"You're what?!" Tou-san hollered, astonished.

I avoided his gaze. "I'm d-dating Darian."

I was currently at my old house, visiting my father after my last class ended. The two of us were seated on the living couch while I delivered the news to him. Everyone in my life knew about me and Darian, except for Tou-san. I loved my father too much to keep this from him any longer, and he had to know because I was planning on inviting Darian to our barbecue this coming weekend. 

"Darian is my boyfriend," I said as my eyes met his, and he didn't appear angry, only shocked.

"Since when?" He continued to stare at me in disbelief.

"For more than a month now," I said. "First, it started with us getting past our disagreements, and then we started hanging out and bonding. After a while, things just escalated."

"Is this why you broke up with Rosalyn?"

I curled my lips into my mouth before responding. "Maybe..."

"Kenji." Tou-san's shoulders slackened with a disapproving look.

"It wasn't the only reason," I made sure to add. "I realized that my feelings for Rosalyn were more compassionate, and I saw her more as a best friend than a girlfriend. Rosie deserves to be with someone who wants her in every way possible."

I missed Rosalyn. I missed going to the Alvarez house. I missed watching East Los High with her. I missed eating her mother's delicious food. A strange part of me even missed Chiyo's eccentricity. I especially missed talking to and spending time with my Little Latina, but we broke up, and that left a sting.

A sting we both needed to heal from before we even contemplated being friends again.

"Rosalyn's meant to be my friend," I said, "nothing more."

"But Darian is 'boyfriend material?'" Tou-san said this as if it was so outlandish.

I frowned. "Hai. We had a few rough patches—"

"Rough patches?" Tou-san interrupted me with his hand up. "He was your number one tormentor in high school."

"It was mostly junior year."

         Tou-san's eyes expanded. "Do you hear yourself right now? You're defending your bully."

"Who was once also my best friend," I reminded him. "Darian isn't perfect, and he's made a lot of mistakes when it comes to me, but he apologized and he sincerely feels remorse for what he did. He treats me well now, and he isn't the same guy from high school. The past is in the past."

"Says the boy who's always haunted by the past," Tou-san retorted, and I wasn't amused. "By the way, since when do you like men?"

I groaned. "I knew this would come up."

"I'm not upset because you're gay," Tou-san said.

"I'm not gay," I corrected. "I have homosexual tendencies, but I'm not gay."

After I started dating Darian, suddenly, people wanted me to start labeling myself. I never put much thought into my sexuality before, and I planned on keeping it that way. I honestly didn't know what I was, and I didn't care to know. I liked people. Who did that include? I was still finding that out.

"Fine." Tou-san sighed. "You're bisexual. Pansexual. I don't care."

It amazed me that Tou-san knew what "pansexual" was when some people in my generation didn't.

"Then what's the matter?" I asked.

"My problem is with you being with the guy who made your life miserable in high school."

"Junior year," I clarified.

"I don't care, musuko," Tou-san said. "It still happened."

"Give him a chance, Tou-san," I said, and he pursed his lips in defiance. "I'm not asking you to be best friends with him." My father scoffed. "I'm asking you to be cordial. Onegaishimasu, Tou-san."

"Kenji."

"Please," I said with a slight pout, and he narrowed his eyes at me. "Let him prove himself to you at the barbecue this weekend."

"Nani?" Tou-san stretched his neck towards me, as if he heard wrong. "He's coming to the barbecue this weekend?" I nodded. "When did we discuss this?" 

"We're discussing this now."

"Kenji." My father watched me with a blank expression.

"Caroline is coming, and I'm giving her a chance."

Things were better between me and my mother, but I had hated Caroline for so long that it would take some time to change that.

Tou-san snorted. "Yeah, after almost ten years." I sent him a playful frown. "Why can't I get that much time with Darian?"

"Tou-san," I said, and his attention zeroed in on me. "Please do this for me."

I cared about Tou-san and Darian, and the last thing I wanted was for there to be tension between them.

"I don't like that boy," Tou-san said with a finger pointed at me. "I don't like that boy because he was supposed to be your best friend, and he hurt you instead." His expression softened. "He hurt my son. Anyone who hurts you or Hono-chan, I feel a little resentment towards them. I know, I know," he said with his arms raised in surrender. "I'm a parent, and I should be the better person, but when a person hurts your child, Kenji, that cuts deep." His arms came down as he watched me carefully. "The only reason your mother is getting off the hook for hurting you and Honoka is because she's my best friend. And that's hypocritical of me, I know, but I can't help it. I'm human. But I still don't like that boy." He shook his head with a grimace. "Not at all."

"He's my best friend," I said, and Tou-san wrinkled his brows together. "I'm your son, so trust my judgment and let Darian come to the barbecue. Do this because of me, not him."

"Don't fall into old traps, musuko."

"I won't," I said. "Darian only has my best interest in mind."

        Tou-san released a drawn out breath. "Fine. He can come to the barbecue." My smile returned. "But that doesn't mean I've forgiven that boy." My smile continued to widen into a grin, despite that second statement. "Like you said, it's for you, not him."

"Arigatou, Tou-san!" I said while jumping up to my feet. "Arigatou. Arigatou."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved me off, but the corner of his lips quirked up.

"I have to tell, Darian." I was already heading to my old bedroom to relay the news to him.

"Don't stay on the phone too long," Tou-san shouted to me. "You have group therapy in an hour."

I shut the door behind me, not wanting to be reminded of that. I called Darian instead.

"Hello?" he answered in a gruff voice. He had a night shift last night at the gas station, so I probably woke him up from his nap.

"Darian!" I shouted through the phone. "You can come."

"Where?"

I stood motionless. "The barbecue."

"Oh," he said, "that." He sounded like he was half-asleep.

"You're dumb," I joked. "I worked my ass off to get this to happen and all you can say is 'oh, that?'"

"You woke me up from my good-ass nap to diss me?" Darian asked with humor in his tone as well.

I chuckled. "See you this Saturday. I'll be waiting."

"With nothing on, of course."

"You're funny," I said with a scoff. "Now, get your beauty rest. You need to catch up to me anyways."

I hung up before he could reply.

I left my room and returned to my father, so we could spend the next forty minutes together before I had to leave for group therapy.

I sat in the dreaded circle with eight other people as we listened to the therapist introduce himself. I didn't pay attention to catch his name, and I snuck peeks at the other people around me. I was the youngest person in the room, and some people appeared put-together. There was a man in a business suite.

Then again, some people could have said I was put-together, too, even though that wasn't true.

"Sorry I'm late," a voice said from behind the therapist guy, and he took the only empty seat available.

My eyes widened at the person I saw.

"What's your name?" the therapist person asked, and the late-comer locked eyes with me.

"Aarav," he answered, his eyes never leaving mine.

I looked away, and the discussion resumed.

What the hell was Aarav doing here?

Then again, what the fuck was I doing here?

From my peripheral vision, he would occasionally steal glimpses at me. To distract myself, I began to pay attention to the discussion.

Someone got gang-raped. There were a couple alcoholics and drug addicts. Some people had attempted suicide at least twice. Damn. This was some heavy shit. It made my problems seem...small.

They weren't small to me, and they impacted my life, but being around these people, made me less certain of the weight of my problems.

"That was great everyone," the therapist said after an hour had passed. "Thank you to all those who shared today, and for those who didn't, that's perfectly fine, too. Some people take a little longer to find their voice to share their stories. I'm just grateful you could all be here to listen, and I hope to see you all next time."

It was over. Thank God. I jumped out of my seat and dashed for the door. I didn't want the little snacks they had. I wanted to leave and go back to apartment. When I made it outside, I stood at the side of the building, trying to get my thoughts together as I took in the fresh air.

My therapist thought group therapy would be good for me, but this didn't make me feel good. It made the world seem like a terrible place where some people had awful shit happen to them. Among those people, some had it even worse than others.

Did I not have a right to feel the way I did?

I wasn't gang-raped, and I had never attempted suicide, but I was still hurting. I didn't know why, but I was.

Was I being ungrateful for suffering on the inside?

I never should have come here.

"You look like you're in deep thought," a voice said while standing beside me.

Aarav.

The both of us stood with our hands in our pockets. I stared at him, stunned, while he smiled at me.

"Aarav," I finally said, "what are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I've been in some form of therapy since I was eleven, and that includes group therapy. Although, it was my first time coming to this one, but Peter was nice."

So that was the therapist's name.

"Since you were eleven, huh?" I asked, and he nodded. "That's a long time."

Aarav stared ahead with his jaw tensing. "Yeah, I guess it is."

We fell silent, and I awkwardly glanced around. There was a bus stop around here somewhere.

"You know what the worst part about it is?" Aarav said, bringing my focus back to him. "I've been in therapy since I was eleven, but it hasn't gone away."

"What hasn't gone away?" I turned to face him more, and he glared past me.

"The emptiness." My own chest tightened as his gaze returned to me. "The ache in my chest. The distortion in my brain. Sometimes I still feel like that eleven-year-old boy, even after all these years. Can you believe that?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I did believe it. Sometimes, I felt like that eleven-year-old Kenji, too. Sometimes, my Jordans, my fly clothes and accessories, my long hair and my current swag, and everything else, weren't good enough.

They couldn't cover up that eleven-year-old boy.

"What are your problems?" I said, cutting to the chase.

"Daddy issues," he answered. "At least, that's what the therapist says."

It reminded me of Darian.

"My therapist says that I allow my daddy issues to take over my life," he went on. "He says I won't move on from what he did to me and my mom because I don't know how to. I call bullshit."

I chuckled. "Right. Does he fucking know you? Outside his office, I mean."

"Thank you!" Aarav grinned at me. "I hate how these therapists just eat our money and because they listen to our problems for a few hours every week or every couple days, they think they know us better than we know ourselves."

"Yeah," I said while nodding. "My therapist thinks that I have deep-rooted self-esteem issues that stem from the fact that my mother left when I was young, and she thinks I cover these issues up with fake confidence and my obsession with my outer appearance."

She went as far as to say that my self-esteem issues was why I was so drawn to Rosalyn.

I chuckled, but Aarav only watched me. "Our parents don't define us," he said. "Just because they screwed us over, doesn't mean the shit we're dealing with now has to do with them."

"Y-yeah," I said. "Definitely not. Aarav?" He waited for me to continue, but I cleared my throat. "What your dad did to you, is that why he got arrested?"

We all knew Rakesh Patil was imprisoned, but we didn't know why.

Aarav inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Yeah, but I don't give a rat's ass about that man. If I could take out half of my DNA and replace it with someone else's, I would." It was that serious. "Some people are just broken. Something just isn't right, and they have to live with that. My father may not be to blame. Maybe it's just the way I am now."

"I'm calling bullshit, too," I said, and he appeared amused. "Aarav, I don't know what happened between you and your dad, but there's no way it hasn't affected you in some way. Everyone reacts to things differently. Me and Honoka are a perfect example. We've been through similar things in our lives. Our mother left. Camila died. Darian left us. Our group fell apart. So much more, but she's never had clinical depression or anxiety. We're different people, and some people may say it's because I'm the 'weaker' one or I'm too 'negative' and—"

"Fuck them," Aarav cut in. "Fuck those people because they've probably never felt what you've felt." I sent him a small smile. "Most people don't know what it's like to have your enemy around all the time. They don't know what it's like to have your enemy be someone you can't shake off." He turned to face me completely. "My worst enemy isn't my father, and your worst enemy isn't your mother."

"What are you—?"

"They created the enemy," Aarav said. "They nurtured it, but now, that force is independent of them." I listened closely, almost mesmerized by his words, as he took a step towards to me. "The enemy is up here, Kenji." He tapped his temple with one finger and mine with the other. "The enemy is inside of us. Some force that no one else can see, but we feel the consequences of it every day." He took a step back. "Our parents aren't the problem. They aren't the problem anymore because they've created something far bigger. Something deadlier."

I stared at him with my mouth slightly parted. I was in awe.

Aarav was right. This wasn't about my mother anymore. It was about that void. This illness. That feeling of not being good enough.

Aarav turned around to stare out at the streets with his hands in his pockets, and I mirrored his pose.

"Someone finally gets it," I said. "You get it."

My parents couldn't. Honoka and my friends couldn't. Even Darian couldn't, but Aarav did. Before this, I had never spoken a word to him, but now, I just wanted to talk to him. I didn't even feel like my problems were irrelevant anymore. If anything, I had more of a zeal to face them.

"Wanna go to the park?" Aarav asked while motioning forward with his head. There was a smaller park ahead of us, and I no longer felt like going home. "I'll like to talk to you more."

"Yeah," I said, "let's go to the park." I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

Aarav Gaurav wasn't so bad after all.

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* What do you guys think about Kenji's father not being fond of Darian? Kenji's group therapy session? Kenji and Aarav talking?

* Did anyone see that ending scene coming? What do you think will come from it?

* A year ago, February 24, 2016, I posted the first part of Loving a Goon. I can't believe it's been a year! I feel like an emotional parent right now. I'm so grateful for all the love and support this book currently receives and has received from all of you. I appreciate you guys so much, and I hope you continue to enjoy this story! 😊