"Musuko," Tou-san picked up on the second ring, "I haven't heard from you in weeks."

        I rolled my eyes. "Don't be dramatic, Tou-san. It's only been five days."

        That was still a lot since we usually spoke at least once each day.

        He was quiet for a second. "What's that edge I hear to your voice? First you disrespect your mother. Now you want to disrespect me? I don't think so."

        "Tou-san—"

        "No," he cut me off, "you listen and you listen good. It's always been so difficult for you to make the best out of this situation we're in. For you to forgive your mother and accept Caroline, but there's one thing you're forgetting. Caroline makes your mother happy, and there's nothing wrong with her finally seeking happiness."

        "Even when it screws you over in the end?"

        He took a couple seconds to respond. "We all screw someone over at one point or another."

        "Hai," I said, "but most of us don't do it repeatedly. She has."

        She and Darian both.

        "She made mistakes," Tou-san said. "It makes her human. Even mothers are human, Kenji."

Mother.

        "I don't know if she deserves that title."

        "Kenji, that's enough!" my father barked. "The way you treat your kaa-san isn't fair. You rant about her wronging you, and you refuse to forgive her. Forgiveness isn't for her, Kenji. It's for you."

         "I can't," I muttered. "Forgiving her would let her back into my life, and I can't afford that."

        "You can't afford a relationship with your mother?" he asked in bewilderment.

        "Iie," I answered. "It would give her another opportunity to screw me over again. And again. And again. When it comes to mom, I don't trust her. I don't know what she would do next, and most of all, I don't know if she'll stick around."

        Just like Darian.

        It was ironic and sickening how much those two had in common.

        The whole situation with my mother stressed me out and brought out the worst in me, and I was done feeling all those terrible emotions and constantly associating them with my mother. For now, I was done with her.

        "How would you know if you don't give her the chance?"

        "This isn't the right time!" I yelled, but quickly got a hold of myself. This was my father I was talking to. I could disrespect anyone, but not my father. "Gomen, Tou-san."

        "Kenji..." His voice came out small. "What's up with you?"

       "Nanimo."

       I didn't feel like talking about this.

       "You've been pretty worked up lately," Tou-san noted, "and you're lashing out at your parents, your sister, and even your friends from what I've heard from Honoka."

       Of course she had to run her mouth.

       "Hearing all of this is troubling," he continued, "because it's reminding me of someone I never wanted to see again."

        I knew what he meant, but that Kenji was gone. I wasn't that boy anymore. At least, I didn't want to be.

        "Don't worry about it."

       "Is that your new phrase now?" he asked. "Telling us not to worry? Well guess what, Kenji? I'm your father. It's my job to worry. I especially worry about you."

       "Because I'm the weak child?" I bit out.

        "No," he said, "you're not weak, Kenji."

        I used to tell myself I wasn't. Now, the delusion was over.

        My number one phrase was "life happened," and there was no better way to describe the way I felt now. Life was happening, and it was leaving me behind. It was crushing me under its weight and each day felt like a losing battle.

       The feeling wasn't foreign, but I wished it was.

        "I don't want to talk about Mom anymore."

        "Okay," Tou-san said, "let's talk about school then." I almost groaned. "First semester of college just ended, and that must have been exciting."

        It wasn't. I didn't flunk out, but I definitely didn't perform like I expected to. I could neither concentrate nor think clearly by the end of the semester, which did noticeable damage to my grades. Even the realization that we were off for break didn't make the blow to my ego any lighter.

        "I don't want to talk about school either," I mumbled.

        "What happened?"

        "I don't want to talk about it."

       We were silent. I needed to end the call soon because for once, talking to Tou-san wasn't making anything better. There was something I had to do anyway.

        "Fine," he gave up. "What about Rosie?" I actually groaned. "Musuko. If there's anyone you wouldn't mind talking about, it's Rosalyn."

        But life happened.

        Or should I have said Darian Ansel happened?

        Rosalyn was the last person I wanted to talk about, especially with what I was about to do. I thought about it for days, and I had finally come to a conclusion.

        "Speaking of Rosalyn," I said, "I have to go."

        "Chotto matte," he said, stopping me. "What's going on?"

        "Too much has been going on lately," I said, "and it's time I uncomplicate things. It's time I do someone a favor. Jaa mata, Tou-san."

        "Kenji—"

        I had already hung up and hopped to my feet. I scrambled around for my Jordans, my phone and my wallet before making my way out the door. As I trudged to the bus stop, my heart pounded in my chest for what was to come.

"Hey," I muttered with my hands shoved into my pockets as I glanced down at Rosalyn. I bit my lip as she watched me with a blank stare.

        "Hey," she replied curtly. Rosalyn left the door ajar and turned around to resume whatever it was she occupied herself with.

        I took that as my cue and stepped into the Alvarez house, enjoying the familiar scent of buñuelos as I removed my shoes.

        I loved this place. It always felt safe and relaxed, and it was home to two girls who had left an imprint on my life.

        But now, the smell of buñuelos didn't bring comfort—only shame.

        I kept my head down as I made my way into the bottom living room, only to find Rosalyn sitting on the couch with her face buried into her phone. I watched her silently for a few minutes as the familiar ache retuned to my head.

       Recently, I had been suffering from persistent headaches. I didn't know if it was my guilt manifesting physically or if it was all in my head. In all honesty, it didn't matter. I was still an asshole who didn't deserve the beautiful girl in front of me.

        "Are you just going to stand there, Kenji?" She didn't look up at me. "Because if you are, you're wasting both of our times."

        I deserved that. We hadn't spoken or seen each other since our last fight, but I was tired of being afraid. In the next couple of days, I was going to face everything that put fear in me.

        Rosalyn.

        Darian.

       Even driving, for a second time.

       "Kenji, I don't have time for this." Rosalyn's gaze finally came up. "Why are you here?"

        "Rosie." I made my way over and sat beside her. She crossed her arms with her lips pursed while I shifted my torso to face her. "Listen, I know I've been weird lately."

        "You have," she said with her expression crumbling. "You made me feel so special on my birthday. Made me feel like I was worth something. Made me feel on top of the world. Then a couple days later, you disappear? Then we see each other again and get into a heated argument, and you disappear again? What is this? Are you trying to be a magician or something, Kenji?"

        Normally, we both would have laughed at that, no matter how tense the situation was. But lately, Rosie and I weren't "normal." We were off, and I wasn't so sure we could ever come back from this.

        I looked away. "I know."

       "What's going on?" She grabbed my face for me to look at her, but I couldn't. I couldn't look into her eyes after what I'd done. "Why are you acting like this?"

        "I'm a terrible person, Rosie."

        "No, you're not."

        "Yes, I am." I finally found her stare, and I held it as confusion edged hers. "I'm a sick son of a bitch who you're too kind to."

        "Ken," she muttered, "why would you say that? You deserve every kindness you get."

        I shook my head. "I don't."

        "You do," she said. "I don't know where this is coming from."

        The familiar sting returned to my eyes, but I wasn't going to cry. For the first time in months, I was going to be strong. Strong enough to not be selfish.

        "We need to break up."

        Rosalyn blinked with her head jerking back at my words. "What?" She released me and stood up, and I followed her.

        I took a step forward. "We can't keep doing this to each other."

        "I know things have been weird, but that doesn't mean we should break up."

        "We should," I said, and her lips parted with her eyes widening. "Things haven't been working out for a while now, and it's time we accepted that."

       "I shouldn't have broken up with you the first time," she said while grabbing onto my hands. "It was a mistake, Ken. I shouldn't have given up on us so easily, and I shouldn't have given you the opportunity to think it's okay to just give up on us, too. Don't give up on us like I did, Kenji."

        "Rosie—" She pressed a finger to my lips.

        "We'll get through this." She cracked a smile as her finger came down. "We've gotten through worse. Every relationship has its rough patches, but we'll survive it. We always do."

        "It's not about you, Rosalyn," I said. "It's about—"

        "Don't you dare say 'it's about me,'" she jumped in. "You can do better than a fucking cliché."

        "It's true though." I removed my hands from her grasps. "Every shortcoming and flaw in this relationship has come from me." Rosalyn crossed her arms and watched me with her lips pursed. "Most of the hardships in our relationship junior and senior year was a result of my condition and my personal beefs. You broke up with me the first time because I was being a shitty boyfriend and ditching you for the same friends that ditched me. Then we got back together, and I had to ruin everything because I can't stop being selfish."

        She perked a brow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

        I gulped. "I can't keep stringing you along. I need to figure things out."

        "I can help you figure them out." She took a step towards me but I backed away, making her halt with a look of hurt on her face. "Ken, what is going on with you?"

        "You can't help me with this, Rosie," I said. "You've always been my rock, but I was never yours. You give and give and I take and take, and it's not healthy. I'm like a parasite to you."

        "You're not."

        "I am," I said. "You can't afford for me to take anymore, especially when you have your own shit to deal with."

        She frowned. "Is this because of the things I've been telling you?"

        "It's not normal for a person to hate them self this much, Rosalyn," I confessed. "You need help with that."

        She watched me with her eyes narrowing in scrutiny. "With the way you've been acting lately, Kenji, you seem to hate yourself, too."

         Maybe I did, but it didn't change the fact that this had to end.

        "If I do, you definitely don't need that kind of negative energy around you," I said. "We're starting to feed off of each other in the worst way possible."

        "Whatever is going on with you, Kenji, let me in. I've proven myself worthy." Her voice grew louder and desperate. "Don't cut me out."

        I wasn't "cutting her out."

        I was setting her free.

        "It's not about me anymore," I told her. "This whole relationship has always been centered around me. You've always been my rock. You've always supported me, and done everything you could to be my best friend and my best girlfriend, but I haven't done shit for you."

        "I need you, Kenji." She grabbed my hands again with a pleading look.

        I squeezed them both. "No you don't," I said. "You think you do, but you're better off without me. When we broke up the first time, you said you were holding me back, but you weren't. I've always been the one holding you back, Rosalyn."

        "You're the best thing in my life," she blurted out. "You're it, Ken. You make every shitty situation a little better. Knowing you love me, makes me want to love myself, too."

        "Your love for yourself shouldn't depend on me!" I yelled. "It shouldn't depend on anyone. Rosalyn, you need to figure out the root of this inferiority complex, and I need to figure some stuff out, too. We can't stay stuck in this vicious cycle of self-hatred, denial and co-dependence."

        I couldn't live in mediocrity anymore. The comfort wasn't enough.

        "Everything was fine before." She let go of my hands. "What changed?"

        "Nothing changed," I replied. "I see things clearly now."

        Rosalyn was an attractive girl who was kind, intelligent and loyal. She was the perfect girlfriend.

        But not for me.

        I loved Rosalyn, but I wasted two years of her life, and I refused to waste another day.

        I was ending the cycle.

        "I'm sorry, Rosie." I stared into her eyes as I caressed her cheeks. "You've been amazing to me, and the least I can do is watch out for you now. I can't keep doing this to you."

         I wasn't a cheater. At least, I didn't want to be.

        Rosalyn snickered with no ounce of joy. "It's funny how when your friends left your life, I entered it, and now that they're back, I'm leaving it."

        My heart sank into my stomach. "I don't want to leave your life. I still love you."

        "It's not enough," she said while removing my hand from her cheek. "If this is really ending, I need time to heal, and you'll be delusional to think we can be best buds after breaking up. We can't—at least not initially."

        "I know."

        This was exactly what I wanted to avoid, but I only made it more inevitable.

        I couldn't confess about cheating on her with Darian, now or anytime soon. She would never forgive me and any chance we could have had at being friends again would be futile.

        She didn't need to know about it. Not yet. I would give her time to heal before dropping that bomb on her.

        I couldn't lose my little Latina.

        Rosalyn forced out a chuckle. "How did we get so fucked up, Kenji?" We stared at each other. "Things were perfect before. It felt perfect, so how could it all spiral out of control in a matter of a couple weeks?"

        "I don't know, Rosie."

        That was the thing about losing control and falling apart. It happened so rapidly that no one could prepare for it.

        "You'll always be my little Latina," I said with a smile, "and I'll always love you. No one can ever change that." Her expression softened, and I snaked my arms around her waist and pulled her close. "My love for you is what gives me the strength to do this."

        We rested our foreheads together with our eyes closed. "I love you, boy," she muttered, and we both opened our eyes to meet each other's gaze.

        I smiled. "I love you, girl."

        She bit her lip as the tears welled up, and I hated that look on her face.

        That was the moment I knew this never should have started in the first place. She was only supposed to be my friend, and if I had kept her as such, maybe I wouldn't have had to break her heart now.

        "Goodbye kiss?" she whispered while asking for permission with her eyes.

        I pressed my lips together, not knowing what to say. She wasn't making this any easier. Then again, this whole predicament wasn't easy.

        A final kiss was the least I could do for her.

        "Goodbye kiss," I said, and we closed the distance between us.

        As soon as our lips touched, Rosalyn grasped a firm hold of my hair and pressed her body against mine. Our lips moved aggressively as I pulled her close and our teeth clanked, our noses bumped and our tongues fought.

        Everything we'd endured together. Every laugh we'd shared. Every cry we'd comforted, and every moment we'd spent together all came pouring out with that kiss.

        The passion wasn't there like it was with Darian.

        But the love and anguish was.

        She held onto me and kissed me as if it was the last time she would see me. I wanted to believe it wasn't, but I wasn't too sure about anything anymore.

        When we parted, we panted with our foreheads resting against each other's. Her eyes lifted up to mine, and she sent me a small smile. "Goodbye, Kenji."

        A heaviness spread throughout my chest, but I managed to say, "Goodbye, Rosalyn."

        I pulled away and took a couple steps back as we continued to watch each other.

        "Goodbye for now," she added, and I nodded.

        I turned around to leave, and gentle footsteps followed me. I put on my shoes and made sure I had all my things, and then we faced each other with her holding the door and me standing outside.

        "So this is it?" she asked with the moisture returning to her eyes.

        "Yeah," I said with a gulp. "I guess it is." She bobbed her head slowly. "You really are special, Rosalyn, and you deserve to know and accept that. You also deserve a guy who can give you everything you deserve and more."

        "You don't think you're that guy?" She leaned her head against the door, and I shook my head.

        "I'm not," I said. "It just sucks that it took me this long to realize it."

        "Do you regret it?" she asked while standing upright. "Do you regret us and what we had?"

        "No," I answered without a doubt. "I don't regret us."

        I regretted the way I went about my and Rosalyn's relationship, but I didn't regret our friendship.

        "Let's keep it that way." She smiled, and it reached her eyes.

        The tension eased out of my body.

        She was going to cry later that night, and many more nights to come. I was certain of it because I knew I would, too. However, I didn't want that to be my last image of Rosalyn. I wanted that smile to be what I envisioned whenever I thought about her.

        "We'll try, Rosie," I said while backing away. "We'll try." I turned around and began to walk away.

        "Be safe on the bus." I continued walking as she spoke. "And don't let anyone hurt you. If I can't be there for you, at least find someone who can. You deserve that, too, Kenji."

        I glanced back at her with a grin. "I hear you, Rosie." I sent her a two-finger salute and she waved in farewell.

        That was Rosalyn.

        Always my rock.

        Too bad I was never hers.

        I stole one last glimpse of the Alvarez house. A house that was almost a second home to me. A house that raised two wonderful girls who impacted my life in two distinct but incredible ways. A house I unfortunately had to say goodbye to.

        I had no more ties to that house.

        I stared ahead as I kept walking with my hands sneaking into my pockets. I had cut the string with Rosalyn, and even though I felt like an even bigger asshole, I was relieved. Relieved that I didn't have to keep hurting her anymore.

        We all screw someone over at one point or another.

        Tou-san's words rang through my head all the way to the bus stop.

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* What do you guys think about Kenji's and Tou-san's talk? How he's been acting lately? Kenji and Rosalyn breaking up? What do you think Kenji is going to do next?

* This chapter is dedicated to @AllALie56, because she's always calling me out for "messing with the ship" and "Danji." Thank you for giving this book a chance and supporting it. Who knew my ridiculous comments would lead to me having an awesome reader? Thanks for everything. 😊

* Sorry for slacking with the updates lately. I was really sick these past couple days, and I've been in a rut these past couple months. It's like I'm in a tug-a-war with myself. One side is where writing one chapter seems so daunting, even with the fact that writing is one of the few things I still find some pleasure in, and the other side is where I can't NOT write because of my love for it. It's getting harder, but the latter always wins, and I plan on keeping it that way. Hope you guys enjoyed this first part. 😊

* Song is "Too Close" by Alex Clare. Describes the state of Kenji's and Rosalyn's relationship pretty spot-on.