I hopped into Darian's GMC and closed the door behind me, catching a glimpse of Rosalyn waving at me. It put a smile on my face.

        Before I could even put my seatbelt on, Darian took off, making me fall back in the seat. I watched him as he gripped the steering wheel with his eyes locked on the road.

        He saw me and Rosalyn kissing.

        Guilt crept up again, so I put my seat belt in place before this fool killed us both. It was a neighborhood for fuck's sake. He couldn't be driving like we were in The Fast and the Furious.

When we left the neighborhood, his speed diminished, and I relaxed.

        "Thanks for picking me up," I kick-started the conversation.

        "No problem." He didn't look at me. "You really should start driving again though. It'll be more convenient for you than hustling for rides."

        "I'm good." I tugged on my seatbelt.

        "I can teach you," Darian said, glancing at me. "Every Wednesday. Me and you can go driving. It'll be a great way to keep contact, and you can finally get over this fear."

        "I'm not afraid," I muttered, not even believing myself.

        "If you're not afraid than say 'yes.'" His eyes challenged me.

        "Darian." I didn't want to do this.

        "Kenji," he mimicked with a smirk on the corner of his lips.

        Why did we always do that?

        We stared at each other until a car honked its horn.

        "Shit!" Darian shouted as he swerved the car to the side, preventing us from entering the other lane.

        I snickered. "Nice. You're offering to give me driving lessons, but you almost get us killed. You're the epitome of the 'safest' driver, aren't you, Darian?"

        "Shut up," he grumbled, hiding his smile. "Maybe instead of criticizing my driving skills you should be considering my damn offer."

        "No thanks." I sounded nonchalant, but my heart was hammering in my chest at the thought of driving again.

        I wasn't ready to get behind the wheel again.

        "Don't be a pussy," Darian said with his eyes forward.

        "I'm not a pussy," I said with my arms crossed.

        "Then prove it."

        He wanted to play like that? "You need to prove your driving skills," I said, "instead of this teenager on crack shit you're trying to pass off."

        "You think you're cute." He reached for my cheek, but I dodged him and slapped his arm away.

        "I know I'm cute," I corrected, and we both laughed.

        We were so stupid when we were together.

        "Oh, Kenji," Darian said as his gaze alternated between me and the road. I licked my lips as it dawned on me that I left my Chapstick home, too. "I can't deny that, kid," he agreed as his eyes lingered on my mouth.

        I shifted in my seat as he continued to stare at me. I thought he would be slicker than that. "Darian," I said, "my eyes are up here." I motioned to them, and his gaze returned to the road. I chuckled at my own words. "Never thought I would have to say that."

        "I know your eyes are up there," Darian said, still watching the road. "As beautiful as they are, your lips are what I care about." I stared at him, stunned. "Especially after that kiss."

        I was enjoying not discussing the obvious, but I guess it was time.

        "Do you hear yourself right now?"

Did he not realize how gay that sounded?

        "Come on, Kenji," he said. "Cut the bullshit. There's no way you haven't thought about that kiss. My lips against yours. Our limbs entwining. Our bodies pressed together as our heavy breaths mixed."

        I leaned back. "What the fuck are you? An erotic writer?"

        Darian chuckled. "So I turn you on?" I gaped at him.

        "Have you been sucking too much cock because you're way too cocky right now." He laughed harder. "I have a girlfriend, Darian," I said. "A girlfriend I love and care about." He snorted, earning a glare from me. "Kissing you again would be cheating. I already cheated once. I don't plan on doing it again." My arm resided on the opened window sill

        "You're already a cheater," he reminded, which brought forth that wave of guilt again. "You might as well milk it out." His gaze met mine with mischief behind his. "Or I can do it for you."

        I deadpanned, not missing the double meaning behind his words. "Not interested."

        "If you're not interest, then why did you always moan like a bitch in heat every time I touched you?" His condescending and arrogant tone pissed me off. "Why did you let me touch you all those times anyway? Why did you enjoy it so much that I bet you can't even fuck her the same again?"

        Who was this?

        "I have a girlfriend." I projected my voice despite the wind muffling it. "Why can't you understand that? Why can't you respect our relationship? That kiss can't happen again. Nothing else can happen."

        "No," Darian said, and I frowned. "You have one of two options, Kenji. Break up with Rosalyn now and only be a one-time cheater, or keep her around and be a continuous cheater. All I know is that kiss will happen again. Kisses with me are like chips." He lowered his voice. "You can't have just one." I shook my head in disbelief. "Now, you can choose to enjoy those chips publicly and luxuriously with your conscious clear, or you can enjoy them like a little rat—sneaking off and on high alert to indulge and feeling like shit the whole time. Your choice." He shrugged.

        He made a right turn, being so casual while I resisted the urge to punch him in the face. He was being an ass right now.

        "You're so confident about this," I said with a scoff, "as if you're so irresistible that I won't be able to control my dick."

        "This isn't about you controlling your dick. It's about you not being able to control your feelings."

        My breath stuck in my throat temporarily. "What's that supposed to mean?"

        "You want me," Darian said as he drove in a roundabout.

        I wasn't sure if it was the roundabout causing my head to spin or what he had just said. "Repeat that again."

        "You want me," he repeated, peeking my way any chance he got as we left the roundabout. "Not my dick or my sexual prowess—me." We stopped at a red light, and I wasn't even able to defend myself due to the pure shock my mind and body was in. "You can't even deny it right now because even your subconscious knows I'm right. You want me, and that kiss is testimony of that." He moved closer to me, leaving an inch of space between us. "That kiss was you finally allowing yourself to indulge." His breath warmed my face, and my own halted at his close proximity. "Doesn't it feel good to indulge?"

His eyes bored through mine as he didn't spare me with distance. I only swallowed as a response while we maintained eye contact.

        The light turned green, and he resumed his original position to drive with the flow of traffic. I didn't know what to feel. I was relieved because I could breath again but disappointed because I liked him being close.

        Despite what my body said, a tide of emotions went through me. Shock. Anger. Hurt. Confusion. Most of all—defeat.

        His lack of respect for my relationship, for my feelings, for my right to choose rubbed me the wrong way.

        He wasn't acting like the Darian I had defended to Rosalyn.

        He was behaving like the Darian she warned me about.

        "You're a dick," I said with a level of calmness that surprised both of us. "After we made up, I never thought I would say that again but here I am. You never fail to surprise me, Darian—for the better and for the worst. I never know what to expect from you, and I don't like that."

        "You don't know what to expect from me because I'm a person, Kenji," he said. "People aren't cardboard boxes shaped into different forms. We have layers, and you pay attention to mine." He slowed the car down. "You observe my layers because you want to. Because I intrigue you. I keep you on edge, yet I'm familiar. I'm far enough to explore but close enough to know." He looked my way. "And you like that, no matter how much you tell yourself you don't."

        I did. I liked a lot of things about Darian, but I wasn't going to give in that easily.

        "I'm not some sad punk who's going to fall into your black widow trap." The more I spoke, the more my body turned his way. "I'm stronger-minded than that."

         "Black widow?" Darian chuckled. "Trust me, Kenji. When I fuck you, I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to fuck you again. And again. And again. And you're going to scream for more." My breath hitched at his words.

        Jesus.

        I couldn't breath and my whole body felt hot.

        I couldn't even focus on the fact that friends didn't say that to each other.

I couldn't even focus on how gay that sounded.

        When I found my voice, I said, "That kiss was momentary weakness on my part." My voice shook, still trying to recover from his prior words. "It was a one-time thing that can never happen again. I have a girlfriend, and I'm not a cheater."

        We entered Shirley Heights University's campus, and I directed him where to go. "Sometimes the impulsive things we do are what we really want but have deprived ourselves of," he said.

        There was no getting through to this guy. Where did this sudden desire for me come from?

        "I don't know why it's so hard for you to forget about that kiss, Darian." We approached the Economics building. "Why would you want to kiss me anyway? You could kiss any girl you want. What makes me so special?" He didn't respond, and I tilted my head to the side. "You're not gay, are you?"

        Darian stomped on the brakes in front of my class's building, and I jerked forward, nearly banging my head on the dashboard. He killed the engine, and I turned to him with my eyes wide.

        "Have you lost your mind?!" I shouted. "First, you almost get us killed, and now you want to bust my face open?"

        Darian yanked his seatbelt off and turned his body to face me. "What if I am?" He stared into my eyes.

        I paused. "What if you're what?"

        "What if I'm gay?" he asked, no ounce of jovialness in his expression. "What if I'm gay, Kenji? What if I'm gay for you?"

        No.

        Darian wasn't gay. He was a straight guy who I kissed, but it wasn't that big of a deal because he was straight. I didn't cheat because he wasn't gay, and he didn't want me.

        Darian couldn't be gay.

I shook my head. "No."

        "Yes," he said.

        "No," I repeated firmer.

        "Yes!" he yelled even louder and got closer. "We said no more being fake around each other, so I'm following that mantra. This is the truth, Kenji. I'm finally ready to be completely real with you. I'm gay."

        If Darian was gay, that meant I was a cheater.

        If Darian was gay, that meant this was real. A real, living dilemma that couldn't be brushed aside as two straight guys messing around.

        "Why do you think I even brought up the whole 'friends with benefits' thing?" he asked me. "Why do you think I can't stop thinking about you or wanting to be around you? I'm gay." I shook my head. "Yes, Kenji. I'm gay, and I want you. I've wanted you since sixth grade." I was motionless as I tried processing this information. "I want you so fucking much."

        We became silent, only watching each other while the time ticked by. I didn't even care that I was going to be late for my class.

        "Why now?" I asked after seconds passed. "Why would you wait now to tell me this? Why not when Rosalyn had broken up with me? Why not while we had our 'arrangement?' Why not even in high school?" Darian sighed. "Why now, Darian? When Rosie and I are back together? When me and you are finally reconnecting again? When this will make things so much more complicated? Why now?"

        "I finally have the courage to tell you." He reached for my hand, but I pulled back before he could grab it.

        "At the wrong time!" I hollered, but he didn't flinch. "It's too late, Darian. This isn't the right time for this declaration of want."

        "No, it's not, but when will there ever be a right time?" he asked, his tone shifting.

        "When I'm not with Rosalyn," I replied.

        "You shouldn't be with her," he said through gritted teeth. "You don't want her like you want me."

       "That's my decision to make," I retorted.

        "Then make the decision to be with me," he said, hitting his chest for emphasis. "Choose me, Kenji. Choose me, and you'll never regret it." He rose a brow, almost in confirmation.

        "Is that a promise or arrogance?" I almost smirked, even though this was the wrong time to be joking about anything.

        "It's both," he said. "Don't you see this?" He motioned between us. "We're so good together, Kenji. We have so much potential—way more than you and Rosalyn ever could."

        "Stop," I barely let out. I didn't want to hear this.

        "When I'm around you, I don't have to hold anything back," he continued. "No acting hard or putting up a front. When I'm around you, I feel like myself, but even better. I love that." He reached for my hand. "Knowing I can feel better being myself."

        "Stop talking." I rubbed the side of my face, but I didn't pull my hand back.

        "We can tease each other. We can get each other all hot and bothered. We can be there for each other in a way no one else can. We can be us. Nothing is forced or fake with us."

        "Shut up!" I yelled in his face, yanking my hand away at last. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He pressed his lips together. "You had years to tell me how you feel, but you drop this bomb on me now? Now, when it's going to fuck every thing over? Why are you and Rosalyn doing this to me?"

        Rosalyn didn't want me around Darian. Darian didn't want me with Rosalyn. Well, fuck both of them.

        What about what I wanted?

        Where was my say in this mess?

        Was it such a crime to want to be in both of their lives?

        Confusion crossed Darian's face. "This isn't about Rosalyn. It's about us."

        "There is no 'us!'" I glared at him. "Any potential we could have had is gone. I have a girlfriend. End of story."

        "No, it's not," he disagreed. "The story has just begun."

        Was he deaf? This wasn't his decision to make. "Darian," I said through clenched teeth.

        "Kenji," he countered with a sly smile.

        I wanted to scream. I clenched my fists and pressed them to my mouth, taking in deep breaths to calm myself down. "Don't talk right now."

        "You're getting so pissed because you know it's true," he said, and I snuck a glance at him. "You feel it, too, but you don't want to admit it. You're scared, and I don't know how to convince you that you don't have to be."

          "I can't do this to Rosalyn," I said when my voice and temper were leveled. "I can't hurt and betray her after all she's done for me. I don't just drop people who are important to me like yesterday's news. You may be able to, but I can't." The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I instantly regretted it. "Darian, I'm sorry—"

        "Don't." He held his hand up, silencing me. "This isn't about the past; it's about now. I don't know why you're doing this to yourself—why you're forcing yourself to be with her."

        I narrowed my eyes, not recognizing this person in front of me. He thought it was okay to abandon people. He felt no remorse or responsibility over leaving someone's life without an explanation. That didn't settle well with me. Throughout my life, I'd been cut out of people's lives repeatedly.

        My mother. My friends. Even Darian himself. I knew what it was like and what that could do to your self-esteem and your self-worth.

        I refused to inflict that pain upon someone else, especially Rosalyn, who stuck around while everyone else dipped out on me.

        "It's my decision," I said, "not yours or anyone else's."

        "This isn't going to end well," he said as more of a statement than a warning. "Not for Rosalyn, at least."

        "Why are you doing this?" I asked. "Why are you making things so hard for me right now?"

        Darian could make you feel on top of the world one minute and make you feel like complete shit the next. He could be your number one supporter first and your worst enemy second.

        He was unpredictable.

        He was unreliable.

        He was proving Rosalyn right.

         "I'm not going to lose you to her. I'm not going to lose you to anyone. I'm not giving up on us, Kenji," he said, his body relaxed and his eyes holding sincerity. "You encouraged me to fight for what I want, and I want you. You gave me the courage to pursue you."

"There's nothing to pursue."

"There's everything to pursue," he said. "You're worth the effort."

        I was both flattered and hurt by his declaration.

This was still all about him—what he wanted and what he felt he deserved. This wasn't about me or my right to choose.

It was about Darian's right to take.

I wasn't anyone's bitch.

I removed my seatbelt and faced him, too.

        "I never gave up on you," I said. "Not once did I give up on you, Darian, but you keep giving me reasons to."

         Hurt flashed across his features briefly, but he recovered just as fast. "But you don't. It doesn't matter how many times I mess up or act like a screw-up, you never give up on me." We got closer without even realizing it, and his face lit up. "Knowing you'll always be rooting for me, means the world to this goon." He pointed to himself with a full-blown smile.

         My anger and hurt dissipated, replaced with compassion and awe and every other emotion Darian could get out of me. I wanted to stay pissed at him, but I couldn't.

I didn't like this effect he had on me at all.

        I pulled away, tousling my hair as I reached for the sun visor. Darian's hands covered mine, stopping me.

        "What are you doing?" I asked while we stared each other down.

        "You look fine," he said, and our hands dropped. "You don't need that."

        Screw my hair then. Honestly, I didn't care. "I have to get to class." I opened the passenger door to get out.

        "Kenji!" Darian grabbed a hold of my arm before I could leave, and I peered back at him. "You say looking good makes feeling like shit easier?"

        I nodded. I hadn't been feeling my best lately. Not bad but not good either. This whole situation wasn't making it any better.

        "Well, I say 'fuck that,'" Darian said, his face brightening even more. "I'll rather have you feel good than look good any day."

         And there it was.

        The Darian who made me feel on top of the world.

        The Darian who had my back no matter what.

        This was the Darian who made every screw-up, betrayal and pain worth it. Moments like this made me not want to ever give up on him—for anyone.

        I didn't know which one was more dangerous—this Darian or the goon one.

        "Thanks for the ride," was my only response, and I freed myself from his hold.

        I needed to get out of this car. Now.

        I stepped out and slammed the door behind me before making my way to the Economics building. I didn't peek back at him, but I felt his eyes on me the whole time as my hands snuck into my pockets.

For the first time, my pockets couldn't comfort my hands.

        Darian was unpredictable. Darian was unreliable.

        I shouldn't want him, but he was my ichiban.

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* How do you guys feel about Darian's "declaration of want" and Kenji's reaction? What do you think is in store for the boys now? What about Darian's bluntness? Kenji's confusion? Do you think they're both going about this the wrong way? Or are they on track?

* I had a hard time writing this chapter and getting into the groove of things, but I feel pretty satisfied with the way it turned out. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it, too, despite things not looking so hot for the boys.

* This chapter is dedicated to @andrea19kala! Thanks for reading, voting and commenting. I really appreciate your support and I thought this chapter was appropriate since there's no Rosalyn. Lol! Thanks, girl 😊