It was the day of the get-together, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

        Darian was going to be there, and I didn't want to face him. It didn't help that he continued to text me about driving, even though I always brushed off the topic. I knew his heart was in the right place, but still. I didn't want to think about it.

        I didn't want to think about a lot of things.

        My phone rang, and I checked out the caller I.D.

        My mother.

        Fuck.

        We'd barely spoken since that disastrous dinner, and I honestly preferred it that way. The few times we did speak, she didn't hold back on telling me how much she didn't approve of my behavior that night, especially since I "hurt Caroline's feelings."

        Like I gave a fuck.

        However, she'd been calling me a lot lately, so I decided to pick up. "Moshi moshi," I greeted.

        "Moshi moshi, Kenji-kun," she said. "It feels like forever since we've spoken."

         That was on purpose.

        "Hai," I said instead.

        She waited for more, but I didn't give it to her. "Genki desu ka?"

        "Genki desu."

        Silence.

        She waited, probably wanting me to elaborate.

        I didn't.

        My mother sighed. "Kenji, I'm tired of this."

        "What are you talking about?" I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I didn't feel like talking at all.

        "This!" she said. "We're so formal with each other. We only have small talk. We never just talk. I want us to be able to talk again because you're my son, and we shouldn't act like strangers."

        "We might as well be strangers."

        My mother didn't know me, and I didn't know her either. Not anymore.

        "That's the problem," she said.

        "It's finally sinking in, isn't it?" I said. "You're finally realizing how messed up our relationship is." She didn't say anything. "Well, guess what, Mom? After you left Tou-san for Caroline, it's always been messed up. Not because you lied to all of us for thirteen years. Not because you led my father on and broke his heart. Not because I looked up to you and idolized you only for you to completely destroy that image I had for you. It's not because of any of those reasons."

        "What is it then?"

        It took me a couple seconds to respond. "We're messed up, Mom, because you left us."

         "Kenji—"

        "No," I cut in. "Let me elaborate. You wanted us to talk, right? So let's talk." I rested my elbows on my knee and leaned forward. "You didn't just divorce, Tou-san. No, you divorced us, too." Her breath hitched. "You didn't only end your marriage of thirteen years. You also freed yourself of the responsibilities of being a mother. At least, that's what it felt like." Just thinking about it made me shake my head. "For five years, it felt like Honoka and I didn't have a mother."

        She stayed silent.

        Because she knew it was true.

        All along, I always told myself I was pissed at her leaving Tou-san, but no. I was pissed at her leaving us. Her leaving me.

        I was the one person who admired her most. Tou-san and I were always close, but back then, my mother had a special place in my heart. In elementary school, Clay and Darian used to mock me for being a momma's boy, but I didn't care. 

        In third grade near Thanksgiving time, we were encouraged in class to write a letter to one person we were extremely grateful for. Hands down, I chose my mother.

        She meant the world to me, and it sucked that the feeling wasn't mutual.

        Her dogs meant more to her than I did.

        "Kenji, I'm so sorry," she barely let out.

        "That's it?" I said. "Sorry? That's all I get. A sorry. You were pretty much M.I.A. for five years. Five years, Mom, and all I get is a 'sorry?!'"

        "I know," she said. "I know, I know."

        "Do you?" I asked. "Those five years, we barely heard from you. We saw you even less since you decided to move to a new state with Caroline. Two of my birthdays during those five years, you didn't even call. You missed my and Honoka's middle school graduation. Honoka had to have her period talk with Tou-san, and they had to discuss other feminine issues. Can you believe that?" I chuckled without joy. "He had to step up and be both the mom and the dad since you couldn't be there. Those are just a few of the things you weren't there for."

        "I know."

        "Stop saying you know, Mom, because you don't know." I struggled to keep my voice leveled. "You don't know what we went through. You don't know how hard those five years were, but now, I've accepted that Caroline is the most important person in your life. Not Tou-san. Not Honoka. Certainly not me."

        "Don't say that," she pleaded. "I know I've messed up a lot."

        I snorted. "That's an understatement."

        "I know."

        I groaned. I was so sick of her saying "she knew." She didn't know shit.

        "I would have forgiven you," I said. "I would have gotten over what you did to Tou-san. We were all so blindsided by it, and it was overwhelming for an eleven-year-old boy to find out that his mother was a lesbian and that his parents' marriage was a lie all along. It was a lot to take in, but I would have gotten past it. As long as you were there. As long as you reminded me that your love for me wasn't all a lie, too. As long as you continued being the wonderful woman I knew and loved. But you didn't."

        My grip tightened on my phone. "You weren't there because you up and left. You didn't reassure me that your love for me was real. If anything, your absence made me feel like Tou-san. Deceived and abandoned. So I'm sorry that I'm not over what you did. I'm sorry we're only capable of having small talk now. I'm sorry we don't have a relationship anymore. I'm sorry we've ended up like this, but it's no one's fault but yours. I hope your get-away with Caroline was worth it."

        My mother hurt me even more than Darian did, and he did a lot of shit to me. Darian was unpredictable, but at least there was potential for change in Darian. My mother was stuck in her old ways. She made the same mistakes repeatedly and always screwed over the same people—Tou-san, Honoka and I.

        Darian had potential to not hurt me, but my mother was guaranteed to eventually.

        No one was going to hurt me again. Not my mother and not Darian.

        "I'm trying to be better," she said.

        "Where are the actions to prove it though?"

        "Kenji, gomen," she groaned. "I know I've made a lot of mistakes, and I know I don't go about certain situations the right way, but I'm trying."

        "You had your chance junior year," I reminded her. "Junior year was the toughest time of my life. One of my best friends had recently died. My other friends either bailed out on me or turned against me. I was trying to recover from the accident, and most of all, my mental health was deteriorating—rapidly."

        I didn't like thinking about that aspect of junior year. I hated the fact that I got to that point, and I hated how Rosalyn and Tou-san had to suffer with me.

        "You decided you wanted to be back in our lives again junior year," I continued. "You moved near Shirley Heights with Caroline. You called and visited more. Honoka and I were ecstatic. I was still hurt, but I was willing to get past it as long as you were. Then my mental health started going downhill."

        I pressed my lips together as the memories flooded back. This was why I didn't like thinking about it.

        "I wasn't there for you," she admitted in a small voice.

        "You did more than that," I said. "You avoided me. You claimed you wanted to be back in our lives, but I guess that excluded me."

        "I didn't mean to make you feel that wa—"

        "You put all of your time and effort in reconnecting with Honoka," I said while sitting upright, "and you kept me at an arms-length. You treated me like some freak and Honoka like a goddess because she was the normal child. Am I right?"

        "Kenji," she started, "what you went through, I didn't know how to help you. Growing up, I was never around people like that."

        "People like that?" I ran my fingers through my hair. Wow.

        "People who were mentally ill, I mean," she corrected. "We stayed away from them. It wasn't right, but that was what we did. Even in the U.S., I didn't really interact with them."

        My mother spent the first twenty-two years of her life in Japan before moving to the U.S. I knew the world she grew up in was different from the one I did, but I was her son. That was all the reason she needed to make an exception for me. To step out of her comfort zone for me.

        But she didn't.

        "I'm sorry for that, and I once again didn't handle the situation right," she said. "I didn't know what to do, Kenji. I didn't know how to be of help. I'm not experienced with matters like that. I didn't know, and I went about it the wrong way. Instead of avoiding the problem, which I tend to do, I should have faced it. I should have been a mother—your mother—and I'm sorry. I'm working on my shortcomings now, but it's a process. I couldn't be there for you then, but I can be here for you now."

        "I'm better now," I said. "I'm fine, and I got my life together. I'm a new and improved Kenji."

        I didn't feel good, but I didn't feel bad either, and that was enough.

        "I'm glad."

        "But that's not enough," I said. "If you can't be around me at my worst, you don't deserve to be in my life at my best."

        "Kenji," she let out slowly.

        "Me being your son and you being my mother, those are only titles. They hold no meaning to you, and they no longer hold meaning to me."

        "I'm trying to change." Her voice cracked as she sounded to be on the verge of tears. "I'm trying to get better so I can be in your life again, Kenji."

        "You always say you will," I said, "but your actions never follow through, so I'm done giving you chance after chance. I'm done being made a fool by my own mother. The relationship we had before is over, and maybe it's better this way." Her breathing grew heavier, and she sniffled. "All you do is hurt me when you're supposed to be the one person who loves me most." A cry finally escaped her lips, but she quickly composed herself. "Right now, you need to focus on yourself. Once you get to a good place, then we can see what we'll do because unless you fix this, we'll be stuck in a ruthless cycle."

        "Kenji, gomenasai," she whimpered. "I'm getting better."

        "I know," I said. "Continue to get better, and hopefully one day, it'll be enough for you to actually be ready to be a mother."

        "Kenji..."

        "Genki de."

        I hung up with a sick feeling in my stomach.

       That was the thing with my mother and the whole Caroline situation. I always felt like shit. Once Caroline entered the picture, I always felt negative emotions around my mother, and it pained me because I used to admire that woman.

        Right now, she needed to work on herself before we could work on us.

A couple hours later, I stood in the living room as Honoka escorted Clay and Alissa in. They removed their shoes at the entranced and approached me. I couldn't even force a smile because my conversation with my mother was fresh on my mind.

        I was still happy to see them, but I was also slightly disappointed because they weren't Darian.

        "Kenji!" Clay gave me dap. "What's up, man?"

        "Nothing much." I shrugged, and I hugged Alissa.

        "You good, Kenji?" she asked as she watching me with her chin up. "You look off."

        "Don't worry about it."

        She perked a brow, not buying it.

        "Can you give me a hand getting the snacks out, 'Lis?" Honoka asked from the kitchen, and Alissa made her way over to her.

        Clay stood in front of me. "Alissa and I saw Darian's car nearby, so he should be here soon."

        "Oh, yeah?" A wave of relief went through me.

        "Uh-huh," Clay said right as the doorbell rang.

        "Got it!" Clay beat me to it and answered the door. "What's up, what's up?"

        Behind the door was a calm Darian whose features hardened as soon as he spotted Clay. "Clay..."

        "Hey, man."

        Darian made his way into the apartment, and Clay closed the door.

        Darian's eyes gravitated to mine. As we held eye contact, I stood back with my hands in my pockets, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible, even though my heart pounded in my chest.

        This was the first time we were hanging out since his confession.

        I wasn't ready.

       "Shoes," Clay reminded as he walked past Darian, who glowered at him.

        "Did I say I wasn't gonna remove my shoes?" he snapped back, and I sent him a weird look.

        What was wrong with him? There was always this tension between the two of them, more on Darian's end, and it was kind of weird.

        "Shoes," I said to see if he would defy me. A small smirk tugged at his lips as he watched me, and I stared right back—waiting. "Shoes, Darian," I repeated.

        After a few more seconds, he bent down to remove his shoes, and he placed them beside Clay's and Alissa's. As soon as he stood up, Honoka and Alissa came out of the kitchen.

        "Darian!" they shouted before taking turns to pull him into a hug.

         Clay stood beside me as he munched on some Lay's. "Would you look at that."

        I was looking. I bit my lip as my eyes took in the way that shirt hugged his abdomen and arms, defining his muscles. The way his stubble that had been gone for a while returned. The way his eyes appeared greener than usual, and the way his lips looked extra pink.

        I was looking, alright.

        What the fuck was wrong with me?

        If there was anyone I was supposed to be thinking about, it was Rosalyn.

        Soft. Warm. Feminine.

RosieRosieRosie.

        "He wants to hang out with us again on his own free will," Clay said as we watched Darian for two very different reasons. "I wonder why the sudden change." Darian's gaze returned to mine, and I blinked in surprise but stared right back. "Oh, well." Clay shrugged before returning to the kitchen.

         Honoka and Alissa followed behind him, leaving Darian and I alone in the living room. After a couple more seconds, I turned my back towards him because I didn't want to look at him anymore.

RosieRosieRosie.

        Soft. Warm. Feminine.

        Clay, Honoka and Alissa's backs were facing me as they hoovered over the dining room table, talking and munching on snacks.

        Darian's strong presence could be felt before he moved into my line of vision. I refused to glance his way as we stood side by side in the living room, facing the kitchen.

        "You're later than Clay—again," I pointed out.

        "I know," he said, and I grimaced. It reminded me of my mother, which deflated my mood further. "I need to step it up."

        "Sure." I didn't look at him.

         He leaned in. "You look good." His warm breath on my face ran chills down my spine. "But why do I have a feeling you don't feel so good?" He pulled away to examine me, his smugness replaced with concern. "What's up? You don't seem like yourself."

        I shrugged.

       "Kenji," he said and I focused on him. "What did I say?" I was silent. "What did I say in the car that day?"

        I freed my hands from my pockets and raked them through my hair. "You said you'll rather have me feel good than look good."

        "And I meant it," he said. "So we can't have you feeling bad, now can we?" I chewed on my lip and refused to speak up. "I need to fix this then." He placed an arm on my shoulder, and the tension eased out of the area. "By the end of tonight, I'm going to make it a personal goal to make you feel good. What that entails....? You'll have to find out." He patted my arm and walked off.

        "Are you really gonna leave me hanging?" I shouted, catching the others' attention.

        My lips pulled at the corners.

       "You're smiling already." He walked backwards to face me as he spoke. "We're already halfway there, Kenji." He winked before turning around to make his way to the others.

        Gosh, this boy was annoying and confusing.

        But my smile turned into a grin, and I made my way into the kitchen to join my friends and sister.

        Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.

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* I hope this part gives more clarity to Kenji and his mother's relationship? What do you guys think of their situation? What about this night? What do you think is gonna happen?

* The last few parts have had little to no Danji moments so the next three parts definitely make up for that. What that entails...? You'll have to find out. 😉

* This part is dedicated to @AshleyJackson890 because I appreciate her support of this book, so this one goes out to her. Thank you for being awesome! 😊

* Also, last thing. I've been very indecisive about the cover for this book, but I think this will be the permanent one. It looks better to me, personally, and it matches the feel of the book. Hopefully it stays this way because I'm tired of changing it. lol 😝