I slouched back in the passenger seat of the hatchback, staring out the window with a numb expression while Honoka drove. I dreaded our destination.

        My mother's house.

        She lived outside of Shirley Heights because she preferred the tranquility of the suburbs. We were having dinner today with her, Tou-san and the terrible Caroline Leigh.

        The last time I saw Caroline Leigh was years ago, and I hadn't spoken to her just as long. She was the reason all this shit happened to my family.

        She was worse than the "other woman."

        She was worse than the "home-wrecker."

        She was worse than the "terrible stepmother."

        She was all of the above.

        I couldn't believe I had to spend a whole dinner with her and my mother. Watching them being all lovey-dovey. And worse of all, in front of Tou-san. The thought alone made my skin crawl in both disgust and anger.

        Honoka kept sneaking peeks at me. "Kenji, come on."

        "I didn't even say anything."

        "You don't have to. I can already see it now. You making a scene and being a little drama queen."

        "Whatever. Like I give a damn about your predictions."

        Honoka's head snapped my way. "Excuse me?"

        "I didn't stutter." I leaned away from the window, and Honoka focused ahead. "I don't need you pestering me. If I don't like Caroline Leigh and if I don't want to be cordial, so be it. I don't need you making my feelings seem irrelevant, like you always do. Because Honoka is the only one with authentic feelings." I made sure to lace the last part with as much sarcasm as possible.

        She could be angry at Darian for something that happened years ago, but I couldn't be angry at my mother and Caroline?

        Screw that.

        Honoka didn't respond. I was already pissed, so I didn't have time for her nagging.

        Honoka and I had been getting along well for the past couple weeks, and we were spending more time together. More than we ever did after the accident. But I already knew our good feelings for each other was going to be placed on a temporary hold. Our opinions varied too much regarding our mother.

        The ride remained silent for the remaining ten minutes. When we parked in the driveway of the little suburban house, I sighed in dismay.

        Honoka killed the engine and turned to face me. "We're here. I know you don't like Caroline, but please be nice." I had no words to that. "I know you won't, but just consider it. This situation is already tough enough. We don't need you making it more difficult."

        "There wouldn't be a situation if she just stayed with Tou-san."

        "Kenji," Honoka said, "it's a lot more complicated than that."

        "Is it?" I faced her, too.

        We stared at each other without uttering a word until she said, "Just behave."

        Honoka got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. I got out, too, and we made our way to the house with Honoka in front while I lagged behind. I was in no hurry to enter that house.

        Honoka rang the doorbell, and it took less a minute for my mother to open the door. "Hono-chan!" She pulled a smiling Honoka into her arms, and the two giggled as they held on to each other.

        I rolled my eyes right when my mother's gaze moved to me, taken aback. "Kenji..." I forced a closed-lip smile, and a grin split onto my mother's face. "Kenji-kun!"

        She pulled me into a hug as well. She held me close while I stood stiffly, not knowing what to do. When I looked to Honoka for help, she gestured with her arms for me to hug my mother back. I almost sighed in annoyance but opted to do as Honoka advised. I hugged my mother back, but it still felt incredibly awkward. Once the uncomfortable hug was over, I walked past her and entered the house.

        Might as well get it over with.

        Honoka and my mother followed in behind me, and I stood at the genkan of the house with my hands in my pockets. While Honoka removed her shoes, I stood still, scanning around the place. Littered on the walls were various pictures of my mother and Caroline smiling and a few of them and their dogs. What caught my attention was a portrait of my mother, Caroline and all of their dogs that read "the family" on the top of the frame.

        There was no picture of me, Tou-san or Honoka anywhere.

        "The family" my ass.

        "Kenji, you can remove your shoes," my mother instructed while passing me and patting my back.

        I glared at her retreating form until Honoka passed by, too. "Behave," she scolded before following behind my mother.

        I grumbled under my breath but bent over to remove my Jordans. I had to make sure I placed them in a safe corner away from those ratty dogs. These were my favorite pair of Jordans. I was going to protect this shit with my life.

        Only when my shoes were off did I make my way into the kitchen to see Tou-san standing beside the counter while my mother laid out the plates and silverware onto the table with Honoka's help.

He spotted me. "Kenji, good to see you here."

        "Konbanwa, Tou-san."

        Before he could respond, an annoying voice said, "Kenji! Honoka!" I stiffened, recognizing that voice that haunted me anywhere.

        Caroline Leigh.

        I didn't even turn around to give her the time of night, but Honoka moved from her spot beside my mother to greet Caroline.

        "Hey, Caroline," Honoka said, and I glanced back to see the two hugging.

        I claimed a spot beside Tou-san. That was where I felt safest and most at ease. Next to my father.

        Unfortunately, I couldn't hide because Caroline's eyes moved to me. She smiled, but I maintained my blank stare. "Hello, Kenji."

        I looked her up and down as if sizing her up. Her hair was a mess, going in all directions as if she literally just rolled out of bed, even though it was evening. That was the thing, Caroline always looked sloppy, never looking her best. I wrinkled my nose.

        It was a shame my mother had such bad taste in women.

        I frowned even more when my eyes landed on the flip flops on her feet. Caroline never removed her shoes when she was in a house. According to her, having only socks on or walking around with bare feet made it easier to slip and fall. She claimed to be a klutz, but I didn't care.

        My mother didn't like shoes in the house, and it was a part of our culture. Something that was extremely important to me personally, as well. She should have been more respectful to our customs, and it sucked that my mother never confronted her about it.

        "Hey." My voice came out bland and uninterested. Tou-san nudged my elbow. "Hello," I tried again, adding fake enthusiasm.

        "How are you, Caroline?" Tou-san greeted.

        "I'm doing just fine, Ichiro," she responded with a larger grin. I looked away, not wanting to see her face anymore.

        As if on cue, a series of barks engulfed the house, moving closer to us. As soon as it started, three dogs ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. One a beagle, the other a small Yorkshire terrier and the third a dachshund. They ran across the kitchen, all barking and the Yorkshire terrier hopped on its hind legs from one person to the next. Honoka got on one knee and petted the beagle, ruffling its ears. It even licked her face, and I almost threw up.

        Gross. Couldn't be me.

I hated dogs.

        I wasn't afraid of them and they were cute, but man were they disgusting. Licking people. Peeing on people. Slobbering on people. Hell to the motherfucking no. This guy wasn't about that life. I did not feel like smelling like a dog or having my house smell like one either. I was content with my 212 Men cologne scent.

        Honoka laughed while playing with the beagle, and Caroline petted the Yorkshire terrier. The dachshund just dawdled around, minding its business. Now that, I liked. My focus moved to my mother who ignored the Yorkshire terrier that left Caroline to wag its tail behind her while she finished cooking.

        She better not pet that thing. She was dealing with our food here. I didn't feel like having dog hair in my meal. I almost gagged again.

Yup. I hated dogs.

        "Okay, okay!" Caroline clapped her hands. "You three have to go outside." She shooed the dogs away and opened the back door. "Out! Now." The dogs ran out the door with Caroline's encouragement. As soon as she closed the door, I sighed in relief.

        Thank God.

        The three dogs' barks could still be heard from the backyard. I was just glad they were gone. I turned to Honoka. "You better wash your hands."

        She stuck her tongue out at me before walking to the bathroom down in the second living room.

        "Just one dinner, Kenji," Tou-san said, watching my mother finish getting the food ready.

        I nodded. "I'm here, aren't I?"

        My father peeked my way. "Physically, yes. But are you really here?"

        I kept my mouth shut.

        My mother placed all the food one by one onto the table, and I was starved. "Dinner is ready!" she announced right as Honoka returned from the bathroom.

        We all took a seat. My mother and Caroline sat at the heads of the table while Honoka and Tou-san sat in front of me, and I sat alone. I preferred it that way and focused on the meal before me. My mother made beef kushiyaki with a side of gyoza and nikujaga and some white rice. I licked my lips, and me, my parents and Honoka all reached for our rice bowls first before grabbing our chopsticks, but Caroline grabbed her chopsticks first.

        I rolled my eyes.

        Bowls first. Chopsticks later. Of course she didn't know that.

        "Itadakimasu," I started off. My parents and Honoka smiled while Caroline looked on confused.

        "Itadakimasu!" everyone joined in, except for Caroline.

        While my mother tried explaining the itadakimasu phrase to her, I devoured my food. But once we were all eating, my eyes moved to Caroline. She petted that damn dog, and she never washed her hands, and here she was eating. I averted my gaze before my food came back up.

       White people.

        As we ate, I tried not to be turned off by the fact that Caroline tried picking up the non-sticky rice with her chopsticks instead of bringing the small bowl up and pushing the rice into her mouth with the chopsticks. What an amateur move. She even poured soy sauce over her gyoza instead of putting the soy sauce in the small bowl that was provided to her and dipping the gyoza in it, like the rest of us.

        How did she not have a clue about this stuff when she'd had dinner with my mother every day for the past couple years?

        Either my mother was slipping or she was.

        I shook my head in disapproval while we continued eating. There was small talk, and Honoka and Tou-san contributed to the conversation. I remained silent and zoned out, focusing solely on my meal. Tou-san was right after all. I was only here physically, but I wasn't ready to be here mentally, engaging in small talk with Caroline and my mother in their home.

        Even though I was still salty when it came to her and her decisions, I couldn't deny how delicious my mother's cooking was. Tou-san's cooking was great, too, but my mother's skills were on a whole other level. I didn't realize how much I missed it until now.

        "You know," Caroline said, "this is delicious, Keiko." She smiled at my mother. "It's one of the few Japanese meals I actually enjoy."

        I frowned. Few? "You don't like Japanese food?" I didn't even glance up at her while I spoke.

       "Usually, no," my mother jumped in. "It's too different for her, I guess."

        I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. At this rate, my eyes were going to permanently stay in the back of my head if I kept rolling them.

        "I'm a really picky eater, that's all," Caroline said.

        "Caroline is picky in general," my mother teased.

        When it came to looking presentable, she wasn't.

        "Oh, really?" I feigned interest, looking up with an empty expression.

        "Yup." My mother nodded while grinning at Caroline. That look of adoration in her eyes pissed me off even more. "Me and Caroline are so different."

          Obviously. My mother was a petite, Japanese woman with dark hair while Caroline was a tall blonde with prominent blue eyes that pierced through you from across the room. My mother was a successful social worker who only spoke up for her job and only when necessary while Caroline Leigh was that eccentric, borderline-hippie teacher. She didn't have to tell me they were different.

        "Our culture is a part of my identity," my mother said, "not Caroline's."

        How could she live with, build a life with, and spend years with someone and have them not know jack about her culture? Not even the basics?

        "Exactly!" Caroline agreed. "We both find a way to manage though, and I'm still adjusting to the culture. I may not appreciate most of it like I should, but I'm trying."

        I glared at Caroline. I didn't even try hiding it now. "If you don't like Japanese culture so much than why are you with a Japanese woman?"

        The room fell silent. "I never said I didn't like the culture," Caroline defended.

         "Oh, really? You don't like our food. You don't like our customs."

        "I never said I didn't like your customs."

        "Are you sure about that? Customs are a part of a culture. You said it yourself that you didn't 'appreciate most of it.' 'It' is our culture, thereby our customs," I challenged, and she gulped the last of her food.

        "Kenji!" my father snapped, sending me a warning look. "Stop it."

        "I'm sure that's not what Caroline meant," Honoka said in her favor.

        I chuckled. Of course. They were defending her.

        This woman had spent seven years with our mother, but she hadn't even given our culture a chance. Hadn't even shown some curiosity or respect for it, when it was a part of my mother's identity?

        And I thought I couldn't dislike Caroline even more.

        "I'll get the punch." Caroline left the table to retrieve a punch bowl from the kitchen counter. She placed it in the middle of the table and went to grab the cups before sitting back down.

        I continued to watch her. The small talks resumed, but I had lost my appetite. I leered at Tou-san and Honoka, who were laughing and talking as if everything was okay. As if this was normal. They accepted Caroline. The woman who broke our family. They accepted her and saw me as the bad guy for not doing the same.

        I needed air.

        I rose from my seat, shifting all eyes to me. "I need to get something from the car."

        Now, I was the one with the bad table manners.

        I headed for the door. "I have the keys, Kenji," Honoka informed me. I ignored her and bent down to put on my Jordans.

        "We're having dinner, musuko," Tou-san spoke up, clearly annoyed. I paused because it was my father speaking now. "Osuwari." He motioned for me to sit.

        "Let him go." My mother reached for my father's hand with a warm smile, and Tou-san returned it. "It's fine." I stood up with my shoes intact, and my eyes gravitated to my parents.

        I wanted them together.

        I wanted them to be a couple, and I wanted them to raise us as one. I wanted more family dinners with just the four of us and no Caroline Leigh. I wanted more family trips to Japan to visit my mother's parents in Okayama. I wanted more family gameshow nights and more memories of my parents having fun together with the Elite Servers. I wanted anything that involved them being together.

        Not separated. I wanted Ichiro and Keiko Kai. Not Keiko and Caroline Leigh. Seeing the two women together made me sick. I had no problem with lesbians; I just hated them together. I wanted my mother with Tou-san.

        I wanted her with us.

        "Kenji!" Caroline said, removing me from my thoughts. She ran towards me with a cup of punch in her hand. "You have to try this." Everyone else had a cup, too.

        "I'm good." I stopped her with my hands.

        "No, try it." She pushed the cup towards me.

        What part of "no" did this lady not understand? "I have to get something from the car."

        "The key is with me," Honoka reminded.

        "Shut up, Honoka," I snarled.

        "Kenji," my father scolded while Caroline kept pushing the cup my way. "Watch it."

        "If you're going to go outside, at least take this with you to keep you hydrated and relaxed. You'll like it."

        I didn't give a damn if it was punch from heaven. If Caroline made it, I didn't want it. "No thanks," I said through gritted teeth.

        "Come on, Kenji," she said, continuing to push it at me.

        Was this woman deaf? "No!" I yelled, jutting my arms to the side in frustration. Caroline jerked and the cup slipped from her hand.

         It landed on the floor of the genkan, and I froze as liquid spread around my feet—soaking on my shoes.

        "My Jordans!" I screamed in horror as the red drink drenched them.

        Caroline gasped, and she picked up the cup and ran into the kitchen. "Kenji, I'm so sorry!"

        Honoka stood up from her seat with her hands clasped around her mouth while Tou-san was speechless. I stared in shock at my Jordans. My favorite pair. Ruined and stained. By red punch. Made by Caroline Leigh.

        Caroline returned with a towel and dropped to her knees to wipe my shoes. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a klutz."

        "It wasn't her fault," Tou-san said. "It was an accident, musuko."

        "Yeah, they're just shoes," my mother added.

        I slowly looked up at her.

        That sentence alone proved just how little she knew about me. She stopped knowing me after she left Tou-san—after she left us. The Kenji I was back then was completely different from the person I was now. Everyone who knew me, knew that. She didn't. She thought they were just shoes. She thought it was petty, and it was, but not to me.

        She didn't know me.

        That was the final straw, and I blew up.

        "Enough! Get off me!" I pulled my feet away, making Caroline almost fall back. She stood to her feet while I shot daggers at everyone in the house. "I can't do this. I'm done. You!" I pointed at Caroline. "You're a terrible excuse of a woman and you!" My scrutiny moved to my mother. "You're a terrible excuse of a mother."

        "Kenji!" Tou-san yelled while my mother watched, stunned.

        "You don't know me." My eyes remained on her. "Yes, they're just shoes, but if you knew me even a little, you'll know how much I love my Jordans. You'll know how much I love looking good and smelling good and looking fly." Confusion edged her face. "But you don't know that. You only remember that eleven-year-old boy with the messy hair and the God-awful clothes who didn't know jack about fashion. The shy but slightly annoying kid who loved J-pop. That's the boy you remember, but guess what, Mom? I'm not that boy anymore. Things have changed, and they'll never go back to the way they were before. I can't come here and pretend everything is okay." I looked to Tou-san and Honoka. "You two may be able to, but I can't." I glared at Caroline. "I hate you." She cringed at my words.

        "Kenji-kun!" my mother yelled, glaring at me in return. "Yamete! You've gone too far." Of course. I was attacking her precious Caroline, so she was getting angry.

        Now, she was getting angry. Only because Caroline was involved.

        That was what I hated the most. How she put Caroline above everyone us, including us—her kids and original family, before we were replaced by dogs.

        I kept my focus on Caroline, completely ignoring my mother. "I'll always hate you, and this dinner is a waste of my time because that will never change. All of us coming together is total—"

        "Kenji, that's enough!" Tou-san intervened.

        "What's enough is you continuing to do this." My expression crumbled when I turned to Tou-san. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" His gaze flickered around the house, suddenly avoiding mine. "This can't be easy on you. It sure as hell isn't easy on me and Honoka. We will never be a family again so why are we all here, pretending, especially with her?" I stuck a thumb out at Caroline. "I don't need to be reminded of the failure of what used to be our 'family.' No. I don't need any more pain in my life. I've had enough. I have messed up Jordans and a messed up family and a messed up dinner, so I'm out. I'm done with this. I'm done." I threw my arms up and turned to leave.

        "Kenji." For the first time, Tou-san wasn't enough to stop me, and I opened the front door. "Kenji! Matte!" I walked out and shut the door behind me, my breathing ragged as my hands shook. I was so pissed that I didn't know what to do with myself.

        Tou-san was replaced by Caroline, and Honoka and I were replaced by dogs. Dogs. We were replaced by fucking dogs.

        I dug my hands into my pockets to conceal the trembling, but they still vibrated against my thighs while I walked past Honoka's hatchback, stepping out of the driveway. I was on a hunt for a bus stop, and I was going to make my way back to Shirley Heights and then head over to Darian's apartment.

I needed my ichiban.

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* I didn't update this chapter as soon as I thought I would, but I'll make it up to you guys.

* What do you think? Have you ever disliked someone to the point that everything they did made you mad? How would you have reacted in Kenji's shoes? Literally and figuratively. Lol. Comment your thoughts. :)