"Have you checked up on your boyfriend recently?" Gyan asked while standing beside me with his hand on the counter.

The last customer had just walked out of the gas station. 

I continued organizing the almost neat register. "He's not my boyfriend."

Kenji wasn't talking to me. It didn't matter how many times I called or texted, he either didn't answer or he didn't reply.

I didn't get. He wanted me to leave him alone a couple weeks ago, and now he was angry that I moved on?

The guy confused me.

Gyan watched me with his lips quirking up at the corners. "But you want him to be your boyfriend."

"Doesn't matter," I muttered while slamming the register shut.

"Whoa." Gyan raised both hands up. "Don't take your boy-drama out on inanimate objects."

His hands came down, and we stared at each other, but his smile got to me, and my expression relaxed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," he said, "but I am curious about what the story is between you two." I sighed. "What is he? An ex-boyfriend? A friends-with-benefits that got a bit too attached? A friend's boyfriend? What is it? I got caught in the crossfire. The least you can do is tell me what I got in the middle of." He crossed his arms and waited for me to elaborate.

Kenji and I were none of those things. At the same time, I didn't know what we were. I was certain of our past, but I wasn't so sure about our present and our future.

"Kenji and I were best friends," I said.

"Cliché much?" Gyan laughed. "I was expecting something scandalous."

"Shut up." I looked away with a shake of my head.

This wasn't some movie.

My life wasn't a source of entertainment for people to indulge in.

"What else?" Gyan said. "There has to be more to this than 'best friends gone wrong.'"

"He was my best friend," I went on, "but we had a falling out in high school, and things continued to get worse for us as the years went on. We only started reconnecting a couple months ago, but that didn't last long." I glared down at the counter. "Shit had to hit the fan when I stupidly suggested we become friends with benefits."

"Is that your thing?" Gyan pointed at me. "Casual hookups?" He grinned, but I didn't put much thought into his question. "I guess we have a man-slut on our hands." He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "You're lucky I like man-sluts. They're always more fun."

I pushed him away. "I'm gonna pretend you didn't just call me a 'man-slut.'"

He chuckled. "Relax." The both of us faced the front with our hands on the counter. "We're all sluts, with the right person and the right moment."

"I don't care," I said, "because Kenji and I had fun while it lasted."

The sexual favors were great, but the one-on-one moments we had were just as thrilling, if not more so. Sucking Kenji's dick was fun and all, but I would have preferred to just talk to him and be in his presence.

A lot of guys could suck my dick.

But only one guy could brighten my day by the mere thought of him.

"So what went wrong?" Gyan asked.

"Everything," I answered. "He got back together with his ex-girlfriend, and he cheated on her a couple times."

Gyan's eyes went wide. "Please tell me it was with you." I glanced down. "Nice!" He cupped a hand on my shoulder and shook me in approval. "Better you than some other dude."

I didn't even want to envision some other punk touching Kenji. Just knowing Rosalyn touched him made my stomach churn. I wasn't pursuing Kenji anymore, but that didn't mean I was suddenly fond of his little girlfriend.

"It doesn't matter," I said. "She won, and I lost." I forced out a chuckle. "The side hoes never become the main squeeze anyway."

"Wow." Gyan scratched his head as he released a heavy breath. "Man-slut. Side hoe. You've got quite a track record, Darian."

"Fuck you." I flipped him off, even though I couldn't hold back my smile. "What can I say? I like sex. I'm good with sex, too. Emotions and relationships? That's what I'm not so sure about, and Kenji deserves better than that."

He deserved someone who would be there for him, without a doubt.

I wanted to be that person, but I had let him down so many times already that I couldn't trust myself to not do it again.

I didn't want to hurt and disappoint Kenji anymore.

Gyan studied me. "From what I see, Darian, you don't seem to be lacking in the emotions area." My brows furrowed together. "The few minutes I saw you two together, there was definitely emotion there."

"I like him," I admitted. "I've liked him since sixth grade."

Gyan whistled. "That's some long-ass crush."

I wrinkled my nose. "It's not a crush."

"Crush" made it sound trivial, juvenile and playful.

Crushes didn't last this long.

"Whatever it is," Gyan said, "it obviously has you distraught. We haven't been having as much fun lately."

"I know."

I cut back on our hookup sessions because it didn't feel right. I knew I wanted to move on from Kenji, but he shouldn't have found out the way he did. If I would have been in his shoes, I probably would have decked Gyan in the face.

Questions would have been asked later.

"You have yourself in quite a dilemma," Gyan said. "Kenji seeing me with you can either help your case or butcher it." I rose a brow. "He'll either want nothing to do with you, or he'll realize how much you mean to him."

"Jealousy," I said. "It's about how jealous he is. That's what you're trying to say, right?"

Kenji was jealous, even though he refused to admit.

"Guys don't get jealous, Darian," Gyan said. "We get possessive. When we feel threatened, we fight for what's ours, so I have a question for you." There was a mischievous glint in his eye. "Are you going to make Kenji possessive of you?"

"I..." I didn't know.

"Figure that out while I go for a smoke," Gyan said, and he moved past me.

He was halfway to the door when I shouted, "Gyan!" He stopped and peeked back at me. "Why are you giving me advice on Kenji?"

"We fool around, Darian," he said, "but you're not my boyfriend, and I have no claim to you. Plus..." He smirked while giving me a once-over. "I don't want to claim a 'man slut' and a 'side hoe.'" He winked.

"Oooooo," I said while slowly moving my head side to side.

He got me.

Gyan chuckled as he continued heading out, but the door chimed before he could open it.

"Yaar," a voice I grew to hate said. "What's up?"

"I definitely need a smoke," Gyan muttered as the two of us stared at the big-eared boy before us.

Gyan walked past Aarav, who laughed as he watched his cousin go. Then his focus moved to me, and I stood up straight.

It took everything in me to not jump over the counter and beat the shit out of the ass-wipe.

Don't get fired. Don't get fired. Don't get fired. 

I needed this job. My bills couldn't pay themselves. Daddy's resources wouldn't do the trick anymore.

Don't get fired, Darian.

Aarav approached me, his eyes scanning over me as if I was a piece of filth beneath his shoe. My hatred for the guy grew with each day.

Arya was still avoiding me, even though I had upped my tactics from only calling and texting to going to her house a couple times a week. Every time I went, either Tejal or Mr. Gupta answered the door, and they always said Arya was "out."

I knew that was code for:

She doesn't want to see your ass.

I wanted to see Arya, but she was steering clear of me, and I didn't want to see Aarav, but he was approaching me.

What the fuck was life?

Aarav stopped in front of the register with a smile. "Hello, Darian." I didn't reply. "How are you doing?"

Like he gave a fuck. Aarav and I weren't cool like that.

"Fine." I glanced around the gas station. For the first time, I was glad it was empty. "Until you showed up, at least." I stared him in the eye as I said it.

I couldn't do it. I refused to play nice. Hell no.

"Okay, enough with the bullshit." Aarav glared at me, and he leaned in, further testing my self-control. "I know you saw me and Arya, and I know she told you about what's going on between us." He smirked, making my blood boil. "What can I say? She likes it but is in terrible denial."

I balled my hands into fists, taking in a deep breath to calm myself down. You can't lose this job, Darian. You can't lose this job.

Was there a dark alley I could lure Aarav into?

Shit. It wasn't even dark.

Aarav maintained his smug look. "All I can say is, it'll be in your best interest to keep your mouth shut and mind your damn business. Pretend you didn't see anything and don't get involved."

"You're disgusting," I sneered. "After all the shit your father put your mother through, I'll think you'll be the last person to do this to someone else."

A hard look crossed Aarav's face. "Gyan told you."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Like father, like son."

"I'm not my father," he snarled. "You can't compare all the shit my mother went through to what's going on now."

"You sure about that?"

"You know nothing!" He slammed a hand on the counter, but I wasn't fazed. He wasn't going to intimidate me. "At least, I don't beat the shit out of Arya. At least I don't fuck her until she bleeds. At least I don't isolate her from everything that gives her autonomy." He kept his voice quiet. "I'm nothing like that man."

"You're getting there," I said.

His nostrils flared. "The day my father almost choked my mother to death was the day I became a man."

I snorted. "Some man you turned out to be."

He ignored me. "As he squeezed her throat and as she gasped for air, I only watched. I called for help, but while they were coming, I should have done something. But I didn't." He stared past me with his lips in a thin line. "I was weak, and I felt helpless. That was the moment I decided I never wanted to feel that way again." He moved his gaze to mine. "That was the day I decided to stop being the victim."

"So you became the assailant instead."

He smiled. "I was my father's downfall. The little boy he brought into the world ended up being his undoing." He grinned even harder. "Isn't that ironic? Even with every scar, every burn and every torture he inflicted upon me, none of it mattered in the end." My gaze flickered between the scar tissue splitting his right eyebrow and the burned skin near his left elbow. "At the end of the day, I put him behind bars. I got the last laugh, and his legacy ends with him."

"Is that why you dropped your last name?" I asked.

"I have no affiliation to that man." He stood back with his hands in his pockets, and I frowned at the motion. "I have no allegiance to anyone. That's why I'm Aarav Gaurav. Not Aarav Patil. Not even Aarav Gupta. Just Aarav."

I clapped my hands slowly. "Inspiring." My tone reeked of sarcasm.

"We all have secrets, Darian," he said. "I bet you have a few skeletons hidden in your closet, too. Ones not even your family knows about." My frown wavered, and his smirk returned. "You have your own dirt, so don't go around judging me for mine." I didn't respond, but my expression hardened. "Who I fuck every night doesn't concern you, even if it is my stepsister." He pushed himself back using the counter. "Now, have a wonderful life, and stay the hell out of ours."

He sent me one last smug smirk before turning around and walking off.

The chime of the door confirmed he was gone, but the rage flowed through me. I clenched my fists tighter, resisting the urge to punch something or someone while other customers walked in. I had to use everything in me to smile and serve them as if I wasn't on the brink of losing my cool.

I hated to admit it, but Aarav had a point.

I had my own secrets.

They weren't as fucked up as his, but they existed. Secrets I kept from my family.

I was comfortable being gay, but that didn't mean I was ready to come out to everyone. It took a lot for Camila to get me to come out to her.

I was pushing all of my old friends away and spending all of my time with Gavin and Aaron. The others allowed me to drift away, but Camila wouldn't. She was persistent, like she always was. She never stopped contacting me, and she continued to confront and question me on my behavior.

It pissed me off then, but I was grateful she didn't give up on me. 

One day, it all came to a head at Shirley Town Center. She was pestering me and I walked away, but she kept following me and interrogating me. She kept asking me why I was being so weird and distant. Asking me why I was treating them like the enemy. Asking me why I was so angry.

No one else was around, but I felt like a hundred voices were screaming at me, and I snapped. I yelled out that I was gay. Camila was silent for a couple seconds, and I repeated myself before breaking down into tears.

I cried that day—a lot—because it was the first time I uttered those words.

I poured my heart out to Camila and told her everything. About my homosexuality. About my feelings for Kenji. About all the built-up emotions running through me, and how the only way to release those emotions was through the activities I partook in with Gavin and Aaron. About my desire to pull away from everything familiar, and my need to find new territory.

For the first time, I held nothing back.

That was the first time I shared that part of myself with someone I cared about, and it was liberating. After that day, Camila and I maintained our friendship, even though my ties with the others was damaged.

At the moment, she was the only person who knew, and she supported me as much as she could. She was the one I could confide in, and coming out to her made us closer in a way. Because of that and various other reasons, I would never regret having had Camila Alvarez as a friend.

I smiled at the memory of her. I would always love that girl for being my friend and for helping me gain the courage to be myself.

Coming out to Gavin and Aaron lifted the weight some more, and telling Kenji helped as well.

It got easier with each person.

However, there were three, important people left in the dark, and my conversation with Aarav gave me the push to fix that.

After my shift at work, I pulled into the driveway of my old house.

My heart pounded faster than the speed I usually drove, and it worsened as I approached the house and rang the doorbell. I didn't even attempt to rehearse what I was going to say because I knew it was futile. I had to improvise.

As soon as my mother opened the door, I smiled. "H-hey, M-mom."

She crossed her arms, stunned. "I thought you said you'll never step a foot into this house?"

"Is Dad home?" I asked, ignoring her comment. My mother shook her head. "Good," I said, and I walked in. "I have to talk to you and the girls." She closed the door and watched me while I glanced around the house.

The house that was so big but felt so small.

Before I knew it, Eva and River were running down the stairs towards me. "Darian!" they squealed as they threw themselves into my arms.

I pulled my sisters into a group hug. "Goldie. Riv. How're my girls?"

I ruffled their hair, and Eva leered at me while River grinned.

"Great," Eva replied as she ran her fingers through her blonde locks, "even without you, stranger." I tousled her hair some more, and she smacked my arm. "Hey!" She pouted with a smile.

River snickered. "We miss you, Dari."

"I miss you guys, too."

I couldn't wait for my sisters to move out. That way, we could see each other more often.

"You wanted to talk?" my mother jumped in, still possessing her firm expression.

She thought I didn't call and visit enough, so I deserved this cold treatment.

"About what?" Eva looked between my mother and me.

"Let's sit down." I led the way into the spacious living room, and my face got warmer and my palms got sweatier with each step, but I had to do this.

I had to get this off of my chest.

Once we were all seat, I rested my elbows on my knees, needing the extra support.

"What's this about, Darian?" My mother broke the silence while my sisters sent each other confused looks.

"I have to talk to you three about something important." I had all of their attention now. "Something I've kept hidden from you for a long time now."

"What is it?" Eva urged me, and I sighed.

My eyes shifted between their three expectant gazes, and despite the tightness in my throat, I stared my mother and sisters in the eyes and said, "I'm gay."

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* What do you guys think about Darian and Gyan's talk about Danji? Aarav showing up? That ending? What do you guys think will happen next? Even I don't know (JK!).

* I'm SO SORRY for the long wait guys, but this was hell week for me! I promise to make up for it this fall break. I'm feeling more motivated and livelier than I've felt in months, so I'm definitely taking advantage of that.

* Also, I can't believe it. Loving a Goon has reached 50k! I still find it surreal how much love and support this book is getting and to know people actually read and enjoy something I create is an indescribable feeling. Thank you guys so much! 😊

* Just to be kind and to give you guys a hint (some anticipation), expect Danji in the next part! 😊