"Hey, jackass!" Aaron waved a hand in my face while I did bench presses at the gym. "Did you hear me?"

        "Yo!" I rested the barbell into the slot and leered up at the boy standing above me. "You're supposed to be spotting me, not distracting me, doofus."

        I resumed my bench press while he playfully glared at me.

        I had been working out a lot lately, so when my boys called me for a trip to the gym, I was more than down for it. It had been a while since we had all gone as a group anyway.

        I needed this after what Kenji told me. I couldn't believe he dealt with depression for four years, and I didn't even know. I didn't notice something being off about him, and I didn't catch all the warning signs. I knew we stopped being friends, and we were even enemies for a while, but I shouldn't have been so oblivious.

        I should have been better than that because my and Kenji's relationship was better than that.

        At least, that was what I used to think.

        Now, I wasn't so sure.

        What if he had killed himself?

        What if I had lost him forever?

        What if I had to live with that regret for the rest of my life?

        All these thoughts raced through my head, and they all put a sick feeling in my stomach. I was disgusted with myself. Kenji was in so much pain and anguish, and I didn't relieve it.

        I made it worse.

        Some ichiban I was.

        "More weights," I demanded, and Gavin halted his movements from the bench across from me.

        "Darian, you already have 300 pounds," he said before resuming to lift his dumbbells. "Take it easy."

        "No," I snarled while laying back. "More weights, Aaron."

        My boy winced. "If you say so."

        He added more weights onto the barbell, and I released a deep breath before going for it. My arms and whole body burned, but it was a good burn.

        "What were you saying?" I clenched my teeth at the added effort required to continue at the same pace.

        "I was telling you that Reid wanted me to apologize to you," he informed me.

        "Why?" Most of my focus remained on the task at hand.

        "He wanted to apologize for shushing you that time and making you witness our familial feud."

        "Oh..." I had forgotten about that. "Wait." I rested for a bit before continuing. "You guys talk again?"

        Aaron hoovered over me. "I called him and apologized for being such a sucky brother."

        Just like I was a sucky friend and would probably be a sucky boyfriend, too.

        Maybe Aaron was right.

        Maybe I wasn't boyfriend material.

        "We talked and cleared the air," he said, "and now, it's as if it never happened. I've yet to talk to my parents, but it's only a matter of time before I do."

        "That's good." I was genuinely happy for him, but even the good news didn't make me feel any better. I pushed myself harder.

        "I knew you guys would work it out." Gavin returned the dumbbells to their racks and reached for his water bottle. "Life is so much easier when your family is around."

        "It is," Aaron said. "Just talking to Reid again makes me feel a little less lonely."

        Gavin brought the bottle down from his lips. "Already tired of us?"

        "Nah," Aaron said, "I just need my big bro. I've decided that I need to face my family, so instead of wallowing in self-doubt and self-pity, I'm going to try being the man they'll be proud of. The man I want to be."

        Was this really Aaron speaking?

        "Good for you, man." I was done for now, and I sat up with a pant.

        The adrenaline was a high that kept me going.

        "I'm glad things are looking up for us," Gavin said. "My parents and I are good. Aaron and Reid are good again. My training is going well. Darian has a job and hasn't lost said job yet." I showed him the middle finger, and he chuckled. "We're doing good." He nodded in pride.

        "You're really optimistic today," Aaron pointed out, and I couldn't help but agree.

        There was a permanent smile on his face. He was more energetic today and more hopeful for the future these past few days. Something was up.

        "Things are going great for me and Honoka," he said, and Aaron and I grinned.

        "Meaning?" Aaron egged on while approaching our friend.

        Gavin looked away with his smile intact. "We took that next step in our relationship."

        "She finally put out?" My eyes went round, and Gavin didn't respond.

        That was all the confirmation we needed.

        "Ay!" Aaron pounded his fist and pulled him into a side hug. "About time."

        I didn't like Aaron's choice of words because it made Honoka seem like some conquest. She wasn't a conquest. She was my friend, but I was relieved that it was Gavin instead of some other punk. At least, I knew where my boy's head was at. He also knew that if he hurt her, he would have to go through me, so it worked out perfectly.

        "You guys are idiots." Gavin shook his head at us. "Sex isn't everything."

        Aaron stared at him in disbelief, and I cracked up at his expression.

        "Yeah, sex is great and all," Gavin said, "but I'm more honored by the fact that she trusts me with something so special. She trusts me enough to take that step with me. That's why I'm so happy. She trusts me."

        Aaron wrinkled his face, but for the first time, I didn't disapprove of Gavin's mushy words.

Trust.

        Having someone's trust was special. I used to be hurt that Kenji didn't trust me, but now, I didn't blame him. Why should he trust me when I hadn't given him any reasons to?

        I lost Kenji's trust the day I walked out on him.

        And I wasn't sure if I deserved a second chance to regain it.

        "She was a virgin?" Aaron asked, and Gavin nodded. "Even better."

        Of course she was. Honoka was so demure in high school, that I doubted she had any experience with guys before Gavin.

        "Is that why you started your thing with Arya?" Gavin teased Aaron. "You wanted her virginity?"

        "She wasn't a virgin," he said.

         No. Aarav took that.

        I balled up my fists.

        Arya was still avoiding my calls. I gave her more than enough time, but this was getting ridiculous. I didn't feel good about her sudden absence, and I needed to talk to her. Maybe I could pay the Guptas a visit. I could confront Arya and practice my punching on a human "volunteer" by the name of Aarav Gaurav. That sounded tempting.

        Son of a bitch.

        "It doesn't matter," I said. "Virgin. Not a virgin. Who gives a fuck?"

         I walked over to grab my water bottle that was beside Gavin's, and I drank it all down. I didn't realize how fatigued and thirsty I was until that moment. I was so immersed in my workout.

        That was what I loved about it.

        I could block everything out and focus on that one task because once it was over, my troubles came flooding back to me, like they were now.

        "But how are things with you and Arya?" Gavin tossed Aaron his bottle, and he caught it with one hand.

        "Same old, same old. We're still pretty casual." He narrowed his eyes, almost sounding surprised.

        Why was he acting like it should be any different by now? Arya wasn't going to date him. I hoped he knew this.

        "But she's been so weird lately," he added, and my interest was piqued. "Usually, we chill at our place." He motioned to himself and Gavin. "We talk. Maybe eat and watch some TV. Then we get down and dirty." He grinned with an overly-sexual body roll.

        Gavin and I looked away because we could never un-see what we just saw.

        "Your point?!" Gavin yelled, and Aaron stopped his dance and got a grip.

        "Anyway," he started over, "we do our thing, and we may have some pillow talk afterwards. But lately..." His grin died down. "She's been more distant. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore—before or after sex. She just hits me up, comes over, gets fucked, then leaves." He frowned. "I know we're not serious, but I still like talking to her."

        I could have sworn there was a hint of red on his cheeks.

        Then again, he had been doing barbell rows before spotting me, so I was going to assume that was the culprit of the blood rushing to his face.

        "I feel as if she's not mentally with me anymore," he said. "Something's off with her."

        I froze with my bottle in my mouth. Okay, something wasn't right. I definitely had to see her—soon. After what Arya told me about Aarav, I needed to protect her, and her shift in mood being apparent enough for Aaron to notice was bad news.

        "I guess I am just a dick to her," he said. "Who cares about the guy attached to it, right?" He forced out a chuckle.

        I hoped Aaron wasn't starting to actually like Arya.

        "Arya is an enigma," I jumped in. "I was friends with the girl for seven years, and even I don't understand her sometimes. I doubt you, her fuck buddy, will." I patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it too much."

        That was my job.

        Aaron slit his eyes at me, but I brushed him off.

        That was harsh on my part, but he needed to get it together.

        He couldn't go around potentially having feelings for Arya because he would only get hurt. I doubted she was in the right state of mind to date anyone at the moment.

        I walked to the water fountain to refill my bottle, but that uneasiness persisted. Hearing this from Aaron was unsettling because Arya was already closed off as it was.

        Sometimes, it felt as if it didn't matter how tight you were with the girl, she always kept you at an arm's length.

        After I refilled my bottle, I nearly bumped into someone in my attempt to leave.

        "Whoa!" I lifted my hands up. "Sorry."

        "Is this why you got fired from your last job?" the guy said. "You ran into your boss?"

        I frowned at the guy, but my features relaxed once I saw who it was.

        Gyan.

        We ran into each other at the gym frequently, but today was the first time that almost happened literally.

        "Gyan. Hey," I greeted. " What's up?"

        "I'm good. Just thirsty." He flashed me his bottle and peeked past me. "May I?" He pointed at the water fountain and I realized I was blocking it.

        "Y-yeah, yeah, yeah." I hurried out of the way, and my neck felt hot all of a sudden. "Sorry about that."

        He chuckled as he filled his bottle, and I watched him.

        Sweat matted his hair to his forehead, and his skin was layered in sweat, but it looked kind of sexy on his bronzed skin. He wore a muscle tee, and I couldn't help but sneak a peek at his biceps.

Not bad.

        Gyan was a really attractive guy.

        That was all I could think about when I was around him.

        How attractive he was.

        Once he was done, he capped his bottle and faced me. I quickly looked up, hoping he didn't catch me checking him out.

        "Why do you look so nervous?" he asked while stepping closer.

        "Nothing." I averted my gaze. "Just tired. Finished a round of bench presses."

        He bobbed his head. "Nice. Can't get these muscles without some work, right?" He grabbed my arm to get a feel, and my breath hitched momentarily as he massaged my muscles. "You're doing a good job maintaining these bad boys." He grinned at me, and his eyes had an extra gleam.

        I couldn't speak, so I was relieved once he let go of my arm.

       "So, listen." He cupped both hands around his bottle. "We should hang out tomorrow or something. Your place. My place. Doesn't matter."

        I pretended to hesitate. "Is that allowed? I mean, you are my manager. Is it cool for us to hang out outside of work?"

        Gyan and I exchanged numbers my second day working at the gas station, and we had been texting since. We started communicating even more recently. We mostly talked about stuff like music, sports, and working out. I was right all along.

        Gyan was a cool guy.

        But I needed this job, and I couldn't risk getting fired for the fourth time.

        "Well, you are my favorite," he said.

        My façade wavered slightly at his confession, but I recovered. "Y-yeah?" He nodded. "Should you be telling me that? Does this"—I motioned between us—"follow the rules?"

        "I have a feeling you're not much of a rules-follower, Darian." He took another step forward, and I resisted the urge to take one back.

        My heart beat wasn't calming down like it normally did after a workout ended. "I'm not," I said as we held eye contact.

        "Good," he replied. "Then we can continue this." His voice lowered. "Whatever 'this' is."

        We continued to stare at each other—me in astonishment as Gyan stifled his smirk.

        Fuck it.

         Screw the rules.

        "Tomorrow it is then," I said with a nod, and he bobbed his head in approval.

        "I knew you couldn't resist," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow then." He patted my arm as he passed me. "At your place. After your shift." I nodded, having difficulties speaking. Gyan's gaze was still locked on me as he walked backwards. "You're lucky I'm not much of a rules-follower either, Darian." He winked and sent me a two-finger salute before turning around to walk away.

        My gay-dar was on high alert for Gyan.

        The things he did. The things he said. It was all so suspicious, but at the same time, maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I was seeing what I wanted to see.

        I didn't know with that guy.

        I didn't care. I was going to enjoy whatever this was.

       When I returned to my boys, they stared at me as if I had gone through some monstrous metamorphosis.

        I stopped in front of them. "What?" I shoved my bottle into my gym bag.

        "What was that?" Gavin spoke up, and I sent him a confused look. "That guy you were talking to. Or should I say flirting with? At least, that's what it looked like from here."

        "And what if we were?" I played along.

        "What about Kenji?" he said while standing. He and Aaron grabbed their things as well, and we walked out of the weights room. "I thought you were trying to pursue him. Snatch him out of his girlfriend's grasp?"

        "Not anymore," I said as we headed for the gym exit.

        "Project Boyfriend-Stealing is over?" Aaron asked.

        "Sure is."

        "Just like that?" Gavin added.

        "Yup." We passed through the double set of doors into the packed parking lot.

        It never should have even begun. I was done disrespecting Kenji's right to choose, and I was done disrespecting his relationship as a whole. It was time I stopped being selfish and stopped only thinking about myself.

        I needed to think about Kenji for once.

        "Since when do you give up, Darian?" Gavin refused to let it go.

        "I thought you were against this?" I made sure to remind him. "Weren't you the one informing me of the evils of stealing someone else's partner?"

        "Yeah," he said, "but you're crazy about him." My jaw tensed as a familiar, long-haired boy came to mind. "I can't imagine you with anyone else, and I doubt you can either. It's strange for you to just give up."

        "It's not about me giving up." I could still picture his smile and brown eyes. "It's about me moving on." I walked faster in an attempt to push him out of my mind, and my boys stayed in pace with me. 

        Moving on.

        What a daunting idea, but it was time I accepted it.

        "You're hiding something." Gavin eyed me with an unconvinced look. "Something happened between you two."

        "Forget about it!" I hollered. "Kenji has a girlfriend. He's not even gay." He liked me. That doesn't matter anymore, I reminded myself. "Just drop it, would you?"

        Aaron's jaw dropped with a puppy-dog look. "What about Danji?"

        I spun around and glared at him. "Danji isn't real!" I yelled, and the two stopped and stared at me as my eyes flickered between them. "It was never a thing, and for Kenji's sake, it never should be. It's time I stopped stealing and start earning. I didn't earn this one."

        My stomach dropped at my own words because it pained me to say it, but it was true. I didn't earn Kenji—not through my words or my actions. Rosalyn did.

        She was who Kenji needed.

        Not me.

        I turned around and walked to my car, leaving my boys speechless behind me.

        "But Danji!" Aaron shouted, and I didn't even respond.

        There was no Danji.

        There was only Kenji and Darian.

        For once, that wasn't good enough.

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* What do you guys think about Darian's guilt? His desire to move on? This Gyan guy? Arya and her situation? What do you think is in store for Danji now?

* This part was shorter than I expected, but it was a good place to stop. The upcoming scene doesn't match the vibe of this part, so I'm ending it here.

* Also, I want to thank all those who have voted so far for Loving a Goon in the Rose Awards. It's currently second place for Best LGBT+, and I'm so grateful! If you haven't voted yet, and you want to, there's still time because voting ends September 15th. Thank you all for continuing to support this book. 😊