I inhaled deeply, allowing the smoke to cloud my lungs before releasing it out in a long exhale. I watched the wisps of smoke float away, joining the hazy air.

Once the tickle in my lungs disappeared, I returned the cigarette to my mouth and went for another round.

        Aaron sat beside me in my apartment as we stared at the blank TV screen. "I'm bored," he said, moving my attention to him while I inhaled more from my cigarette.

         "Sounds like a personal problem," I replied while the smoke escaped my lips.

         "What are we going to do once everyone's in college?" Horror stretched over Aaron's face. "At least in high school, we were all in school together. Now, it's just the two of us." He grabbed my arm, earning a glare from me while I pulled back, but his grip only tightened. "We're alone."

         "Get the fuck off of me!" I smacked his arm away. "You'll be fine." Aaron sighed and took another hit of his cigarette before collapsing on the couch stomach-down, wiggling his ass my way. I chuckled and punched his leg. "You're an idiot."

        Aaron was my boy and all, but man was he immature and annoying sometimes. At the same time, lately, it felt as if he was all I had. The whole summer, while everyone else was preparing for college and now freaking out that classes started in a few days, we chose to waste our days away.

        Since Aaron and I weren't going to college, there was nothing better to do than drink, smoke, get high, work out etc. That and working at Shirley Shakes for me. Man, I hated that job, but at least it was something else to do.

        Even Gavin had been busy preparing for college, so Aaron and I hardly saw him the whole summer, even though he and Aaron had an apartment not far from mine. Gavin would be going to Shirley Heights University this fall—the college I had intended on going to ever since middle school. But things changed.

        Soon, the front door opened, revealing a grinning Gavin, and I glared at Aaron. "You dumbass!" I slapped him, causing Aaron to sit up while Gavin closed the door. "You didn't lock the door when you came in?"

        "You wanted me to?" Aaron asked, and I gave him an "are you serious?" look. "My bad."

        I shook my head in disbelief while Gavin chuckled as he sat beside me on the couch. "You guys are hilarious." His smiled disappeared, and he cleared his throat, waving the smoke away. "I missed hanging out with you two, but I definitely didn't miss the smoking. It's hard enough resisting without you two tempting me."

        I almost rolled my eyes. "Sorry, Mr. College-Boy-Who's-Too-Good-for-Us-Now."

Gavin sent me a look, and Aaron frowned at him.

         "Yeah. Last I checked, you used to smoke, too," Aaron reminded him.

         "Yeah," Gavin agreed, "in high school." I actually rolled my eyes then. If I said Gavin's new, good-guy act wasn't pissing me off, I would be lying.

        Spring semester of senior year, Gavin's cousin Devon died from a drug overdose. He and Gavin were really close and while Devon wasn't a saint, he was a good kid. He got good grades and didn't get into much trouble.

        Then one day, he decided to try meth with one of his friends, and he overdosed. The dude's first time trying it, and he died. If that wasn't bad luck, I didn't know what was. Either way, that really fucked with Gavin, and he'd been anti-drugs since, wanting to "better his life."

        I said fuck that.

        "Well, some of us still have our old ways," I muttered.

         "Obviously," Gavin mumbled under his breath. I squinted my eyes at him.

         "Gavin, why are you here?" I asked. "Or did you grace us with your presence to scold us?"

        A grin spread on his face. "Actually, I came here to tell you guys something." He paused, waiting for our reactions.

        Aaron leaned closer to him, getting a little too close to my personal space, and I pushed him back, earning a scowl from him. When Gavin remained silent, I gestured with my hands for him to continue. I wanted to say we didn't have all day, but we kind of did.

        "So," Gavin dragged out, licking his lips.

        "Move on with it," I said, getting annoyed. "Tell us already."

        Gavin released a heavy breath before saying, "I have a girlfriend."

        Aaron's eyes bulged out while my head flung back. What?

        "Since when?" I couldn't help but ask.

         "For a month now."

        My eyes widened this time. "And we're now finding out about this?"

        Aaron grinned, leaning over me to nudge Gavin. "My boy has game! That's why he's been M.I.A." Aaron turned to me. "He's getting some."

        Gavin and I laughed at Aaron's stupidity. "Actually, I'm not," Gavin corrected.

         "What?!" Aaron and I shouted simultaneously.

         "What's wrong with her?" Aaron asked.

         "What's wrong with you?" I added.

        Gavin sent us both an annoyed look. "Nothing and nothing." He frowned at me at the last part, but his expression softened soon after. "It's just... I really care about her, and I don't want to rush this and mess things up."

         "Aww," Aaron said, feigning innocence. "How cute." He sent Gavin a puppy-dog look, and I shook my head at him once more.

         "Seriously though, that's great." I sent Gavin a genuine smile. "Who's the lucky girl?"

        Gavin cleared his throat. His eyes avoided mine the whole time, so I cocked a brow. "Spill it. What's up?" I encouraged, but he remained silent, biting his lip and staring at me. Okay. What the hell was going on? "Gavin..."

         "I'm dating Honoka," he blurted out, and my eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

         "Oh, shit!" Aaron yelled, and he pressed his fist to his mouth, his eyes flickering between me and Gavin. "He's screwing one of your ex-best friends, Darian."

         "Aaron, shut the fuck up. I already told you I wasn't." Gavin waved him off, and his eyes stayed glued on me.

         "You're dating Honoka?" I asked, staring past him with a blank expression. Gavin curled his lips into his mouth and nodded slowly.

        That was a surprise because Honoka didn't seem like a girl Gavin would go for. She was too innocent and timid. Then again, she'd probably changed a lot by now. I didn't know her anymore. I only knew the old her. Honoka and I hadn't spoken since Camila's funeral, and we hadn't been on friendship terms way before that.

        After a couple seconds of utter silence, I forced a smile. "That's great, man." Both Gavin and Aaron stared at me, not buying it. "I'm happy for you. Honoka is a great girl." At least, I remembered her being a great girl.

        "Thanks. That means a lot, Darian." Gavin laughed as he pulled me into a side hug, and I patted his back in the process, fighting back my own urge to laugh, too. "You know you guys will always be my boys, right?" He told us when the two of us pulled back.

        Aaron grinned at his words. "We know. Although it'll be better if you said men."

        I shook my head in disapproval. "That sounds weird. 'My men?' Nah. 'My boys' is better."

        Gavin and I glanced at each other, nodding in agreement, while Aaron scoffed, making Gavin and I laugh at him. We continued teasing each other, and once my cigarette ran out, I lit another one because the unease hadn't disappeared yet for some reason.

A few days later, I walked through the campus of Shirley Heights University searching for Gavin and Aaron. Aaron had lunch with Gavin earlier that day, and they wanted me to meet up with them at the quad.

        Seeing all these kids getting adjusted to college and watching them talk to and walk with their new friends and acquaintances pissed me off.

        They were enjoying college life. Coming here and being reminded of their happiness wasn't a smart move on my part, but then again, I chose this route. Now, it was time to enjoy the fuck out of this ride.

        When I arrived at the quad, I spotted a bronze-skinned girl, wearing shorts and a bikini top, sitting in a lawn chair and reading a magazine. Henna ran down her hands, and she wiggled her toes continuously, chewing on her lip while she read. I halted in my steps and even though her eyes were covered by her sunglasses, there was only one person who crossed my mind at the sight of the girl.

         "Arya?" I called out, approaching the girl when she lifted her head to search for my voice. "Arya!" Once her gaze moved to me, her lips curled into a smirk as I stopped in front of her, staring in shock.

        "Well, Darian," she said as she removed her glasses, staring up at me with those familiar green eyes. "Long time no see." Her smirk morphed into a smile, and she stood to her feet, only a couple inches from me.

        Not a lot of Indian girls walked around with green eyes, and I knew Arya when I saw her, even if it'd been two years.

         "Arya Gupta." I continued staring while she crossed her arms with a smug expression. "In the flesh."

         "The one and only." She dropped her magazine and sunglasses on the lawn chair before grinning up at me. "It's great seeing you, Darian!"

        Before I could comprehend what was happening, Arya pulled me into a hug. I chuckled while hugging her back, actually glad to see her.

        "How've you been?" she asked once we pulled away.

         "I think I should be the one asking you that." Arya returned to her lawn chair while I got comfortable on the grass. "You're the one who left Shirley Heights for two years." After Camila's funeral, Arya left Shirley Heights to stay with her aunt in Colorado. Hadn't heard from her since, until now. "How was your 'lost weekend?'" She smiled at my reference.

        Back in middle school, whenever one of us went away for a while, Arya called it our "lost weekend" in reference to the 1945 movie, which Arya loved.

        "It was interesting." She stared ahead with her brows knitted together. "It was a little boring, and my auntie was constantly on my ass. I can definitely see how she and my father are related. They're both annoying as fuck."

        I groaned. "I know the feeling." If anyone knew about annoying fathers, it was me.

        Arya nodded. "But anything was better than staying here." Her gaze shifted to mine, waiting for my response.

        "That makes sense." She appeared taken aback. "After Camila," I paused for a second before continuing, "things were hard. I wanted to leave, too, but unlike you and Alissa, most of us couldn't."

        Arya nodded. "How are the others?"

        "I wouldn't know," I said, leaning back on my hands. "We don't really talk."

        "Yeah." Arya rubbed her forehead while we both stared ahead, not meeting each other's gaze. "Maybe it's for the best." I finally turned to her. "Maybe it's better if we aren't in one another's lives. It wouldn't be a problem to have some of us remain friends, but the whole group? No. That wouldn't work. Not after Camila and not after the accident. It's better this way."

        Arya smiled at me, and I sent her a small one in return. I didn't agree or disagree with her. I just didn't know, but I opted to say, "Yeah. I guess."

        "Out of all of them, you're the only one I wouldn't mind talking to again."

        "Really?" This was news to me, especially since Arya was the one most upset at me for abandoning the group in high school.

        "Yeah," she confirmed. "You're easy to talk to. The others? I'm dreading seeing them, especially Kenji." Arya's expression hardened while my chest tightened at the mention of his name.

        After all the shit that had happened, my heart still managed to race at the thought of him. Fuck.

        "Y-you're..." I cleared my throat. "You're still mad at him?"

        "Aren't you?" Arya glared at me, but I knew her anger was for someone else. A tall, Japanese boy by the name of Kenji Kai. "He's the reason Camila is dead. Why wouldn't I be mad at him?"

        "You're right." I once again felt indifferent, but I didn't feel like arguing with Arya at the moment.

        "I know am I," Arya agreed.

        "Still cocky?"

        "You would be cocky too if you were always right." She had a point.

        "Darian!" Aaron's obnoxious voice drew our attention to him and Gavin jogging our way. "There you are!" He grinned at me when they stopped in front of us. Once his eyes shifted from me to Arya, his face lit up. "Arya?"

        Gavin looked just as stunned. "You're back at Shirley Heights?" he asked.

        "I am." Arya smiled at them, but even her smiles looked like smirks. Maybe it was her eyes. "How are you boys?"

        "Men actually," Aaron corrected, and Gavin and I rolled our eyes. "But enough about us. What's up with you? You look hotter than I remember." His eyes were practically fucking her as they roamed her body.

        This boy had no chill.

        "Of course, I do," Arya responded. "I only improve."

        Yup. Arya was back. She wasn't considered the "diva" and the "brat" of our group for no reason.

        "Ooh," Aaron said with what I noticed was an attempt at a seductive look. "I'll like to see more of this improvement."

        He did not just say that.

         "Maybe next time." Arya winked his way, and I could almost see Aaron's head swell.

        This boy needed to get laid. No wonder we were going to a strip club tonight. Aaron needed this shit.

        Gavin seemed to have been thinking the same thing as me. "Well," Gavin interrupted, "we have to go."

         "Yeah," I said as I stood to my feet, brushing the grass off my jeans before turning my attention to Arya. "I'll see you later."

        "Okay." She nodded. "You still have my number, right?"

        I hated to admit it, but I did. I didn't delete any of their numbers, not even Kenji's. "Yeah, I do. It's still the same?"

        "Yup."

        "Maybe I'll call you later."

        "I'll like that."

        I smiled at her. "It was great seeing you again, Arya."

         "Great seeing you, too, Darian," she replied with a bright smile, and I chuckled before turning to walk away with my boys.

        After Gavin managed to drag Aaron away from Arya, we headed back to my place for a couple drinks. Well, Aaron and I drank while Gavin sipped on a juice pouch. Gavin, who used to join me and Aaron putting fuckers in their place was now a juice pouch guy.

        Pathetic.

        A couple hours later, we made our way into the strip club. Aaron grinned like a kid in a candy shop at all of the exposed breasts in our faces while Gavin tried hiding his face and pretending he wasn't getting turned on. I knew he was but that didn't stop him from fighting it. The struggles of a taken guy. Me?

        I felt close to nothing.

        All these women with their bouncing tits and their fat asses didn't do it for me. Even when Aaron asked a brunette to give me a lap dance and even when she pushed her breasts in my face and humped my crotch and even when she ran her hands across my chest and thighs, I felt nothing.

        I didn't want boobs and a soft body with a round ass.

        I wanted a lean chest and a tall frame with soft skin on hard muscles.

        I didn't want a petite Caucasian girl.

        I wanted a long-haired, Japanese boy by the name of Kenji Kai.

        Even as the brunette continued moving on me, my thoughts remained on him. The thought of him doing this to me definitely got the blood flowing to my lower region. I was so gay for Kenji, and I couldn't even deny it anymore.

        And no one knew but a girl who had been dead for two years now.

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* How did you guys like this chapter? How do you feel about Darian's POV? Him being in the closet? How do you guys like the "goons?"

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* Song is "Me, Myself & I" by G-Eazy x Bebe Rexha