tw: lots of semi dark themes/thoughts in this chapter

★

THE NIGHT DID NOT improve at all. Amara watched with her a lump lodged in her throat at the hospital as Fiona was pulled away by the police, her hands secured behind her in cuffs. Everything was happening too fast, she could hardly wrap her head around any of it. She pinched her arm plenty of times to make sure that she wasn't in some shitty nightmare, but she did not wake up. Because this was real. All of this was actually happening and it was completely insane.

She stared at a far wall, hours later, none of them had spoken more than a few words since Fiona got arrested. She struggled to keep her eyes open—though at the same time felt anything but tired. Her leg bounced as she continued to fiddle with her fingers subconsciously, but her gaze did not move from the door all the way down the hallway.

If only she hadn't gone to the bathroom. If she had just waited twenty more seconds so Lip arrived to watch Liam instead. None of this would've been happening. She didn't even have to pee that badly, why couldn't she have held it? Why did she have to go that very moment?

Fate worked in the cruelest ways sometimes.

Kev appeared with three coffee cups, and he offered one to both her and Veronica before sitting down a seat away from Lip—who had been the most silent about the entire thing. Amara could practically feel the anger rolling off him.

It was completely understandable. Fiona put Liam's life in danger because she wasn't paying attention to him. He was allowed to be mad. They all should've been mad. But Amara couldn't close her eyes without seeing Fiona's tear stained face, the worry she had for her youngest brother was clear as day, she looked ready to pass out when she realized that she had been the one who put him in harm's way.

Fiona fucked up. She fucked up really bad—and Amara had enough experience with drug abusers in her life, she should've hated Fiona too. She fucked up and Liam could be dying behind those doors right now.

Her mind was whirling as she finally removed her gaze from the wall to look at her cup before drinking from it. Her face scrunched up at the bitter taste, and suddenly remembered why she hated coffee so much.

"They probably took her to District Six for booking," Kev stated, and Amara lifted her gaze to see him looking at Lip, who didn't meet his eyes. His entire body was turned away from the rest of them, facing the doors. "That's where they usually take you before they transfer you to County. She's gonna need a lawyer. You got anybody you want us to call? Lip?" He pressed on when the blonde didn't answer.

Amara gave him a warning look, sensing an eruption coming from him very soon, but much to her surprise, he didn't explode. "Yeah?" His voice was very quiet, she almost didn't catch it.

Kevin shifted in his chair slightly. "Is there a lawyer you want us to use?"

Amara swallowed. "I may have one," she said thickly, meeting Kev's eyes. "The lawyer my dad used to try to get custody of Silvia. He was good, almost won the case. The only reason he didn't was because I convinced Joe to back off."

Convincing might've been the wrong term for that—perhaps the words screaming and cursing every five seconds along with threatening him might've fit better, but she wasn't about to say that aloud.

Kevin nodded at her, leaning back in his seat. "I used a guy on Calumet a couple of years ago for that DUI thing I had, you know? He smells like dirty fish towels," he chuckled. Amara managed a small smile. "But if you breathe through your mouth it's not that bad."

"Fiona Gallagher?" A nurse called, coming out from the hallway, and Lip stood up immediately. The rest of them followed in suit.

"Phillip Gallagher," he answered.

"Is Fiona here?"

"No."

"Will she be back?"

"No, not soon," Lip shook his head. His voice was still awfully low. She dreaded the thing that would set him off—she could tell it was soon from how tense his shoulders were. "I'm Liam's brother."

"Is there another parent or legal guardian available?" The nurse asked, glancing around their group.

"No," he shook his head again. "Is Liam gonna be okay?"

"I'm sorry, I really need a responsible adult present to—"

"Look, my mom is a bipolar drug addict who split years ago, my dad is a drunk, and the cops just hauled Fiona off to jail, okay? I'm the only thing that passes for a responsible adult that you're gonna find. Now, how is Liam?"

Amara bit the inside of her cheek and stood next to Veronica as Silvia moved out of her way to stand next to Debbie. "Your brother came in with acute cocaine toxicity. Disoriented, hallucinating, and with a dangerously elevated heart rate," the nurse finally told them. "He's on Naloxone for his altered mental status, and benzodiazepine to control his seizures."

"Seizures?" Debbie repeated, and Silvia rested a head onto her shoulder comfortingly.

"We're monitoring his temperature," the nurse went on. "His heart rate, and his glucose levels, but he had started to settle down."

"Can we see him?" Veronica asked.

"I'm sorry," the nurse shook her head. Amara had the feeling she wasn't really sorry at all. "Only immediate family members over eighteen are allowed in the PICU."

"Go," Veronica rubbed Lip's arm. "We'll stay here with Carl and Debs."

Lip's eyes met hers for a quick moment, but she didn't even have the energy to offer him a reassuring smile or anything of the sorts. He turned away to follow the nurse before she even got the chance to, anyway.

She went home that night on Kevin's request, saying that he'd tell her everything that changed when he talked to Lip. The house was dead silent when they got back after bidding their goodbyes and going their separate ways. Amara dropped her keys onto the counter as Silvia shrugged off her coat to hang it up.

The two of them stared at each other before her younger sister turned to walk up the stairs to go to her room. Amara leaned onto the counter and pressed both palms to her eyes, before sliding against the cabinets to watch her unconscious mother shift on the couch, and roll onto the floor.

Despite the situation, Amara started to laugh. She didn't know why, but she laughed so loud for so long that Margot lifted her head off the floor to look around, before it dropped onto the carpet again. This only made her laugh harder, and soon she was clutching her stomach.

Eventually the laughing dialed down, but the tears streaming down her face did not slow, and she laid her head again the solid object behind her and cried silently for hours on end. How was this even real life? How was all of this happening?

She didn't know how long it carried on, but soon enough she was fast asleep with her head propped up against the cabinet, her hands still folded over one another.

★

a/n

PHEWWW this episode was emotionally draining to write holy fuck