Honoka was having a little get together with Clay, Alissa and Kenji this afternoon, and she invited me.

        Honoka told Gavin she was inviting Clay and Alissa over, so Gavin convinced her to invite me. He probably wanted to reunite me with the others because he was set on his theory of me being the common denominator in the feud between the two groups. Like I said before, I was willing to be friendly with the others, but one night wasn't going to fix the tension and issues between us.

        The more I thought about it, the more I regretted the decision. It would be me against them in a way. That was how things had been since the start of high school. From what I'd heard from Kenji, he, Honoka, Clay, and Alissa had been spending more time together lately. I didn't even know Alissa was back, but I wasn't surprised about Clay.

        That run-in with Kenji and Clay at Shirley Shakes only confirmed it. I frowned at the memory of them walking in together and the two of them seated outside, eating and talking. They seemed to have been having a serious conversation, too.

        My frown deepened into my forehead.

        Either way, it would be like the night of the accident all over again, with me the odd one out trying to merge back into the group. At least then, I had Camila, who tried to get me to join in on the conversation, and she was someone I could talk to with ease when all else failed.

        Now, I didn't have Camila. It was just me.

        Unless...

I parked in front of the Gupta's residence, and Arya was waiting for me at the entrance with her arms crossed. I unlocked the car door, and she entered.

        As she buckled her seatbelt into place, she said, "So, where are we going?"

        "You'll see," I replied, reversing out of the driveway before turning and driving off.

        "Why do I have an uneasy feeling about this?" She eyed me suspiciously.

        "You'll be fine." I focused on the road ahead. To make her comfortable, I gave her permission to plug in her phone with the AUX chord, and I tried not to cringe at her playlist filled with Katy Perry, Rachel Platten, Taylor Swift and many other preppy, white girl's whiny voices.

It was a difficult feat, but I managed. Anything to get her into a good mood and make her relax because I knew all of that would go down the drain once she realized where we were headed.

         That was why I wasn't going to tell her until we got there. I knew it was wrong deceiving Arya like this, but I didn't want to be alone. Out of the group, she and Kenji were the ones I felt most at ease with now. Yeah, Kenji would be there, too, but he was in his element with Clay, Alissa and Honoka around. Having Arya with me would make me feel a little less left out. Yeah, we would be outnumbered, but at least we would be the odd ones together.

        I endured Arya's ruthless singing and the overly enthusiastic music for another fifteen minutes until I parked at our destination. Arya turned off the music.

        She scanned the area before turning her gaze to me. "Is this your apartment?"

I turned to face her. Here goes. "We're at Kenji's and Honoka's apartment."

        Arya's eyes bugged out. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

        "Listen to me," I silenced her. "I brought you here for a reason."

        "I don't want to hear it." She crossed her arms with her lips pursed. "I'm not going in there. Nope. Not gonna happen. I refuse."

        That was one thing about Arya. So damn stubborn.

        "Would you just let me finish?" I yelled, and she finally kept quiet. "Honoka is having a get-together with Clay and Alissa."

        "So the others are here, too? Great." I didn't miss the sarcasm in her voice.

        "She invited me because of Gavin."

        "Gavin?" Confusion stretched on Arya's face. "What the hell does Gavin have to do with Honoka?"

        Oh, yeah. She didn't know. "Gavin and Honoka are dating."

        Arya's jaw dropped. "Since when?"

        "For a while now. But that's not the point." Arya stared past me, still stunned. "The point is she invited me over, and I agreed to come. I'm doing this for Gavin's sake because he's my best friend." Arya frowned at my words. "I care about him, and he cares about Honoka. I don't want me and Honoka's history to impact their relationship, so I'm going to put our differences aside."

         "Good for you, Darian. You deserve a cookie." She flashed me a fake smile, and I rolled my eyes. "But guess what?" Her smile vanished, replaced with a blank look. "I don't want to put our differences aside. I told you before, and I'll tell you again. I don't want anything to do with the others. I've outgrown them."

        Ouch. Even I knew that was harsh.

        "C'mon, Arya." I ran my hands through my hair with a deep exhale. "I already said 'yes', and I want to make Gavin happy." And see Kenji, but I wasn't going to tell her that. "I have to be here—with them. Come with me. It'll make it easier on me." Her hard expression didn't falter. "You said so yourself that you feel most comfortable around me because you don't feel as incompetent. Well, I feel the same way, and they're already reconnecting. I don't want to be the only outcast in the group."

        She squinted her eyes at me, but they were less rigid. "Darian."

        "Arya, please." I leaned closer to her. "It'll make it so much easier if you come with me. I'm begging here." She seemed to be contemplating it, but I was getting impatient here. Time for a different approach. "I picked you up that one time." And I had to leave Kenji in the process. "I did you a favor. It's only fair that you returned it."

        Guilt trips were the best kind. I smirked.

        "Ooohhh," Arya cooed. "You're using that against me now? You bastard." There was a spark of humor in her eyes.

        "Seriously, Arya." I sighed. "Come with me. Please..." I almost pouted, but I stopped myself real quick. I didn't do that shit no matter how desperate I got.

        After a while, Arya finally said, "Fine."

        I had to stop myself from pulling her into a hug. "Thank you, Arya."

        "Whatever," she mumbled as she removed her seatbelt. I unbuckled mine as well. "Let's get this over with."

        "Fine with me," I said as we both got out of the car. Right then, I got a text.

I didn't respond and rang the doorbell instead. Honoka was quick to answer the door, and she grinned at me.

        "Dari—" she paused mid-sentence when her eyes landed on Arya, who stood beside me with her arms crossed and a bored expression on her face. "Arya?" Honoka stared at her in disbelief. "C-come in. Both of you." She stepped aside, and I placed my hand on Arya's lower back, urging her to enter. Honoka closed the door behind us and turned to face the others. "They're here!" she announced while Arya and I removed our shoes at the door.

        "Ay, Darian," Clay greeted from the kitchen with his mouth full of Lay's chips.

        I didn't know what he was "aying" at.

        "Long time no see stranger," Alissa said, and my jaw dropped when my gaze landed on her.

The hell?

        Alissa stood beside Clay in a floral dress with her hair straightened, and were those earrings I saw in her ears? What happened to the athletic tees and basketball shorts look topped with a messy bun? Was that makeup on her face?

        What was this?!

        I had to mentally slap myself to stop staring.

        Nodding once Clay's way, I pulled Alissa into a hug. "It's great seeing you, 'Lis."

        "Nice seeing you, too, Darian." Alissa smiled as we pulled away.

        "What's up, girl?" Clay said to Arya who fought the urge to roll her eyes.

        "Arya," Alissa muttered with her arms crossed.

        "Alissa," Arya imitated.

        Okay...

         "You guys are later than Clay," Honoka said, breaking the tension.

        Oh, yeah. Clay was always late. If you were later than him, you needed to re-evaluate your life.

        "Yeah, we're slipping," I joked with a chuckle. Honoka joined in, lightening the mood.

        I turned my attention to Kenji who sat on a stool in front of the island with a cup of Pepsi in his hand. He nodded our way, but I didn't miss his eyes avoiding us. I quirked a brow as Honoka made her way to the fridge and called out to me, "Dr. Pepper, Darian?"

        "Yup," I replied, plopping on the couch and pulling Arya down with me.

        "Sorry, Arya." Honoka returned with a liter of Dr. Pepper. "No root beer. You'll have to do with Dr. Pepper or Pepsi."

        While I used to be obsessed with Dr. Pepper, Arya used to be obsessed with root beer. In my opinion, it was nasty as fuck, but that was what homegirl liked.

        I grabbed the bottle of Dr. Pepper from Honoka along with two cups. I handed one cup to Arya, who squinted her eyes at me. "She'll manage," I said for her, grinning up at Honoka.

        "If I would have known she was coming, I would have ran to the store for some," Honoka said.

        "Don't worry about it, Honoka." I waved it off while pouring me and Arya a cup of pop.

        "So," Clay said, walking towards us with Alissa behind him, "since you two have finally decided to crawl out of your hole of isolation, what have you guys been up to."

        Clay set a bowl of chips on the table in front of us, and he and Alissa sat down on the floor, continuing to munch on the Lay's.

        I shrugged while Arya held her sour expression. "Nothing much for me. Just working at Shirley Shakes," I responded.

        "Oh, yeah." Clay grinned at Alissa. "Kenji and I saw Darian a couple days ago."

        I wrinkled my nose. I didn't want to be reminded of that. I snuck a peek at Kenji who still sat on the island. He was drinking his Pepsi as he leaned his body back, almost as if he wanted to keep as much distance between him and the rest of us. My jaw tightened, but I looked away, not wanting to stare for too long.

        "It'll be nice to see more of you, Darian," Alissa said, and I smiled at her.

        "What about you, Arya?" Honoka asked while pulling a chair in the living room to sit in the small circle we had formed. "How was your time in Colorado?"

"Good," she replied.

Honoka waited for more, when she didn't get it, she said, "Anything else going on?"

        Arya stared at Honoka with a bored look. "College. Life."

        "So specific, Arya," Clay snickered.

        Honoka smiled out of civility. "W-well, that's good."

        Arya continued to stare at her blankly, so I focused on Kenji. "Aren't you going to join us, Kenji?"

        He peeked up from his drink to look at me. "I'm fine." I raised a brow at him, and the other's attention shifted to him, too. I continued to watch him, letting him know I wasn't buying it. He sent me a look. "Darian."

        "Kenji," I challenged, maintaining eye contact with him while the corner of his lips quirked up.

         A grin finally spread on his face. "Fine." He stood from the stool at the island and made his way over to us, making me grin.

        I was even happier when he sat next to me, so I playfully slapped his arm, causing him to laugh.

        "What's going on...?" Clay muttered under his breath, drawing both my and Kenji's attention to the others, who stared at us.

        "I see you guys have made up?" Honoka smiled.

        "We're getting there," Kenji said before taking a sip of his drink.

        "Yeah." My gaze returned to him. "We are." Arya snorted, drawing attention to herself.

A line formed in Alissa's forehead. "If you have something to say Arya, say it."

        Arya raised a brow at Alissa. "Oh, I have plenty to say," she sneered.

        "Well, that's surprising," Alissa said. "Because you already said plenty when Kenji and I saw you last time." The two girls glared at each other while the rest of us watched, tongue-tied.

        Alissa was always the chill one, and it took a lot to get her angry and even more for her to stay angry.

        What the hell did Arya do?

        "Okay!" Honoka intervened, and both Alissa and Arya averted their gaze from each other, with their glares intact. "I heard from Kenji you go to SHU, too, Arya." I sunk a little into the couch at the mention of college.

        Great. Still the outlier, even with Arya here.

        Arya shrugged. "Yeah." Honoka waited for her to elaborate, but when Arya didn't, she nodded slowly.

         I scrunched my face at Arya and kicked her leg. She turned to me with a "what" look, but my expression said it all. She sighed dramatically. "Can we just watch TV or something?"

        "We can do that." Honoka grabbed the remote and searched for something for us to watch.

        "I'll get us more chips," Kenji said, rising to his feet.

        While he walked off into the kitchen, I snuck glances at him. It took only a few minutes for us to "decide" to watch Catfish re-runs. It was Arya's pick and despite Clay's and Alissa's protests, Honoka kept the channel on the annoying show, probably to please Ms. Grumpy-as-Fuck next to me.

        When Kenji returned with a bag filled with smaller packs of Doritos chips, he tore it open and handed them out to all of us. I gladly took one from him, but when he offered one to Arya, she peered down at his hand.

        Arya's glare moved up to his face. "I'm fine thank you very much." The sarcasm and spite laced her words. My eyebrows knitted together.

        Hurt flashed over Kenji's face, but he quickly masked it.

        "Arya," I said through gritted teeth.

        "Darian, it's okay." Kenji returned the chip to the bag and reclaimed his spot next to me.

        "No, it's not okay actually," Alissa jumped in, staring at Arya in disbelief. "You've been nothing but a bitch since you got back, Arya. And it's honestly not cute."

       "Don't worry about it, 'Lis." Kenji smiled at her, trying to calm her down, but Alissa's firm scowl remained on Arya.

        When I caught sight of Honoka watching Arya, too, from my peripheral vision, I wasn't surprised by the tension in her jaw. Honoka was a very civil person, but once she was pushed, we all ducked for cover for a reason.

        She was an atomic bomb waiting to blow—and not in a good way.

        An air of awkward silence ensued, so we all focused on Catfish instead. Honoka even brought out the Saku Saku Panda chocolate cookies that we all used to love while she munched on some seaweed Kit Kats.

        We devoured the snacks, but it didn't completely ease the tension. Maybe inviting Arya wasn't such a good idea after all.

I would have much rather felt like the odd one out than endure this shit. Arya wasn't even trying to be cordial. Like damn. How could she turn against the others so fast?

        Then again, I turned against them, too—way before Arya did. I peeked over at Kenji. I betrayed him the most. At least Arya was only being a bitch. I took my betrayal to a whole 'nother level. I gave Kenji a black eye for goodness sake, and that was only one of the tortures I put him through. I felt sick thinking of it now. I was an ass in high school, and I was an ass now.

While Clay and Alissa talked back and forth with Honoka continuing to attempt to add Arya into the conversation, Kenji remained silent beside me while I was lost in a swirl of emotion. Shame. Guilt. Regret. Many more terrible feelings.

        This was why I loved hanging out with Aaron and Gavin and being a pest to society with them. I felt none of these emotions. Not once did I feel something negative, except for maybe a little guilt. Shop lifting. Going to juvie. Getting in fights. Pissing people off, especially my dad. Crashing my car into other vehicles on multiple occasions. And every other fuck-up I had throughout high school. They all made me feel nothing. In those situations, I could live in the moment and let the adrenaline flow, and it was freeing—even if only temporary.

        With Kenji, Honoka, Clay, Alissa, and even Arya, it was much calmer. Calm enough to have shitty thoughts like the ones I was having now. Calm enough to evaluate my life and realize I wasn't going anywhere with it. Calm enough to have all these insecurities and terrible emotions coming to bombard me. It was sickening.

The more awareness a person had to an issue, the sooner they had to face it, and I wasn't ready to do so. I only wanted to ride it out until I reached a dead end.

         I wasn't the protagonist of an action movie.

        "We're in a circle, guys," Alissa took me out of my thoughts, which I was grateful for. The six of us glanced around and realized we were. "If only Camila were here," Alissa said, and Arya noticeably tensed beside me. "She'll be so proud."

         She would be. Camila always loved us being in circles because according to her, it was more intimate. We could see each other, hear each other better and just "connect." Camila used to be overly sentimental sometimes, but we loved her anyway. Then it hit me that we were all together.

The last time the six of us were all in the same space was Camila's funeral.

         Honoka chuckled. "I know right. That girl and circles."

        "That girl and traditions!" Clay added, and all of us nodded in agreement, except for Arya. "There was a tradition for everything!"

         "Traditions for birthdays," Honoka started.

        "Traditions for dances," Kenji said.

       "Traditions for holidays," Alissa added.

        The more they talked, the tenser and tenser Arya got beside me. "Traditions for any Shirley Heights event," I continued to add my own two cents.

        Arya's head snapped my way, and she narrowed her eyes at me. Geez. It would have been "peace out Darian" if eyes could kill.

        That was the start of our "Camila" talk, and the start of the others reminiscing in the memory of our old friend. From her habit of biting the back of her hand when nervous to her love for Butterfingers to the time she fell on stage in fifth grade during the water cycle play and the six of us clapped at that very moment to make her feel better to the time she made a boy cry after he made fun of Arya's lunch. Even with Arya shaking her head in annoyance, there was a surge of happiness that filled the room at the mention of Camila.

After her death, it seemed as if no one wanted to talk about her out loud and when they did, they kept the conversation short.

        Talking about her now without a cloud hanging over our heads was nice. Camila didn't deserve to be treated like a memory best forgotten. She was too extraordinary for that.

        "Can you guys stop?" Arya hollered all of a sudden, standing to her feet. "I'm so sick of this bullshit!" The room fell silent, and all eyes moved to her.

Oh, shit.

        Darian, you've fucked up again.

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