with you, man?"

        Both their attention moved to me, and I glared at Aaron as we ended the game. "What the fuck's wrong with you?!" I pushed him back. "Yelling in my face like that."

        The doorbell rang, and Gavin stood up to answer it. "It's here."

        "Why're you so out of it, asshole?" Aaron smacked my arm.

        "I'm here, aren't I?" I defended as Gavin tipped the delivery man before bringing the brown bag over and taking out all the food. "Chinese? Really?"

        Gavin frowned. "Since when do you not like Chinese?" He went to retrieve the drinks.

        "Japanese is where it's at."

        Aaron deadpanned. "Just because you have a one-sided thirst for Kenji, doesn't mean you have to impose that shit on our food options."

        "One-sided?" I was offended. "For your information, it's not one sided at all."

        Gavin slowed his pace as he returned with our drinks. Dr. Pepper for me, of course. "What does that mean?" he asked as he handed us our drinks, and we dug into our meal.

        It wasn't Japanese, but Chinese was good, too.

        I went for the rice first while my boys went for the Mongolian beef.

        "Do you have boy problems with Kenji again?" Gavin asked.

        "Why do you assume it's Kenji?" I said to him. "I told you guys I wanted to move on."

        That plan left the building, but they didn't know that.

        "Please," Aaron scoffed. "You want Kenji's dick."

        "I like him," I corrected.

        He waved me off. "Same thing."

        Of course he would say that. I did want Kenji's dick, but I also wanted his understanding and compassion. I wanted his friendship and trust. I wanted his loyalty and support. Most of all, I wanted his heart and love.

        I sounded like a whipped punk, but I didn't even care anymore.

        "Or are you still messing with that guy?" Gavin went on. "Arya's cousin, right?"

        "Gyan," I said.

        "What do you mean it's not one-sided?" Aaron jumped in. "That's all I care about."

     All these questions.

        I couldn't blame them though. We hadn't talked about me and Kenji ever since our gym visit that resulted in the start of me and Gyan.

        "It's a long story, and I'm not sure you guys want the details."

        "Hey." Aaron placed his food down and reached for one of the Pepsis Gavin brought. "I'm still adjusting to the fact that you're gay, but you're my boy. Plus, how bad could it be? You're not that interesting."

        I resisted the urge to punch him for being an idiot. I was very interesting for his information.

Fuck it.

        If they wanted the details, they were getting it.

        "Kenji and I had a friends with benefits relationship," I blurted out, and Gavin's and Aarons' eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

        "What?!" they yelled simultaneously.

         Aaron started choking on his rice while Gavin drank some of his Pepsi.

        It was not that serious.

        I ate a good mouthful of my food, and I only continued once my boys recovered. "As Kenji and I reconnected, we had been helping each other out with sexual favors." Aaron's mouth stayed open while Gavin's eyes remained wide. "It went on for weeks."

        "When did this start?" Aaron asked.

        I scratched the back of my neck as a blush creeped up my neck. "That night you guys invited Kenji over."

        "What?!" they yelled together.

        "When you guys left us alone, we talked for a while," I said. "Then somehow, things escalated to us watching porn and contemplating Aaron's idea."

       "You've got to be kidding me." Gavin stared in disbelief. "You took that shit seriously?"

        "Ay, that's what I'm talking about," Aaron said, nodding with a proud smile.

        "Long story short, I ended up giving him a blowjob on the couch and rubbing one out in the bathroom afterwards."

        Aaron jumped up. "On the couch, man?!" I nodded, still avoiding his gaze. "Great. We've been sitting on man juices for months now." Gavin shuddered, and I rolled my eyes.

        "Don't worry. I caught it all in my mouth." Their jaws dropped.

        "Damn, my boy is kinky." Aaron pounded my fist in approval, and I shook my head at his stupidity.

       "Wait, so you and Kenji have been physical?" Gavin asked, and I nodded. "Then what was the problem?"

        "I wanted more," I said, and Aaron sat on the table in front of me. We all temporarily forgot about our food. "But he got with Rosalyn."

        "Oh, yeah. I remember that," Gavin said.

       "Project Boyfriend Stealing." Aaron pointed at me in remembrance.

       "It actually worked," I told them, "even though I gave up for a while."

       "He cheated on Rosalyn?" Gavin's eyes expanded.

       I nodded. "Only twice though." I thought about it for a second. "Well, maybe three if you count what happened at the sink."

       "The sink?" Aaron sent me a look.

       "It wasn't that big of a deal." I continued to avoid their gazes. "We just kissed at Shirley Town Center. And I gave him a hand job in front of his sink without letting him come."

        Gavin inhaled sharply as he wiped down his mouth, and Aaron only shook his head. "That's cold," Aaron said. "Girls give guys blue balls. Guys shouldn't give other guys blue balls."

        "Can I finish this goddamn story?!" Irritation was clear in my tone, and Aaron sent me a nasty look.

        "Okay, okay. Grumpy motherfucker," Aaron muttered under his breath.

         "There's more," I said.

        "Of course there is," Aaron said. "More shit has to happen."

       I pretended I didn't even hear him. "So anyway," I continued, "I've also given Kenji a blow job while he gave me a hand job in his apartment bathroom." I didn't think it was possible, but Gavin and Aaron's eyes widened some more. "While I was hanging out with my old group." Their mouths dropped. "Honoka, Clay and Alissa were in Honoka's room while it happened."

        They stared at me, speechless.

         Gavin and Aaron looked at each other before returning their gazes to me. "You two are some adventurous motherfuckers, I'm telling you," Aaron said.

        "What the hell is wrong with you two?" Gavin fake scolded. "Displacing your semen all over different people's apartments."

       "Don't even play," I said. "I bet you've displaced your semen somewhere in Kenji's and Honoka's apartment." He clamped his mouth shut. "Thought so. Plus, now Kenji and I are good. We aren't dating yet, but there's a high possibility."

        I couldn't control the goofy grin on my face every time I thought about Kenji. We'd been spending a lot of time together ever since we talked things through. We weren't official, but I knew eventually we would be. He just needed to be single at the moment, since he and Rosalyn had just broken up. It was the respectful thing to do.

I may not have liked Rosalyn, but at the end of the day, she was still Camila's younger sister.

       "So Kenji is gay?" Gavin asked.

       "Not gay," I said, "but that's all I know."

       I honestly had no clue what Kenji was. Probably "bisexual," but no one knew his sexuality better than him. I wasn't even sure if he knew himself.

        "Damn." Aaron ran his fingers through his hair. "Why am I the one getting the least action right now?"

        In all honesty, Kenji and I hadn't hooked up since the get-together with the others. Our relationship was currently in a transition state, but we were closer than we'd ever been to forming a legitimate relationship. However, the furthest we'd gone was kissing.

       I didn't know if it was his depression sinking his libido.

       Or if he was abstaining for when we actually became a couple.

        I wasn't sure, but my boys didn't have to know.

        Then it sunk in what Aaron said. "Wait, what?" I scratched my head as me and Gavin looked to him at the same time. "What about you and Arya?"

        "She hasn't contacted me in a while, and when I contact her, there's always an excuse why we can't meet up." Aaron shrugged and forced a smile. "I guess she's done with me. Not that I'm surprised."

        "I'm sorry, man." Gavin rubbed his arm in comfort. "I'm sure she has her reasons."

        "Reasons she won't talk to me about," Aaron said. "I know we're not serious, and I know I shouldn't give a damn, but I do for some fucked up reason."

Nooooooooo.

        Aaron liked Arya.

        If there was anyone who understood the anguish of having feelings for an unavailable person, that was me.

        I would never wish that on my boy. Even if he was a dumbass sometimes.

        "Arya isn't that bad you know," Aaron said, mostly focusing on me. "A lot of people think she's a bitch, and a lot of people don't like her, but she's just misunderstood."

        I didn't know why he was telling me. I already knew that. Out of our group, Arya was always liked the least.

        Then high school came, and I took that title, even though I wasn't really a part of the group anymore.

        The point was, people didn't like me and Arya, and all I had to say to that was:

     Fuck them.

        "Why do people feel an urge to push away the people who love them?" Aaron asked.

        "Because no one likes being vulnerable," I said. "Especially around people you love. That exposes you, and sometimes, it's easier to just shut them out. And sometimes, you just want to protect them from the whole situation. You don't want to involve them in your shit."

        Gavin quirked a brow. "Speaking from personal experience?"

        I was. That was exactly why I left my old group for my boys in high school.

        "Arya reminds me of you, Darian," Aaron said, taking me aback.

        "What?"

        "Yeah." Aaron nodded, as if realizing something for the first time. "You're both assholes on the outside, but deep down, you're both softies. Softies that cover up your compassion with this cold, distant exterior."

        "He has a point," Gavin agreed, and so did I.

        Out of the others, Arya and Kenji were the ones I could always talk to about anything. Even if I was in the wrong, Arya always understood my perspective.

        She was always snarky, but she always got me.

        Maybe it was time I started returning the favor.

        It was time I started seeing things from her perspective, too.

        "We are both Scorpios, so maybe that's it," I joked, but Aaron didn't appear amused.

        "You should talk to her, Darian," he said. "If there's anyone who can get through to her, it's you."

        "I've tried," I said. "She isn't budging."

        "Well," Gavin began as he reached for his food, and Aaron and I followed suit, "why don't you try approaching her the way you'll want to be approached." I stuffed my face with some Mongolian beef as I thought it over. "Just be real with her."

        That wasn't a bad idea.

        Camila never gave up on me, and I wasn't giving up on Arya.

        "You know," Gavin started as he rose a brow while watching Aaron, "if Darian and Arya are that alike, that means Aaron is drawn to people with your personality type, Darian."

        "Oooh," I played along. "You mean ass-hats who treat you like shit?"

        "Exactly," Gavin said, and Aaron rolled his eyes.

        "Arya doesn't treat me like shit," he said. "You treat me like shit, Darian, but it's all out of love."

        He made kissy faces, and I pretended to gag. "You wish." I punched his arm, and he laughed.

        "Seriously though," Gavin said while glancing between the two of us, "if Aaron was into guys, he'll totally like you, Darian. You're his type." He winked at me.

        "Stop instigating, fool." Aaron placed his food down and started choking Gavin who started fighting him off.

        "Get off me you idiot."

        I cracked up as my boys pretended to fight, but I was grateful to be with them.

        High school was the lowest point of my life, but at least I had my boys back then.

        Arya didn't have anyone.

       It was time to change that.

"What are you doing here?" Arya crossed her arms with her eyes slit at me.

        "I'm coming in." I walked into the house without her permission, and she watched me with round eyes as I removed my shoes in the foyer.

        "What the hell?" she yelled once I stood upright. "Don't you understand that I don't want you in my life? Why are you embarrassing yourself and wasting your time by being here?"

        Was that supposed to hurt my feelings?

        I'd heard worse and said worse to people.

        "I'm not going anywhere Arya," I said. "I don't care if you cuss me out or start hitting me. I'm staying, and we're going to talk."

        "You're unbelievable." She stared at me, with a look of disbelief before scoffing. "I need a drink."

        She walked passed me, and I was right behind her. She wasn't getting rid of me. I didn't care if I had to be a pain in the ass, I wasn't budging for once. We entered the kitchen, and Arya grabbed a glass and pulled out a bottle of liquor from one of the bottom cupboards.

        "Arya..." I couldn't even think of what I wanted to say as she poured herself a glass. "Jameson whiskey? Since when do you drink liquor."

        "None of your business." She gulped all of it down in a couple seconds, making my mouth drop.

        "That's not going to make you feel better," I said as she set the glass down. "Alcohol and avoiding your problems doesn't make them go away. It only gives them time to grow."

        "Oh yeah?" She poured herself more. "You should be the last person lecturing me right now."

        "No." I grabbed the glass and slid it away from her grasp, and she glared at me. "I'm the best person to lecture you because I've been there. I also know pulling away from the ones you love only makes things worse."

        She ran her hands down her face. "Darian, why are you doing this?"

       "I'm doing this because I don't want you to make the same mistakes I made."

        "Why do you care?!" she yelled.

        "I care because right now you don't see it," I said. "You think what you're doing is protecting you. You think it's safe and right, but it's not. Pushing away the ones who love you will never make things better. Drinking away your sorrows only temporarily numbs the pain, but it never gets rid of it. Right now, you think you want to be alone, and you maybe even think you need to be alone, but once that loneliness sets in, you'll realize you're wrong. And I'm not going to wait for you to ruin relationships forever before that realization sinks in."

        "Why do you care?" she said in a smaller voice as her eyes moistened. "If my own father doesn't give a damn, if my own stepmother doesn't give two shits, why should you? Every time I let a person in, they die or they disappoint me. I'm sick of people hurting me, and I don't care anymore."

       "You do care," I said. "It doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself you don't, you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be hurting this much."

        "You have your own shit to deal with, Darian." She paused for a second as the tears pooled in her eyes. "You don't want to deal with me, too."

        "It's okay," I said. "We can both help each other out with our shit. I'm not leaving you, and I have your back. I abandoned you before, but I'm not abandoning you now."

        A single tear fell down, and she reached over for the glass of alcohol but I pushed it even further away. She watched me with tired eyes. "Darian."

        "Sometimes," I said, "it's best to just feel the pain instead of numbing it. Because that's the only way you'll heal."

        "Fuck that," Arya murmured, brushing a hand through her hair. "I don't wanna feel shit."

        "And there's your problem," I said. "My problem, too, but I'm working on it."

        "When I said I was more fucked up, Darian, I wasn't joking." Arya stared into my eyes with her green ones. "And me being fucked up goes way beyond what Aarav does to me. You're better off without me. Everyone is."

        She didn't say "did." She used present tense.

No.

        It was happening again.

        Son of a bitch.

        I took a step toward her. "We're not better off without you, and me and you will be fucked up together." Arya curled her lips into her mouth once they started trembling. "Eventually, we'll become un-fucked up together, too. Don't invite loneliness into your life. There are other ways to protect yourself."

        I opened my arms.

        Arya wasn't a touchy person, but from that look on her face, she needed it.

        I moved closer and pulled her to me and encased my arms around her. Arya hesitated, but she eventually wrapped her arms around me, too. "Now, isn't a hug better than Jameson whiskey?"

        She chuckled, but I didn't miss the sniffles with it or the tears coating the fabric of my wife beater.

        With Kenji's situation and now Arya's, I knew what was to come wasn't going to be smooth sailing, but like I told Kenji, I wasn't scared.

        I was tired of running, and I was ready to feel.

        Even if there was pain ahead.

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* What do you guys think of the goons little talk? The link between Darian and Arya? That last scene? Do you think Darian is in over his head (with depression and sexual abuse being in the picture)?

* I'm excited for the next couple updates. I just want to finish the second part of this story soon, so I'm gonna try updating more frequently again. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

* I told myself if I wrote and posted this part, I'll reward myself with some beer and tres leches cake. That's exactly what I'm about to do, and I hope you enjoyed the update. 😄