"Dude, I love my man Zimmern," Aaron said, grinning as we watched Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern in his and Gavin's living room. "He's my fucking idol. He gets to travel the world, eat different food, meet new people, experience different cultures and have a badass digestive system?" Aaron glanced my way. "That's fucking rad."

I chuckled, amused by his joy. "Whatever makes you happy, Aaron."

"My man Zimmern makes me happy."

"Then keep watching," I said.

We were watching an episode that took place in Trinidad and Tobago. I wasn't as engrossed into the show as Aaron was, so I just leaned back while my boy leaned forward, not wanting to miss a thing. We spent a lot of the weekend together. Gavin, Honoka and Arya were all pissed at me, and Kenji hadn't contacted me the whole weekend for some reason.

I wasn't going to worry about it too much.

Aaron's phone ringing for the fourth time snapped me back into the present. "Dude." I slapped his arm, getting his attention. "Answer that shit. It's been ringing non-stop since I got here. There's no way you're that popular."

"Shut up, asshole."

I chuckled, but the ringing made my expression drop. "Seriously. Pick up."

"No." Aaron refocused on his show, as if I wasn't talking to him. I narrowed my eyes before catching a glimpse of the caller I.D.

Reid.

Ahh.

That made sense. "Your brother's calling." Aaron still ignored me. "I'm talking to you, dumbass."

"I'm ignoring you, jackass," he countered.

"Aaron," I whined. "You have to talk to them."

"I don't have to do shit," he barely let out before the front door flew open.

Aaron and I jerked back in shock, and a man around my size with familiar blonde hair stepped into the apartment. That SHU swim team jersey gave it away.

Reid Collins.

        Oh, shit.

Aaron's eyes expanded.

"You've always been a nitwit, Aaron." Reid advanced towards his brother, who stood up. "Always leaving the front door open. I thought a couple months on your own will make you learn. I guess not."

"The hell, man," Aaron shouted. "Who the fuck just barges into someone's house like that?"

"Apartment actually," Reid corrected, and I rolled my eyes.

He always was a smartass.

"I don't give a fuck," Aaron said, glaring at him. "It's still my place."

Reid shot daggers at his brother. "Still have the mouth of a sailor, I see? You'll never grow up, will you?"

Aaron backed away. "Why are you here, Reid?"

"Obviously, I wasn't invited." Reid crossed his arms in defiance. 

"No shit," Aaron confirmed.

If you had to barge into a place, hell yeah you weren't invited.

"But I guess that's my only way in, right?" Reid said. "I have to force myself into your apartment, just like how I have to force myself into your life now that you're avoiding your family."

Aaron stayed silent.

"Reid—," I started.

"Stay out of this, Darian." He silenced me with his hands, and I pointed at myself.

Did this punk really just silence me?

"This is between me and my brother," Reid said. I was still in disbelief at being shushed. "So Aaron. Are you going to tell me why you're avoiding us? Why you're still acting like the little boy you've always been?"

Aaron leered at Reid. "Man actually. I'm not a boy. I'm a fucking man."

"Then act like one." Reid got in Aaron's face, barely leaving space between them as he glared at his younger brother. "You demand to be called a man, but you refuse to act like one. You refuse to earn that title. That's not how it works, little bro." Reid shook his head. "Men don't waste their days away drinking and getting high and getting into petty trouble. Men don't go around wasting their life on hedonistic acts instead of planning for their future. Men don't spend months avoiding their family, the only people who've had their back since day one."

"You speak to me as if I'm this incompetent child," Aaron pointed out.

"You sure act like one," Reid retorted.

"I don't need to constantly be reminded of my shortcomings," Aaron said, pushing his brother back.

"If I wasn't so easy on you, maybe you wouldn't be this mess that you are now," Reid sneered.

"I need a brother. Not another father."

"I've always been there for you," Reid said. "When mom and the old man are on your back, who has always had your back? Who used to cover for you when you broke the rules, putting his ass on the line? Who used to brag about how him and his little bro had a great relationship?" Reid's expression crumbled. "Before that same little bro made him look like a fool. Cutting him loose like he did his parents. I thought we were better than that, Aaron. I thought we were too close, but I guess I was wrong." Reid took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief. "I was wrong, and Mom and the old man were right."

"Reid—" Aaron took a step towards his brother, who pushed his arms out to stop him.

"Don't." Reid chuckled humorlessly. "You don't want anything to do with us? Fine. I just had to give you my two cents, that's all. Now, I can leave. I can leave your life, and give you what you want." He took more steps back as Aaron approached him. "Good luck spending the rest of your life without your family."

Reid turned on his heels for the door as Aaron called out to him.

However, Reid stopped at the doorway to glance back one more time before saying, "You want to be called a man, Aaron?" Aaron didn't utter a word. "When you start acting like one, then I'll call you one. Bye, little bro."

        He sent us a two-finger salute, and he walked out.

The room was silent for what felt like minutes as I stayed glued to the couch while Aaron stood rigid.

"Aaron," I said when I couldn't take it anymore. "You good?"

"No," he muttered, barely audible with his eyes downcast. "I'm not the man they want me to be." I stood up to walk to my friend. "I'm not a man at all. I don't want them to see me this way." He looked up at me with the most defeated look I'd ever seen on my boy. "I don't want them to continue to see me as this person they're ashamed of."

"Aaron, no—"

"I'm a disgrace to my family," he said, looking forward with a numb look. "I'm not Reid. The perfect, athletic, smart son. I'm Aaron. The fuck-up who likes everything they despise. They don't need me. I need them, but they're better off without me."

"Aaron..." I trailed off while he continued to stare ahead, not uttering another word as I became speechless.

What could I say to that? I'd never seen Aaron this way.

We remained quiet for a while until Aaron said, "I need to be alone."

"Oh," I said, looking around before nodding rapidly. "Right, right. I'll leave you." I scrambled to grab my stuff. "Just take all the time you need. Chill. Think. Whatever you need, man." Once I had everything, I patted his shoulder, but he still didn't look at me. Okay. "I'll see you later." He nodded, so I headed for the door.

Before I could walk out, Aaron shouted, "Darian?" I peered back at him, and he cracked a smile. "This is why I avoid them. They kill my vibe." He grinned, but I didn't miss the troubled expression behind it. "They make me think about all this depressing shit. Carpe diem, right?"

I nodded with my lips pursed, not knowing if I meant it but looking at Aaron, I knew he needed it. "Right. Carpe diem."

He nodded, still grinning with force. "Later, man."

"See ya." I waved and headed out.

As I made my way over to my car, I realized I had finally reached my dead end.

Carpe diem wasn't cutting it anymore—for neither me nor Aaron.

When I reached my apartment, I dug through my pockets for my keys, but when I looked up, I halted in my steps.

Kenji stood outside my door with his hands in his pockets and his head down, whispering to himself as if rehearsing something.

"Kenji?" I neared him, and he looked up. "Hey." He gulped, staring at me without blinking. I walked forward and worked on opening the door while his eyes remained on me. "What's up?"

"N-nothing," he said. "Just need to talk to you."

"Okay." I let us both in.

After removing his shoes, I led Kenji to the couch, and we both sat down, smiling at each other. His smile didn't reach his eyes.

I was happy to see him. I'd been thinking about him a lot since our little escapade in the car, and I got chills thinking about it. Who knew Kenji had such a great mouth? I could definitely get used to him practicing on me.

I could get used to him being around in general.

"What's going on?" I rested my hand on his thigh.

He tensed, making my brows crease together. "We really have to talk." Kenji removed my hand from his thigh and scooted further away from me.

My frown deepened. "About what?" I leaned away from him, too, trying to not be affected by his sudden cold demeanor. Kenji cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair while averting his gaze. "Well," I dragged out, growing impatient.

Kenji's eyes met mine. "Rosalyn and I got back together."

My heart dropped and every muscle in my body froze.

"Oh..."

That was it. Oh. That was all I could say. I didn't even know what else to say, think or do. I just sat there. Staring at him while he stared back, waiting for my reaction. This had to be a joke. He was messing with me.

"Yeah," Kenji said. "She spent the weekend."

That was why he was M.I.A. He was with Rosalyn. They had sex. I just knew it. The thought of him with her made me sick. He wasn't messing with me after all.

        Emotions rushed back through me in small tides of anger, jealousy, and sadness. "Cool." I couldn't say anything past one syllable. My throat felt too constricted.

"You know what that means right?" he checked. "We need to stop this." He motioned between us, and I couldn't even react. "We started this to relieve each other of sexual tension, and it was mostly because of me. I didn't have a girlfriend, and I didn't do the whole hookups with strangers. It was a way of helping me out." I caught a glimpse of his features tightening. "Well, I don't need that help anymore. I have Rosalyn again."

There was the blow. My ego plummeted to the ground. He had Rosalyn again. He didn't mean it with spite, but my whole spirit deflated. He didn't need me when he had Rosalyn.

"It wasn't anything serious anyway." Another hit to my ego, but this time, there was also one to my heart. "Just sexual favors between two reunited friends. Right?"

"Right," I muttered.

"I have a girlfriend again, and continuing what we had would be cheating. I can't cheat on Rosie."

Why was he still talking?

        Was he trying to convince me or himself?

All he had to do was tell me he and Rosalyn were back together, and that was it. He didn't have to do all this explaining. He didn't have to justify why he was ending things between us.

        It hurt like hell. Knowing what we shared wasn't "serious" while I was there thinking about what it would have been like dating him. That was all I could think about the entire weekend. What Kenji Kai would have been like as my boyfriend.

My first boyfriend.

While I was thinking about what it would have been like to date him, he was screwing his girlfriend.

        I wondered if this was how all those girls, whose hearts I stomped on in high school, felt?

"We can still be friends," Kenji reassured. "Only the sex ends. Everything else is game. I'm still here for you, and I still want you in my life. I may not be acquainted with your dick anymore, but I still want to be acquainted with you."

That made me feel a little better. Kenji being acquainted with both me and my dick was the ideal situation, but I could live with this, too.

"What do you say, Darian?" he asked. "Still want to be my ichiban?"

That wasn't even a question. "Always."

He grinned, patting my knee and I relished the feel of the touch, not knowing when he would touch me again. "Thanks for understanding."

"It's cool." I pretended to brush it off. "I did my job."

He smirked, crossing his arms. "Hanging out with me was a job?"

"I didn't get paid for that shit," I played along.

"A job is a chore."

"You're no chore," I said, meaning every word.

"I better not be." We chuckled, clasping a hand over each other's knee, but my face dropped soon after.

We could have been so good together.

We had so much potential.

That was what hurt most. The wasted potential—before it was explored.

My hand was the first to drop.

"By the way, I have something for you." Kenji dug through his pockets, and I stretched my neck to get a look, curious now. "Ta da!" He pulled out an electronic cigarette. "Think of it as an early birthday present."

        My birthday was pretty close. Mid November.

"Kenji," I said, grabbing the e-cigarette, "why did you get this?"

He shrugged. "Cigarettes cost money. I personally think it'll be beneficial to you if you quit the habit, and that's not my personal bias speaking." I sent him a look. "At least, not completely. This is the first step to the road of quitting."

"What makes you think I want to quit?" I crossed my arms, leaning back on the couch.

"The situation you're in now, you need to quit. Money is a privilege. A privilege you can't waste on beer, cigarettes and all that other junk you amuse yourself with."

He read my mind. I was dying here. Giving up those things was taking a greater toll on me than I expected. I felt like I was in mild withdrawal, desperate for a fix. Those things all held a certain power over me, and I didn't like it. No one and nothing held a power over Darian Ansel, and I wanted to keep it that way.

"Plus," Kenji continued, "I don't want you to die."

"What?" I laughed, even when Kenji's worried expression didn't falter. "I'm not going to die, Kenji."

"Smoking kills," he retorted. "I don't want you to be one of those statistics. Even if you don't die, I don't want you with a hole in your throat, or having a monstrously-groggy voice, or breathing like a dog only because you walked up some flight of stairs." I snickered, stunned but touched by the thought he put into this. "I want you to stick around as long as possible—in good health. You hear me?"

I stared at him, silent for a couple seconds before examining the e-cigarette. It was a start. "I hear you." I smiled at him, and he returned it.

"Good," he said. "Hopefully you won't need it after a while."

I needed a smoke now. I needed a lot of smokes. "Smoking makes me feel better," I said. "It calms me. I can always count on it, even when I can't count on myself or anyone else. My pack always has my back."

Kenji grabbed my free hand. "Like I said before," he started, "you don't need it. At least, not anymore."

"Why?"

"You have people for that—calming you and having your back. You have Gavin and Aaron, your family, even your old friends you left behind"—that took me by surprise—"and me," he finished.

"You?"

He nodded. "You have me. Who needs a pack of cigarettes when you have me?"

"Can't argue with that." I squeezed his hand.

He smiled. "Just try, Darian. Try."

"I will," I said. "No promises, but I'll try."

Kenji rose his hands in surrender. "That's all I ask."

"Thanks, Kenji." I meant it because even though Rosalyn had him again, this was a reminder that I didn't completely lose him.

"No problem," he said while rising to his feet. "Well, I have to go. Class."

"Of course." I stood up with him, and we made our way to the door. He bent over to put his shoes on. "Gotta get that degree."

"Yup," he replied before standing straight. "And you gotta fix things." He had to turn things back to me. "Talk to Honoka. Talk to Gavin. Get that job from Arya. Just get your shit together." His lip twitched at the corners as he suppressed a smile.

"Whatever you say, Kenji." I opened the door for him, and he stepped out.

He turned around to face me and said, "It's time to be the main character of your own action movie, Darian."

He winked before turning around to walk off, as if he didn't just "break up" with me, shattering my heart only to repair it in the next couple minutes with a few encouraging words and an e-cigarette.

Kenji also held a power over me, but unlike the others, I didn't want to quit him.

"Bye, Kenji," I whispered as I watched his retreating form. I said it, but I hoped it wasn't the end.

No. It wasn't the end for me and Kenji.

I closed my front door and stared at the e-cigarette in my hand. I did need a smoke, and I just had to wait for the day I wouldn't have to say that anymore.

The day I could unleash my chains to become the main character of my own action movie.

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* How do you guys like the new cover? Great or nah?

* I think this cover represents both Kenji and Darian pretty well. Darian because of the cigarette and the fact that the guy on the front resembles him most, and Kenji because of the guy's style and the aura surrounding him.

* So, the roller coaster begins. Things have been pretty calm for Kenji and Darian so far. Calmness means one thing. A lot of potential for chaos. Are you guys ready?

* How do you feel about Aaron and his family drama? Danji's "breakup?"

* Fun Fact: Darian's birthday is mid November, meaning he's a Scorpio, and Kenji's birthday is sometime in the summer. I imagine him as a Cancer. Scorpios and Cancers are extremely compatible! Just thought I should share that. :)