"Dad," I yelled into my parents' house as I barged in.

        "Darian!" My mother chased behind me as I made my way through the house.

        "Dad," I shouted again as I passed my sisters, who passively stood back with their eyes not meeting mine. "Is he in his office?" I glanced back to ask my mother.

        "Yes," she said as we reached our destination. Before I could grab the doorknob, my mother grabbed my hand. "I don't know if this is the right time, Darian."

        "Me waiting for the right time got me into this mess." I snatched my hand back and barged into my father's office. He slowly paced around the large space with his head down and his hand on his chin, and I stopped. "D-dad?"

        He became motionless with his back facing me, and I wanted to speak, but I couldn't find the words.

        He wasn't supposed to find out this way.

        It should have been on my terms. No one else's.

        "This has to be a joke," he finally said as he turned to face me. His expression was firm and unreadable. "Tell me this is a practical joke." Before I could speak, he stepped forward. "Tell me, I did not just see you kissing another man on my screen."

        We stared at each other, not saying a word for a couple seconds.

        I shook my head. "It's not a j-joke. I'm dating Kenji." He inhaled deeply before releasing it. "We've been dating for a couple months now."

        My father continued pacing as I stood in the corner of the office, watching him. Then he chuckled. "You're experimenting."

        My stomach sank a little.

        "You're experimenting, Darian." He stopped in front of me with a smile. "You've always been a sexual boy, and now, your sexual urges have gotten the best of you. You're now going to a man to fulfill those urges even though a woman could do the exact same thing."

        "This isn't about sex, Dad."

        The reasons I was with Kenji went far beyond that.

        "It's not just any man, Darian," my father went on. "It's Kenji. Your Kenji. The boy you grew up with and your best friend who you're emotionally attached to. You're confusing those feelings for something that it's not."

        "D-dad—"

        "This is all a recipe for experimentation," he said. "Everyone gets curious sometimes. We all do, but even if you go far enough to date another man, that doesn't mean anything. You're young. You're still exploring."

        "Dad—"

        "I'm not mad," he said, "but it does have to stop." My chest tightened at his words. "You care about Kenji, but you can't keep dating him. It's only going to confuse you more." My eyes got heavier. "It doesn't look good on the family either. I'm a strong conservative republican. I can't have my son running around the streets kissing boys."

        "D-dad, p-please."

        "We'll hold a press conference, with you there of course." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "We'll tell the press it was a lapse in judgment." I had to remind myself to keep breathing. "For a brief moment, you were allured into sin. You were almost like the Prodigal son, and that includes all of your debauched past. But now, you've found your way onto the right path by the love of your family and your newfound morals." He faced me with his hands on my shoulders now. "The conservatives would love it. There's nothing better than a boy who finds his way back home." I stared past him with my vision blurring slightly. "It's okay. This isn't going to ruin us. We'll fix it. We'll spin it in a way that works for us and doesn't benefit the democrats."

        "You can't fix me."

        My father jerked his head back. "Excuse me?"

        My eyes met his. "You can't fix me, Dad."

        "I'm not trying to," he said. "I'm trying to fix the situation, and this is a tough situation to fix."

        "The situation isn't the problem."

        "Of course, it is," he said while releasing me. "What's more problematic than my only son kissing a boy?" We were silent for a second. "It's not your fault. It's just the stage you're in right now."

        I chuckled, humorlessly. "A 'stage' I've been in since middle school? Maybe longer?"

        He blinked a couple times. "You do have a tendency to hold onto things and be stagnant."

        I couldn't take it anymore. "Goodness gracious, I'm gay, Dad!" I said. "I'm fucking gay. I like men. I love men. I've been with men since high school." My father took a couple steps back. "Kenji isn't the first, but I hope he's the last. I've had sex with many men before, but this is my first time actually dating one. This is not a stage I'm in. The situation isn't the problem. If you think there's a problem, then I'm the problem. I'm gay, and making me break up with Kenji isn't going to change that. Making me attend some faux press conference isn't going to change that. Making me marry a woman isn't going to change that. I'll still be gay, like I've always been gay."

        We silently watched each other. My father studied me, and when my expression remained the same, his brows furrowed.

        "This is how I find out," he said, breaking the silence. "You come out to me after a video has been leaked onto the internet?"

        "What choice did I have?"

        All of this was forced upon me. If I ever found the person who leaked that video, high school Darian was coming out.

        "You're right," he said. "You only come out because you have no choice. Does your mother know? Your sisters?"

        "Yes."

        Hurt flashed across his features. "I'm the last to find out? I find out this way?"

        "Like you wanna know," I said. "Like you wanna know your son is gay. Your only son at that. It's inconvenient to you. It's inconvenient to the family. You don't wanna know that."

        "I had a right to know." He rose his voice.

        "No, you don't." My voice rose, too. "I have the right to tell you or to not tell you."

        I hated on Gyan for not being out to his family, but he was right. Parents didn't have a right to know their kids' sexuality. They had the privilege. My father didn't have to know I was gay, but I wanted him to.

        "How did that work out for you?" He scoffed. "You continue to find new and unique ways to screw me over, Darian. First, you act like a hooligan, and when you're finally getting your life on track, I find this out."

        "And you wonder why I didn't tell you?"

        My father rubbed his forehead. "You're not even out of your teens. How do you know you're gay?"

        "Did you know you were straight when you were nineteen?"

        My father sighed. "This is a mess." He shook his head and covered his mouth. "I wish you never told me."

        That was a jab to my heart.

        That was the very reason I held off on telling him. I knew he wasn't going to take it well.

        "This is not the right time, Darian," he said. "They're going to use you against me, like they always do. My biggest thing is family. That's why they use you against me."

        "That's the funny thing, Dad." Malice filled my words. "You're so big on family, but you don't give a damn about your actual family."

        He frowned. "That's absurd."

        "If it was, you wouldn't have told me that you wish I never came out to you," I said. "If you really gave a damn about family, it'll be your goal to make us act like one instead of keeping up images all the time. I've gotten more emotional support from my boyfriend, who you want me to break up with, and from my friends, who you hate so much. I haven't gotten the same from my so called family. How's that for family values?"

        "You are a foolish boy," he said while moving closer to me. "You think they're your family? They're not. They're temporary strangers who're just there to lead you down a dark path. I bet they encourage this foul behavior. This same behavior that's now public humiliation for you and this family."

        I realized tears were welling up in my eyes. "You don't know how much you hurt me, Dad."

        "I don't mean to hurt you, son," he said, "but I'm honest with you. This is not a sustainable lifestyle. Are you actually going to marry another man? How are you going to have kids? You're going to have some surrogate carry your child since your partner can't? Or are you going to adopt someone else's genes? Whose last name are the kids gonna have? These are things you're not thinking about now since you're nineteen. You can't live like this, Darian," he said while slamming his hand onto his desk. His eyes were moist, too. "I thought Kenji was a good influence on you, but I guess I was wrong."

        I shook my head. "Don't bring him into this."

        "The other men, it was just sex, right?" I didn't answer. "He's the one making you believe that you really have to be this way. Your feelings for him are clouding your judgment."

        "Don't bring him into this," I repeated, firmer.

        "Who knows how long these feelings will last?" he said. "You're at a point in your life where your mind is constantly changing. That unfortunately includes romantic interests." I tightened my fists. "Kenji's in today. Who knows who'll be in tomorrow?"

        "I'm in love with him!" I clamped my mouth shut as soon as the words escaped, and my father's mouth dropped.

        "Excuse me?"

        I took in a breath and released it. "I'm in love with Kenji, Dad. This isn't just a fling or something temporary. I'm in it for the long haul. I've probably been in love with Kenji since sixth grade."

        My father's eyes expanded. "This can't be real."

        "Six grade, and I've been crazy about that boy," I said. "It hasn't gone away since then. I don't think it's going away anytime soon, if it ever does. I don't want it to go away. I love being in love with him."

        My father rubbed a hand down his face before watching me. "I have no words." His facial features looked like he was about to cry. "I have absolutely no words, Darian." His voice sounded like he was about to cry. "This can't be happening."

        He turned around to walk behind his desk, and he took a seat while I moved to stand in front of him.

        "You don't get it," I said, and he raised a brow. "You have it so good, Dad. I don't think you realize how good you have it. In this country, you're the epitome of 'the privileged.' But to you, everyone either has that same privilege or they can get that same privilege through hard work, even though that's not true at all."

        "What is this, Darian?"

        "You think everyone's like you," I said. "Or you think everyone should thrive to be like you, even though most people aren't like you and they can't ever be like you. I'm one of those people. I can't be like you, Dad. Now, I'm a very fortunate person, too—more fortunate than most people. But I know that, and you don't, even though you can run."

        My father appeared confused. "You might as well be speaking in tongues right now. I'm lost."

        "Exactly," I said. "You can run, but not everyone can. You can run because your shoulders are free. There's no weight. There's nothing holding you down. You can run, and because you can run, you don't understand why everyone else can't run like you and your friends. Me? I can only walk. I can walk faster than most people, but I can't run because of this weight on my shoulders. A weight I'm reminded of every day, and a weight that stops me from running like you can. But I'm still lucky because I can walk. Some people can only crawl because of how heavy their weights are. But no, you and your friends judge and punish us because we can't run like you. You judge us because of what you perceive as a flaw in our character, whether that's laziness or immorality. You judge us because you don't see the weights."

        "What are you trying to say?" he asked with his arms crossed and his feet up on his desk.

        "What I'm saying, Dad," I said, "is that you can run, and I'm glad you can. Unfortunately, I can't do the same, but you'll never understand that. You'll never see my weights, and you'll never legitimize them. That's why I couldn't tell you. That's why you had to find out like this." He put his feet down and scooted his chair closer to the desk. "You're too busy running with your friends and dismissing those who can't to realize that your own son sometimes struggles to walk. And I bet you're still confused."

        "What do you want me to say?"

        I sent him a sad smile. "And that's our problem, Dad."

        I turned around and headed for the door. "Darian." He stood out of his chair, but I was already out the door.

"Darian," Kenji said as I stood outside his door. I walked in and removed my shoes as he closed the door. When I stood upright, I paced his apartment as I kept in the urge to cry. "Darian..." He approached me, and I held a hand out.

        "Don't," I said, and he stopped. "If you come closer and try talking to me, I'm gonna fall apart. I may start crying and saying words that don't make sense, and I won't know what to do. I can't fall apart because I have to know what to do." Kenji sent me a sympathetic look. "This is a fucked up situation, and I have to keep my shit together. Because I can't, I can't." I took in a sharp inhale of breath. "I can't," I whispered.

        "Darian." He took a step forward anyway. "You're shaking."

        "Oh, God." I turned my back towards him and cupped my hands around my mouth.

        He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders to encase me in his hold. "It's okay." I could feel myself shaking now with Kenji's arms around me. "It's not okay now, but it'll be okay."

        "I can't fall apart." I cracked my knuckles as I stared ahead. "I can't fall apart."

        "Shhh." Kenji nuzzled his cheek against mine. "Yes, you can. You can fall apart." He moved to whisper in my ear, "Because I got you."

        He held onto me tighter, and that was when the tears came. I sobbed in his arms as he continued to whisper comforting words into my ear.

       Damn you, Kenji.

        But it made me love him more.

        I cried about my father. I cried about my home life. I cried about being publicly outed against my will. I cried about my feelings for Kenji and how it technically started all of this. I cried because I still didn't regret those feelings.

        I was falling apart, but Kenji held me, so I was okay.

        I rubbed his arms as my cries quieted. "We'll get through this, Darian," he said. "We'll get through this together." He kissed my neck, and I relaxed in his hold. "We'll deal with it, one day at a time."

        I smiled. He could deal with his depression one day at a time, then I could deal with this one day at a time.

        He let go of me and I turned, so we could face each other. We stared at each other without uttering a word, before I couldn't take it anymore.

        "I love you," I confessed, and his eyes widened. "I'm so in love you, and this only reminds of how crazy I am about you. This moment and so many others remind me of that." He smiled, and I pulled him into a hug. "You don't have to say anything back. I don't want you to feel pressured to say it yet. I want you to mean it when—"

        "Baka." He pulled me back to send me a playful frown. "If I didn't love you, do you think I'll still be here after all the shit we've been through? If I didn't love you, do you think I would have forgiven you so easily? Do you think I would have broken up with Rosalyn? Do you think I would have taken a leap of faith to be with you? Do you think I would have done any of that?"

        I smiled. "No."

        "Exactly," he said. "I was afraid of falling, but I'm tired of being afraid all the time." He grabbed my hands in his. "I've fallen for you, Darian. I've always loved you, but I didn't fall until recently." My grip tightened around his hands. "It was scary, but I would do it all over again. You telling me how you feel now makes me realize what I feel for you couldn't be anything but love. So yes." He pulled me close and wrapped an arm around me while the other hand cupped my cheek. "I'm in love with you, too."

        I licked my lips. "This got us in trouble, but I honestly don't give a damn."

        I grabbed a fistful of his hair and brought our lips together. I kissed him with everything I had. I put my love and passion and hopes into it, and he kissed with the same intensity.

        My father knew I was gay, and it didn't go well, but having Kenji with me made the fear and hopelessness diminish.

        I loved my father, but I was in love with Kenji. If my father couldn't accept that, I didn't mind making a choice I was hoping not to make.

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* What do you guys think about Darian and his father's talk? What's in store for them? Kenji and Darian confessing their feelings?

* Next chapter will be out in a couple days.